Broken Together

by Cassie Beebe

  They were chatting with each other, oblivious to his presence at first, so he cleared his throat.

  “Could I, um… sit here?” he asked.

  They both stopped talking and looked up at him with slightly wide eyes. They turned to each other in synchronicity, then back to him.

  “Yeah, of course,” Angela said with a polite smile.

  “Thanks,” he replied, taking his seat and eyeballing the unappetizing food on his plate.

  They both stared at him for a minute, exchanging glances with each other while he ate.

  “Um… so, anyway, it says it starts at 8,” Callie said to Angela, turning back to her phone.

  “Cool. So, we can just head there after this, then,” she replied.

  Callie glanced back at Jacob and asked Angela a question with her eyes. Apparently she responded positively, because Callie said, “Um… so, we’re going to see a movie after this, if you wanna come.”

  Jacob looked up from his plate, mid-bite into his burger, and was surprised to find them both looking at him. “Oh,” he muttered around a mouthful of food.

  It wasn’t until that moment that he realized he had been pushing them away so much, he had gotten used to them leaving him out of the conversation. Callie didn’t speak to him in Psychology anymore unless the professor demanded it, and the girls talked amongst themselves in Biology. Even his chatty lab partner, Amber, had gotten the hint that he wasn’t up for conversation, and she now spent every class period texting under the table, only pretending to lend a hand whenever the professor came by.

  “Yeah, sure,” he said.

  They looked at each other again. “Really?” Angela asked.

  The surprise on their faces made him disappointed with himself for pushing away the only friends he had, so much that they would now assume his answer to an invitation would be an automatic “no.”

  “Yeah, it sounds fun,” he said, giving them a smile.

  “Oh,” Callie muttered, staring at him. “Okay. Well, cool.”

  He smiled again, and Angela appraised him carefully.

  “Cool,” she said.

  He finished his food, and Callie drove them to the theater. Eventually, they warmed up to his presence after so many weeks of absence on his part, and by the time the previews began, he was starting to remember what it felt like to be a part of a group, to have people who cared about you to spend the weekend with. He sat back more comfortably in his seat, letting some of the weight off his shoulders.

  The movie was a romantic comedy, which for some reason made him think of Jenna, despite the fact that the leading lady in the film was her antithesis – tall, dark hair that fell to her hips, and light brown skin. But regardless of the reason for the thought, he put her out of his mind and chose to forget about what he didn’t have and focus on what he did.

  After that night, the rest of the week passed in a blur. Finals and working at Al’s took up most of his time, but he had also decided to take a trip back to New York over winter break, to visit the guys at Bellevue, which meant that he had to leave on Saturday morning. Luckily, he didn’t have any tests on Friday, so he was able to reschedule his therapy and parole meetings for that day.

  Doctor Summers was proud of him for the list of qualities he came up with, and for finally declaring a major. She gushed over his choice, too, as it was so closely related to her own field of study in Psychology.

  He also told her about rekindling his friendship with Angela and Callie, and it saddened him to realize he had wasted so much time being lonely. It made him even more sad that he had decided to rekindle that friendship just before break, when he wouldn’t see them for two weeks. He knew more than anyone how much a few weeks could change everything, and who knows how things would be when they all came back from their respective vacations.

  Despite the half of him that hoped otherwise, he had resigned himself to the acceptance that he wouldn’t be seeing Jenna again before break. With a twist in his gut, he wondered darkly if she would be back for the next semester. Would getting away from him be a big enough factor to make her switch schools in the middle of the year? He shook that thought from his head as soon as it popped up. It didn’t matter. He was moving on. He was happy, he had purpose and a plan, and that’s all that mattered.

  He also had to squeeze in his meeting with his admissions counselor before he left for break, as well, so he would be prepared and registered for all of the right classes for the next semester. He still had a lot to get done before the next semester started, though, so he decided to schedule his vacation for one week only, saving the following week off to prepare and to work some extra shifts at Al’s to make up for the money he would be spending in New York.

