Tales From the Decameron of Giovanni Boccaccio

by Giovanni Boccaccio

  Fortarrigo still persisted in acting as though Angiulieri’s words were meant for someone else, and said to him:

  ‘Ah, why do you want to make me forfeit the three shillings? Do you think I won’t let you have the money back again? Come on now, pay up like a true friend. Why are you in such a hurry? We can still reach Torrenieri7 quite easily by nightfall. Go and find that purse of yours. I tell you I could never find another doublet that suited me as well as that one, not if I were to ransack the whole of Siena. And to think I let the fellow have it for thirty-eight shillings! It’s worth every penny of forty at least; so you’re letting me down twice over.’

  Distressed beyond all measure that the fellow, after stealing his money, should now have the gall to hold him up with his prattle, Angiulieri offered no reply, but turned his palfrey’s head and set off along the road to Torrenieri. But Fortarrigo had thought of a cunning idea, and began to jog along behind him, still clad in nothing more than his shirt. For at least two miles he stuck to his tail, pleading with him over and over again on the subject of his doublet, and just as Angiulieri began to quicken his pace to avoid having to listen, Fortarrigo caught sight of a number of farmworkers in a field bordering the road some distance ahead. So he yelled to them at the top of his voice, saying:

  ‘Stop him! Stop him!’

  And so, brandishing their hoes and their spades, they blocked the road and stopped Angiulieri from going any further, supposing him to have robbed the shirt-clad figure who was stumbling along and shouting in his wake. And albeit Angiulieri explained to them how matters stood, and told them who he was, it made very little difference.

  But Fortarrigo now arrived at the spot, and fixing Angiulieri with a withering look, he said:

  ‘You miserable sneak-thief! I could just about kill you for running off with my belongings like this.’

  Then, turning to the peasants, he said:

  ‘Gentlemen, you can see the sort of state he left me in, sneaking off from the inn as he did, after gambling away everything he possessed! But with God’s help and your own, I can say that I’ve salvaged something at least, and I shall always be grateful to you for your timely assistance.’

  Angiulieri gave them an opposite version of what had happened, but they refused to listen. So Fortarrigo, with the help of the peasants, dragged Angiulieri from his palfrey to the ground, stripped the clothes off his back, and put them on himself. Then he mounted the horse, and leaving Angiulieri barefoot and naked except for his shirt, he made his way back to Siena, informing everyone he met that he had won Angiulieri’s palfrey and clothes as the result of a wager.

  Thus, instead of presenting himself as a rich man before the cardinal in the Marches, as he had intended, Angiulieri returned penniless to Buonconvento in his shirt. Nor, for the time being, did he have the courage to return to Siena, but having borrowed a suit of clothes, he mounted the jade on which Fortarrigo had been riding, and made his way to Corsignano, where he stayed with relatives until his father came once more to his assistance.

  Although Fortarrigo’s cunning upset the well-laid plans of Angiulieri on this occasion, he did not go unpunished, for Angiulieri paid him back later, when a suitable time and place presented themselves.

  FIFTH STORY

  Calandrino falls in love with a young woman, and Bruno provides him with a magic scroll, with which he no sooner touches her than she goes off with him. But on being discovered with the girl by his wife, he finds himself in very serious trouble.

  Neifile’s story was of no great length, and when it drew to a close it was passed off by the company without much laughter or comment. The queen now turned to Fiammetta, ordering her to follow. Fiammetta gaily replied that she would do so with pleasure, and began:

  Noble ladies, as you will doubtless be aware, the more one returns to any given subject, the greater the pleasure it brings, provided the person by whom it is broached selects the appropriate time and place. And since we are assembled here for no other purpose than to rejoice and be merry, I consider this a suitable time and a proper place for any subject that will promote our joy and pleasure; for even if it had been aired a thousand times already, we could return to it as many times again, and it would still afford delight to us all.

  Hence, albeit we have referred many times to the doings of Calandrino, they are invariably so amusing, as Filostrato pointed out a little earlier, that I shall venture to add a further tale to those we have already heard about him. I could easily have told it in some other way, using fictitious names, had I wished to do so; but since by departing from the truth of what actually happened, the storyteller greatly diminishes the pleasure of his listeners, I shall turn for support to my opening remarks, and tell it in its proper form.

