by Naomi Sparks
"Let's go say goodbye to Ida before she leaves," I say softly, still not wanting to break this little illusion of peace. I still want to just close my eyes and drift back off to sleep, but sadly, I don't quite have that luxury, and I won't send Faith down there to say goodbye all alone.
Still, we're both sluggish getting out of bed and it takes far longer than it should have for us to make our way downstairs.
"I was thinking you two would sleep all day," Lex says with a smirk when I walk into the kitchen. Everyone except Ida is crowded in there, wanting to give the two some privacy to say their goodbyes.
I shoot Lex a glare and flip him off as I head over to the coffeepot, which is thankfully still nearly full of the delicious, brown liquid. It will take more than a cup of coffee to really bring me back to reality. Which is a little odd when I think about it, since we hadn't really exerted all that much energy last night.
"Who's taking her?" I ask as I sip my coffee.
"Bren and Galen," Lex says nodding at the two. They're both fully dressed and ready to leave at any moment. And they look like they have a hell of a lot more energy than I do at the moment.
We give the two as much time as we dare. Every moment Ida is here is another chance for Amasis to come for her or Faith. Not that I mind taking him on and ripping him a new one, but as long as Ida is here, it's one more person to protect. One more way for Amasis to hurt us. Hell, part of me still wants to send Faith away with her, get her as far away from here as possible. But at the same time, I know she's safer with us, with me, than anywhere else.
Faith has tears streaming down her face when Galen and Bren escort Ida out. I put my arms around her and pull her tight against me. "Come on, let's head upstairs."
Faith nods and lets me lead her back to my room and pull her back into bed. She's still crying though, and it makes my heart ache. I shift and adjust my hold around her, and she sucks in a breath. That's when I realize she's crying because she's in pain. "Are you okay?"
Faith nods, but she sucks in another breath. Something is definitely wrong.
"What's wrong, Faith? Tell me what's bothering you."
"I'm...I'm okay," she says through gritted teeth.
She's definitely not fine though. Something is hurting her, and it looks like she needs to see a doctor. I sit up and look her up and down as she clutches her stomach. "Do you need a doctor? We can find you one."
My heart races again, and not in a good way. Hundreds of scenarios run through my head. Whatever's wrong with her, we can fix, I tell myself. There are plenty of doctors in Seattle, plenty of good ones. We can get her to one of them and they'll be able to fix whatever's bothering her. Maybe it's just stress. Maybe she just needs some time to relax.
"I'll be fine, I promise." She smiles at me, her lips curving up shakily, and I'm sure even she doesn't believe it. "Don't worry about me."
I can't help but worry. Seeing her in pain like this, it's all I can do. I can't force her to accept help though, no matter how badly I want to. And maybe she's right. Maybe she will be fine after a bit of rest. She has been through an ordeal most can’t imagine enduring, after all.
So, I lay back down, pulling her close to me again. And for a little while, she seems better. She rests against me, her breathing slowly starting to even out. At first, I think I may drift back off to sleep again.
Then, Faith lets out a hard gasp, her entire body going tense as she curls up into a ball, clutching her stomach. That's when I notice the blood. The area between her legs is smeared red with blood.
"Shit. You're bleeding," I say in alarm and scramble out of the bed, my heart going faster than ever as I search for a shirt to put on. "We need to get you to a doctor, now."
I finally find a shirt on the other side of the bed, Faith's side, but when I reach down to pick it up, she grabs my arm to stop me. "Don't, please." She looks up at me, tears still sliding down her cheeks as she pleads. "I can't... Not a doctor."
I stand up, crossing my arms in front of my chest. I want to scream in frustration. There's no denying something is wrong, not with how she's bleeding down there. "Tell me what's going on," I demand.
Faith closes her eyes and breathes deep, which seems to bring about another round of pain. I wait patiently, fighting back the urge to throw on clothes and forcibly carry her to the nearest hospital.
"I... I think..." she says, struggling to breathe, "I think I'm having a miscarriage."
