The Hearts We Burn

by Briana Cole

  I sat up. Fair enough. “We have more in common than you think. I was blinded by greed too. At the time, money looked so good to me that I would do anything for it. Even sell my soul. A long time ago, I dated a man and all I saw was what he could do for me. I had been hurt before, so I wasn’t looking for love. I didn’t believe in that shit anymore. So, this man promised me the world in exchange for my freedom. And me being me, I agreed. I didn’t realize this agreement would cost me pretty much everything. So, talking about regrets, I’m still living in the regret of mistakes I made a while ago. And my life will never be the same.” Hearing it all out loud prompted the beginning of tears to sting my eyes.

  “Tell me something about you,” Kareem said breaking through my despair. “Something good.”

  I had to smile at him trying to lighten the mood by changing the subject. “Like?”

  “Like . . . what are you good at?”

  My grin was wicked and prompted him to moan in response. “Besides sex,” he clarified on a chuckle. “What else are you good at?”

  I relaxed into the now positive direction of this conversation. “Makeup,” I answered with a wistful sigh. “My best friend, well sister-in-law now since she married my brother, and I had always wanted to open a cosmetic store called Melanin Mystique.”

  “Catchy name.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, we came up with that when we were like fourteen, and it just stuck.”

  “Well, I’m sure you’ll get that store one day.”

  A shadow suddenly fell in the room, that memory like a ghost. “We did,” I said. “Tyree burned it to the ground.” I unfolded my legs and rose, suddenly needing to move. “Just like I had a father. Tyree got rid of him, too.”

  “Damn.”

  “Right.” I looked out the window. Naomi was doing laps in the pool, her taut body glistening in the sun as she pierced through like butter, sleek and agile in her tiny, yellow bikini. I was once like that. Nothing to worry about but what fun I was going to get into next and how much of Leo’s money I was going to spend during the next shopping excursion.

  At one point, Naomi stopped on the side, resting a bit before lifting her body out of the water and strolling to one of the lounge chairs to grab a towel.

  “I don’t even know what’s going on at home,” I murmured. I was looking at Naomi but my mind was far from the backyard pool. “I don’t know if my best friend is alive, dead. My mother. She was already dealing with my father’s death and now this.” I buried my face in my hands, now letting the tears flow freely. Thankfully, Kareem didn’t speak, didn’t move, just let me self-console and I needed this cleansing more than I realized.

  After I was sure I was calm enough, I sighed and turned to face him. Kareem patted the space on the bed beside him and I obeyed, sitting down next to him. “We’re going to get you out of this,” he said, resting his hand on mine. I nodded, holding that assurance close and allowing it to bring me comfort.

  The sound of a chime had us both looking at each other. Kareem grinned and sat up quickly, reaching for a gym bag at the foot of the bed. He fumbled through some basketball shorts and a t-shirt before pulling his tablet into view. I could feel his eagerness and I sat up, alert. “What is it?” I asked.

  Kareem looked at his tablet, punching buttons and swiping the screen to get to something apparently. “Security cameras, remember?” he said. “I’m able to tap into them shut them on and off as needed. A little something my boy taught me. He continued clicking buttons as he spoke, his fingers flying over the keys. Whatever it was, was definitely pressing. “Remember when you heard me talking to Tyree and I told you I put the camera in his room?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, I just got an alert of some activity up there.” He glanced up with a wink. “And we may want to check it out.”

  Anxious, I scooted closer and peered over his shoulder, watching the images play across his screen. The image was slightly distorted and pixilated, definitely not the best quality. But, I recognized Tyree clear as if he had been standing in front of me. And the other, well I had seen that body too many times to count so I would’ve been able to identify him in my sleep. Even though it had been a moment, it was unmistakably him.

  The more the scene unfolded, the happier I became. Maybe, just maybe, I would be out of here sooner than later.

  “Christmas just ain’t Christmas without the one you love.”