  Niccolò Cornacchini,1 a wealthy fellow citizen of ours, owned various lands including a beautiful estate at Camerata,2 on which he caused a fine and splendid mansion to be built, commissioning Bruno and Buffalmacco to paint it throughout with frescoes. So enormous was the task with which they were confronted that they first enlisted the aid of Nello and Calandrino, then they all got down to work.

  Now, albeit one of the rooms contained a bed and other pieces of furniture, nobody was living on the premises except for an elderly housekeeper, and accordingly every so often one of Niccolò’s sons, a young bachelor whose name was Filippo, was in the habit of turning up with some young lady or other, who would minister to his pleasures for a day or two and then be sent away.

  On one of these visits, he arrived at the mansion with a girl, Niccolosa by name, who was kept by a scoundrelly fellow called Mangione at a house in Camaldoli,3 whence he let her out on hire. This girl had a beautiful figure, dressed well, and, for a woman of her sort, was very polite and well spoken. And one day, around noon, having emerged from the bedroom in a flimsy white shift, her hair tied up in a bun, she happened to be washing her hands and face at a well in the courtyard when Calandrino came to the well for some water.

  He gave her a friendly greeting, which she acknowledged, then she began to stare at him, not because she found him the least bit attractive, but because she was fascinated by his odd appearance. Calandrino returned her gaze, and on seeing how beautiful she was, began to think of various excuses for not returning with the water to his companions. However, not knowing who she was, he was afraid to address her, and the girl, perceiving that he was still staring at her, mischievously rolled her eyes at him a couple of times and fetched a few little sighs, so that Calandrino instantly fell in love with her and stood rooted to the spot till she was called inside by Filippo.

  On returning to his work, Calandrino did nothing but heave one huge sigh after another; and Bruno, who always kept an eye on him because he found him so entertaining, noticed this and said:

  ‘What the devil’s the matter, comrade Calandrino? You do nothing but sigh the whole time.’

  ‘Comrade,’ said Calandrino, ‘if only I had someone to help me, I could be the happiest man alive.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ said Bruno.

  ‘Don’t tell a soul,’ said Calandrino, ‘but there’s a girl down there who’s lovelier than a nymph, and she’s so much in love with me that you’d be astonished. I came across her just now when I went to fetch the water.’

  ‘Good heavens!’ said Bruno. ‘You’d better be careful, in case it’s Filippo’s wife.’

  ‘That’s exactly who I think she is,’ said Calandrino, ‘for he called to her from the bedroom, and she went in to him. But anyway, what does it matter? For a girl like that, I’d slip one over on Jesus Christ, let alone Filippo. The truth is, comrade, that I’m so wild about her that I can’t begin to tell you how I feel.’

  Then Bruno said:

  ‘I’ll make one or two inquiries for you, comrade, and find out who she is. If she turns out to be Filippo’s wife, I’ll fix things up for you in a trice, because she happens to be a very close friend of mine. But how are we to prevent Buffalmacco from finding out? I never get a chance to speak to her ex
cept when he is with me.’

  ‘I’m not worried about Buffalmacco,’ said Calandrino, ‘but we must keep it a secret from Nello, because Tessa4 is a kinswoman of his and he would ruin everything.’

  ‘That’s true,’ said Bruno.

  Now, Bruno knew perfectly well who she was, for he had seen her arriving at the house, and Filippo had told him in any case. So as soon as Calandrino downed tools for a moment to go and see whether he could catch a glimpse of the girl, Bruno told Nello and Buffalmacco all about Calandrino’s sudden infatuation, and together they agreed what they should do about it.

  As soon as Calandrino returned, Bruno whispered in his ear:

  ‘Did you see her?’

  ‘Ah, that I did!’ Calandrino replied. ‘She’s struck me all of a heap.’

  ‘I’ll just go and see whether she’s the one I think she is,’ said Bruno, ‘in which case you can safely leave everything to me.’