My brain shuts down for a moment as I try to process what she just said. "You're pregnant?"
Faith nods, though she doesn't look at me. She keeps her gaze downcast, refusing to look up. And all I can do is stand there in shock. So this is the secret she's been keeping from us, this is what she's been hiding. Shit.
"Then... then we really need to get you to a doctor." I can still remember how freaked out Hannah had been not that long ago. Losing a baby is a terrifying prospect, isn't it? We need to find her a doctor, one that can help before it's too late.
But Faith shakes her head. Finally, she looks up at me, her eyes pleading again. She doesn't want a doctor, and she doesn't want to save the baby.
My brain is bouncing around like a Chihuahua on crack. I can't think straight. I can't even fathom why she doesn't want to protect her unborn child. I sit down next to her, taking her hands in mine, squeezing them. No matter how confused I am, I won't leave her side. She has a reason for all of this, and I want to know what it is. "Start at the beginning."
And she does. She tells me everything, about being forced to carry Amasis's child, about her turmoil over the baby, not wanting to give him another piece of leverage over her, not wanting to subject a child to his terrifying abuse. Tears stream from her eyes the entire time, and I pull her against me, holding her tight again. Even with everything she tells me, I can only grasp the surface of how much this must hurt her.
Now more than ever, I want to kill Amasis for what he's done to her, what he's put her through. He's a monster — one that won't stop unless someone stops him.
But that's problems for another day. Today's problem is making Faith comfortable and helping her get through this. Once she calms down a bit, and the pain subsides, I help her get changed into clean clothes and wash up the blood, leaving her stained ones to soak for a while.
When I come back to the room, she's curled up under the blankets again, sleeping finally. Part of me wants to just crawl in next to her and hold her again. But, I'm upset she hid this from us, from me. We won't be able to hide this from the others, either. Not for long anyway. They're bound to smell the blood and start asking questions.
I'm unsure not getting her medical attention is the best course of action. What if doing this puts her life at risk too and not just the baby's?
God, when did my life become this complicated? When I'd said I was getting bored sitting around, this is not the excitement I wanted. Maybe this will teach me to watch what I wish for.
10
Faith
When I finally wake up again, the sun is high in the sky, completely filling the room with bright light. As I rub the sleep from my eyes, I realize the sharp, stabbing pains in my stomach are gone. There's still a dull ache, but it's no longer the crippling pain it had been before, and I let out a sigh of relief.
Jerrick is lying beside me, his arms around me, and I snuggle up against him. His warmth envelops me. It's tempting to just close my eyes and try to get more sleep, but I know I need to get up and do something. I know I need a shower. Then, a thought hits me. Not a shower. A bath. A nice hot bath will be just what my body needs to relax after everything.
"Morning," Lex says, groggily. "How're you feeling?"
My hands immediately go to my stomach. "Better," I say after a moment. Better is the best way to describe it. There's still that ache, but it's not agonizing. I don't feel pregnant anymore, though I won't know for sure for several days when my hormones go back to a normal level. Then I can take a test and make sure I'm no longer pregnant.
&n
bsp; I don't want to say that to Jerrick though. I'm still not sure what he thinks about all of this. He didn't seem too happy last night, but whether it was because I wasn't doing anything to save the baby or if it was just because I didn't tell him I was pregnant, I wasn't sure. I didn't want to rock the boat too much just yet.
Besides, I still barely know Jerrick.
"I need a bath," I announce as I sit up.
Jerrick smiles at me, though it doesn't quite reach his eyes this time. He gets out of bed and helps me to the bathroom to get a bath going. Once I'm submerged in the hot water, he brings me a towel and some clean clothes for after.
"I'll go make sure there's some food waiting for us for when you're done," he says, then he's gone.
I stare at the closed door for a long while. He's still being helpful and considerate, but I can tell something is bothering him. He's just too much of a gentleman to come out and say it. I sigh and lean back in the tub, closing my eyes. We must sit down and talk about everything, as much as I'm not looking forward to that. But if I want any shot at something with Jerrick beyond the immediate, I know I need to.
