Survivor (Dragon Shifter Book 4)

by Naomi Sparks

  And they won’t be able to withstand that.

  Nor do I want to be the reason for them getting attacked. They’re good men, even Jerrick, and they don’t deserve the council’s wrath just for trying to help me. So, it will be better if I leave, head anywhere but here.

  The nausea returns, and I have to close my eyes and take deep breaths to get it to pass. Laying there thinking about Jerrick won't do me any good. It’s just likely to make me sick again. So instead, I find a pen and paper and start writing my letter.

  I’ve gone through four attempts, the papers wadded up into balls on the floor, before Hannah and Kyra return. They both smile broadly and proudly hold up full shopping bags.

  I try to smile as they unload everything onto the bed, but it’s hard to be excited about new clothes and toiletries. There was a time when shopping was one of my favorite past times. I’d loved spending hours with my girlfriends, looking over outfits to find just the right one.

  It’s been so long since then though, and I’m not sure that girl still exists in me. Maybe if I fake it, eventually that part of me will come back out of its shell.

  Hannah and Kyra hold up the different outfits they found for me, everything from a pair of jeans and t-shirts to dresses that will make my already thin frame look gaunt. I’d have probably fit nicely in those dresses before, but now, I have a feeling I’ll look like a skeleton in them.

  “You’re going to look amazing,” Kyra says with a grin. “They guys aren’t going to know what hit them when you walk back downstairs!”

  My stomach lurches again, and I run for the bathroom. I’m not sure how I can still be nauseous when I’ve already thrown up everything I’ve eaten in the last twenty-four hours. And yet, here I am, on my knees in front of the toilet, dry heaving.

  When I stand in front of the sink, washing my face and mouth, my eyes go to my neck. Reaching up, I touch the spot where Amasis always bit me to inject his venom. Then, I realize he hasn’t bit me last night or today, which means his venom should be fading from my system.

  He never told me just how long the venom would last, but he’d regularly injected me with it, so I assume it doesn't last long.

  It’s then that I realize I haven’t been getting the constant stream of conscious thoughts from Hannah and Kyra. I can feel them on the other side of the door and get flashes from them. Worry, sadness, anger. But it’s not like before.

  Either they’ve suddenly learned how to mask their thoughts pretty well, or my powers are fading along with the venom.

  I close my eyes and take deep breaths. Then, I focus on Hannah. I know she’s right outside the door. It takes a moment, then I can hear her thoughts again. She’s worried about me, scared even. She’s thinking about coming in to check on me or running downstairs to tell Lex something is wrong.

  There’s no mental block there, no fighting to keep her thoughts private.

  My powers really are waning, going back to where they were, before Amasis had started amping me up on his venom.

  Will that make it easier to control the intrusion of other's thoughts? Will I possibly be able to shut them out completely if I focus and practice? For the first time in a long time, there’s hope welling up inside me.

  I open the door and smile at Hannah and Kyra who both look at me with odd looks on their faces. “Sorry. I guess I ate too much at breakfast. I’m not used to eating that much.”

  Hannah nods and smiles, putting an arm around my waist, and guides me back to the bed. “Well, then you sit down and relax while we show you everything we picked up.”

  Sitting down isn’t really going to stop my nausea completely, but I don’t want to argue with her either. And sitting down probably is better than standing, even if it doesn’t really feel much different.

  “How have you been doing with the pregnancy?” I ask Hannah. I’ve seen a handful of the women who’ve been impregnated with Dragon-seed, but I’ve never had a chance to talk to them. And their thoughts have always been so scattered, so full of fear and anxiety, that I really had no idea what it’s like for them.

  Hannah blinks a couple times, then glances over at Kyra, who gives a slight shrug. “It’s been difficult,” she admits. “I nearly had a miscarriage in the beginning. If we hadn’t gotten to a doctor, I probably would have lost the baby.”

