Broken Together

by Cassie Beebe

  The doctor nodded solemnly, passing him a tissue from the box on the table. He folded it in his hands, clearing his throat and blinking back the water in his eyes before it could spill out.

  “Jacob,” the doctor began, uncrossing her legs and sitting up straighter in her chair. “What happened to your sister was not your fault. Now, hear me out,” she added, holding up a palm when she saw his eyes start to roll.

  He suppressed his sigh and clamped his mouth shut, listening.

  “From everything we’ve discussed, everything I’ve read about your past, I know that you did the best you could to take care of your sister. You didn’t neglect to see what she was going through because you didn’t care. You were doing what you thought was best for her, and every parent on this earth has made mistakes, missed signs. The only difference, Jacob, is that you are not a parent.”

  “So… what, you’re saying I did a shitty job because I’m not a real parent, so I couldn’t have known better?”

  “No, Jacob, I’m saying that it was never your job to parent your sister,” Doctor Summers stated firmly. “Your job was to be a kid. To do your homework, to play sports, to have friends.”

  “I know,” Jacob sighed, wiping his running rose with the tissue. “I know, I know,” he muttered to himself, reaffirming the truth he had heard so many times from Doctor Yang.

  “It was never your job, Jacob. You did the best you could,” Doctor Summers whispered encouragingly as the tears started to fall in earnest. “And honestly, given the circumstances, I think you did a pretty great job. You did everything in your power to give Maggie the best life you could. But sometimes things happen that are outside of our power to stop. Even the greatest parents in the world can’t protect their children from everything.”

  Jacob choked back a sob, wondering how many more times he would have to hear this truth before it finally burrowed into his heart and he could truly accept it.

  The doctor handed him another tissue to replace the withered mess of paper shreds that was clutched in his hand, and gave him a few minutes to calm himself. Her mantras of whispered encouragement were a peaceful background noise as Jacob concentrated on steady breathing and stopping the unending stream of water leaking from his eyes.

  After a few minutes, he blew his nose with a fresh tissue and leaned back in his chair with a final, slightly wavering breath.

  “You know what else isn’t your job?” Doctor Summers asked.

  “What?” he said.

  “Rescuing drunk women from making their own mistakes,” she replied, and Jacob’s forehead creased.

  “So… you’re saying I should have just let that guy –”

  “No, that’s not what I’m saying,” she interjected. “Anyone would have been concerned in that situation, and perhaps they would have even interceded. But you, Jacob, are not just anyone.”

  His eyebrows pulled together as he tried to make sense of the words.

  “My primary job here is to ensure that you aren’t a danger to yourself or others. And if that incident had turned even the slightest bit physical,” she gave him a reprimanding look, “then I would have had to report it to your parole officer, and I think we both understand what that means.”

  His blood ran cold, because he did understand what that meant. If he had gotten in a fight with that man, if he didn’t have Jenna by his side to worry about and keep him level-headed, if his pills hadn’t kicked into effect so quickly and calmed him, he wouldn’t be sitting in an air-conditioned office, having a pleasant conversation with an understanding woman while sipping a cup of rich coffee. He would be on a one-way trip to Rikers Island.

  “Jacob, I have confidence that you are on the path toward a fulfilling future, and I want you to have that. You just told me about a breakthrough you had this week, that your sister would want you to live life to the fullest in her absence, and I’m excited for you to have that opportunity,” she smiled warmly. “But you can’t have that in a prison cell.”

  The reality of her words hit him like a ton of bricks, and his palms began to sweat as he thought about how close he could have been to losing everything.

  “I know you want to help people. You have a great heart, and that’s a lovely thing,” she said. “But unfortunately, given your situation, you will not always have the luxury of standing up to bullies. And that’s why I want you to understand – really believe – that it doesn’t all fall on your shoulders. You’re not the only one capable of stepping up to the plate, and sometimes you might have to let things go.”

