Save Me

by Stephanie Street

  Cole threw his hands in the air. “Jeez, Jo. I was late one time. I’ve been here on time every other rehearsal and I’ve worked my tail off memorizing lines and keeping these guys going.”

  “Oh, the mighty Cole Parker, keeping everyone on pins and needles with his greatness.” With my hands on my hips, I rolled my eyes, letting him know exactly what I thought of him and his hype.

  Cole took a step closer. “You begged me to do this play, Jo.” He pointed his finger at me. “I’m doing you a favor.”

  “That’s right. I just didn’t know what a diva you’d turned into,” I sneered.

  Cole’s eyes widened incredulously. “Diva?” He stepped closer, challenging, threatening. And close enough I could see the remnants of Brianna’s lip gloss on his face. I sucked in a deep breath, but quickly regretted it. He even smelled like her. I fought to keep from crumbling before him.

  Twirling away, I called out over my shoulder. “You’re right, Cole. You are doing me a favor. But if you could just do one more and be on time from now on, I’d appreciate it.”

  Cole

  I felt my shoulders slump as I watched her walk away. The door closed behind her and I let my eyes slide shut. Dangit! I really hadn’t meant to be late. I’d just gotten- distracted. Blowing out an aggravated breath, I headed for the auditorium. No sense in provoking her further.

  Rehearsal was a beast. Joie was pissed off and everyone else was on edge realizing there was tension between us. I tried to lighten the mood with my usual joking tactics but that only seemed to make it worse and caused me to get yelled at for not taking things seriously. Ugh.

  Finally, it was over, and I didn’t waste any time getting out of there. The last thing I wanted was another dressing down from Joie. But old habits die hard, and I found myself sitting in the parking lot waiting to make sure she got her bike okay. Five minutes passed. Then ten. After fifteen minutes, I started to get angry. What was she doing? Irritated, I got out of my car and headed back in to the auditorium. Dumb girl. Didn’t she know it was a bad idea to hang out at the school alone? Sure, the janitors were there, but who knew who else could sneak back in.

  “Jo!” It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dim room. Someone had already turned off the house lights and all that remained was a few running lights. “Jo,” I called out again.

  And then I heard it, the unmistakable sound of someone crying- well, sniffling at least. Scanning the room, I saw her. She still sat in the center row about halfway back, where she could see the whole stage as she called out instructions during rehearsal. Her shoulders were hunched and shaking. My heart sank. I knew these tears were because of me. They were my fault.

  I made my way to the row where she sat, and side stepped between the seats until I reached her.

  “Just go away, Cole.” Her words were muffled against her legs. She was doubled over like that day in my car with her face buried in her knees.

  “What are you doing?” I sat down beside her, tempted to rub her back, but I held my hand in my lap instead.

  Her tear-stained cheek turned toward me a little. Oh, man. Without considering the consequences, I reached for her. Bent up the way she was, I just put my arm under her knees and lifted her into my lap.

  “No. No, no, no.” She shook her head against my chest. I ignored her and tried to brush the wet strands of her hair away from her face.

  “You’ve made a mess here,” I muttered under my breath as I worked.

  “Stop it,” she cried, slapping at my hands. She looked so cute, I smiled. She was like a disgruntled little bird, flapping her wings.

  “I’m sorry, Jo. I didn’t mean to be late.”

  “Why do you think everything’s about you? You are a diva,” she croaked on a sob. Her eyes flooded with fresh tears and a new fear filled my chest.

  “What are you crying about, then? Did something happen at home?” I swear, if anyone hurt her-

  “Of course not,” she blubbered.

  “Where are your glasses?” I knew she tended to just toss them wherever when she was upset, and I didn’t want them to get broken.

  She started swatting at me again.

  “Hey!” I held up my forearms to take most of the hits.

  “Stop taking. Care. Of. Me!” She punctuated each word with a direct hit

  “Stop hitting me.” She was beginning to remind me of a pissed off cat in my lap, scratching and clawing.

  “You stop!” The tears had slowed, and she just looked mad.

  “I didn’t do anything,” I defended. “I thought you weren’t mad at me.”

