by Amy Clipston
He reached for his phone when it buzzed. This time he answered Cheryl’s call. She’d give him the sense of normalcy he needed right now. Maybe she’d tell him about her day or what she was making for supper.
And that’s pretty much what she did. Then she asked about his day.
“It was hard, but I’m glad I came.” He took a deep breath, unsure if that was true. “I’ve decided to hire someone to get the house ready to sell. I’ve seen most everyone I need to see, so I’m coming home tomorrow. I don’t see a reason to stay for the reunion.”
“Are you sure?” Cheryl’s voice was sweet and concerned. She really was a good person.
“I’m sure.” He squeezed his eyes shut, picturing him and Cheryl eating a pizza in front of the TV soon or going out for a burger. He was craving normalcy, a routine that was less confusing.
He thought about how God gives us pain and sorrow but also gifts us with unexpected and wonderful joy. Gideon had already experienced that. Was God giving him another chance at happiness? Was Gideon running away from it or toward it?
Ruth feigned a stomachache and skipped supper. It wasn’t really a lie. Her stomach had been tied in knots since she’d run away from Gideon. All this time, she avoided him because she thought seeing him would be too painful. Now that she’d seen him, he was all she could think about.
When she awoke the next morning, after only a few hours of fitful sleep, she lay in bed for a while in the guest bedroom that had once been hers, Grace’s faceless doll tucked in tightly beside her. Yawning, she got up and readied herself for breakfast when she smelled bacon cooking. She carried the doll downstairs, hiding it behind her back when she saw Becky already seated at the table.
“Where’s Amos?” Ruth stood in the doorway to the kitchen as Esther flipped bacon.
“He went with two other men this morning to look at a horse.” Esther peered over her shoulder and rolled her eyes. “I think the horses we have are fine, but . . .” She shrugged.
“What’s behind your back?” Becky grinned up at Ruth from her spot at the table.
“Who me?” Ruth smiled and held the doll out to Becky.
“Was she Grace’s?” The little girl’s bright eyes widened.
“Ya, she was.” Then she spoke to Becky in their native dialect and told her where they had gotten the doll and how much Grace loved it.
Becky let out a loud gasp. “I will love her forever.”
Ruth reached for a piece of bacon as she slid onto a chair. She silently thanked God for His blessings before she took a bite, glad she had a bit more appetite this morning.
“I feel like your time here is flying by. I wish you could stay longer.” Esther nodded at Becky, then looked back at Ruth. “And I want to hear all about yesterday when the time is right.”
“Maybe I’ll stay a few extra days after the reunion. I don’t think it will cost much to change my ticket home.” A tinge of guilt wrapped around her. As much as she wanted to spend time with Esther, Becky, and Amos, it was Gideon she wanted to see the most.
It felt like self-torture, which was the reason she ran from him the day before. If he had kissed her, things wouldn’t have stopped there. There was still a spark leftover from a passionate marriage, and being with him fanned the flame. Gideon had someone else now, but her desire to see him pulled at her. Maybe she should rethink her decision not to help him clean the house tomorrow. They weren’t teenagers, and they should be able to control themselves.
“It would be great if you can stay longer.” Esther set a bowl of eggs on the table next to a plate of biscuits, then she sat down, and they all bowed their heads. When Esther looked up, she said softly, “I wish you didn’t have to leave at all.”
Ruth took a biscuit and put it on her plate, then glanced around the kitchen as she thought of the wonderful memories she had from this house. “My life is very different now.”
Esther smiled. “Is it?” She paused to butter a roll. “Aside from your office job and living so far away, what’s different about it?”
Ruth widened her eyes as her jaw dropped for a couple of seconds. Didn’t her sister see the obvious? “Esther, I have electricity at my apartment. I drive a car. I go to movies. I wear jeans.” She recalled the learning curve she’d had when it came to computers and the time she spent learning basic bookkeeping, one of the things Gideon had handled prior to their split. He’d always done construction work, but her husband had also handled the paperwork that went along with running a business.