  So Bruno went downstairs, and finding Filippo and the girl together, he carefully explained the sort of man that Calandrino was, and told them what he had said. He then arranged with each of them what they should do and say so that they could all have a merry time at Calandrino’s expense over this little love-affair of his. And returning to Calandrino, he said:

  ‘Just as I thought: it’s Filippo’s wife. So we shall have to tread very warily, because if Filippo gets wind of this affair, he’ll spill so much of our blood that all the water in the Arno won’t wash it away. But what message would you like me to give her, if I should have a chance to speak to her?’

  ‘Faith!’ replied Calandrino. ‘You’re to tell her first and foremost that I wish her a thousand bushels of the sort of love that fattens a girl; then you’re to say that I’m her obedient servant, and if there’s anything she needs… Do you follow me?’

  ‘Indeed I do,’ said Bruno. ‘Leave everything to me.’

  When suppertime came, they all abandoned work for the day and made their way downstairs to the courtyard, where Filippo and Niccolosa stood loitering about for Calandrino’s benefit. Fixing his gaze on Niccolosa, Calandrino began to perform a whole series of curious antics, so blatantly obvious that even a blind man would have noticed. As for Niccolosa, in view of what Bruno had told her, she gave Calandrino every encouragement, and took the greatest delight in his eccentricities. And whilst all this was going on, Filippo was deep in conversation with Buffalmacco and the others, pretending not to notice.

  After a while, however, much to Calandrino’s annoyance, Filippo and the girl went away; and as they were on their way back to Florence, Bruno said to him:

  ‘There’s no doubt about it, Calandrino, you’ve got her in the palm of your hand. Holy Mother of God, if you were to bring along your rebeck5 and serenade her with one or two of those love-songs of yours, she’d be so eager to come to you that she’d hurl herself bodily through the window.’

  ‘Do you really think so, comrade?’ said Calandrino. ‘Do you think I ought to fetch it?’

  ‘I certainly do,’ Bruno replied.

  Whereupon Calandrino said:

  ‘You wouldn’t believe me today, when I told you. But you must admit, comrade, that when it comes to obtaining what I want, I know better than anybody else how to go about it. What other man could have persuaded a lady of her quality to fall in love with him so quickly? Could any of those young gallants have done it, who parade up and down the whole day long, spouting like a tap, and who wouldn’t know how to gather three handfuls of nuts in a thousand years? Just wait till you see what I can do with my rebeck: you’ll be amazed! You needn’t think I’m past the age for this sort of thing, because I’m not, and she knows it. And once I lay my paws on her, she’ll know it even better. God’s truth! I’ll sport with her so merrily that she’ll cling to me like a mother besotted with her son.’

  ‘Ah, yes!’ said Bruno. ‘You’ll make a proper meal out of her. I can see you now, in my mind’s eye, nibbling her sweet red lips and her rosy cheeks with those lute-peg teeth of yours, and then devouring her whole body, piece by succulent piece.’

  On hearing these words, Calandrino felt as though he was already getting down to business, and he skipped and sang, being seized by such a transport of delight that he almost split his hide.

  Next day he brought along his rebeck, to the strains of which, much to the delight of all the others, he sang a number of songs. But to cut a long story short, he became so frantically eager to see the girl as often as possible, that he did practically no work at all, for he would be dashing to and fro a thousand times a day, first to the windows, then to the door, then to the courtyard, in the hope of catching a glimpse of her. And for her part, the girl, astutely following Bruno’s instructions, gave Calandrino as many opportunities to see her as she possibly could.

  But Bruno also played the role of go-between, supplying Calandrino with answers to the messages he sent her, and from time to time delivering a note in Niccolosa’s own hand. And whenever she was not actually there, as was more often than not the case, he got her to write letters to Calandrino in which, whilst holding out every hope that his devoted love would soon have its reward, she explained that she was staying at the house of her kinsfolk, where for the present it was impossible for him to see her.

  Bruno and Buffalmacco kept a careful watch on the progress of the affair, being hugely entertained by Calandrino’s antics; and every so often they persuaded him to hand over various objects which they claimed his lady had requested, such as an ivory comb, a purse, a small dagger, and other such trifles, in return bringing him some worthless little rings, which sent Calandrino into raptures. But apart from this they coaxed one or two good meals out of him, and he showed them various other little favours to encourage them in their efforts on his behalf.