  “Of course, I’m mad at you, you idiot!” And we were back to the hitting. I wrapped my arms around hers, pinning them to her side.

  “I said I was sorry about being late. I promise I’ll do better.” And I would, if only she would stop crying. Since her arms were unavailable, Joie used her feet to kick at me. “Ouch! Jo, I’m not kidding. What is your issue?”

  “You. Smell. Like. Her.”

  Whoosh. You could have heard a pin drop in that auditorium. I couldn’t have moved if I wanted to. All the air rushed out of my chest and my arms fell slack. Joie didn’t move a muscle as our eyes held.

  “Why do you care?” I finally broke the silence, my voice barely above a whisper. She’d made it clear she didn’t want me anymore. Not as her friend. Not as her anything.

  “I don’t.” Lie.

  Somehow, my hands found her face. Cupping both cheeks with my palms, I lifted until she was forced to meet my gaze.

  “Are you ever going to tell me why?” The ache that never went away bloomed into full blown agony.

  Her eyes reflected my own emotions, but there was more than just pain. Sorrow. Remorse. Resolve.

  Without warning, her hands reached up. She framed my cheeks just as I had done to hers. “I’m sorry, Cole. What I said was unfair.”

  Joie leaned closer until her lips pressed sweet against the corner of my mouth. Gasping, I struggled against the want for more. Joie rose from her seat in my lap.

  “I’m waiting for Eric. He had some things to finish up before he could leave.” She slipped into her coat and picked up her backpack while I tried to remember how to breathe. “Thanks for looking in on me.”

  I nodded, still unable to move and she walked away.

  For the last three years I’ve wondered. Why did I have to love this girl? It wasn’t like she made it easy. Even before her dad died, it was hard to be her friend. She was moody, often bothered by the specter of her reality. Some of it was just her personality, but a lot of it was a reaction. On the other hand, I’m just a naturally optimistic person. I’ve never been one to let things get me down. Lose a game? Work harder and try harder the next time. Hurt feelings? Give them the benefit of the doubt. Arguments? Take a break and then work it out. Nothing could get me down.

  But Joie did. How could she have so much power over me? Why couldn’t I just be happy with Brianna? And the funny thing was, for the last eight months I have been happy with Brianna. But now? Now, it felt like a door was opening. This huge, colossal door cracked its seal just a teeny, tiny bit. And that’s all it took, folks. Hope returned. Stupid, optimistic Cole returned. And all I could think about was how to get Joie to love me again.

  She’d been gone.

  But now she was back.

  That hole in my heart I’ve been ignoring for years? Yeah, I kept falling in it.

  I wasn’t at all sure I could go back to forgetting it was there.

  Chapter 15

  Joie

  Going home after play practice sounded terrible. Plus, I was hungry and pretty sure all the frozen dinners were gone.

  “Wanna grab something to eat?” We were sitting in Eric’s car. Cole had just screamed out of the parking lot without a glance in our direction. My bike was hung on the bike rack behind Eric’s car.

  “Sure,” Eric nodded. “Wendy’s?”

  “Yeah, that sounds good.” And it did. Way better than the noodles I had s
itting in my room.

  We rode in silence for a while before Eric finally said something.

  “So,” he paused, his face pinched like he’d just smelled something unpleasant. “What’s up with you and Cole, Jo?”

  I plucked at a loose thread on my jeans. “What do you mean?”

  “Oh, come on, Jo.” Eric rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Are you kidding? First, Cole agrees to be the lead in your play. Then, you tell me you both were childhood friends even though I’ve never seen you even speak to him in the years I’ve known you. He offers to give you a ride home from Pam’s. And today, you were spitting mad at him one minute and the next sitting in his lap kissing him!”

  Gasping, I covered my mouth with my hand. Eric had seen us! “Eric, it’s not-”

  “You like him,” he accused.

  “No. I don’t,” I replied hoping the emphatic shake of my head would be enough to discourage the notion from his head.

