by Jacqui Penn
Later that afternoon, Sophia trundled up the path as Nellie opened the door. ‘Hello, this is a lovely surprise.’ She could tell by Sophia’s face, all was not good. ‘I’ll get the kettle on. That seems to be all I say these days.’
Sophia followed her into the kitchen. ‘You were right. I’m pregnant, being sick all the time.’ She slumped down on a chair.
‘That’s lovely, not the being sick, but a baby. I haven’t cuddled a baby since, well, I can’t even recall. Are you and Simon pleased?’
‘It’s a shock. We only found out properly this morning, but it’s okay. Yes, I think we are pleased. How did you know?’
Nellie chuckled. ‘It’s the witch in me. I always get an idea about something and then it happens.’
‘To be honest, I don’t think it’s really sunk in yet. It’s a bit sooner than we would have planned; in fact, we never even talked about having children.’
‘Well, with having a family already, I suppose the idea of having a baby got put on the backburner.’ She put a mug of tea on the worktop next to Sophia and opened a tin of biscuits. Sophia screwed up her nose and looked ill. ‘Oh.’ Nellie replaced the lid and put the box back in the cupboard. ‘Nice the decision was made for you. These things have an uncanny way of working out for the best.’
‘I suppose it’s sensible to have babies while the other two are still young. Listen to me being all practical.’ She ran her hand over her belly. ‘I can’t believe there’s a little person in there.’ She grinned. ‘It’s exciting, isn’t it?’
Nellie laughed. ‘Yes, it certainly is.’
‘Oh yes! What’s this I hear about John staying here the night of the wedding?’
‘Hmm! I wondered when you’d find out.’ She busied herself with a dishcloth and moved a few items out of the way in an attempt to look busy.
‘And.’
‘Well, yes. He did stay, and we went out for dinner after that and… Then nothing. I haven’t heard from him.’
‘Oh! That’s a shame.’ She could see Nellie trying to show she didn’t care. ‘It’s only a few weeks, he might still get in touch.’
Nellie dried her hands on a towel. ‘Oh, I’m not bothered. It was nice while it lasted, but who needs a man? I’ve been happy on my own for years.’ She bent forwards and stroked Mutley, who’d climbed onto Sophia’s lap and fallen asleep. ‘You’re the only man I need in my life. There’s no hassle and you don’t answer back.’
‘Anna’s been out with Terry. Sounds like they’ve hit it off.’
‘She’s young—she needs a man. So when will this baby be joining us? Must be May. That’ll be nice, a summer baby.’
Sophia made a whoop of glee. ‘The more I think about it, the more excited I am. May… I haven’t been sick since midday, so that’s a bonus.’
Chapter 25
Nellie accompanied Sophia on most of the shopping trips to choose baby paraphernalia. She was the closest person to a mother that Sophia had ever had, and she loved her.
They sat, as was customary after each shopping spree, with a chocolate cake and coffee. ‘So have you told the boys yet?’
Sophia nodded and brought her hand up to loosely cover her mouth so she didn’t shower Nellie with second-hand cake particles. ‘Yes, forgot to say, they were delighted—they haven’t stopped going on about it since, so I’m glad we waited.’
‘So what else do we need?’ Nellie stirred her coffee. ‘This is going to be the best dressed, most pampered baby in the country.’
Sophia giggled. ‘Yep! I think we’re there. I need to ask you something.’
‘Oh—this sounds dodgy.’
‘Mmm. It is a bit… You wouldn’t want to be there… At the birth?’
‘Why would you want me there? Surely Simon—’
‘No! He can’t. He’s too queasy and he said if I really want him to he will, but he could only stay while there was nothing happening—so not very helpful really. I don’t want to be on my own. I’m frightened.’
Nellie reached across the table and patted her arm. ‘I’d love to be there. Seeing a baby born must be one of the most amazing experiences in the world. I can’t believe you’ve asked me. Thank you.’
‘Oh, you don’t know what a relief that is. Thank you so much, I was dreading being alone.’