Esther gave Ruth a gentle smile. “Those are things and circumstances that have changed, but it doesn’t mean you’ve changed.” She lifted a hand to her heart. “Inside, I don’t think you’ve changed much at all.”
Ruth was pondering her sister’s comment when Becky held up the doll. “I’m going to call her Beatrice if that’s okay with you.” She looked at Ruth.
“Of course. You call her whatever you like.” Ruth stood and retrieved her phone from where she’d left it on the kitchen counter. “I’ll need to go charge my phone sometime today.” She found and opened Google and pulled up the site she was looking for.
“Becky, I decided to look up the name Beatrice since you like it so much. Do you know what it means?”
Becky shook her head.
“It means ‘she who makes happy’ or ‘bringer of joy.’”
Esther smiled. “That’s mei boppli, someone who makes people happy just with her presence.” She leaned over and kissed her daughter.
Ruth waited for the sting she knew would come after the reminder that she can’t kiss Grace like that anymore. Instead, there was nothing but joy for Esther and Becky. So many times Ruth had wondered how she would feel if she came back here. She’d never forget Grace, but perhaps time had helped. Time and little girls like Becky and sisters like Esther.
As she watched Esther and Becky, a deep sense of sadness filled her. She had so many regrets that she hadn’t visited over the years. Her parents were getting up in age as well.
“What’s wrong Aenti Ruth?” Becky jumped up, toting her doll, and walked around the table to where Ruth was sitting. “You look like you’re about to cry.”
Ruth forced a smile. “I don’t think it’s anything a hug won’t fix.”
Becky wrapped her arms around Ruth’s neck. “Everything’s going to be all right. You’ll see.” She eased away and kissed Ruth on the cheek.
I hope you’re right.
After Becky left the kitchen, Ruth helped her sister clean the dishes, then they each grabbed a cup of coffee and sat back down at the kitchen table.
Ruth chuckled. “Where in the world did Becky hear a name like Beatrice?”
Esther rolled her eyes. “It was in a book of Bible stories, and the narrator is named Beatrice. Every time I read it to her, Becky says she’s going to name her first daughter Beatrice.” She shook her head. “I’m hoping that by naming the doll Beatrice, maybe she’ll decide on a more traditional Amish name by the time she has kinner.”
Esther put a hand on Ruth’s. “I know it must have been a long and exhausting day yesterday, and I want to hear everything.”
Ruth shared the events of the previous day, not skipping a single detail. When she finished, Esther was almost in tears.
“It’s so hard to understand Gott’s plan for our lives. Do you think there is a chance for you and Gideon? You don’t know how serious it is with the woman he’s seeing.”
“He said they’d only been on a few dates. But, now that I know that, I don’t know if we can recapture what we had.” Ruth’s voice cracked as she spoke.
“It sounds like you already have.” Esther smiled.
CHAPTER 9
On Saturday Ruth enjoyed visiting with relatives she hadn’t seen in years. Some had arrived a few days ago, and others were just getting there this morning. Each family brought several dishes, and the variety was wonderful, although Ruth wasn’t sure she’d ever seen so much homemade bread. It seemed like each family brought at least a
couple of loaves. Ruth thought about how she still made her mother’s bread recipe in Florida.
Everyone was hopped-up about a return visit in the fall for Ben and Annie’s wedding. It would probably draw three hundred people, the same way Ruth and Gideon’s had. There would be enormous amounts of food, and while the gifts wouldn’t be expensive, they would be plentiful.
Even with wedding joy in the air and the reunion in full swing at Esther and Amos’s house, two people were missing. Gideon and his father. Ruth hadn’t seen John Beiler since her arrival. She already knew from the letters they exchanged that he was a bit of a recluse, even though that wasn’t the word John used. He didn’t go to church and was rarely seen outside his house. Occasionally, someone would mention seeing him at the market. Ruth wondered who cooked for him. Had he learned how to cook, do laundry, and other things Mae had done before she died?