  She holds her hands over her stomach, as if cradling the baby, trying to protect it. Instinctively, I put a hand on my own stomach. I can’t help but hope I’ll have a miscarriage, and briefly, I wonder what it would be like to be excited for the baby, to not want to lose it. I can’t imagine ever wanting to bear Amasis’s child to term though, can’t imagine bringing an offspring of his into this world.

  “I hope everything goes smoothly for you.” I mean those words, from the bottom of my heart. I don’t want my baby, was hoping to whatever Gods above that can hear me that I won’t be one of the success cases. But I know Hannah and Lex both love each other and will love their child, and I want her to be one of those who lives to bring a healthy, happy baby into the world.

  “Thank you.” Hannah takes a deep breath, then picks up another dress and starts talking about it. She doesn’t seem too eager to talk about her pregnancy, so I decide to drop the subject for now.

  By the time we finish going over everything they bought and they help me one of the pretty blue and green dresses, it’s time to head downstairs for dinner. The day has gone by so quickly. It’s hard to believe I’ve now been away from Amasis for a full day, out of his iron grip that long.

  Part of me keeps waiting for him to show up at any moment, to rip me out of this little fantasy world I’m in.

  I can smell the food halfway down the hall. It makes my stomach rumble as I become keenly aware of just how empty it is. I just hope I’ll be able to keep this food down. Because, as I look down at my shrunken breasts hidden beneath the dress, I know I need to put on some weight.

  It isn’t like Amasis has starved me, but it’s hard to have an appetite when I have to work for him. And ever since The Clutch’s so-called doctor, Uchu, artificially impregnated me with Amasis’s seed, I’ve had even less of a desire to eat. It’s hard to be hungry when I know I’m carrying the spawn of the devil inside me.

  Now though, my body is screaming at me to feed it. And I know I’ll need some sustenance if I want to escape from Amasis. I can’t run from him if I have no energy. If it hadn’t been for Jerrick yesterday, if Leon hadn’t been humoring me for most of the run, I wouldn’t have been able to get away.

  Everyone is downstairs in the kitchen. The guys are all bustling around, everyone doing something, as they work to get dinner ready for us. Food is piling up on the table, looking like it’s enough to feed a good sized army. Then again, with the amount of people now crammed into the house’s small kitchen, an army isn’t a bad description.

  And I know just how much a dragon can eat in a single meal.

  Everyone talks and jokes as they work. The tension from this morning’s conversations have vanished completely. The guys work around each other with ease, and I know this is something they do regularly. They’re like a family, though the oddest one I’ve ever seen before.

  But I can’t deny how much it makes my heart ache. I want to be part of this, want to have this kind of family. Then I look over at Jerrick and know he doesn’t want me staying here with them.

  I need to keep that in mind, need to remind myself I’m not going to be staying here permanently. But that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the camaraderie while I’m here.

  There wasn’t anything like this back in the compound. There were other people there who weren’t cruel to me, some who’d even been fairly nice, other slaves and captives, but I couldn’t trust any of them. At the end of the day, they all reported to Amasis.

  Despite wanting to dive into the mountain of food they’d prepared, I barely ate anything. What I’d said to Hannah wasn’t a complete lie. It’s been so long since I’ve had real food like this. It’s hard to figure out
just how my body will react if I eat too much of it.

  Besides, I can still feel the nausea just below the surface. There isn’t much point in stuffing myself if I’m just going to lose it all to the toilet afterwards. I settle on having a small serving, just enough to quiet the gnawing grumble in my stomach.

  Finally, I put my plate in the dishwasher and head back into the living room. Everyone’s thoughts had been a lot more muffled, but with all of them squished so close together, it’s still overwhelming. Sitting in the living, I can still hear their voices but it isn't so noisy from here.

  I’ve only been sitting there for a few minutes when I feel my stomach roll again. I rush to the bathroom and thank God I hadn’t eaten a lot, since it all comes right back up. This is really tiresome, and I hope I don’t have months more of this in store.

  When I finally come back out, Jerrick is standing there, leaning against the wall. His arms are crossed in front of his chest as he stares at me, unblinking. “You okay?” he asks.