  “But…,” he huffed a breath, unable to contradict what he knew was true. “It wasn’t right,” he muttered under his breath.

  “No, it wasn’t,” Doctor Summers shook her head sadly. “And it was noble of you to step up. But it was also risky,” she shrugged. “I think you should keep that in mind, next time a situation like this arises. Remind yourself of what’s at stake, what you have to lose if the situation gets out of hand, and decide for yourself if you’re willing to take that risk. And if not, there are other options that are safer, for you, and less confrontational. You can always seek the help of an RA or campus security. It would be wise to have those numbers in your phone, in case you need them.”

  He nodded, considering that. Was standing up to that guy worth the risk? It was impossible to say now, after the fact, because nothing happened. He was able to resolve the situation with a moderately level-head, but he had to admit, it was a close call. One more snarky comment out of that man’s mouth, and the perpetual boredom of Bellevue would look like a vacation compared to the future Jacob would have to look forward to.

  “And most importantly,” the doctor said, setting her notebook and pen on the table beside them. Had it been an hour already? “I want you to remember that just as being a parent to your sister was not your job, saving the rest of the world isn’t either. You can only do the best you can with what you have to offer, and that’s enough. There are plenty of other people around who are just as capable of stepping up to the plate, but they might have a lot less to lose than you.”

  “You’re right,” Jacob answered, standing up and returning his mug to the drink cart.

  Doctor Summers rose to meet him, and he extended his hand for a shake.

  “Pleasure talking with you today, Jacob,” she smiled.

  “Likewise,” he replied.

  “So, homework,” she pursed her lips, mulling over the options. A spark lit her eye and she gave him a smirk. “I want you to talk to that girl this week.”

  Jacob’s eyes widened. “Jenna?” he asked, taken aback by the unexpected suggestion. “Why?”

  “You said you think she could use a friend,” she shrugged. “I think that friendship would be good for you.”

  “But… I mean, she…,” he trailed off, trying to think of a classy way to phrase his opinion. “I don’t think I’m in a position to be someone’s therapist.”

  “Exactly,” Doctor Summers replied. “You need to work on accepting flaws in others without feeling the responsibility to fix them. I’m not asking you to be her therapist. Just a conversation. It’ll be good for you,” she dismissed with a wave of a hand, as if the idea wasn’t supposed to give him raging anxiety at the very thought of it. “I’ll see you next week then, okay?” she smiled and opened the door.

  As usual, Jacob’s meeting with his parole officer was short and uncomfortable. He didn’t dare to mention anything about the incident at the party, and the officer didn’t bother to ask enough questions to make Jacob feel guilty for the omission.

  As he ambled into the cafeteria that evening, he scanned the tables for his usual group. He still wasn’t sure how he had managed to get adopted into Angela and Callie’s inner circle so easily, but with little other options besides mingling with strangers ten years younger than him, he wasn’t complaining.

  His roaming eyes stopped on a nearly empty table in the center of the room, and the anxiety from the morning sprang up in his gut again. Jenna sat a
lone, mostly because she had so many textbooks sprawled out across the table that it would be impossible for anyone else to join her. Jacob took comfort in that, as it gave him a reasonable excuse to not ask if he could sit with her, but his homework assignment from Doctor Summers incessantly poked at his mind all through the dinner line and as he made his way to the table where Angela and Callie sat.

  The girls greeted him, but his thoughts were elsewhere. He kept glancing back to Jenna’s table across the room, trying to muster the courage to get his “homework” over with and out of the way for the week.

  This is the perfect opportunity, he told himself. Just go over there and say hi, and then you’re done.

  He made quick work of the tacos on his plate as the girls chatted without him, something about a movie that came out the night before. The group of strangers sitting across the table from them had turned around in their seats, forming their own semi-circle and talking quietly to each other, clearly not interested in mingling with anyone outside of their crew.