As I think about last night and this morning, it's my heart that aches, not my stomach. When Jerrick offered to take me to a doctor, I so desperately wanted to agree, but I knew I couldn't. And even now, after the fact, I still hate myself for it. Hate how happy the miscarriage makes me. There are so many women out there, desperate to have a baby, and so many like Hannah who are scared of losing theirs. It feels wrong to be happy right now.
I splash some water on my face, trying to wake myself up, trying to stop feeling sorry for myself. As horrible as it is, I know losing the baby is the best thing for me. It will be one less thing for Amasis to use against me, one less person for Amasis to torture, one less person for him to turn against the world. Maybe one day I will have a child, but not with him. Never with him.
When I finally get out of the tub and put clean clothes on, I find Jerrick sitting at the kitchen table alone, staring out the window. He has a plate of food in front of himself, but it doesn't look like he's even touched it. Nor does he look over at me when I walk in and take a seat, though I know he heard me. There's no way his powerful hearing and senses didn't notice me approaching on the stairs.
"Thank you," I say, unable to stand the silence any longer. "For last night. Or this morning. Whatever you want to call it."
He just nods. He still stares out the window, ignoring me and his food.
My stomach rumbles and I reach for the food. After everything, my body is craving as much food as I can give it. Which is a welcome change from previous days, and I eagerly devour everything I can get my hands on. But even after I've eaten my fill, Jerrick still hasn't spoken to me.
Anger wells up inside me, but I clamp down on it. This isn't the time to get angry, to have a fight. We need to talk like rational humans. Well, a rational human and dragon. That is the only way we will get through this. Fighting and yelling at each other is just going to end up making me things worse.
"We need to talk," I say, trying to keep my tone even. I have to keep reminding myself I'm and adult and I can handle this like an adult.
Jerrick takes a deep breath, then lets it out slowly. Finally, he nods and turns to face me. "Yeah. We do."
I wait, holding my breath, for him to speak. Until I know exactly what it is that's bothering him, I don't even know where to start.
"Why didn’t you tell me?" Jerrick says at last, clearing everything up.
I take a deep breath of my own, biting back the snarky remark I want to make. Over and over I keep reminding myself to act like an adult. "Because I didn't know you. I didn't know any of you. A couple days ago, the only people I knew were in Amasis's pocket. And even when I found out you weren't, what was I supposed to say? I'm carrying the baby of your worst enemy?"
It's a struggle to keep my voice even, to keep from shouting. I understand he's hurt that I didn't just trust him right off the bat. Now I need him to understand why I didn't trust him. Why I didn't trust anybody.
Jerrick studies me for a long while. His face is unreadable, and it's not like I can hear his thoughts either. I wish I could, just so I'd know what it is he wants from me.
"We've only known each other a couple days, Jerrick," I remind him. I let out another breath. "I know it feels like we've known each other for a while, but it really has only been a couple days."
Jerrick runs a hand through his hair. Then, he shakes his head. "You're right. I'm sorry. Last night.... I panicked, I guess. It hurt me to know you'd been hiding something like that, that you didn't let me help you. But you're right. You and I barely know each other."
I can see the pain in his eyes clearly now. Just because I’m right doesn't mean he's not hurt by it. I can't just ignore that pain any more than he could ignore my pain this morning. So, I reach out and take his hands in mine. They're so much larger than mine, just another reminder how small and fragile I am compared to him. And yet, he's never once scared me, even when I had no idea who he was. He's so unlike anyone I've ever met before, and definitely unlike any of the dragons I'd met during my time with Amasis.
He's different.
"I'd like to get to know you though," I say as my heart races. "I'd like to see where the two of us can go."
"I'd like that." Jerrick smiles, and this time, he actually looks happy.