  I frowned as the O’Jays crooned through the house’s built-in intercom system. What the hell? My eyes slid to the bedside table to read the digits on the clock. 9:37 AM. Not sure whose bright idea it was to play Christmas ballads this time of morning. Or at all for that matter. The music already felt like it would throw me into an even deeper depression. “Now I’m staying home alone, And my house is not a home . . .”

  I sighed tossing the sheets off. If that wasn’t the damn truth. This time last year, I was home with my family and my friends. Everyone had gathered at my parents’ house for dinner and to exchange presents. Of course, we couldn’t pull the men from in front of the TV for whatever NBA game was playing (I never could keep up but I knew it was usually Lebron James and friends). Then, we would go down to my dad’s church, the Word of Truth Christian Center, to open our doors to serve meals to those who needed it and (if it was a Sunday) have service. It was never big or extravagant but it was our little Davis family tradition. One that I didn’t realize how much I appreciated until now because it was a celebration stemming from pure love.

  I continued sitting on the edge of the bed, not being able to bring myself to get up and face the reality. That there was nothing on the other side of that door for me. With the exception of my children, this would be the first year devoid of that family and love I had grown to cherish. My mind wandered to my mom and I had to squeeze my eyes shut to keep the tears from falling, even as music continued to echo around me. “Last year this time, goin’ shopping with friends together . . .” This would be my mom’s first Christmas without my dad. And the idea that I couldn’t be there for her in her time of need sickened me to my core.

  The song ended and Boyz II Men’s “Let it Snow” began to play in its place. I was still settling in confusion. Leo did not strike me as the kind of person to celebrate, well anything outside of himself, let alone Christmas. I shoved my feet in my slippers, belted a robe around my pastel pink negligee, and opened my door.

  My room was situated near the banister overlooking the grand living room below. It was here I could see a huge white Christmas tree adorned with red and gold baubles, garland, and lights that blinked in rotating sequence, though they weren’t really necessary since every light was on in the house and daylight streamed through the open blinds. Lights, wreaths, and red bow ribbons hung on walls and wrapped around columns to add festive color and charm. Leo sat on the couch while Jamal and Leo Jr. played with some unwrapped toys at his feet. Well, Leo Jr. played with the toys. Jamal was enthralled with the cardboard box and eating the Santa Claus wrapping paper. More wrapped boxes and holidays bags were cluttered underneath the Christmas tree and at the fireplace, Naomi, in her little skimpy hot pink short set, looked to be hanging stockings, each with our names carefully embroidered in huge cursive font. Any other time and any other place, this would’ve looked, I don’t know. Like a regular family.

  Satisfied, Naomi stood back, admiring her work while swaying her hips and mouthing the words to the music. My first instinct was to just go back in my room and crawl back in the covers. The last thing I wanted to do was pretend to be in the Christmas spirit here when I felt everything but merry. But, as if Leo knew I was watching and contemplating, his eyes lifted up to meet mine and his smile spread. He rose, extending his arm in my direction like some pseudo Romeo move.

  “My love,” he called over the music. “Come. Join us.”

  I wanted desperately to make up something, anything, to not have to be bothered. But it was just easier to go with it. The ‘sick’ excuse was only going to work so many times
. So, I sighed and descended the stairs.

  “Mommy, I miss you,” Leo Jr. said, and whereas usually he would’ve jumped up and run into my arms, he stayed put, his head bent down to his train set. Jamal was just as occupied, but I stooped down anyway and gave them both a kiss.

  “Saida, I’m so glad you’re here.” Naomi turned, resting her hand on her hip. “I need a woman’s opinion because you know Leo says it’s fine. What do you think about the tree over here? Or should we move it over there?” She gestured across the room to an empty space closer to the window. I’m glad she wasn’t looking at me because she would’ve seen me frowning. Did she really think I gave a damn about the placement of that tacky ass tree? If it were up to me, it would have been in the trash.

  Still, I nodded and took a seat on the couch, folding my legs underneath me. “It looks good right there,” I commented absently.

  Naomi turned her head from one side to the other, as if she were in deep thought about the decision. I half-expected a bead of sweat to pearl on her forehead. Oh, if life were that simple. When my deepest concern was where I wanted to put a Christmas tree.

