Save Me

by Stephanie Street

  I shook my head once more. How would I ever speak again? The lump in my throat seemed to never go away.

  Mrs. Parker took my hand in her own, clutching it tightly against her heart. I watched with fascination as her eyes filled with tears. “Oh, Joie. I’m so sorry, honey. We had no idea. How could we not have known?” She shook her head as the tears flowed down her cheeks.

  “No,” I croaked and sat up in my hospital bed. This wasn’t anyone’s fault except Davis’s and maybe my mom’s. Allowing Mrs. Parker to pull me into a hug, I basked in the smell of her vanilla perfume.

  It was hard to believe it had just been last night when Cole came flying through my window like my very own superhero to save me from the clutches of Davis. Since then so much had happened. After arriving at the hospital and allowing the medical staff to attend me, the police came to interview me about what had happened. As much as I wanted to downplay what happened, I couldn’t. I answered all their questions. When things turned to my mom, I didn’t hold back. For some reason it seemed like the time had come for her to be accountable for the things that went on in our house.

  I hated the pity in their eyes. I hated the pity in Cole’s eyes and in his parent’s eyes. I was so sick of this life. But I was also realizing things were going to be different. Once he healed from the wounds inflicted by Cole, Davis would be going to jail. My mom could also be facing criminal charges of neglect and child endangerment after her stint in rehab. I would turn eighteen in less than a month and I had no idea what I wanted to do with myself now. I didn’t even know if I had a choice or not.

  “We love you, Jo. We’ve always loved you like one of our own. I don’t know what happened with you and Cole, why you stopped coming around, but we never stopped loving you and caring about you.” Mrs. Parker smoothed my hair back again. “We have plenty of room. We can set up a room for you in the basement and you can stay with us until graduation and through the summer if you want. You will have all the privacy you need. There’s a bathroom down there and you can lock the door at the top of the stairs if that makes you feel better. Please, say you’ll come.”

  Really, what else could I say.

  Cole helped me pack up some things from my room. I knew I didn’t want his parents in there. They knew what had happened, but I wasn’t ready for them to know about the locks and the obvious ways I’d prepared my room for quick getaways and prolonged stays. Cole’s jaw clenched several times and his fists balled up like he wanted to punch someone, but he at least didn’t ask any questions.

  “That it?” He stood in the doorway, his arms filled with my bedding, a duffle-bag dangling from each crooked elbow.

  I glanced around the room and deemed it empty enough. Pulling the rolling suitcase behind me, I nodded. And then I remembered. I was hesitant to grab it with Cole right there, but there was no way I was leaving him behind. Quickly, I opened the door to my closet and reached for the top shelf. Mr. Snuffles. He was a teddy bear. Cole had given him to me one time when we were younger. I’d been sick with the sniffles and Cole had stuffed handfuls of tissues between Mr. Snuffles arms which were stitched together with a heart between the hands. A bit sheepishly, I stuffed Mr. Snuffles under my arm and marched out of the room. Cole didn’t comment, but his lips curled with a smirk.

  Mrs. Parker met us at the door to their house and held it open as we carried my stuff through. I headed straight for the basement. The extra room had been transformed from a storage room to a makeshift bedroom complete with a bed, dresser, and an end table holding a lamp and alarm clock.

  With a grunt, Cole dumped my bedding on the floor and allowed the duffels to slide down his forearms to fall beside my blankets.

  “I think mom said you could hang stuff up in the storage closet over there.” He pointed to a door where I knew there was a closet filled to the brim with board games and decks of cards. “She put some empty hangers on the bar in there.”

  “Thanks, Cole.” For so many things! I didn’t even know where to begin with this guy. This guy who was so much more than any other guy, any other person in my life. But I’d pushed him away. Shaking those thoughts away, I lifted my sheets off the floor. It was late, and I was tired.

  “Do you need help?” Cole stood in the doorway, his shoulder propped on the frame.

  “Don’t you think you’ve helped enough,” I asked sincerely. Cole had been saving me all my life.

  He knew what I meant and just smiled. It didn’t take long to make the bed and once I was finished, I sat down, exhausted on every level.