Nellie beamed. Simon had gone down in her opinion over the past few months, and now he had been prepared to leave the poor girl on her own through the birth. Sophia did everything for Eddie and Charlie and yet he couldn’t do this for her. He needed to grow some balls. ‘I thought you might have wanted Anna there.’
‘Are you kidding? She’d turn up in one of her hats and sit there sipping vodka. No, that wouldn’t have worked. Anyhow, she’d begrudge being away from Terry for too long.’
Nellie tittered. ‘She is besotted by him. They seem to get along very well. Nearly forgot, I didn’t know whether to go or not, but I had a call from John and he invited me out to dinner.’
‘Wow! He took his time. To be honest, Simon hasn’t heard from him either, and he hasn’t been to Salsa for months. You should go, even if it’s just friendship.’
The Jacobs household had jogged along, just like always. Sophia had finally worked her way through Marie’s things, keeping anything she thought the boys might like, putting some items in a box for Margo and Pete, and sending the rest to charity shops. She’d felt strange sorting out Marie’s stuff, but no one else was ever going to do it, and she was fed up having so much wasted space. It also felt a bit haunting opening cupboards and drawers, and something of Marie’s being there. Not that she felt any jealousy—probably because she’d been living in the house while Marie was there. Sophia and Simon didn’t have that sort of relationship anyway. They seemed content to live together and go through the motions of family life with little drama, and rare arguments.
As her belly swelled, she felt content that although there was no starbursts and very little lust in her marriage, it was a stable, loving home for a baby. Now and again she thought of the way Gio made her feel, but that wasn’t real. If they’d ended up together, they too would have settled down and the lust and excitement would have disappeared.
She still didn’t feel truly loved as she thought she would. Simon did love her, but sometimes the passion in a movie or book would ignite her dreams and she would yearn to be swept off her feet. She’d searched for love her whole life and maybe it was just a dream; no one ever loved her quite as much as she expected, and that was her downfall. She expected too much, and real life wasn’t like that.
Her child would never know the feeling that had always hung over her. She would love him or her, with all her heart, she already did. A boy or girl, it wouldn’t matter, she was already smitten.
John turned up right on time to collect Nellie. ‘Good evening. How are you?’
‘Hello, John. Very well thanks and you?’
‘I’m good. I’ve booked us a table at the new Italian restaurant.’
She wheeled herself out of the door and locked it. ‘Oh, the one on the corner of Willis Street?’
‘That’s the one.’ He held the gate open.
‘Lovely.’
He helped her into the car and put her chair in the boot. He climbed into the car and started the engine. ‘I owe you an explanation.’
‘No, you don’t.’ Her voice was shrill. ‘Let’s just have a nice evening.’
He fastened his seatbelt and pulled away. ‘So what’s been happening with you?’
She chortled. ‘I haven’t stopped. You know Sophia’s having a baby?’
‘No! How wonderful.’
‘Oh, we’re going to have enough to catch up on to keep us going for the next week.’
‘That’s good—I intend seeing a lot more of you.’
Nellie looked out of the window. She’d heard it all before. Now don’t go getting on your high horse and spoiling the evening.
John cleared his throat. ‘I know I let you down. I had my reasons for not gettin
g in touch. My daughter, Samantha…’ His voice broke. ‘She died.’
‘Oh John.’ She rubbed his knee. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘The dreaded cancer.’ He wiped a tear from his cheek. ‘Diagnosed and dead within three months.’
Nellie felt her eyes watering. ‘How awful for you.’ She kept her hand on his leg.
John cleared his throat. ‘So, tell me about this baby. How are they doing?’
Sophia couldn’t get comfortable. Sleep had evaded her for the past three weeks and tonight wasn’t any better. She rolled from one side to the other, then tried her back. Eventually, she swung her legs around and sat on the edge of the bed.
Simon grunted. ‘Are you okay? What are you doing?’
She held her stomach. ‘I don’t feel right. I can’t get comfortable.’ She grabbed her dressing gown from the foot of the bed. ‘I’m going down to make some tea. Do you want some?’
‘I’m awake now, so might as well.’ He sat up. ‘Suppose this is the little fella getting us ready for sleepless nights. He followed her down the stairs in his boxers.