  “Oh look!” Callie exclaimed loud enough to turn a few heads at nearby tables and snap Jacob out of his thoughts. “Sorry,” she whispered, blushing at the attention. “But look, Ang, that Chris Evans one is out now,” she said, holding her phone out for Angela to see.

  “Really? I thought that wasn’t coming out ‘til the end of October,” she said.

  “It is the end of October,” Callie replied.

  Angela just stared at her, momentarily dazed by that reality. “Oh,” she said after a minute. “Well, cool! Let’s see it tonight.”

  “Do you wanna come, Jacob?” Callie asked.

  He was back to staring at the table across the room, going over potential dialogue in his head, but he turned at the sound of his name. “What?”

  “We’re going to see a movie tonight,” Angela reiterated. “You in?”

  “Oh. Sure,” he answered around a mouthful of food, going back to his previous musings. When his eyes drifted back to Jenna, an idea occurred to him. “Hey, could I invite someone?”

  “Yeah, totally,” Angela agreed quickly. “With Brandon working all the time, we could use a little more testosterone in our group.”

  Jacob chuckled. “Well, I’m not sure she’ll help much with that.”

  “Oh,” Angela said, peeking at Callie, who was suddenly intently focused on her phone. “Well, that’s… cool, too.”

  “Great, thanks,” Jacob said, popping the last bite of taco in his mouth as he rose. “Text me the details.”

  With that, he marched toward Jenna, forcing his feet to move before his brain could catch up and try to stop him.

  “Hey,” he said when he reached her table, and he was proud of the confidence in his voice.

  She didn’t respond.

  He shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “Um… hey?” he tried again, ducking his head further into her view as she furiously scribbled words in a notepad.

  That caught her attention, and she looked up. She pulled out a pair of earbuds so small he hadn’t seen them before, and from where he was standing, he could hear the loud music blaring from them.

  “Oh. Sorry, I, uh, didn’t mean to interrupt,” he stammered.

  “You’re…,” she squinted as she searched her memory, “Jacob. Right?”

  “Yeah,” he smiled.

  She nodded. “What’s up?”

  “Oh, right,” he started, his brain finally catching up enough to start re-thinking every word in his mind before it came out of his mouth. “I, uh, well, I was just wondering if, maybe, you would wanna see a movie tonight?” he finally stumbled out.

  Her eyes widened slightly. “Uh…,” she trailed off, frozen, and he could see the wheels turning in her brain as she tried to think of a polite way to decline.

  After a moment of intensely uncomfortable silence, it occurred to him that his phrasing was a bit misleading.

  “Oh!” he exclaimed, making her flinch at the sudden noise. “Oh, no, not like that!” he tried to mask his blush with a laugh. “Sorry, no, I just meant that I’m going to a movie with some friends – female friends, if that helps – and I was wondering if you wanted to join us… as a friend.”

  “Oh.” Her shoulders relaxed and she smirked at his awkward clarification. She pursed her lips at her textbooks, considering the offer. “Sure,” she decided. “Why not?”

  “Great!” Jacob replied a little too enthusiastically. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Great,” he shrugged, nonchalant, and she bit back a smirk. “Well, it starts at…,” he pulled out his phone and checked the message from Callie, “eight, so…. I would offer you a ride, but I don’t have a car,” he said, realizing he hadn’t asked the girls if they were all planning to ride together and where to meet if they were.

  “I can drive, if you want a ride,” Jenna suggested, gathering up her belongings.

  “Are you sure?” he asked.

  She chuckled. “Well, considering we’re going to the same place, from the same place, I can’t imagine it would be much of an inconvenience.”

  “Right,” he said, internally rolling his eyes at himself.

  “You wanna meet in the Morgan lobby at 7:30?”

  “Sure,” he nodded.

  “Cool,” she slung the strap of her bag across her chest. “See you then.”

  He gave a little wave as she turned and headed out the back door to the dorms. Once she was gone, he let out a breath and returned his dinner tray to the kitchen. He relaxed for a moment, assignment accomplished. That is, until he thought about being alone in a car with her, and a new round of anticipation kicked in.