  It was a busy week, and by the time he was done with all of his commitments on Friday evening, it was nearing 11pm and he still hadn’t packed for his trip in the morning. His body was exhausted from all the meetings he had that day, but he had to get things done, so he turned on the radio on his alarm clock and got to work.

  Packing up his clothes was easy, since there wasn’t much to pack. The bulk of the work was in separating out his pills for the week. It was always an ordeal, but he was extra cautious this time, since he would be out of town and wouldn’t be able to simply grab the bottle if his little daily pill containers were incorrect.

  He had all of his pill bottles spread out across his desk, and clothes were still strewn across the bed, as he had abandoned that task to focus on the more important chore of figuring out his medication for the week.

  There was a soft knock on the door, and he jumped at the sound. He frowned at the late hour on the clock and huffed out a sigh of frustration at the interruption.

  He swung open the door, ready to tell whoever was on the other side that visiting hours are closed after 10, but when he locked eyes with his visitor, he froze.

  Jenna had already started to turn around, perhaps having second thoughts, but she stopped when their eyes met.

  “Hey,” she muttered, nervously tugging on the sleeve of her oversized sweater. “Can I come in?”

  IT TOOK A MOMENT for her words to sink in through his surprise. After a minute of no response, Jenna raised her eyebrows pointedly.

  “So… can I come in?” she repeated.

  “Oh, um,” Jacob stuttered, blinking his thoughts clear. He glanced back at his desk covered with pill bottles. “Actually…,” he began, instinctively shutting the door a little further behind him. Looking back at Jenna’s expectant gaze, however, he remembered that there was no reason to hide something she already knew about.

  “Um…,” he began again, trying to ignore his instincts. “Sure,” he decided, opening the door wider and stepping aside.

  Jenna hesitated in the doorway for a minute, as if she was fighting some instincts of her own, before she took a step inside. Jacob closed the door behind her as she moved further into the room, stopping at the foot of the bed.

  His heartrate spiked as he saw her appraising the bottles spread across the desktop. “Sorry about the mess,” he said, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck. “You can sit over here, if you want,” he said, diverting her attention to the desk chair.

  Jenna continued staring at the pills for a minute, distracted by her thoughts. Meeting Jacob’s gaze, his words registered and she replied, “Oh, um, thanks.”

  She didn’t sit, though, and for some reason that made Jacob’s palms begin to sweat.

  “Actually, I was just…,” she trailed off, fidgeting with her hands. “Are you busy?” she asked.

  “No,” Jacob answered quickly. “No, not at all. Why?”

  “Well… I mean, I know it’s late, but I wanted to show you something,” she replied hesitantly.

  Jacob glanced at her empty hands. “Okay…,” he said.

  “It’s not here,” she explained. “It’s actually like… twenty minutes away. Is… that okay?” she asked, and it sounded as if she wasn’t sure which response she was hoping for.

 
“Yeah, totally,” Jacob eagerly replied. “Uh, just give me a minute. I’ll get dressed.”

  He grabbed a sweatshirt and some jeans from the pile on the bed and headed into the bathroom.

  Jenna nodded, crossing her arms and glancing uncomfortably around the room.

  Once the bathroom door was closed, Jacob set his clothes on the counter and stared at himself in the mirror, taking several long, deep breaths to calm his nerves. His hands were starting to tremor, so he closed his eyes and focused on his steadying breaths. He tried, unsuccessfully, to stop from asking himself questions he couldn’t answer. Questions like what does she want to show me? and does this means she’s forgiven me?

  She was still clearly uncomfortable with being in his room, but Jacob argued to himself that the fact that she was there at all had to be a good sign. If she still hated him, if she wanted nothing to do with him, the easiest course of action would be to continue to ignore him. As he wracked his brain for an explanation for her visit, none of the negative options seemed plausible, which allowed him to relax a bit. He decided there was no reason to be worried. Of course, he was going to worry anyway, but the fact that there was no logical reason to do so, did provide some solace.