Sophia stopped on the bottom step and grabbed the banister. ‘Oh, God!’
‘Has it started? Are you okay?’ He rubbed her back.
‘Wow! It’s gone.’ She straightened up. ‘I need that tea now.’ She filled the kettle. ‘Do you think that was a contraction?’
‘Could have been. Another one will come and then you have to time them to see how much time apart they are.’
‘I know. I did go to the classes.’ She felt agitated and frightened. That hurt.
She handed Simon his tea and as she went to pick up hers another contraction began. She grabbed the back of the chair. She couldn’t breathe. ‘Whoa!’ She took a few deep breaths. ‘It can’t hurt this much…sometimes labour goes on for hours.’
‘I know when Marie…’ He stopped short. ‘Sorry.’ He bit his bottom lip, stood and rubbed her back.
A couple of hours later, at the hospital, Sophia sucked in gas and air while Nellie held her hand. ‘You might want to think about that epidural they offered you.’
‘Shut up! Ohhh nooo!’ She squeezed Nellie’s hand, then released it. ‘Sorry. Did I hurt your hand? I want to remember and I don’t… Oh no!’
A midwife arrived to examine her. ‘Let’s take you through to delivery.’
‘Am I allowed to go with her? Nellie asked.
The nurse nodded. ‘If she’d like you to.’
‘Yes. I do want… Nooo!’ Sophia grabbed at the gas mask and pushed it into her face.
‘She’s got a good pair of lungs,’ Nellie said weakly. She’d been excited to be invited to be with Sophia through the delivery, but nothing had prepared her for the amazing experience she’d just had. She sat at the side of the delivery bed holding Sophia’s hand. The nurse walked over to the bed, a clean, blanketed, calmer baby in her arms.
Sophia raised herself and took the small bundle. ‘Oh.’ Tears slipped down her cheeks unnoticed. ‘You’re so beautiful. Look at her Nellie.’
‘I am. She is the most beautiful baby. Just look at all that dark hair.’
‘So much of it.’
‘Have you chosen a name yet?’
Sophia hesitated, unable to draw her eyes away from her child. ‘No. We have a list, but wanted to wait.’ Dark hair. She stared, taking in every last detail. Her heart raced and she knew. ‘Here Nellie, have a cuddle.’
Nellie took the wide-eyed child and sat with her. ‘Are you going to ring Simon?’
Sophia nibbled her fingernail. Racked with guilt, she couldn’t speak to Simon.
‘Are you okay? Lie back down a moment, you’re tired.’
Sophia lowered herself and closed her eyes. What to do? Tell the truth or live a lie? She couldn’t think straight. Nellie would be disgusted with her. Simon would hate her. She couldn’t even run, not with a baby so young. Where would she run to? She hated herself. Tears ran down, irritating her ears. She rubbed them away in frustration.
‘Let it all out, sweetheart. It’s an emotional time for you.’
Sophia heaved herself back up to a sitting position. The nurse had left the room. ‘Nellie, I don’t think she’s Simon’s.’ Her voice quivered and the tears fell.
Nellie’s face dropped for a second and then she regained control. She smoothed the baby’s head with her finger. ‘They can have a different colour hair inherited from past generations.’
Sophia shook her head. No. It’s the shape of her face. Her nose is just… And her mouth. The hair just made me look closer.’
Nellie rubbed Sophia’s arm. ‘What will you do?’
‘I don’t know. I really, just don’t know what to do.’ The nurse bustled back into the room.
The baby was placed in a small transparent cot on wheels and Sophia moved to another bed, before being wheeled along empty corridors to a four bedded ward.
‘Do you want me to stay a while?’ Nellie craved a cuppa, but couldn’t leave Sophia with such an awful dilemma on her mind. She dragged a chair over to the side of the bed, so they wouldn’t be overheard. ‘Look, the way I see it, you have two choices. You tell Simon or you don’t. What about the other chap?’
‘It was Gio. He turned up that weekend Simon and the boys were away. I don’t know why… He asked me to go with him, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t leave Simon and the boys.’ She looked at the cot and smiled. ‘I can’t believe I’m this lucky; I don’t deserve to be.’
‘Yes, you do. We all do things, but never have regrets. It’s what you do that makes you what you are. You have a beautiful daughter and just need to make a few decisions. Do you mind if I nip off and get a cup of tea?’
Sophia giggled. ‘Sorry. I’ve monopolised you haven’t I. Go and have something to eat and drink in the cafeteria, and I’ll ring Simon.’
Nellie wandered through endless corridors to the other side of the hospital. She’d never realised how big this place was. Double swing doors led to each ward, all seemingly named after trees and plants. Trolleys glided past, the occupants either sleeping or looking nervous. White-coated doctors carrying paperwork folders and clipboards hurried importantly to their patients. Nurses, in small groups, chatting and laughing, headed in and out of a staff cafeteria next to the public one.
She ordered two fruit pastries and a strong tea, then sat by the window to enjoy her afternoon snack. She absentmindedly watched a couple of sparrows on the window ledge. Of course, she and Anna had known Sophia had struggled after meeting Gio again, but they hadn’t realised how deep her torment went. It was admirable for her to stand by Simon and the children, but love conquers all, and Sophia had chosen loyalty over love. That’s the thing with love, you don’t seem to have a choice. It takes over and leads you in all sorts of directions you hadn’t planned. Once it takes hold, there’s no stopping it. What was that poor girl going to do? Whatever she decided, she had a gorgeous little girl and the rest of her life to look forward to. Nellie finished her tea, debated on a second cup, and then declined as she needed to get back to the ward. She wrapped the second pastry in a serviette, put it in her bag and set off to find out if Sophia had made any life-changing decisions.
Sophia sat in bed, cuddling the baby, chatting to another mum standing at her bed. The woman turned as Nellie approached. ‘Oh, here’s granny. I’d better be getting back.’
‘See you later,’ Sophia said as the woman crossed the ward and peered into her child’s cot.
She looked back at Nellie and Sophia. ‘Fast off. He only stays awake through the night. Five times he had me up last night.’
‘Oh dear. I expect I’ve got all that to come.’ Sophia turned to Nellie. ‘Did you find the cafeteria?’
Nellie opened her bag. ‘Yes, I brought this back for you.’
Sophia peeled open the serviette. ‘Oh, lovely. Thank you. They brought me some cold toast and a cup of tea and said dinner was at six.’ She followed the curve of the baby’s cheek, making her give a jolt. ‘I spoke to Simon. He sa
id he’ll pop in with the boys after school.’
Nellie thought it strange he wasn’t bouncing up to the hospital right away to see who he thought was his new daughter. Funny the way these things are. ‘That’s nice.’ Should she ask the question hanging in the air? ‘Have you had any thoughts?’
Sophia took a deep breath. ‘I made a decision, and to change that now is as bad as it would have been last year. I thought I was doing the right thing. Gio and I were adults and hadn’t seen each other for years. I thought I’d get over him like before. Now, I just think I need time. I have to put her before me, or Simon and the children. I’m going to see how I feel in a few weeks’ time and take it from there.’
‘I think that’s best. You can’t make proper decisions in a hurry, especially not after a new baby, and the shock of… well, the birth and all.’
‘You can say it.’ She smiled at Nellie. ‘I love you. Thank you for being there for me.’
‘I’ll always be there for you. I love you more than you know, and this precious little girl.’
Eddie bounded into the ward, looked at the other three women and then saw Sophia. His face broke into a wide grin, then a look of embarrassment took over. ‘Come on. Come and look at this beautiful girl,’ Sophia encouraged. He darted over and peered into the cot.
He screwed up his nose. ‘She’s a bit red.’
Simon and Charlie strode in. Charlie went straight to the cot, while Simon hugged Sophia. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘Good thanks.’
Simon looked at her. Sophia was unable to read his expression. There was something reserved about his reaction; maybe she was imagining it. ‘Oh, will you look at her, just a picture. Is she good?’
‘So far.’