  “How can you say that? I saw you kiss him. You kissed him. On his lap.” Eric’s voice was incredulous, and I couldn’t blame him. “Jo, he has a girlfriend. He’s just using you. Guys like Cole, they think they can do anything and get away with it.”

  I breathed out a sigh of relief. Eric’s concern I could deal with. It was his suspicion I didn’t care for. I reached out to pat his shoulder. “Eric, don’t worry. There is nothing going on with Cole. I was just frustrated after rehearsal. He saw me and offered a hug. I kissed his cheek to thank him and that’s all it was.” Except I didn’t kiss his cheek. I kissed that soft tickly spot to the side of his lip. I knew from before that Cole loved those kisses. I used to tease him with them that summer. He’d let me get away with it too, for a while and then he’d attack me, and we’d spend the rest of the day making out.

  Eric looked skeptical and I was thankful we’d just pulled into the Wendy’s parking lot. We ordered and then found a table at the back. I dipped my fry into the chocolate Frosty I’d ordered. Eric was subdued, and I feared our conversation about Cole wasn’t finished.

  “So, how come you never said anything to me about you and Cole being friends?” Eric scowled at his untouched food.

  Sighing, I pushed up my glasses and debated what to tell him, angry that I should have to say anything at all. I didn’t want to dredge up everything about Cole with Eric. It wasn’t his business. Ugh. I suppose, I owed him some explanation. Eric’s been a good friend to me for a long time. I didn’t want to push him away for asking questions that were simple.

  Yet, they weren’t.

  “I don’t know. It didn’t seem important. We used to be friends when we were little. You know, backyard mud pies, that kind of thing. I haven’t really talked to him in years.” I ate another fry.

  “And yet, when you ask him, top of the food chain, Cole Parker, to be in your play- he drops everything to do it.” Eric studied me with one brow raised.

  “Well- I- Aren’t you going to eat anything?” It was bugging me, the way he was just watching me with a hurt expression on his face.

  He picked up his burger and took a perfunctory bite. “Better?”

  “Yes. I’m hungry and I don’t want to feel weird because you aren’t eating.” I took a bite of my own burger, thankful it was something warm and half-way flavorful. We ate in silence for a few minutes, but I could tell Eric was still stewing.

  “Eric, I don’t know why you are letting this get to you. Nothing has changed.” That much was true. “Cole and I used to be friends. I called in an old favor. He is helping me out. End of story.”

  Eric didn’t respond right away, just watched me with an indefinable expression on his face before picking up his soda and taking a long draw. Finally, he seemed to come to terms with whatever was rolling around in that head of his and sighed.

  “I just don’t want to see you get your feelings hurt, Jo. Or get taken advantage of. Cole’s not like us.” Eric’s expression hardened, and I knew I had to reassure him somehow.

  Reaching out, I placed my hand over his on the table. “Look, I appreciate it. I really do. You are my b-b,” I just couldn’t seem to call him my best friend. “A good friend and I know you’re only looking out for me.”

  Eric nodded, and his shoulders relaxed almost imperceptibly. “Okay. Well,” Eric seemed to struggle with himself for a moment before shaking off whatever was bothering him. “I wanted to tell you that I worked out that light show we were talking about the other day. For the final scene.”

  I squealed, excited about this news. “Really?”

  For the next hour, Eric and I discussed the show and the light display. He didn’t bring up Cole again and neither did I.

  Chapter 16

  Joie

  It was like the calm before the storm. Everything with the play was running smoothly. Eric stopped pestering me about my relationship with Cole. Ha. What relationship? Cole showed up on time for rehearsals and was by all counts the perfect little actor. Things at home seemed to be okay as well, for now. Mom was more sober these days. I’d seen evidence of her being in her office working on her computer. It was password protected so I couldn’t tell what she was working on, but I figured even if she was just getting on there to pay the bills that was a good thing, right?

  I supposed the weirdest thing happening was the frequent disappearance of mom’s car. It wasn’t unusual for the thing to sit in the garage for weeks at a time. Mostly when she went out, mom called a cab or was picked up by friends. But lately it seemed like it was gone all the time and I didn’t think she was the one driving it.