  “You’re right,” she said finally, a wide smile on her face. “I like it there. I just wanted our first Christmas here to be perfect.”

  “I didn’t know we were doing anything for Christmas,” I said to Leo, and he shrugged.

  “Naomi’s idea,” he said. “But I kind of like it. Really makes the house feel like a home, don’t you think?”

  No. But better than say that, I just kept quiet.

  I glanced around, not trying to make my search look obvious. Apparently, Kareem hadn’t gotten back yet. He had told me last night he was going first thing in the morning to get the security footage transferred to a DVD or something we could show on the screen. I was anxious, yet still in disbelief that we actually had something we could use. And even more afraid for when it was time to show Leo’s father.

  I felt someone’s eyes on me and glanced over to see Leo had been watching my profile. His face held suspicion, that much was obvious but to ease the tension, I tossed him a pleasant smile, or at least as pleasant as I could muster. “What is it?” I asked.

  “What’s on your mind, my love?”

  Taking your ass down like Scarface. I shook my head. “Nothing much. Just taking in everything.”

  “Yeah this wasn’t really something I wanted to do,” he admitted. “This was Naomi’s idea. But I figured it would be nice to do one last thing before we leave.”

  “Leave?”

  “Yeah, I told you we were moving.”

  I felt my panic start to rise, but still, I kept my voice even. “I know you mentioned it. But you didn’t say when.”

  “Well, probably tomorrow night.”

  Christmas Day? Yeah, something was definitely up. Hell, Leo even looked uneasy.

  “So soon? I haven’t packed or anything.”

  Leo was now staring off in the distance, his face furrowed with what looked like thoughts weighing heavy on his mind. Around us the festivities continued to play out, Naomi prancing around (she had moved on to hanging lights around the bay window), the boys had begun to fight over tissue paper, and Leo seemed oblivious to it all. I swallowed the last bit of my anxiety. Maybe he was just talking. He couldn’t seriously be thinking about moving us to Africa, just like that.

  A sudden vibration had Leo snapping from his daze and fumbling through his pocket. Whatever, or whoever’s number he read on his caller ID of his cell phone couldn’t have been good because he quickly rose and half-jogged from the room. I wondered who that was and what the hell was going on that had Leo so damn jumpy?

  Could’ve just been my own paranoia. They say when you’re up to something it was as if everyone’s eyes were on you. Every conversation was about you. I had to remind myself there was no way Leo knew anything about what Kareem and I had been up to. We had been careful, too careful. Since Kareem now had access to the security system, he could turn the camera feeds on and off as needed. Plus, he knew where the blind spots were, the little nooks and crannies so we could openly converse about our plan without fear of getting caught or recorded. Or we could sneak a little quickie here and there, which lately, truth be told, it seemed we had been doing more sexing and less talking.

  Which was why I was thrilled when we had finally caught Leo and Tyree, because now we were full steam ahead. The two were strategic about their little intimate moments, but Kareem had been right. It was only a matter of time before they slipped up.

  Now, we just had to get Obi over here and sing like a couple of canaries. Well, first Kareem had to come back home with the evidence. The hell was taking him so long anyway?

  “I am loving the way this looks.” Naomi was sickeningly excited as she plopped down beside me on the couch. She looped her arm through mine and to my surprise, laid her head on my shoulder. “I hope you don’t mind all of this,” she went on. “But Christmas is my favorite holiday. I can never just NOT celebrate it.”

  I wished I could feel the same spirit she was so clearly engulfed in. Maybe then, I would be able to handle the depression that was beginning to settle in my heart.

  “So, what are you wearing tonight?” Naomi said turning to me eagerly. “I was thinking of a little red number Leo got for me. It’s like lace—”

  “What’s going on tonight?”

  Naomi’s face reflected the confusion I felt. “Leo’s father is coming over. Not sure what’s going on, but apparently they have to discuss some things with us. Something important.”

  “Is it about moving?” I asked.

