Where the River Ends

by Jacqui Penn

  ‘Both I suppose… I thought he cared about me…’ Her eyes watered. ‘Anyway, it’s over.’

  ‘There are plenty of flats for rent around here.’

  ‘I know, but I haven’t found one where I can take Mutley. I sneak him into the hostel—’

  ‘You could leave him here with me until you find somewhere suitable.’

  Sophia felt a lump form in her throat. He was all she had. She couldn’t imagine not waking up to his little face and a lick on the chin each morning. She looked at him curled up and content. She had to leave him in the room when she went to some of her clients. Some of the dogs she walked weren’t always pooch-friendly. If he stayed here he’d have company all day. Was she being selfish? ‘That’s really kind of you, but I—’

  ‘You could stay here. I have three rooms. You’d be more than welcome and I could do with some company.’

  Sophia fiddled with a strand of hair. ‘I couldn’t.’

  ‘Why? Do you really want to go back to that hostel every night?’

  ‘I couldn’t put you out—’

  ‘Nonsense! I wouldn’t be put out, I’d love it. Having you around would lighten my days, and as for this little fella, what a bonus.’

  Sophia hesitated and rubbed the side of her nose. She hardly knew the woman, but the offer was tempting until she got back on her feet. ‘If you’re sure, Mrs Shepherd. Just until I get something else sorted out.’

  ‘Of course I’m sure, but you can drop the Mrs Shepherd. My name is Nellie. I know, don’t laugh. After my maternal grandmother, who was an eccentric and ran a farm single-handedly for twenty years after Grandad died. A bit of a girl in her time so the story goes.’

  Sophia could well imagine Mrs Shepherd being a double of her namesake. ‘I was named after my maternal grandmother too. I don’t know anything about her though. My mum died when she had me so I’ve never known anything about any of her side of the family.’

  Nellie looked sympathetic. ‘That’s sad. How about your dad’s side?’

  ‘He had a brother, but I don’t know any more than that. I don’t remember him and I lost touch with my dad.’ The tears welled again. She had to stop crying, nothing was that bad. She needed to move on from her family.

  The old lady nodded. This young girl carried a lot of troubles and they weren’t all connected with the loss of her boyfriend.

  Sophia placed the fuel nozzle in and began to fill her petrol tank. Her mind went to Tristan and she wondered if he would ask for the car back. Maybe she should return it anyway, she didn’t really need it. Closure on that phase of her life would be uplifting and help diffuse the hurt she still held a week later. The gauge showed twenty pounds, she removed the pump and closed the compartment.

  ‘Hello, Sophia.’ The familiar voice made her jump.

  She turned around. ‘Tristan!’

  ‘Hi. How are you doing?’ He fiddled with his car fob. ‘Look I owe you an apology. I was out of order. Sorry.’

  She shrugged her shoulders. ‘It’s history.’

  ‘Do you fancy a drink sometime?’

  ‘I don’t think so, thanks. Do you want the car back?’

  He scoffed. ‘No! I want you back. I don’t give a damn about the car, it was a gift.’ He looked around the garage forecourt awkwardly. ‘Can’t we put the past behind—’

  ‘No, we can’t.’

  He avoided her eyes. ‘You know Gio went away.’

  ‘Away where?’ She stepped nearer to her car door.

  ‘No idea. I thought you might know.’

  ‘Why would I?’ A sudden pang of sadness went through her. Gio had been kind to her. ‘Must go.’

  Tristan gave her a leering look. ‘You know my number if you change your mind about that drink.’

  Her chest tightened. ‘I won’t. Bye Tristan.’ She climbed into the car, slammed the door shut and then realised she hadn’t paid. She climbed out again and hurried over to the pay desk wanting to be away from Tristan, and her memories that had been reignited.

  As she drove home her mind drifted to Gio. Why had he left? Where had he gone? She carried on in a full circle around the roundabout and headed to Gio’s flat. She still had his key from when she stayed there.

  As she turned into his street, she questioned her motives. What did she hope to find? Him or some indication he would be back? Was she actually going to unlock the door and walk in? Why was she doing this? She had to know. She had to know if she’d see him again.

