A Vow Of Hate

by James, Lylah

  His voice had deepened when he spoke again. “Now.”

  Killian’s eyes darted around the room, almost lazily, but I could see that he was trying to check if my father was watching or not. Once he realized that we were no longer the center of attention, he grasped my hand and practically dragged me away.

  We quickly sneaked out of the banquet hall and into a lonely corridor. Killian pulled me behind a pillar, so we were completely out of sight and our figures were hidden in the shadows.

  I gasped, my chest heaving. The air crackled with thick tension between us and I licked my dry lips. “If anyone sees us together, like this…”

  I left my sentence hanging.

  It was more complicated than that. If I were truly betrothed to him, this wouldn’t have been such a big issue. But the fact that he was, in reality, engaged to my sister… if anyone were to see us together, it would be a scandal.

  And my father – oh God.

  “Do you trust me?” Killian questioned in a low tone, a raspy voice.

  “You know I do.”

  “Then you should know that I will never put you in the middle of a scandal,” he said. “I will never let anyone question your virtue, especially not your father. You’re mine, Grace. Mine to cherish. And mine to protect.”

  He pressed into me, caging me between the wall and his solid body. “If I were to slide my hand under your dress right now, would you let me? Would you let me feel just how warm and wet you are for me? How needy you are?”

  My throat suddenly felt parched. His hand brushed against my thigh, over the dress, before he slid his palm under the split. Skin to skin.

  “Tell me, Princess.”

  My head bobbed with a sharp nod. “Yes.”

  “Yes, what?” he questioned; his voice deceptively calm.

  Flustered, I released a shuddering breath before speaking. “Yes… touch me.”

  His lips whispered along my jaw and I threw my head back with a soft whimper. My fingers curled around the back of his neck, holding him against me. He kissed and nibbled down the column of my throat and along the length of my collarbone.

  Maybe it was the idea of something forbidden…

  Something dirty, for Killian to be touching me like this, behind a pillar.

  Maybe it was the idea of possibly getting caught or someone finding us, in such a compromised position…

  Even though it made me anxious, it also turned me on.

  His hand trailed along my thigh, before circling around my knee. A shaky breath rattled from my chest when he lifted my leg up, forcing me to hook my thigh around his hips. In this position, it left me vulnerable and open to his slow teasing and torturous caresses.

  I can’t breathe…

  I wanted Killian – no – I needed him, but it felt like I was about to combust in his embrace. My body felt overly sensitive to his touches. How could I be so aroused by just Killian’s voice and such simple caresses? He hadn’t even truly touch me yet.

  Was it even possible to want someone this much? With such intense need?

  He pulled his head back and his dark gaze met mine.

  A quiver ran down my body when his hand snaked under my dress and his fingers teased my slit through my silk panties. Killian hissed when he found me wet, the fabric of my panties sticking to my flesh like a second skin and my arousal coating the inside of my thighs. “Princess, you’re soaked and I’ve barely even touched you.”

  Sweet hell. What was he doing to me? How could he have such control over my body?

  I burned with need for Killian. He pressed into me, his erection digging into my hips and my lips parted, with a barely audible gasp.

  Slowly, almost like he wanted to tease me, Killian tugged my panties aside. His knuckles brushed against my wet folds and I flinched before a slight moan spilled from my lips.

  His finger teased my opening and my core clenched. I could feel just how sticky my wetness was as Killian masterfully played me under my dress.

  His caress was deliberately slow as he traced my wet folds, parting my lower lips and seeking my clit. His eyes never wavered from mine as he took my hardened nub between his forefinger and thumb and he pinched the sensitive bundle of nerves.

  My lips parted with a silent scream and my back bowed, my hips bucking against his cruel hand. “Oh,” I gasped, before biting down on my lips – hard.

  It hurt.

  But… Oh God.

  It hurt so good.

  The pain mixed with forbidden pleasure and I whimpered.

  His thumb circled my clit, as if to soothe the sting away, and I liked it. Liked the way his touch felt on my sensitive flesh. Liked how he knew where to touch me, in the way that made me mad with desire.

  My nipples puckered tightly through my dress and they ached, while my whole body throbbed.

  Killian slowly pushed a single digit inside my tight core, my inner walls clenching around it. He didn’t shove all of his finger inside me. Only halfway past his first knuckle. Almost like he just wanted to know how it’d feel to be inside me.

  I tensed against him when he pulled out and I moaned impatiently. His lips twitched with a half-smile before he used two fingers to rub my clit.

  “K- Killian.” Like a wanton woman in need, I choked out his name in a moan, before I quickly captured my lips between my teeth.

  My eyes widened when I heard whispers and more voices in the corridor. They were far-away, but my heart practically hammered in my chest, almost like it was trying to break through the confines of my rib cage.

  Someone was coming.

  Not just one person.

  I could hear more than three different voices mingling together.

  Thud. My heartbeat echoed in my ears.

  Killian didn’t pull away.

  In fact, he showed no reaction except…

  His eyes flashed with something dark – with lust and mischief.

  Thud. Thud.