  Naomi’s frown deepened. “Who’s moving?”

  “Leo said we were,” I explained. “He told me a while back and I didn’t really think much of it. But he just mentioned it again.”

  She shook her head. “Leo hasn’t told me anything. When? Where?”

  “Tomorrow night,” I said. “To his home in Ivory Coast.”

  Naomi’s eyes widened in shock and just as quickly, she tore her gaze from me and looked to the Christmas tree, as if she were deep in thought. The movement was so quick I wasn’t sure if I had seen anything at all. I stared at her profile, watching the sequence of lights dance on the grimace that marred her face.

  Finally, she murmured almost to herself. “Africa.” The one-word was more of a statement than a question. “He didn’t say anything to me about it.” Why? Was all I could think. Were we leaving and not taking his new bride? That didn’t make any sense. And that was completely uncharacteristic of Leo. So why, then, did she not know? Was that really what Obi wanted to discuss with us tonight? If so, why would Leo care to give me any type of heads-up? It’s not like I actually liked the idea of moving. No, not moving. That sounded too consensual. Being kidnapped again sounded more appropriate.

  “That’s what he told me,” I said. I, too, didn’t like the news, if it were even true. I was hoping and praying another solution would present itself long before we boarded a plane to the motherland. And by solution, I meant Kareem. But while I was somewhat anxious about the abrupt decision and the urgency with which it seemed we were having to relocate, Naomi seemed even more unsettled. I couldn’t help but wonder why. She said she had no family here, nor a home to go to. What was the big deal for her whether she was physically in Texas, Ivory Coast, or Jupiter? She made it clear what her intentions were with Leo, and that entailed going wherever he decided to go. While I, on the other hand, had a reason to be upset, what was Naomi’s?

  She rose then, nodding her head towards her room. “I need to see what shoes match this dress,” was all she said before strolling off. It was a weak attempt at an escape and one that was completely useless. Hell, it wasn’t like I was going to stop her. I was too busy worrying about myself and how all of this was going to play out.

  The front door chimed with a visitor, and I looked over, jumping up eagerly when I realized it was Kareem. He looked at me and shook his head, silently communicating for me not to speak. He then
subtly shifted his eyes to a vase resting on top of the fireplace. I had always thought the brown-and-gold piece was completely hideous and did not match the décor at all. But Kareem had let me know the tacky thing was yet another security camera.

  I nodded my understanding and lowered myself back to the couch, watching him out of the corner of my eye. He moved to his room, a doorway behind the grand staircase, and closed the door behind him without muttering so much as one word. Now I was even more confused.

  Kareem supposedly went out this morning to get footage. I half-expected some sort of underlying excitement once he got back. Obviously, we still had to play it cool. Discretion was key, but Kareem hadn’t acted at all like we were sitting on the key to our freedom. Which meant, to my horror, something was wrong. But what?

  “Mama. Juice.” Leo Jr. brought my attention back to him. Damn, I had forgotten the kids were still playing quietly at my feet.

  He looked at me, half-pleading, half-demanding and the innocent look brought a small smile to my face. Almost habitually, I looked around expecting to see someone, Fernando, Leo, hell someone, and, to my surprise, I was alone. It seemed too good to be true.

  I shifted on the couch so I could look around the room and sure enough, it was completely empty. Had that ever happened outside of my bedroom?

  I looked to the door, just a few feet away. Then my eyes dropped to the children at my feet. Would I be able to scoop them and make it to the door before anyone came back? I wasn’t wearing much of anything but a robe, not even any shoes and the kids were still dressed in Marvel pajamas themselves. I could make it to the door, couldn’t I? Shit then what? It was a good drive to the front gate. Let alone hiking it by foot. Naked. With two kids. Hella risky. My chances of making it even to the edge of the yard were slim. Too damned slim. And when, not if but when I was caught, what would Leo do to me? Would that be something I could lie or fake my way out of? “Oh, it’s not what it looks like sweetie I was just taking the kids out for some air.” Not suspicious at all. But still . . .