  I nod and try to smile, even though I feel like doing anything else at the moment.

  “You’re hiding something from us.” Jerrick’s face remains neutral, but his eyes seem to bore into me. I wish I could read his thoughts, just so I can know what he knows or suspects.

  My heart pounds in my chest, but I fight to keep from letting him notice. I don’t want any of them to know the truth, don’t want anyone to know. They’ll probably throw me out on my ass if they find out about the baby.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I meet his gaze, refusing to back down. I won't let him make me cower. No matter how scared I really am, I will not let him.

  Jerrick narrows his gaze. It’s obvious he doesn’t believe me, but I’m not sure what else I can say to him. If he doesn’t trust me, then I doubt there’s anything I can do to make him.

  He lets out a sigh and shakes his head. "I know you're lying. Whatever it is, just tell me. Does it pose a threat to my friends?"

  I stare at him, not sure what to say. Instinctively, I go on the defensive. "Why don't you believe me? Have I done anything to make you think I'm up to something? How do I know you're not the one hiding something?"

  "I just know you are. I know we've all got our secrets, things we don't want to talk about. And I respect that, but I need to know if your secret is going to put us in danger. We all have too much at stake here. I need to know."

  He continues to stare me down. And as I stare back at him, I realize something. He isn't angry at me or even upset. He's worried, worried about his family, about bringing Amasis's wrath down upon them. And I can't blame him for that. It's admirable, sexy even, to see just how worked up he gets with protecting the ones close to him.

  What would it have been like, to have had someone like him when Amasis had first taken me?

  Standing there, looking up into his icy blue eyes, my heart skips a beat. It's like I can't look away, like I'm drawn to him. Before I know it, I'm standing on my toes, leaning up toward him. He leans down at the same time, and before I can stop myself, my lips press against his. His arms go around my body instantly, squeezing us together as he mashes his lips against mine.

  Fire rages through me, a fire unlike anything I've ever felt before. And God, I can't begin to deny how good it makes me feel.

  Then, all at once, reality hits me. I shouldn't be kissing Jerrick, shouldn't be kissing this guy who doesn't even want me to stay here. I push him away, breathless, and curse myself silently. Kissing him had been a stupid thing to do. He'd made it crystal clear earlier he didn't want any kind of relationship with me. Letting myself get worked up by him is just going to lead to heartache, and after everything I've been through, everything I still have to face, I just can't deal with that on top of it.

  "I'm.... I'm sorry," I say, keeping my eyes downcast. I'm afraid if I look up into those eyes of his again, I'll lose myself. There's something about him that makes me want to throw caution to the wind, to go for him even though he's told me he's not interested. Maybe it's because I spent so long as Amasis's prisoner, but it's something I've never felt before.

  Jerrick takes a couple steps back. I can hear his breathing and feel his eyes peering into me. My heart stops beating until I hear him let out a long breath. "Whatever. It's fine."

  I nod, still not risking a look up. What had gotten into me? Why had I kissed Jerrick like that? Kissed a man who obviously doesn't want me here. "Are.... will you still deliver the letter to my grandmother?" My breath catches in my throat. She needs to know I'm alive, that I'm not gone forever. I'll never forgive myself if I ruined the only chance I might ever have to let her know.

  "Yeah, I will," Jerrick replies. His voice is quiet and strained. I want to reach out to him, but I know that won't help. The sooner I can get out of here, the better.

  "Thank you." I turn away from him and walk halfway down the hall. Then, I stop. Resisting the urge to look back at him, I speak. "I promise my secret isn't any danger to you or your friends."

  Then, I keep walking, leaving him there. I can feel his gaze burning into my back, but I refuse to look at him again. If I do, I know I won't be able to maintain my composure.

  7

  Jerrick

  "This is a bad idea," Lex's voice echoes in my mind as I ride down the dark road. My bike sounds extra loud in this small quiet residential neighborhood.

  Lex wasn't a big fan of my idea to deliver the note to Faith's grandmother. He gave me a list of reasons why it was a bad idea, and I'd dutifully listened to each one of them. They all make sense. But I'd made a promise to Faith, and I’m not going to break that promise.