And for a moment, I feel happy too. It only lasts a moment though before Amasis's face is in my mind again. How long will I be able to stay here with him, before Amasis himself comes for me? He's bound to be upset the guys snuck Ida out of there. He may think of Lex as a son, but I have a feeling that goodwill only extends so far.
"What's wrong?" Jerrick asks, as if he's the one able to read minds.
"Amasis isn't just going to forget about me, you know. Just because he can't use Ida to get to me doesn't mean he won't come for me." God, I want to believe I can just stay here and be happy. I want to have some semblance of a normal life, of a lover, but I know that's nothing more than a dream, a fantasy.
Jerrick squeezes my hands tight and looks me dead in the eye. "I won't let him hurt you anymore. As long as I'm alive, you'll never go back to him."
Somehow, I believe him, believe he'll do anything it takes to keep me safe. And that thought scares me just a bit. We barely know each other and here he is, willing to put his life on the line to protect me. He's already risked so much by letting me stay here, in rescuing Ida and getting her out of town.
"Is... is this the mating lust?" I ask. It's something I know very little about, only from bits of conversations and thoughts I'd overheard when I was with Amasis.
Jerrick smirks and lets out a little chuckle. "Maybe it is. It's not like what Lex and Faris described. There's no uncontrollable lust, but I feel a strong attraction toward you, something I've never really felt before. It's like there's a strong and steady need inside me, the need to protect you, to keep you safe, to keep you near me."
My heart swells at his words, knowing they're sincere. It's the first time someone has ever cared about me like that. I can tell he really wants to keep me safe and thinks if I'm with him, he can keep me safe. It's not like Amasis's need to use me as a tool or Leon's need to possess me. It's altogether different, and it makes me want to rush into his arms.
"Maybe once everything with the pregnancy and the miscarriage is over, you'll have those feelings too. Maybe once I'm ovulating again." I can't help but imagine him feeling uncontrollable lust toward me, what it would be like to have him making love to me like that. Sex with him was amazing already. I can only imagine how it will be if he's under the influence of the mating lust.
But before I can really explore that fantasy, a loud, crashing, shattering noise jars me out of my thoughts. I whip around to see a shaky Hannah squatting down, trying to pick up the pieces of a shattered coffee mug. Before I can get up, Jerrick is across the kitchen, helping her clean it up.
"You okay?" I ask, hoping she didn't c
ut herself. I walk over and help her stand while Jerrick cleans up the rest of the mess.
Hannah nods, but her entire body is shaking now. I help her take a seat at the table and wonder if I should run upstairs and find Lex for her. But before I can, she takes my hands in her and looks up into my eyes. I can see fear there, see that she's terrified right now. "Did... did you have a miscarriage?" she asks.
My heart catches in my throat as I glance over at Jerrick. Hannah’s overheard us talking. He nods at me and I nod back. "Yeah, I did," I say, my voice low.
"Can... can you tell me about it? The symptoms leading up to it?" It almost sounds like she's choking on the words as she struggles to get them out.
I look down at the table, not quite sure what to say. Jerrick finished cleaning up the cup, since the next thing I know, he's standing behind me, his hands on my shoulder. Calm fills me at his touch. And so I begin talking. Even though it makes my heart ache to tell her everything leading up to the miscarriage, I know she needs to hear it.
When I finish, she has tears streaming down her face as she tells me the symptoms match what happened to her not that long ago. Her arms are wrapped around herself now. I don't need my power to know how desperately she doesn't want to lose her baby.
I reach out and put my hand on her shoulder. I don't have the ability to calm someone like Jerrick seems to be able to, but I know how just simple contact can help someone in pain. "You're already much further along than I was. You've gotten this far already. And I'm pretty sure the only reason I made it this long was because Amasis kept giving me his venom up until the day I left."
"Really?" she asks, and that's when I see it. Hope. There's hope in her eyes now, just the slightest bit.
And I nod. "Yeah. His venom made me stronger. It enhanced my powers and I think it made my body strong enough to handle the pregnancy."