  Sophia sat in the car and looked up at his front windows. Her stomach churned. She went up the stairway and knocked. After a moment, she held her ear to the door, then knocked again, this time with more determination. Her heart beat faster as she searched the bottom of her bag for the key. After feeling around her fingers felt out the familiar shell keyring. She grasped it in her hand for a moment before holding the key to the lock. She swallowed. She shouldn’t be here. What if he found her here? He could walk up those steps at any moment. Maybe someone else lived here now. She sighed and turned back down the stairs.

  Gio’s morals were high. He was in love with the girl of his best friend and he couldn’t stay around to see Tristan break her heart. Nor did he know how long he could keep his feelings hidden. He’d had girlfriends, and plenty of them, but none had tugged on his heartstrings like Sophia. The way she spoke, the way the dimples in her cheeks appeared when she laughed, her walk, her innocence… That was the one thing he didn’t want to see her lose. She was the first and last thing he thought of every day. She was so close and yet so far. He couldn’t have her for himself and that hurt like hell.

  He’d tried to talk to Tristan, but for some reason, Tristan had dug in his heels and wouldn’t budge. Tristan had several girls in tow when Gio pleaded with him not to hurt her.

  Gio couldn’t and wouldn’t stay around to see her heartbroken. His feelings ran too deep and she didn’t even know it. She probably wouldn’t have given him a second look; he wasn’t exactly in Tristan’s financial league, although that didn’t seem to be what attracted her to Tristan.

  Today he was at the air force recruitment centre prepared to sign up if they’d have him. He needed a different outlook and a new beginning, one that would be a challenge and keep his mind occupied. He needed to put the past behind him and move on in order to preserve his sanity.

  The days always began with eggs, toast, and tea. This morning, Sophia had come downstairs to find Nellie pouring over the newspaper. ‘Good morning,’ she said, looking up. ‘There’s a job here wanting a live-in nanny. That’s what you used to do.’

  ‘Good morning.’ Sophia peered over Nellie’s shoulder. ‘I do need a proper job.’ Her mind flitted back to Ru. She mustn’t let the past intrude on her future. She’d loved that job and she couldn’t stay here forever.

  Nellie took off her glasses and pushed the paper into Sophia’s hands. ‘Give them a call. The early bird gets the worm.’

  ‘It’s only seven thirty!’

  ‘They have young children and no nanny, they’ll be up. I don’t know why I’m encouraging you, I love your company.’

  ‘I’ll have breakfast first.’ Sophia re-read the advert. ‘They want references. I’d have to get in touch with—’

  Nellie saw Sophia’s face drop. ‘I’ll give you a reference. I don’t have to say it was a dog you looked after.’

  Sophia broke into a fit of giggles. ‘They might want to see you.’ That thought evoked laughter from them both.

  ‘Maybe you should get in touch with the last family. Why did you leave?’

  She sipped her tea. ‘That’s another story. Nothing much ever runs smoothly where I’m involved.’

  ‘You’ll need to come up with a better answer than that.’

  Sophia bit her bottom lip. ‘You’re right.’ The truth wasn’t going to increase her chances, some might think there was no smoke without fire. Would Angela even be prepared to give her a reference? ‘I’ll think of something.’

  ‘In this world, sometim
es you just have to be brave. People can only say no, and then you know where you stand and can start a new plan. You have nothing to lose, but if you don’t ask, you’ll never know.’

  Nellie spoke a lot of sense. Sophia had to be brave. She looked at the clock. Angela would be at home on a Saturday morning and she was always up early.

  ‘I’ll see if the job’s still going first, then ring Angela at my last place.’

  ‘You should ring her first and then you can decide what to say when you ring the ad. You don’t want to be caught out. Listen to me. I sound like your mother.’ Her face straightened. ‘That was thoughtless, sorry.’

  ‘Not at all, it’s nice to have someone care about me. Thank you.’ She suddenly felt brave and pulled her phone out of her pocket. ‘I’m calling her now.’

  ‘Hi Angela, this is Sophia.’

  ‘How lovely to hear from you. How are you?’