  His thumb worked my oversensitive clit, switching between pinching and caressing before rubbing his two fingers between my folds. He traced my slit, gathering more of my sticky arousal.

  I could feel… no, I could hear just how wet I was. The sound of his fingers working my sex was filthy and…

  “My, my. The idea of getting caught with my hand under your dress just made you even wetter. You like the idea of exhibitionism, Princess?” he rasped, his teeth grazing my ear. His thumb circled my clit faster, like he was desperate to force me over the edge.

  The sound of footsteps and the voices grew closer.

  Thud. Thud. Thud.

  My hips bucked into his hand, grinding and trying to chase my orgasm.

  He nipped my earlobe again and I responded with a sharp hiss.

  “Uhh.” Another whimper spilled from my lips, this time louder. Killian slapped a hand over my mouth, smothering my moans. My eyes fluttered close as the tingles coursing through my body grew more intense.

  My legs quivered and I clenched my thigh around Killian’s hips. His erection dug harder into my hips, warm and hard. I almost worried he’d leave me with a bruise tomorrow.

  “There’s a deviant, filthy woman hiding under all that proper and respectful ruse,” Killian growled in a low voice, the sound rumbling from his wide chest. “And she’s all mine.”

  Killian shifted his body so that he was fully standing in front of me, pushing me against the wall. My fingers clawed at his shoulders, feeling the strength of his muscles under his tuxedo. It was then I realized that he was hiding me.

  Killian was much taller and bigger than me, so his body was the perfect cover. And with us hidden in the shadows… even if someone were to walk up on us, they would only see the back of him. And if they were to recognize Killian, they wouldn’t be able to see who he was with.

  My hips bucked into his hand as a wave rolled through my body, intense and acute. Powerful and all-consuming.

  In the back of my mind, I heard the voices and footsteps fading away, heading farther from our hidi
ng spot. But that was before my brain completely shut down.

  The only thing I could hear was the sound of my heartbeat in my ears as I tensed into Killian’s arms. My climax bubbled in my blood, before crashing through me like a hurricane. His hand muffled my choked, desperate moan.

  I shattered.

  Thud.

  The pieces of me scattered on the floor.

  Thud. Thud.

  I quivered with the aftershocks of my climax.

  Thud. Thud. Thud.

  Killian pulled his hand from under my dress. While I was utterly transfixed by the sight of his brutally handsome face, his hand fell away from my mouth before he brushed his wet fingers over my swollen lips.

  “Suck.” It was one simple command, his voice gravelly and low.

  My lips parted and he pushed his two fingers into my mouth. I sucked, like he had commanded me to. The taste of me was musky and strange, but it was the utter filthiness of this situation that made my core clench again.

  As if one climax wasn’t enough.

  As if my body wanted more.

  My tongue swirled around his fingers before he pulled away with a low snarl. Like he had snapped.

  His mouth landed on mine, hard and bruising. He didn’t just kiss me.

  He devoured me, like a mad man. Like an obsessed man who had been denied this kiss for far too long. His tongue meeting mine in an erotic dance had me whimpering into his mouth.

  His hand curled around my neck, his fingers brushing over the pulsing veins in my throat.

  The kiss consumed me.

  Suffocated me. Confused me.

  My mind had been utterly captivated by this man. Who kissed like a brutal savage, who touched like a soft lover and who loved like a gentle beast.

  I had come undone in his arms and I didn’t know how to go back to the old Julianna. The one before she knew what it felt like to be touched by Killian Spencer.

  I exhaled a shuddering breath into his mouth as I whispered his name, and he swallowed my moan. Killian licked my lips and the inside of my mouth, as if to taste the remnant of me, of my lust.

  When he finally pulled away, our chest heaved as we shuddered with an inhale – almost desperate for our next breath.

  Our eyes met.

  Thud.

  He grinned.

  Thud. Thud.

  “Happy engagement to us, Miss Romano.”

  Thud. Thud. Thud.

  My lungs squeezed as we silently put ourselves together again.

  Killian trailed a finger along the curve of my throat. “I can’t wait to start our life together.”

  My heart withered, like a wilting rose.

  I opened my mouth to tell him the truth.

  It was on the tip of my tongue.

  I craved to be without the burden of guilt once again. I hungered for the weight to be lifted off my chest. The truth tasted almost sweet.

  “Killian–”

  “Gracelynn.” My head snapped toward the direction of my sister’s voice.

  Her eyes darted between Killian and I. “We have to go. Uh, can we leave… early? My stomach… um, is hurting.”

  I blinked. “Oh, yes. Right.”

  My sister grasped my elbow, practically dragging me away from Killian. “Dad was looking for Killian. And then he noticed you were missing too,” she hissed under her breath. “So, I told him you weren’t feeling well, so we’re leaving the party early.”

  I nodded along, not really paying attention to what she was saying. I looked over my shoulder and found Killian still standing there. Bringing my hand up for a quick wave, I mouthed, “Sorry.”

  My apology was more than this – being dragged away from him or leaving our engagement party so early and so quickly.

  My apology was for my bitter lies and cruel secrets.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  THE PRESENT

  Julianna

  I told my husband everything. Starting from the very beginning, until now.