  She’d also mentioned this Davis character a couple of different times and I wondered if he was the one using her car. It seemed likely that he was. Maybe it was silly, but every time mom brought up Davis I got this uneasy feeling. I hoped it was just my imagination.

  I was wrong.

  “Hey, you need a ride?”

  I closed my eyes and sighed, resigned. I was still in the school parking lot and my bike had a flat. I held my hand out, watching as fat snowflakes landed on it. Would winter never end? It was almost April for heaven’s sake.

  “Come on, Jo, hop in.” Cole jumped out of the driver’s seat and flipped it forward.

  Glaring at my bike, I stomped over. Why did it have to be Cole? Why did it always have to be Cole?

  “Hi, Joie.” Cole and Brianna.

  Great.

  “Hey.” I slid into the cramped backseat and cringed, suddenly aware of where I was and who I was with. Hadn’t I just seen these two getting out of this very backseat a few weeks ago- the windows all fogged up? Ew.

  I folded my arms across my chest.

  “Buckle up,” Cole said like I was a five-year-old and couldn’t remember to buckle my seat belt. I yanked the strap and locked it in place.

  It was the worst kind of awkward. And if his fingers drumming on the steering wheel were any indication, Cole was just as uncomfortable as me.

  “So, Joie. How’s the play coming along,” Brianna asked with forced cheerfulness.

  “Fine.” I didn’t want to talk to her. I didn’t want anyone to be under the impression that there was any possibility of friendship.

  “Cole says you wrote the play yourself.”

  “Yep.” Because really that wasn’t a question.

  I stared out the window, but I could feel her eyes on me. Curious. Judging. She must have gotten the hint because she turned to face Cole. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as her hand snaked up, her fingers twirling in the hair at his nape.

  “Mom said I should invite you to dinner. She made salmon. Your favorite.” Her voice had turned all soft and gooey.

  I snorted and fought the urge to throw up. Maybe walking home wouldn’t be so bad. I was pretty sure anything would be better than this. Just as I was about to demand Cole let me out, Brianna’s gaze snapped back to me.

  “What?” She was clearly annoyed.

  “Cole hates fish.”

  “You do?” Brianna’s hand dropped back into her lap.
/>
  Feeling a little bad, I allowed myself to meet Cole’s gaze in the rearview mirror. There was no other way to describe the look in his eyes other than ‘Gee, thanks.’

  I widened my eyes and shrugged a little. I’m sorry, okay.

  Brianna interrupted our non-verbal communication. “Is that true? You don’t like seafood?”

  “Umm,” Cole stalled.

  Brianna’s sharp eyes were on me again. “And how would you know that, anyway?”

  It was my turn to be surprised. I lifted a brow at Cole in the mirror. He rolled his eyes. Apparently, he hadn’t told Brianna about our past friendship. I guess I wasn’t all that surprised. I hadn’t discussed my friendship with Cole with anyone either.

  “Because on a camping trip when we were eight, Cole stuffed himself silly on fish we’d caught and then spent the whole night throwing it back up. He never ate fish again.” That had been both horrible and hilarious. No one had been able to sleep that night, what with all the retching sounds Cole made for hours and hours. Being the best friend, I was at the time, I made sure to keep him company, rubbing his back and refilling his water cup so he could swish out his mouth each time. Come to think of it, I got a little queasy at the thought of eating fish, too.

  Eyes narrowed, Brianna looked as though she were seeing me for the first time. “You and Cole went camping?” She turned her attention from me to Cole. “You went camping with her?”

  “We were eight, Bri.” If a person’s voice could roll its eyes, Cole’s just did.

  “And you don’t like fish,” she persisted.

  Cole cleared his throat. “Well-”

  “It’s a simple question, Cole. Do you or don’t you?” Brianna’s body language spoke volumes as to how much trouble Cole was in right now.

  I tried to feel bad. I really did.

  “He hates it.” I was just trying help a friend. I promise.

  “Jo-” Cole warned.

  “You ate the salmon my mom made. The first time you ate at my house. You ate every bite and said it was your favorite.” A broomstick wasn’t any straighter than Brianna’s back right then.