  Cole pushed away from the door and sat beside me. He took my hand and held it in his lap. Sighing, I laid my head against his broad shoulder. We sat in silence, with me just absorbing his strength and I felt guilty. What did I have to give to Cole? It seemed since I’d known him, he was always lifting me up, offering me his stability and strength and to my everlasting regret, I felt like I always took and never gave.

  “Can I ask you a question?” I fiddled with his fingers.

  “Hmm?” He flipped our hands until we were in position for a thumb war.

  Grinning, I nudged his shoulder playfully. Leave it to Cole. “I’m serious.”

  “I am, too. One, two, three, four. I declare a thumb war.” As soon as the words left his lips, he attacked.

  “Ohmigosh! Your hands are too big,” I shrieked, rising to my feet to get leverage against his bigger hands.

  “Come on, Jo, you can do better than that,” Cole taunted, his grin contrasting hilariously with the look of concentration in his eyes.

  “Maybe if you battle with your eyes closed,” I laughed, moving all over the place in front of him to keep him off balance as our thumbs reached and pulled back. Finally, when he’d almost pinned my thumb for the third time, I grabbed hold of his with my free hand and yanked it back.

  “Ow! You cheater!” With one quick movement, Cole tossed me on the bed. “Seriously, who cheats at a thumb war?” Jabbing his finger in my side, Cole tickled me.

  “Uncle! Uncle!” I batted his hands away and scurried to the other end of the bed.

  “Get back here,” Cole said, picking me up around my waist, he sat me down beside him on the edge of the bed again.

  Breathless, I leaned my head on his shoulder again and fought a silly grin. I’d missed that about being with Cole, the goofy playing around. Tickles until I couldn’t breathe. Just being content in his presence. I felt his lips in my hair on top of my head and closed my eyes against the tenderness overflowing in my heart.

  “What did you want to ask me?”

  I didn’t know if I still wanted to bring it up, but I felt I kind of owed it to him to get to the bottom of it. Clearing my throat, I asked. “What’s going on with Brianna?”

  Blowing out a long breath, Cole rubbed a hand down the side of his face. I didn’t want to be the cause of problems between Cole and his girlfriend. She’d already been mad at him about the time he spent working on the play, being around me. I had a feeling when she found out I was living with the Parker’s; Cole’s life was going to become difficult where Brianna was concerned.

  “We broke up.” Cole cleared his throat before starting again. “I broke up with her.”

  Lifting my head off his shoulder, I sought to catch his eye. He avoided me at first.

  “Why?”

  He shrugged. “Things were getting too complicated. I don’t want to mess with that right now.”

  Frowning, I said, “Because of me? Because things with me are complicated? I didn’t mean for that Cole. That’s why I-” I snapped my lips shut. I hadn’t meant to say that.

  “That’s why you what?” Cole asked, finally facing me.

  “Nothing. Cole, you shouldn’t break up with your girlfriend because of me.” Even though I wanted him to break up with her because of me with every fiber of my being. But, of course, I would never say that to him.

  “Don’t change the subject. What did you mean, Jo?” He could be like a mule when he wanted.

  I
shook my head. We were not going there. “Cole.”

  Frustrated, Cole stood up from the bed and began pacing in front of me. “I-” and then he stopped, his expression going from frustrated to resigned. “I’m sorry. It’s been a long couple of days. You should get some sleep.”

  I nodded. He was right, I was tired. “I’m sorry, too. About Brianna. I didn’t mean to come between you.”

  “You didn’t.” Cole’s eyes searched the room. “Will you be okay down here?”

  I nodded again, sad for the worry and concern I saw burning in his gaze. “Maybe you won’t have to worry about me anymore.”

  “I’m not sure that will ever happen, but it’s a nice thought.” Cole stopped at the door. “Good night, Jo.”

  “Good night, Cole.” And I thought maybe, for the first time ever, it would be.