Ruth stayed at the reunion long enough after the meal that she wouldn’t appear rude when she found Esther. “I know I should help you clean all of this up, but I’d really like to go see John Beiler.”
Esther waved a dismissive hand. “Go. Look around. All of these women will stay for cleanup. You won’t be missed.” She paused, sighing. “I didn’t expect John to show up, but I’m surprised Gideon isn’t here. I thought it was part of the reason he came home.”
Esther gave Ruth a quick hug and whispered in her ear. “Follow your heart. I’m sure Gideon will be there. Maybe you’ll have a chance to talk to him.”
Ruth wondered how much work Gideon had done at the house. Had he gone through the boxes? Uncovered the furniture?
“I can see the wheels turning in your head, Ruth. Listen for the word of Gott. He will speak to you in ways you might not always recognize.”
Esther smiled. “I’m going to hold out hope that you’ll decide to stay, whatever the outcome is with Gideon. You’re stronger now, and I know you’ve worked hard to get here. So I guess in some ways you have changed inside. But it’s a good change. And, besides, I want Becky to know her aenti.”
“I plan to visit more, but Bishop Lapp might not be tolerant if I’m here too often.”
Esther smiled. “Bishop Lapp has mellowed in the past few years. And you have unusual circumstances. Talk to him.”
Ruth sighed. “Maybe.”
“Ach, well, scoot.” She gave Ruth a gentle shove. “Go see Gideon and John.”
Ruth said good-bye to several people on her way to her car. She hoped she didn’t spook all the horses tethered nearby when she started the engine.
By the time she made the short trip to John’s house, her heart was at it again as she tried to identify her intentions. Yesterday she ran from Gideon. Now she was about to be face-to-face with him again.
John Beiler opened the door and a smile filled his face. Her father-in-law had aged a lot since she last saw him. His beard was almost completely gray, his salt-and-pepper hair thinning, and his jowls sagged in a way Ruth didn’t remember, like he’d been frowning for five years. She was happy to see him smile as she wrapped her arms around him. John held her for a long moment before he motioned for her to come in.
“Excuse the mess.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m afraid cleaning was always Mae’s area of expertise, and I’ve gotten used to things being like this.”
Ruth knew from Esther’s and John’s letters that the house wasn’t tidy, but she was surprised how bad it was. “I can help you clean this place up.”
John chuckled. “I’ve had lots of offers over the years. But to tell you the truth, I wouldn’t be able to find a thing if it was clean. I know where everything is.”
“Sorry if I overstepped.” Ruth cringed as she looked down at her running shoes, deciding she probably didn’t need to take them off.
John shook his head. “No apology necessary. I’ve just turned into a sloppy and grumpy old man.” He grinned before he walked to the couch and moved a blanket and pillow to the floor. “Sit. Tell me about your life in Florida.”
Ruth told him about her job, her apartment, and how she enjoyed living near the beach.
“We had several gut vacations near there when Gideon was growing up.”
Ruth forced a smile. “Ya, I remember him talking about those trips.” Pausing, she glanced around. “Speaking of Gideon, I was surprised he wasn’t at the reunion. I thought that was partly the reason he came back.”
John tipped his head to one side and stared at her. “Gideon left yesterday. I thought he got word to you.”
Ruth bit her bottom lip, willing it not to tremble.
“He said he was going to hire someone to clean the house and do the repairs.” John seemed to be searching Ruth’s eyes, his brows furrowed. “He said he didn’t want anything in the house—except his grandmother’s rocking chair—that he was going to let you have whatever you wanted.” He pointed to the chair in the corner. “He brought the rocker over before he left.”
Ruth blinked a few times and took a deep breath. “I see.”
John stared at her for a long time again, still running his hand over his beard. “Tragedy affects all of us in different ways, mei maedel. But you and Gideon have always belonged together. I thought this reunion might help you both see that. I thought when the two of you saw each other, you’d see Gott’s plan for your lives wasn’t over.”
“Gideon has someone else.” Ruth fought the tears burning in her eyes.