  Once he had given himself a somewhat successful pep-talk, he quickly dressed and opened the door.

  After a good twenty-five minutes of driving in silence, aside from AC/DC playing softly in the background and the voice in Jacob’s mind screaming questions at him the entire drive, they pulled into a gravel parking lot, and Jacob appraised the tiny, ragged building in front of them.

  Neon signs plastered the outside, some flashing purposely, others flickering because they were old and worn-down, and he tried not to frown.

  “You… took me to a bar?” he asked.

  “Yep,” she said, not making eye contact with him as she grabbed her bag from the back seat and stepped out of the car. “Come on.”

  He hesitated, but she didn’t stop to wait for him, so he hopped out of the car and jogged up to meet her. He looked down at her, but she still wasn’t looking at him. She looked nervous, which he attributed to her feeling uncomfortable being alone with him after everything he had told her.

  As they stepped through the door, they were greeted with a muggy warmth, the smell of cigarettes, and the loud call of a woman from across the room.

  “Jen!” she called out, waving exuberantly as she made her way to the front door where they stood. She was a middle-aged woman, about a decade older than Jacob, and she balanced a few pitchers of beer on her flannel-covered hip.

  “Where you been, hun?” she asked Jenna in her deep voice, rough from years of smoking. She pulled Jenna in for a hug, a bit of beer sloshing out of one of the pitchers in her hands.

  Jacob stepped back, out of the splash zone, and the woman looked up at him.

  She froze for a moment with wide eyes, glancing between the two of them. Finally, her gaze landed on Jenna, and in a suggestive tone, she asked, “Who’s this?”

  Jenna chuckled, and the sound made Jacob relax a bit. The fact that she wasn’t downright disgusted by the implication in the woman’s tone was reassuring.

  “Charlie, this is Jacob, a friend from school,” she said, gesturing to him. “Jacob,” she finally met his gaze and his muscles tensed again, “this is Charlie. She owns this place.”

  “Oh,” he said, having trouble taking his eyes off of Jenna, now that she was finally looking him in the eye again. But he tore his gaze away from her and forced himself to focus on the woman in front of them. “It’s a…,” he glanced around the room, trying to think of an adjective kinder than the ones that immediately sprang to mind, “nice place you’ve got here.”

  “Thanks,” Charlie, beamed, not noticing the reluctant pause. “I was wondering where your girl’s been, but now I see what’s been keeping her away from me so long,” she said, looking him up and down. It was more curiosity than leering, but it still made Jacob shift uncomfortably on his feet as he glanced at Jenna again to see how she would react to the further implications.

  She just smiled and rolled her eyes at the woman.

  A loud, off-key bellowing rang out from the stage across the room, and people cheered.

  Jacob jumped at the sound and Charlie laughed at him.

  “She didn’t warn you it’s a karaoke bar?” she asked.

  Jacob looked at Jenna, and though the nerves still showed in her eyes, she seemed more at ease now. He smirked and said, “She didn’t warn me it was a bar.”

  Charlie laughed again, and Jenna’s lips pulled up a bit at the corners.

  “So, we gonna see you up there tonight, babe?” Charlie asked, bumping Jenna’s hip with her own.

  Jenna blushed and swallowed, the nervousness returning to her face.

  Jacob looked at the stage, then back at the woman, playing catch-up. “Wait, you’re gonna sing?” he asked.

  She took in a shaky breath, ignoring him and turning toward Charlie. “Is Dave here?”

  “Yeah, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind,” Charlie answered an unspoken question Jacob must have missed.

  “Okay, then,” Jenna replied with a nod, and Charlie smiled.

  “I’ll let him know,” she said.

  Charlie walked away and disappeared through the kitchen door behind the bar. With that, Jenna said, “I need a drink,” and headed for a small, round table a few feet away while Jacob followed willingly behind.

  She caught the attention of the bartender behind the counter and raised a hand at him. He gave her a nod, and she finally turned her full attention to Jacob.