  Cole

  I couldn’t sleep. How could I, knowing she was just downstairs? And it wasn’t even like I was thinking anything, you know, like that. I just felt her close and it was like I couldn’t settle myself. That was it. With a frustrated growl, I rolled out of my bed, grabbing my pillow and blanket. Thankful that my parents slept with a loud fan on in their room, I made my way toward the basement. Mom told Joie she could lock the door at the top of the stairs but when I tried the knob, it turned. Determined to get as close as I could, I descended the stairs.

  I wouldn’t go in her room, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t sleep outside her door. Feeling stupid and relieved at the same time, I tossed my pillow outside her door and fell asleep.

  Chapter 22

  Joie

  I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned for what seemed like hours. It was Cole. Just knowing he was so close, it was like this ultra-awareness that I just couldn’t shut down. Frustrated, I pushed my covers aside and made my way to the door. Maybe some water would help. Turning the handle slowly, more out of habit than necessity, I opened the door and my breath stopped short.

  Tears sprang to my eyes and a beautiful ache clutched at my chest. He looked more like the blonde haired little boy from my memories than he had in years, his face was peaceful in his sleep, devoid of the earlier worry. Smiling at the thick muscled arm thrown over his forehead, I amended my earlier conclusion. His arm looked nothing like that of a four-year-old!

  Feeling silly, I took advantage of the opportunity to study him unguarded. Cole was amazing. He was gorgeous. Talented. Kind. A hero. My hero. When I crossed the threshold of my window sill to see Davis perched casual as you please on the edge of my bed, I knew the time had come, my luck had run out. I tried to back out again, but he was already grabbing for me. My precarious position made it impossible to get away.

  I was almost to that place, the one I used to escape to when things got bad with dad, when I heard Cole pounding on the front door. I screamed his name and he was there. Cole was always there. Backing up into my new room, I scavenged another blanket and added it to the one already covering him. When I finally climbed back into bed, I breathed a sigh and fell right to sleep.

  Neither of us talked about it the next morning. I rode with Cole to school and I didn’t see him again until rehearsal. It was enough. That evening, a pattern began. After arriving home, we helped with dinner, did homework, and watched Monday Night Football with Cole’s dad. When I went to bed that night, for the first time I could ever remember, I fell asleep with my door open. When I woke a few hours later, he was there, curled on his side not more than a foot from the edge of my bed. And the cracks in my heart began to heal.

  Cole

  If my parents knew about my late-night change of venue, they didn’t say anything. Neither did Joie. That was fine by me. I always left the door open and I was there for her if she needed me. And that was what I needed. As crazy as it sounded. So, I crept down the hall, my blanket and pillow tucked under my arm. After that first night, Joie left her door open. I figured that was all the okay I needed from her and hoped my being there was more than okay, that she needed me as much as I needed to be close to her.

  The moon shined brightly through the small window near the ceiling, its light reflecting off her skin. She looked so peaceful. I knew she was struggling. Maybe that’s why I felt I needed to be here. She was getting better. Day by day the tension in her shoulders lessened. Her smile came more easily. She even laughed. Mostly with my dad. But sometimes we all heard it and I swear, the house stood still while we listened.

  Softly, I spread out a blanket on the floor and set my pillow at one end. Kneeling, I was close, close enough to kiss her. But I wasn’t going to do that again. Not unless she wanted me to and I promised myself never again without asking first.

  Joie turned in her sleep, her eyes fluttering. I held myself still as a statue, but she woke anyway. Blinking a few times, her beautiful eyes focused on me. Without moving, I waited.

  “Cole.” My name left her lips on a sigh and her palm cupped my cheek. Not wanting to break the spell, but unable to not touch her, I let my hand find her hair, splayed across her pillow. Her eyes closed, and her hand dropped back to the mattress. “Don’t go.”

  I couldn’t. And I never would.

  Chapter 23

  Joie

  That night began a new pattern as well. Cole came into my room and I never failed to wake up at the soft sound of his blankets and pillows hitting the floor beside my bed. Some nights we talked. Some nights I reached over the edge of my bed and held his hand until we both fell asleep. Some nights I woke breathing hard, in the grip of my memories and nightmares. When that happened, Cole was there. His arms held me close as he whispered sweet reassurances that he would never let anyone hurt me again.