“Do you?” John raised a bushy gray eyebrow.
Ruth shook her head. She’d spent years thinking she wouldn’t love anyone but Gideon, but maybe it was time to rethink that and at least open herself up to the possibility.
They were quiet for a few seconds, then Ruth heard the word stay in her mind as clearly as if someone were standing right next to her, breathing it into her ear. She remembered what Esther said about being receptive to the voice of God. Did He want her to stay here?
“I’m not sure how welcome I’ll be here by Bishop Lapp, but I’d like to stay and do the cleaning and repairs on the house myself or contract out the things I can’t handle.” Suddenly the thought of others trampling through her old home caused her to shudder. The house had served as a part of her healing, and her return visit hadn’t been the tormented experience she’d expected. Not until she fled from Gideon. Maybe more time in the house by herself was what she needed.
John smiled. “I’d enjoy having you around for a while. What about your job?”
Ruth hadn’t thought anything through, but she wanted to stay and work on the house. Shrugging, she smiled. “I have no idea. I didn’t know I was going to stay until just now. Did Gideon leave you the key?”
John stood up. “Ya, I’ll go fetch it.”
When he returned, he walked to the rack by the front door and put on his hat. “I suspect there are a lot of repairs you can’t do by yourself.”
“Nee, I can’t let you do that. I’m sure Esther and Amos will help. Mei parents both have back troubles, but I’m sure they’ll lend a hand too.” Having less traffic and fewer strangers in the house sounded appealing.
John smiled. “It would get me out of the house.”
That did it. Ruth smiled and stood. “Ok. Let’s go.”
John put an arm around her as they walked onto the porch. “Welcome home,” he said softly.
Ruth helped him down the steps. She had no clue what she was doing. She had belongings, friends, a job, and a life back in Florida. She had a rental car to return and a flight booked—
“You are home,” the voice whispered in her mind again.
She looked at John, smiled, and said, “Danki.”
Following the long drive home and a night to decompress, Gideon went to see Cheryl. He’d called her and asked if she wanted him to come over with a pizza. He needed to see her, to clear the images of Ruth he couldn’t seem to shed.
Cheryl met him at the door wearing jeans and a purple blouse. Her long red hair was pulled into a ponytail, the same way Ruth had worn hers the last couple days.
&
nbsp; Gideon kissed her on the cheek and then handed her the pizza.
She set it on the coffee table and went back to him, hugging him tightly. “I missed you,” she whispered. She kissed him as if she hadn’t seen him in months. It seemed a bit excessive since they’d only been on a few dates.
As Cheryl kissed him, all Gideon could see was Ruth. He eased away from her and tried to smile.
“I’m exhausted from the long drive, but I wanted to see you.” He wanted normalcy, distractions, anything to keep him from thinking about his wife. Ruth had assumed he was serving her with divorce papers. He hadn’t realized it at the time, but the finality of such an action disturbed him. He snapped back to the present.
“Well, I was happy to hear that, and I’m glad you’re here.”
They cozied up on the couch. Cheryl had two paper plates already set out, along with some grated parmesan and napkins.
She tucked a leg beneath her and turned to face him as she handed him a plate. She blinked slowly, her long lashes brushing against her high cheekbones. She was a beautiful woman, and she had a look in her eyes that made Gideon wonder if pizza was the only thing on her agenda.
CHAPTER 10
Esther put her hands to her hips in the middle of Ruth’s den. “I absolutely cannot believe how much you’ve gotten done in here in a week.” She glanced around the room. “Unbelievable.”
“Well, I’ve had a lot of help.” Ruth looked over her shoulder when a drill started up. “John insisted on being here every day and taking care of little things, like the loose knob on the back door.” She pointed to the front window. “And he replaced the glass in that window.”
Esther frowned, grunting a little. “I hate that I haven’t been able to help you. Becky is still sick with a terrible cold. Amos caught it from her, and I heard Mamm and Daed coughing when I went to see them this morning, so I told them to stay in and rest. But I couldn’t stay away any longer.”