  JACOB GLANCED AT THE clock on the wall again, leaning against the edge of the couch in the first-floor lobby. Before he could get comfortable, the door to the stairwell burst open and Jenna flitted out, still wrapping a black and white checkered scarf around her neck.

  “Sorry, I lost track of time,” she said, shaking her straightened bangs out of her eyes. A few strands stayed behind, stuck in the thickness of her mascara, and she frustratingly pushed them aside.

  “No problem,” Jacob said. “We should still be there a little early.”

  She juggled her purse and keys between her hands as she tried to slip her arms into her leather jacket.

  “Here, let me,” he grabbed her bag and keys to free up her hands, and she donned her jacket easily.

  She paused to take a deep breath, and it sounded like it might have been the first one she had taken that day. “Thanks,” she said, taking back her items as they headed for the door. “I’ve just been kind of a mess lately.”

  “Not a problem,” Jacob smiled.

  Jenna lead him to her car – a tiny, old thing, painted matte black, the bumper plastered with band stickers. Jacob didn’t recognize many of the names, a product of being sequestered from the world for the last eight years. And even before that, he mostly stuck to the classics his mom had introduced him to.

  Jenna slid into the car first, clearing the miscellaneous items from the passenger side by tossing them onto the back seat. Once they were settled and the engine sputtered to life, they headed toward the theater.

  She navigated the streets without hesitance, and Jacob wondered how long she had been living there.

  “What year are you?” he asked.

  “Junior,” she said. “You?”

  “This is my first year,” he answered. It felt better, somehow, than saying he was a “freshman.”

  “Really?” she asked, glancing back at him in appraisal for a moment. “Huh.”

  She didn’t comment on his age, and he didn’t offer the information. Instead, he looked around the car, searching for something to say, some connection to make. The small CD compartment under the stereo was packed full, and there were more discs sliding around loosely on the back seat.

  “So, you like music?” he asked.

  She laughed. “Who doesn’t like music?”

  He thought about that and chuckled at himself. “Fair point. But yo
u, like, really like music.” He leaned forward to read through the titles in front of him. “Mostly rock, huh?” he guessed from the font choices and the few classic bands he recognized.

  “Yeah, mostly,” she replied. After a moment, she added, “That’s what I do. I mean, well… sort of. I don’t, like, make money from it or anything, but yeah,” she shrugged.

  “What, so you’re in a band or something?” he asked.

  “Used to be. I’m on my own now, but I still sing and play. Mostly guitar, but some piano sneaks in there every once in a while.”

  Jacob smiled. “That’s really cool. Are you studying music?”

  “As a minor, yeah,” she said, flicking on the noisy car blinker as she pulled into the movie theater parking lot. “My parents said I had to major in something ‘real’ or they wouldn’t pay for anything,” she rolled her eyes at the word.

  “You gotta do what you gotta do,” Jacob answered, envious of the idea of having a parent around for financial support.

  “Actually, I told them they can keep their money. They’ve never supported me before, so why should they start now?” she muttered rhetorically. “Ready?” she shut off the engine and grabbed her bag from the back.

  “Yeah, sure,” Jacob said, following her out of the car and up the steps to the theater entrance.

  Callie and Angela were already inside, in the middle of the ticket line. Angela waved when she saw them approaching, and Callie looked up from getting cash out of her wallet.

  “Hey,” he greeted. “So… this is Jenna,” he said, nodding to the girl beside him. “Jenna, this is Angela.”

  “Hey,” Angela greeted with a nod, and Jenna gave her a small wave.

  “And Callie,” Jacob said, stepping aside from where he was blocking their view from each other.

  When the girls’ eyes met, Callie’s face fell, and Jenna’s warm smile turned frigid. There was a beat of silence, and Jacob glanced between them. He raised an eyebrow at Angela, but she looked as confused as he did.