  Sophia was relieved to hear her friendly voice. ‘I’m fine. How about all of you?’

  ‘We’re fine. Ru left, so it’s just us now... My mum’s come to stay for a while.’

  Sophia’s heart skipped a beat at the news. ‘Sorry to hear that.’

  ‘Not at all. It had been in the pipeline. Sometimes, when something stares you in the face, you don’t see it. Anyway, what can I do for you?’

  Sophia swallowed. ‘I was wondering if you’d give me a reference.’

  ‘I’d love to. I’m home all today if you’d like to pop in. I’m sure the children would love to see you.’

  ‘Would around three be alright?’

  ‘Fine. See you later.’

  Sophia exhaled as she clicked off the phone and picked up the paper. ‘That’s okay. Now for round two.’

  ‘Well, even if the job’s gone, you should still go and get the reference. You never know when you might need it. There I go again. People have accused me of being bossy my whole life. I’m only just beginning to believe them.’

  Sophia liked having someone guiding her. ‘You’re not bossy, your advice really helps. I need a push in the right direction.’

  Sophia felt strange walking back up the driveway to the home she had once loved. Lawrence came bounding out of the front door before she had a chance to ring the bell.

  ‘Sophia!’

  ‘Hello, Lawrence.’ She put her arms around him. ‘Olivia, how are you?’ The three of them hugged for a moment before Angela appeared.

  ‘Let her in you two. They’ve been so excited. I thought you might stay for dinner. Where’s Mutley?’ She shook her head. ‘Sorry, do come in. I’m as excited as them.’

  ‘Mutley’s with a friend and dinner would be lovely, thanks.’ She already felt like she’d never been away.

  Angela’s mum took the children upstairs to finish tidying their rooms.

  Angela led Sophia through to the lounge. ‘So how’s Tristan?’

  ‘We’re not together. I should have listened. You knew him better than me.’

  ‘I may well have done, but I couldn’t see the same problem in my own marriage. The day after you left, I asked him to leave. I suddenly realised I always blamed the wrong person. You weren’t the first.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘Don’t be. I’m so much happier now. Poor, but happy. He’s refusing to pay his way and it’s all going through the court. Sad, but when I look back, inevitable’

  Chapter 14

  Sophia returned from her interview in high spirits. Nellie met her in the hallway. ‘How did it go?’

  ‘Brilliant, I think. They’re going to let me know by Friday.’ She followed Nellie into the front room and sat down near the window. ‘Marie, the mum, is ill. I don’t know what’s wrong with her, but she gets tired. I can keep my dog walking job as the children are at school, and in the holidays they can come with me.’

  Nellie nodded. ‘Sounds perfect. What are they like as a family?’

  ‘Alright. Simon, he’s quite down to earth, and Marie, she’s a bit more reserved but okay. Then Eddie who’s five, and Charlie who’s seven, they seem well-behaved, but they were probably on best behaviour.’

  ‘When would they want you to start?’ Nellie looked a bit down as she spoke.

  ‘As soon as possible.’ She hesitated for a moment and twisted her hair around her finger. ‘There is one problem. Mutley. I can’t take him with me as Simon is allergic to dog hair.’

  Nellie beamed. ‘You can leave him here and then I’ll be sure to get a visit now and again.’

  Sophia’s face lit up. ‘I was praying you’d say that, but I’d have come to visit anyway. You’re the closest thing to family I have.’

  Nellie looked overcome with emotion as her face saddened. ‘You know I couldn’t have children, but if I had, I’d have wanted a daughter just like you.’ How sad that this young girl lost her mother and had the misfortune to end up with a dickhead for a father.

  ‘You’re the closest I’ve ever come to having a mother figure.’

  Nellie pushed her chair around and headed for the door. ‘All this sentimentality. I’m putting the kettle on.’

  Sophia had lived with the Jacobs family for six months when Marie died. They had all been prepared as they watched Marie getting weaker by the day, but that didn’t make her parting any easier to accept.

  Sophia held the family together as best she could. She stayed strong, kept the boys occupied and generally ran the household as she had become used to in the previous weeks when Marie stayed in bed.