  It's obvious, even now, just how much her grandmother means to her. It must be killing her, not to be able to see her in person. And after the hell she's been through at the hand of our kind, even if it wasn't our group, I still owed this to her. I want her to see we're not all psychopaths. Which is why I left, after everyone had gone to bed, and headed to the address Faith had given me.

  Being away from the house a bit helps clear my mind.

  And it does one thing in particular - it solidifies just how hard it is to get Faith out of my head. I'd hoped some distance would help me get things straightened out, but all it's done is increase that yearning to be with her. It's not the intense lust Lex and Faris both talked about when they'd met their mates — it's more about wanting to be near her, to stay by her side at all times. I want to protect her, to wrap my arms around her and shield her from the wide world.

  It's been a long time since I've thought about a woman like that. There have been attractions and flings over the years, but never like this. Even being on the other side of the city from her, my mind continues to go back to Faith. I can see her clearly, sound asleep on the couch in our living room. I want to be back there with her, rather than riding through this dreary night. Except I don't want her to be on the couch. I want her to be up in my room, in my bed, with my arms wrapped around her.

  Which is another reason I am out here. Away from the house, I have a better shot at controlling myself. Distance works as a deterrent and keeps me in check. Maybe once I'm back at the house, the distance will have helped quell the need and desire inside me. I want to be able to look at her and see a normal woman in need of help. I don't want this constant yearning to take her under my wing.

  I'm hoping it'll also alleviate the constant suspicion that rears up inside me every time I look her way. Because as much as I want her by my side, I can't shake the feeling that there's something wrong she's not telling us about. She promised her secrets wouldn't harm us, but I'm still not sure if I believe her or not. I want to, more than anything I want to, but I just can't blindly believe her.

  And I wish I knew why.

  It's like my mind is a jungle, one filled with overgrown vines I can't quite cut through. It's driving me crazy, not being able to control my thoughts, and not having that constant inner calm I'd fought so hard to master. Which is why I hope to get this situation sorted
out quickly. Then, we can send her off somewhere safe, away from Amasis, and I can forget all about her.

  Hopefully.

  The loud, rumbling of my bike's engine cuts through the silence of her grandmother's neighborhood as I slow and turn onto a dark street. There aren't any street lights in this area, the only light is coming from the front of my bike. Not that I really need the light, since I can see well enough in the dark. Still though, I can't help but have my head on a swivel as I inch down the street.

  Something's off, I can feel it.

  My senses are all on high alert as I pull up in front of the house and kill the engine. A growl rises up in the back of my throat as it hits me. There's a dragon nearby, not one I recognize though. I kick down the stand with more force than necessary and hop off the bike. There's no element of surprise, not with the bike's engine roaring down the street. Any human who's awake will have heard it. The dragon heard it a mile back.

  Which means I need to be ready.

  Claws extend from my fingertips as I brace myself for a fight. The encounter with Leon hadn't been enough to satisfy the urge inside me. I suck in a deep lungful of air, searching for my target. Then, I narrow my eyes as I stare at the house in front of me. The dragon is in there, inside Faith's grandmother's house.

  Rage bubbles up in the pit of my stomach, but I clamp down on it. I'm not going to let it dull my senses or slow me down. Whoever is in there is obviously waiting for Faith, and he's going to get quite the surprise when I rip him limb from limb and send his body back to Amasis in pieces.

  Prepared for any sign of an ambush, I make my way up to the front door, then stop. I can hear him, just inside the house, probably hoping to jump out and get the upper edge by surprising me. But that won't happen.

  I take a deep breath, steeling my nerves. There's no turning back.

  Clenching my fists, I lash out with my left foot, slamming it into the door. The door is solid, but it's no match for the strength of a dragon. The lock shatters under the force, sending the door flying inward, slamming against the wall. The room is pitch black, but I don't waste a moment. I just stride inside, growling, as I scan the room for my target.