  Now, after being kept on tenterhooks in this manner for at least two months without making any further progress, Calandrino, seeing that the work was nearing completion, and realizing that unless he gathered the fruits of his love before the frescoes were finished he would never have another opportunity, began to solicit Bruno’s aid with all the power at his command. So when she next came to stay at the house, Bruno made arrangements with Filippo and the girl about what they were to do, then he went to Calandrino and said:

  ‘Look here, comrade, this woman has promised me a thousand times that she would give you what you wanted, but when it comes to the point she does nothing, and I strongly suspect that she’s leading us by the nose. So unless you have any objection, as she won’t keep her promises, we shall make her keep them whether she wants to or not.’

  ‘Ah yes!’ Calandrino replied. ‘Let’s do that, for the love of God, and do it quickly.’

  ‘Are you bold enough to touch her with a scroll that I shall give you?’ asked Bruno.

  ‘Of course I am,’ said Calandrino.

  ‘In that case,’ said Bruno, ‘see that you let me have a small piece of parchment from a stillborn lamb, a live bat, three grains of incense, and a candle that has been blessed, and leave the rest to me.’

  Calandrino accordingly spent the whole of that evening attempting by various ingenious means to catch a live bat, which he eventually succeeded in doing, and took it along to Bruno next morning, together with the other items he had specified. Bruno then withdrew to an inner room, filled the parchment with a series of meaningless hieroglyphics, and brought it back to Calandrino, saying:

  ‘Now listen, Calandrino: if you touch her with this parchment, she will immediately come with you and do whatever you want. So if Filippo should go off anywhere today, you must contrive to approach her and touch her with the scroll, then make your way round the side of the house to the barn, which is the ideal spot for your purposes as no one ever goes near it. You’ll find that she will follow you, and once she reaches the barn, you know exactly what you have to do.’

  Calandrino was overjoyed, and seizing the parchment, he said:

  ‘Just you leave it to me, comrade.’

  Nello, against w
hom Calandrino was constantly on his guard, was enjoying the affair as much as anyone, and was every bit as eager to make a fool of him; so on Bruno’s instructions he went down to Florence, called on Calandrino’s wife, and said to her:

  ‘You remember the hiding Calandrino gave you, Tessa, for no reason at all, on the day he came home from the Mugnone with all those stones6? Well, now’s your chance to be even with him, and if you fail to take it, you needn’t regard me as your friend or your kinsman ever again. He’s fallen in love with some woman up there at Camerata, and she’s such a wanton little baggage that she’s forever going off with him in private. They’ve arranged to meet today, as a matter of fact, so I want you to come and see, and punish him as he deserves.’

  Monna Tessa was not at all amused by what she had heard, and leaping to her feet, she exclaimed:

  ‘Ah, false villain, so this is how he treats me, is it? By all that’s holy, he shan’t get away with it, not if I can help it.’

  Seizing her cloak, she promptly set forth, accompanied by a maidservant, and made her way up to Camerata with Nello, walking at such a furious pace that he was scarcely able to keep up. However, long before she reached the mansion, Bruno saw her coming and said to Filippo:

  ‘There’s our friend coming now.’

  Filippo therefore went to the part of the house where Calandrino and the others were working, and said:

  ‘Gentlemen, I have some urgent business to attend to in Florence, so keep up the good work.’ And taking his leave of them, he went and concealed himself in a place from which, without being observed, he would be able to see what Calandrino was doing.

  As soon as Calandrino imagined Filippo to be well on his way to Florence, he descended to the courtyard, where, finding Niccolosa alone, he engaged her in conversation. She had been carefully briefed on what she was to do, and walking over to Calandrino, she treated him with greater familiarity than usual. Calandrino therefore touched her with the scroll, and immediately directed his steps towards the barn without saying a word. She followed him in, closed the door behind her, and threw her arms about his neck; then she pushed him over on to some straw that was lying on the floor and promptly sat astride his prostrate form, forcing his hands back against his shoulders. And without allowing him to bring his face close to hers, she gazed at him rapturously, saying: