by Jacqui Penn
‘Yes!’ He threw his fist up in the air. ‘I’ll ring a cab then.’
The journey to Nellie’s was quiet. Muffled music came from the front of the car, and Anna rested comfortably on Terry’s shoulder. She awoke with a start outside the bungalow. ‘I must have fallen asleep,’ she said.
‘You’re not the only one.’ Terry paid the driver and followed Anna up the path past some rose bushes. ‘Smell those roses, they’re gorgeous.’
Anna bent down and took in the aroma. ‘Beautiful. We’d better be quiet now. That’s Nellie’s room.’ She whispered, pointing to a window. They crept into the bungalow and Anna closed the bedroom door. ‘I can’t believe we’re doing this. It’s like being teenagers again.’
‘Come here.’ He pulled her into his arms, kissed her, then turned her around, pushed her forwards over the edge of the bed and lifted her dress.
Sophia had always dreamed of a white wedding, in a church, with the organ pacing her up the aisle to be joined in matrimony with the love of her life. Her knight in shining armour, who was going to love her forever. She knew on her wedding day, she’d be able to put the memories of her childhood, and not being loved, behind her once and for all. Simon slept contentedly next to her while her mind skipped from one thing to the next, but with one name hovering in the background.
The more she tried to block her thoughts of Gio, the more she felt out of control as he popped into her mind at unexpected moments. She’d even had the memory of being in Gio’s arms as Simon made love to her; even on her wedding night, for fuck’s sake, what was wrong with her?
Her memories of Kara, and the aftermath had always haunted her. It had always been the one thing that had tormented her. To lose her sister and then her father’s love had been excruciating. Now, another guilt had stepped in.
Would she always look back on her wedding day and think about Gio? Get a grip! She had a whole new life to look forward to. Bloody Anna, bringing it all up again. She ran her hand down the smooth skin of Simon’s stomach. ‘I love you,’ she whispered. ‘I’m going to make this work and put the past behind me. Today is a brand new start. No looking back.’
Simon rubbed her arm. ‘Looking back. What?’
Her heart skipped a beat. ‘Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you. It’s the start of us. I love you.’
‘Love you, too.’ He patted her arm and she breathed a sigh of relief as his breathing reverted to a peaceful sleep.
Mind over matter. That was the way forward. So, she’d stepped out of line, but no one got hurt, and only two people knew. Gio had gone out of her life forever; in time, she’d love Simon. What was she thinking? She loved him now. Live for the now, the past is history. She snuggled up next to Simon, taking comfort from the warmth of his body.
Anna woke with a jump. ‘Terry! It’s morning.’ She looked around for something, anything to hide her nakedness. In desperation, she grabbed the dress she’d worn to the wedding and pulled it on. She slid from the bed, still pulling the dress into place, and went to listen at the door.
Terry stretched out his arms above his head and yawned. ‘Good morning.’
Anna giggled nervously. ‘Shh. It’s already daylight, I bet Nellie’s up. We’ve got to try and get you out of here.’
‘Not right now. Come here.’
She shook her head and feigned shock. ‘I do hope you’re not suggesting—’
‘Of course, I am.’ He pulled back the covers to reveal his readiness.
She made a dart for the bed, hoisted up her dress, and straddled him.
Nellie had made coffee, heated croissants and filled a tray with butter and plum jam. She placed the tray on the bed.
John sat up, pulled his pillow behind his back and rubbed his hands. ‘Don’t know the last time I was treated to breakfast in bed. Thank you.’
‘You’re welcome. I heard Anna come back in the early hours, so thought it was safer to have breakfast in here.’
John laughed. ‘What, you’re not going to tell the world about your illicit life?’
Nellie smiled. ‘Those youngsters would probably be disgusted at oldies like us having a romp. I wish I had an illicit life to tell the world about, but these days that department is out of date.’ She blushed.
‘Out of date! Who are you kidding? Out of date is cheap, and I’m taking you to a country mansion for dinner tonight; nothing cheap or out of date, about you.’
Her face brightened. ‘How lovely.’ She brought up her shoulders and screwed up her face. ‘You’re very kind.’
A while later, Nellie opened the bedroom door and peered out. ‘All clear. I’ll let you out of the back door, then you won’t have to go past Anna’s room.’
‘I’ll pick you up at six.’ He bent and kissed her.
‘I’ll be ready. I’m so excited.’
She closed the back door and went to the window to watch him walk to his car.
Anna strolled into the room. ‘Good morning.’
Nellie gulped at the mere seconds between John leaving and Anna arriving. ‘Good morning.’
‘What you looking at?’
‘Nothing. Nellie turned away from the window, but something caught her eye. Who was John talking to? Must be a neighbour, that was all she needed.
Anna came up behind her. ‘Oh! Caught out or what? Sorry.’
‘I thought I’d got away with it,’ Nellie said.
Anna frowned. ‘What do you mean? Oh! That’s John, the best man! Oh my God! He stayed the night. Good for you, Nellie.’
Nellie looked embarrassed for a second. ‘I don’t know who that is he’s chatting to though.’
Anna walked away. It had been taking the piss bringing Terry back. ‘Shall I put the kettle on?’
Nellie watched as the two men got into John’s car. ‘He obviously knows him, they’ve both got in John’s car.’
‘Tea or coffee?’
‘I’ll give him time to get home then I’ll ring and find out. Coffee please.’
Anna took a deep breath. ‘Okay. We both pulled. That’s the guitarist from the group.’
Nellie chuckled. ‘I’m going out for dinner at a country mansion tonight.’
‘And I’ve been promised a phone call, which will probably never happen.’
‘You might be surprised.’
‘I’m not expecting to hear from him. Musicians in bands have a reputation.’ She observed Nellie for a moment. ‘Look at you. You’re all excited, I’m really pleased for you.’
‘Us oldies still have a bit of go in us, you know.’
‘You were right with your prediction. You said you were going to get the best man.’
‘Everyone needs a dream. It’ll be nice, for as long as it lasts.’
Chapter 24
Strolling through narrow, cobbled streets, originally made for donkeys and now able to accommodate the width of a car, Simon and Sophia strolled hand in hand, taking in the culture of the small Spanish village they’d chosen for their honeymoon. For Sophia, her first time abroad was a huge learning curve. Sleepy white hillside villages, afternoon siestas, women sweeping the roads outside their homes, evening meals at ten o’clock and deliveries of bread and cakes in vans, gave Sophia an insight to another way of life.
They’d quickly fallen into routines of morning hot chocolate and churros, long thin strips of doughnut, browsing local shops and trying fruits they’d never seen and couldn’t pronounce.
‘I love it here,’ Sophia said dreamily on the last morning. ‘We’ll have to come back.’
‘I don’t think the boys would appreciate it. We’ll have to come up with somewhere more child-friendly for them,’ Simon answered, dipping his doughnut into his chocolate.
Sophia felt a pang of hostility at the comment. ‘Obviously, they wouldn’t like the slow pace here, but I meant when we manage to get away on our own again for a few days.’
‘We’re a family now. We’ll be holidaying together in future.’
She swallowed, trying to ward off the ri
sing anger. She stirred her chocolate with the doughnut too long and lost it in the mug. Since she’d been with Simon the boys had always come first, and now wasn’t any different, she just didn’t want to be told that. She felt guilty for her unreasonable thoughts and looked around for something to lighten her mood. Truthfully, she was probably uptight because she didn’t want the honeymoon to end. They’d had a wonderful time.
‘Shall we take one last walk up to the castle?’
Simon looked at his watch. ‘Castle, pack and stop for lunch somewhere on route to the airport. I’m really looking forward to getting back to Eddie and Charlie. Speaking to them on the phone just isn’t the same.’
‘They sound like they had a good time with Marie’s mum and dad.’
‘Yes, to be fair, they don’t see as much of them as they should.’ He wiped his mouth on a serviette he pulled from a dispenser on the table. ‘It should be easier now we’re married.’
‘Why is it any different?’
‘They’ll have to accept you now. I’ve always thought they begrudged you taking the place of Marie. Only natural I suppose.’
‘I thought I got along okay with them.’
He nodded, motioning to a waiter, with a scribble in the air. ‘Oh, you do. Maybe it’s just me, but a couple of little comments about the way Marie used to do things. Ignore me, I’m probably oversensitive, feeling guilty marrying the nanny as it were.’
Sophia felt her cheeks redden. ‘It’s not like we got together before Marie died.’
He sorted coins from his hand and paid the waiter. ‘I know that and so do you, but do they? Anyway, it’ll all change now. Don’t worry about it.’
‘I wasn’t until now.’
He laughed and pushed his chair back. ‘Come on. A quick shifty up to the castle.’
She felt disgruntled and truly didn’t know why. So he felt guilty for marrying her; that knocked the icing off the cake she’d built over her time in Spain.
‘So come on. You’re being a bit elusive. How was Spain?’ Nellie had made Sophia a mug of tea and now waited in anticipation.
‘It was a shock. The difference in the way people over there live. It was sort of like going back in time to a slower paced life. None of the rushing about like here.’
‘That’s only because you were in a village. I bet Malaga was like here.’
Sophia nodded. ‘That’s true.’
‘And?’
‘And what?’
‘You’re different. Somethings not right. Are you going to tell me, or do I have to guess?’
‘I don’t know. I’m just being silly. Everything is fine.’ She sighed. ‘When Margo and Pete brought the boys home last night, I heard Simon say he was glad to get home and the holiday had been nice, but he was glad it was over. It wasn’t a holiday, it was our honeymoon. And while we were away he said he felt guilty for marrying the children’s nanny.’
Nellie’s first instinct was to rubbish her friend’s worries, but she saw the seriousness in Sophia’s face. ‘Oh, he was just making small talk. He probably does feel guilty around them. They’ll never move on from losing their daughter, but he has moved on and quite quickly considering. You shouldn’t take things to heart.’
‘Do you think he loves me?’
Nellie scoffed. ‘Do you really have to ask that question? Of course he does.’
‘You don’t think I just sort of fitted in a bit too conveniently?’
Nellie shook her head and frowned. ‘Whatever has got into you? I’ve never known you to be so defeatist.’ Where had Sophia’s self-esteem disappeared to? The young girl who always had a smile on her face now had a frown above her eyes. Something had shifted, but what? ‘Do you want a bit of gossip to cheer you up?’
Sophia sat upright and raised her eyebrows. ‘Go on then.’
‘The night of your wedding, Anna sneaked the guitarist back here.’
Sophia shrieked. ‘Really? Naughty girl. I’ll have to give her a call. Has she seen him since?’
‘No idea. I haven’t heard a peep from her.’
‘I guessed she’d finished with the last one when she didn’t bring him to the wedding. She doesn’t have much luck with the opposite sex.’
‘Well, it’d be his loss. She’s a lovely girl.’ Much to Nellie’s relief, Sophia looked a lot brighter. ‘And as for you my dear, one step at a time. Don’t let words control your life; live for the moment.’
‘I know. I have been a bit emotional for some reason.’
Nellie looked at her knowingly. ‘You’ll be fine with a bit of time. You’ve taken a huge step and it’s going to need a bit of adjustment on all sides.’
As Sophia strolled down the path and climbed into her car, Nellie let out a sigh. That young girl had taken on a ready-made family and had a shock coming to her if she thought it was going to be plain sailing. In a funny sort of way, she felt sorry for her. She could be wrong, but she suspected Sophia had an even bigger hurdle to cross than the one she was worried about.
Sophia returned to Walking Woofers and soon got back into the swing of home life. Packed lunches, after-school clubs, washing, ironing and cleaning. Getting married hadn’t changed much in her life. Simon worked later in the evenings, often only arriving home just before the boy’s bedtime.
‘Why have you started working so late?’ Sophia asked one evening after he’d finished eating the meal she’d prepared and then reheated, when the boys had gone to bed.
‘I haven’t started to work late. I started to come home earlier, now I’ve gone back to normal. Is it a problem? Are you finding the boy’s hard to manage?’
‘No. Not at all. They’re good.’ Why did she feel he was taking advantage? Simon coming home later gave her a chance to get on with the accumulation of tasks around the place that needed to be done. She was just miffed it was a foregone conclusion that it was okay for him to work late without checking with her. She was so tired and aggy lately, what the hell was wrong with her? Why did she have to complain, even though it was inwardly, about everything not being right? Why wasn’t she satisfied? Simon loved her. Charlie and Eddie had accepted her, there were no problems except for the ones she conjured up. She’d always wanted more; she should have learned a long time ago that love and marriage happily ever after, was for fairy tales.
Mutley sniffed around her feet almost tripping her over. ‘He can smell all those you’ve walked today,’ Nellie said as Sophia stumbled. ‘Come on, Mutley, out of the way. She doesn’t need a fall in her condition.’
Sophia frowned then laughed. ‘What condition?’
Nellie bit her lip. ‘Let’s get that kettle on. Come through.’
Sophia slumped into a high backed chair and took off her shoes. ‘Sorry, my feet might be a bit pongy, but I just have to relieve them. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.’
‘You’ve got a certain glow about you. Are you tired? More than usual I mean?’
Sophia screwed up her nose. ‘Yes, but I’ve been rushing around like a mad thing. Charlie is a sparrow in the school production and I’ve been making a costume in what little spare time I’ve got.’
‘Maybe you should do a pregnancy test.’
‘What!’
Nellie handed her a mug of tea. ‘I’m not usually wrong. You have a look about you, tired, emotional, it all adds up.’
Sophia shook her head and then her face looked serious for a moment as she tried to work out dates. ‘I might be a bit overdue, but I couldn’t be pregnant. This is pure tiredness and overworking.’ Her heart sank.
‘So if you were, would you be pleased?’
Sophia hesitated a moment too long. ‘Yes, of course, but I’m not. I know I’m not.’
She slurped down the dregs of her tea, made her excuses and headed off towards a chemist. She couldn’t be pregnant. They’d only been married a few weeks. Bloody hell!
Waiting until the following morning to test the first urine of the day, was agony. She’d had to go through the motions of packed
lunches, finding lost shoes, and breakfast, with Simon and the boys, before ushering them out of the door and then rushing upstairs to see the result. She stared at the tester; it showed a positive result. She re-read the instructions. It had to be wrong. Positive. She’d do another one the following morning, these things weren’t always accurate. She felt sick and rushed for the toilet. Morning sickness! Don’t be ridiculous, it was just the thought of the test being right. How she got through a day that went on forever, she never knew.
The following day, she repeated the exercise early before anyone else was up. She couldn’t go through the whole breakfast charade again without knowing. Shit! Positive, deep down she’d known it would be, after spending the previous day not recovering from feeling sick. That same feeling was returning now as she wandered downstairs. She turned, dashed for the bathroom and hung her head over the pan.
‘Oh! I thought you were up early.’ Simon stood at the bathroom door as she heaved. ‘You’d better not go to work. Probably a bug; the boys will be next to get it.’
She let go of the hair she’d been holding back in one hand, picked up the tester and handed it to him. He stared at it for a moment.
‘Is this right? Oh, Christ!’ She looked at the horror on his face. His mouth had dropped open as he continued to stare in disbelief. After a while, he looked at her and reined himself in. ‘Oh, well. One more isn’t going to make much difference. How are you feeling?’
‘Sick.’
‘No, I mean about having a baby.’ He looked hopeful.
‘I don’t know how I feel about it. I’m going back to bed.’
She slowly dragged herself back into bed, not sure if she felt so bad through morning sickness or the reality of a baby on the way. Did this awful sickness go on for nine months? She closed her eyes and tried to block out the sounds coming from the kitchen as Simon got the boys their breakfast.
By lunchtime, after a few hours’ sleep, she woke, and for a moment she forgot. Then her eyes opened wide and she put her hand on her stomach. A baby. She smiled to herself. Okay, she could do this. She turned her legs out of the bed and sat still. If she moved slowly, maybe the sickness would stay controllable. No such luck! She raced for the bathroom.