  At night, Simon sobbed in the privacy of his room. Every morning he would greet the boys into a new day trying to carry on as though nothing was wrong when in reality he’d just lost the love of his life. He wanted to scream! He wanted to shout, why her? He hid his anger and he smiled and stayed strong for his young sons who were resilient to what had happened.

  In the first few weeks after Marie’s death, the grandparents stayed and various aunts and uncles popped in sometimes staying for a night or two. After a month the visits dwindled and the family were left to get on with life without their rock.

  The first morning when the last of the relatives had gone home, Sophia was in the kitchen preparing breakfast when Eddie appeared in the doorway rubbing his eyes.

  ‘Good morning,’ she said, looking at his hair sticking up and thinking how cute he was. ‘I’m just making some eggy bread. Are you hungry?’

  ‘Mummy used to make eggy bread.’

  ‘I know. It was your mummy who taught me how to make it.’

  ‘I miss mummy.’

  ‘I know you do. Can I give you a hug?’ He rushed to her and squeezed her legs. She bent down and wrapped her arms around him as Charlie came in the kitchen. ‘Would you like to join in Charlie?’ He nodded, joined in the hug and the kitchen fell silent for a minute.

  ‘Sophia’s making eggy bread like mummy used to,’ Eddie told Charlie.

  ‘Brilliant. I’m starving,’ Charlie said releasing his hold. Sophia never reverted to her role of nanny. Instead, she became carer, housekeeper, chauffeur and anything else that was required of her.

  One evening, Simon returned from work, ate the meal Sophia had prepared and sat with his head in his hands. ‘I’m sorry. I seem to have left everything to you.’

  ‘I like to keep busy.’

  ‘You’ve carried us all through the worst and I want you to know how much we all appreciate you.’

  ‘I love being here and I love the boys; even when they squabble.’

  Simon laughed. ‘They can get a bit trying, but you handle them very well. I wondered if you’d like a weekend off. I’m well aware you’ve been doing over and above what you should since Marie…’ he stopped as though the words wouldn’t come.

  ‘I would like that. When?’

  ‘This weekend, next… Whenever you want. We need to readjust your hours and pay. I’ve let this all go on too long. A girl your age needs time for a proper social life.’

  ‘I’m quite happy with my life. I’ll get in touch with my friend and see w
hen she’s free for a weekend.’

  Sophia sat opposite Nellie. ‘Invite your friend to spend the weekend here with you. You don’t want to be paying for hotels. You could use this as a base. I wouldn’t expect you to stay in,’ Nellie said. The poor girl hadn’t had any proper time off since the mother of those children had been so poorly. Not that she ever complained, she’d been a blessing to that family.

  ‘Thanks, that’d be great. You’ll like Anna. She’s a bit more spirited than me.’

  ‘Spirited!’ Nellie chortled. ‘I’ve been called worse in my day. I look forward to meeting her.’

  Anna stepped off the train and the friends hugged. ‘No hat?’ Sophia observed.

  ‘It blew off when I stuck my head out of the window to wave to Steve.’ She looked indignant.

  ‘Oh no! We don’t have to go around all the charity shops for another one?’

  Anna laughed. ‘No. I’m more into shoes at the moment.’ She held out her foot which until now Sophia hadn’t noticed. She brought her ankle up and stroked the shoe. ‘Isn’t it divine? What wouldn’t you give for a pair like this?’

  Sophia looked at the green suede, high heeled shoes with an imitation red flower on the side. ‘They are something else. Bet they cost a packet.’

  ‘No! I only buy in the sales.’

  Sophia burst out laughing at the thought that the reason they were in the sales was that no one else wanted them. ‘You are so funny. Anyway, who’s Steve?’ They were walking towards the car.

  ‘He’s a musician and I’ve been seeing him for a couple of months now.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘And nothing. We sit in his flat and he plays his guitar and sings songs he’s written. He’s very laid back, a bit eccentric I suppose.’

  ‘That helps, with you.’

  ‘Cheeky. So are you romantically involved?’

  Sophia unlocked the car. ‘Aha! I should be so lucky. I don’t get out much.’ She lifted the boot and Anna put her case inside.