  The first time we met – how scared I had been to reveal my identity, and then how the fear of losing him had kept me from telling him the truth for the longest time.

  Knowing he was betrothed to my sister, that he was meant to be married to her – I just wanted to have him a bit longer.

  For him to be mine before he became hers.

  And then I explained to him how I hid my identity after the accident. Dyeing my hair black and changing my voice. Controlling my pitch when I was heavily emotional was hard at first, but after two years of practice, I was able to carefully modulate my voice to sound different than how I usually sounded.

  And with my black veil covering my face, it was easier to become someone else in Killian’s eyes than the woman he loved.

  Halfway through my story, I started choking on my tears, but Killian’s face remained expressionless. Impassive. Almost like he wasn’t even here. Killian sat up against the wall, one of his legs stretched out in front of him and the other bent to the knee. He was still bare-chested and my gaze brushed over the bullet scar on his stomach.

  The bullet he took for me.

  The scar he got from protecting me.

  The only indication I got that he was listening to my version of our story was the way his jaw tightened, in the slightest way. There was a muscle tick in his left cheek as he gritted his teeth. As if to force himself to remain silent.

  His eyes darted to me once, over the unmarred side of my face before his gaze lingered on my left side, my scars – before looking away and at the wall beside my head. His arm was rested on his bent knee and I watched him clenching and unclenching his fist.

  “I wanted to tell you the truth, so many times,” I said, my voice breaking. “Especially after our engagement party. But it was never the right moment. I tried; I really did. You have to believe me, Killian.”

  The accident happened exactly a week after our engagement party. I had seven days to tell him the truth, and every time it was on the tip on my tongue, I swallowed my bitter lies.

  I thought I would have more time. We still had two weeks before my sister’s plan to run away and four months before our wedding.

  The night of the accident, it was completely out of character for both of us to sneak out.

  I never had any friends. Hell, I didn’t even know what girls my age would talk about or what they’d do for fun. I was confined within the four walls of my room and that was my life. I only had Selene and Gracelynn…

  Until Killian.

  Gracelynn was planning to run away the next week and we didn’t know when we’d see each other again or if ever… We wanted good memories, something fun that normal sisters would do together. Sneaking out, going to a party, just… living. Instead of being a proper lady, sitting quietly and nodding, smiling when we were told to, speaking when we were expected to.

  For just one night, I had wanted to experience something other than the confines of the Romano’s manor. I wanted to live beyond my father’s expectations.

  Just one night.

  With my sister.

  Only for it to end in tragedy.

  When Gracelynn had gotten the invitation, she had simply refused. She wasn’t interested in parties and getting drunk anymore. There were more important issues for her to worry about. Simon and her baby – and their plan to elope. I was the one who convinced her to go the party, thinking it would be a good idea to get her mind off things, to be less stressed.

  If only we hadn’t…

  I wanted to defend my impulsive decision, but at the end, it wouldn’t change what happened that night.

  I wiped my tears, my fingers brushing over the jagged lines of my scars. I never thought this day would come, where I would stand in front of Killian without my veil.

  Where my lies had come undone and I was bare in front of him – my scars on display and my secrets no longer hidden.

  If he had cut open my chest and tore out my heart – it would have probably hurt less.

  “Say something,” I be
gged him, when the silence became too heavy to bear. My fingers curled into the bedsheet, where I was sitting on the edge of the bed. “Please.”

  Killian worked his jaw, his fists clenching and unclenching, but didn’t respond to my pleading.

  “Tell me you hate me,” I cried. “Scream at me. Say something, please!”

  “Why?” he questioned, his voice composed. It surprised me, but I had learned to fear Killian’s calm over his rage. There was something serene about his calm – quiet and peaceful, like the eye of a hurricane before it forces you to collapse under the weight of the destruction it brings.

  His calm should never be trusted.

  It was deceitful.

  Like me.

  “Why didn’t you tell me the truth after the accident?”

  “There was no way for me to get out of this marriage,” I explained. “I couldn’t go against my father and I knew how important this union was for our families. But I thought that once we were married, it would be easier to make you hate me more than you already did and we’d eventually go our separate ways – that way, you would be able to move on. I wanted to make sure that you could move on. To find love again. With another woman, who deserved you more. No lies, no deceit, no secrets.”

  The ache in my chest grew more intense and I practically gagged at how bitter the words tasted on my tongue. It hurt, confessing that truth out loud. To tell Killian that I wanted him to move on with another woman…

  For my love was a catastrophe.

  It didn’t matter that it killed me, the mere thought of my husband being with another woman. Touching her. Bedding her. Loving her.

  It was so unfair, but our love story was just that.

  Something tragic.

  An incomplete story, with missing pages and a dubious ending.

  “That should have been my choice. Not yours,” Killian hissed. He surged to his feet in a quick motion and straightened to his full height, imposing and menacing. There was a deadly glint in his dark gaze that worried me. “You took that choice away from me. You don’t get to choose when or how I move on, Julianna. You should have told me the truth and I would have decided if I still wanted you or not, despite the lies and the scheming. You didn’t give me a chance to choose you!”