  It was a week before the play and two weeks until graduation. Dress rehearsals would start the next day. Cole was on the floor in my room at his house, playing with the ends of my hair that had spilled over the edge of the bed. It was two o’clock in the morning and I was struggling to keep my eyes open.

  Just as they were about to drift shut for good that night, I heard him ask.

  “Are you ever gonna tell me everything, Jo?”

  My eye popped open, all thoughts of sleep disappearing just like that. Rolling to my side, I peered down. Cole laid with one hand behind his head, the other still tangled in the strands of my hair. His blanket had drifted low over his abdomen and since the weather was warming up, he’d been sleeping shirtless. Without really thinking about what I was doing, I reached out and laid my hand on his chest. He shuddered at my touch. Cole had been sleeping on my floor for a few weeks now. Never once, even when he crawled in bed with me, had he even tried to kiss me. But I knew if I would but say the word our relationship would become more. I also knew I wasn’t going to let that happen, even as I selfishly basked in the comfort and safety he offered.

  “Are you?” The hand behind his head came down to cover mine on his chest.

  “No.” I didn’t want to hurt him. But I also didn’t want to tell him. Rolling again, I faced away from where he laid on the floor, tucking my hair and my hands under my chin.

  Cole sighed, but didn’t say anything else and I wondered when he would begin to hate me as much as I hated myself.

  Cole

  I was nervous. Not the way I was right before a game, but worse. I’d played in a hundred games, more even, but this would be my first performance on stage. I really hoped I wasn’t going to be sick.

  “You okay, you look a little green,” Joie asked. We both stood off stage, the play had begun but my part hadn’t come yet. Trina was killing it for her initial scene and I would go on next with my, Calvin’s, step-brothers and step-mother.

  “I feel a little green,” I admitted. Joie glanced at me again, looking alarmed.

  “Cole, you can do this.” She gripped my shoulders and stood in front of me, her eyes intent. “You are brilliant on that stage and you are going to blow everyone away.”

  I wanted to believe her and honestly, on some level I did. I knew once I got out there everything would settle, and
I would slip into the Calvin persona I’d created over the last few months. Shaking out my limbs, I commanded myself to get a grip. Tonight wasn’t about me anyway. It was about Joie. Her audition for USC. It was about her script, her direction, her vision. And I didn’t want to ruin her chances.

  “How are you holding up,” I asked, focusing only on her. She looked beautiful. She’d worn a tasteful black gown that reached her just below her knees. My mom had loaned her a single string of pearls and her hair was swept back in a complicated twist. She looked very Audrey. At least, that’s what my mom had said. All I knew, she was the most beautiful I had ever seen her. She was confident and poised and I knew all our hard work, all her hard work, was going to pay off.

  “I’m fine. I’ve done all that I can. Now it’s up to them to decide if it was enough.” She shrugged, but I could see she was more nervous than she let on.

  “I think you’re amazing. You know that, right?” I lifted her chin, so I could see into her eyes, beautiful eyes she’d stopped hiding behind her glasses. She shook her head and tried to brush me away. Placing both hands on her cheeks, I pulled her gaze back to me. “I mean it, Jo. You are beautiful and what you’ve done with this play-” I shook my head, searching for the right words. “I mean it, you are freaking amazing.”

  Her eyes misted, and her lips curled with a small smile. “Thank you, Cole. None of this would be happening if it wasn’t for you. You are the star.”

  Things were getting a little intense, so I pulled out my inner Cole and smirked. “That’s right, I am.”

  Joie laughed, just like I wanted her to.

  “Break a leg out there, Cole,” she said and leaned up on her toes to kiss my cheek.

  “I plan on it.”

  Joie

  The curtain closed on the final bow to uproarious applause from a packed house. He’d done it. Cole had pulled it off. He was charming, hilarious, and just the right amount of serious when the situation called for it. I’d written the role for him, after all, and he’d performed it beautifully. Everyone else followed his lead and there had only been minor errors that anyone who hadn’t read the script wouldn’t notice.