  They stared at each other for a moment, each trying to think of something to say. After a moment, the bartender interrupted, setting a glass of something smooth and dark in front of Jenna.

  “The usual,” he said with a smile. “Anything for you?” he asked Jacob.

  “Oh. Um…,” he froze, feeling entirely out of place and wondering if it was bad form to not order something alcoholic in a bar.

  “Get him one of those peach iced teas,” Jenna said, taking a sip of her drink. “They’re good. You’ll like it.”

  Her smile was too rigid, not the light-hearted teasing smirk he was used to, but he returned it anyway.

  They sat in uncomfortable silence until his drink arrived. Jacob sipped his, but Jenna was downing large gulps, making a sour face as she swallowed.

  “Okay,” she said, slamming her cup down on the table. “I’ll be back.”

  She was halfway across the room before Jacob had time to react, disappearing behind a curtain by the stage where a heavily tattooed man was belting out an off-key version of “Eye of the Tiger.”

  The crowd was in hysterics as he sang, and people cheered and stomped their feet at his closing line. He took a bow and called out the next name on a clipboard by the stage stairs.

  The next performer was a timid girl in her early 20s, spurred on by her group of obviously more outgoing friends as she made her way quietly through the first verse of some song he had never heard.

  Jacob sat through the whole song alone, sipping his tea and wondering why Jenna would bring him to a bar at midnight just to buy him a glass of iced tea and ditch him for the rest of the night.

  The girl on stage made a coy curtsy and blushed at her applause. One of the regulars reminded her of the clipboard as she stepped off stage, and she hopped back up, reading the next name on the list.

  “Oh, okay, so next is…,” she scanned the page, “Jenna Miller.”

  Jacob sat up straighter in his seat, and several people in the crowd gave out loud shouts of praise as Jenna stepped out from back stage with a black, acoustic guitar with the words “PROPERTY OF DAVE” scrawled across the front in white spray paint.

  Even from across the room, he could see the nerves plain on her face. She swallowed them back and gave the crowd a smile as she quickly set up her microphone stand.

  “How y’all doin tonight?” she spoke into the mic, to get the crowd going as she
finished adjusting the height.

  Everyone responded at once, resulting in indistinguishable blabber.

  “Alright. So… I know some of you have been waiting to hear something new, but… this one might be a bit familiar.” She gave a smirk to an older gentleman in the corner near the front of the stage who pretended to “boo” her, and others laughed.

  “I know, I know,” she rolled her eyes and smiled. A real one, this time, only slightly off from her nerves. “But, you see, I have a friend here with me tonight,” she explained, looking straight at Jacob.

  His heart skipped as many other faces turned to get a look at him. With a timid grin, he raised his hand in a wave, slinking down further in his seat. He turned his attention back to Jenna, and so did the rest of them.

  “And I wanted him to hear this one.” She cleared her throat and gave Dave’s guitar an experimental strum. “Okay, so, here we go.”

  The room was as quiet as a bar could expect to be, and she took in a deep breath before beginning the song.

  Her fingers strummed and plucked masterfully at the strings, and Jacob leaned forward in his seat to better hear over the noise of glasses clinking together and the many conversations around him.

  The melody was beautiful, but he didn’t recognize the song. The first verse of lyrics began, and her soft, slightly raspy voice cascaded from the speakers. Even through the poor quality of the sound system, he could hear the beauty of it. She was talented.

  He listened closely to the words, every other sound in the moderately crowded bar fading into the background until she was singing just for him.

  The lyrics were beautiful, sweet. A love song, that much was certain. But the melody of the music had a sinister edge, a melancholy tone that left him with a pang of sadness in his gut.

  No, not a love song. This was something more tragic.

  “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

  Jacob flinched at the unexpected interruption. Charlie was standing beside him, refilling his glass with fresh iced tea.

  “Yeah,” he said. “I thought this was just for karaoke?” he gestured to the stage.