by Jacqui Penn
He pulled over the chair Nellie had sat on earlier. He turned to the boys. ‘Are you two alright or shall I see if I can find another couple of chairs?’
Charlie glanced around the room. ‘I don’t need a chair.’ He might be told to stay on it. Far better to have a bit of freedom.
‘I want a chair.’ Eddie said.
The woman across the ward called across. ‘My visitors won’t be here for a while. Take this one.’ She motioned to a chair.
Simon walked across. He looked into the cot. ‘A boy?’
‘Yes.’
‘Thought so. He’s big.’
She smiled and raised her eyebrows. ‘And didn’t I know it. Just under ten pounds.’
Simon picked up the chair. ‘Thanks.’
‘You’re welcome.’
He put the chair next to his own and Eddie plonked into it for a second before joining Charlie at the end of Sophia’s bed examining her chart.
Simon reached down to the floor and handed her a bag. ‘Just got a couple of bits on the way here; daresay you’ll be going shopping when you’re up and about.’
Sophia peered into the bag. ‘A blue donkey? Oh, it’s Eeyore.’ She giggled.
‘That was Eddie.’
‘Thanks, Eddie. Do you want to put it at the end of her cot?’ She reached into the bag again. ‘A blue bracelet. Let me guess, Charlie?’
‘Yep. You’ve got it.’
‘Thanks, Charlie. She might have to wear that when she’s a bit bigger. I’ll keep it safe for her.’
‘That’s okay,’ Charlie said, swinging on the end of the bed.
Simon frowned. ‘Don’t swing on there. Eddie, why are you on the floor? Come and sit here.’
‘I’m bored. Can we go? Charlie said.
Simon gave a look of exasperation. ‘We only just got here. Here.’ He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out his loose change. ‘Go together and find a vending machine. Get something to eat.’
Charlie took the proffered money. ‘How do we know where there’s a machine. Can’t you come with us?’
Simon looked at Sophia. ‘Back in a mo.’
Sophia closed her eyes and savoured the peace. Was it her imagination or hadn’t Simon been enthusiastic? He’d hardly looked at… She smiled. What name? She opened her eyes and looked at the little girl twitching in her sleep.
The boys arrived back both tucking into a bag of crisps. Simon handed her a bag of Maltesers. ‘So do you know when you’ll be coming home? I’ll have to organise for the boys to be picked up from school until you’re home.’
‘No. I think I have to wait to see the doctor in the morning.’ He surely didn’t expect her to do school runs as soon as she returned home? ‘I thought you were taking some time off when the baby was born?’
‘Ah yes, I was going to. I’ve had to change that though.’ He scratched at a speck on his trousers. ‘There’s promotion come up in Spain, so I really can’t afford to take time off at the moment.’
Sophia frowned. ‘Spain? How would that work?’
He cleared his throat and couldn’t meet her eyes. ‘We’d move there.’
‘Move!’ She shook her head. ‘What are you talking about?’ She was not moving to Spain!
‘It’s a brilliant opportunity. The company is opening a branch in Madrid. Just think, all that sun; you loved Spain.’
She could feel her stomach churning. ‘I loved being on holiday there. We’ve never spoken about moving there.’
‘I had to wait until I was pretty certain I’d get it.’ He fidgeted on his chair and pointed his finger at Eddie, who was trying to balance Sophia’s chart on his head. ‘Put it down.’
‘I don’t want to move to Spain. Especially with a baby.’ She didn’t even know if she was staying; there was too much to think about. Tears pricked her eyes.
‘This is why I wasn’t going to say anything.’ He held her hand. ‘Don’t get upset. Charlie get up.’ Charlie had been about to crawl under the bed. ‘Look, I’d better go before we get thrown out. I’ll visit tonight, without these two.’
Sophia had fed the baby and now she looked adoringly at the sleeping child. Who are you going to be? Giovanni, was there a female version of that? Whoa! Where did that come from? Gina, Vanessa, Annie…
‘You’re deep in thought there.’ Nellie stood and hovered over the cot for a moment before kissing Sophia’s cheek. She delved into a carrier bag and passed Sophia a large box of Belgian chocolates. ‘Those are for you, and this…’ She pulled out a parcel covered with pink wrapping paper. ‘This is for… Has she got a name yet?’
Sophia put the chocolates on the bed and took the present. ‘No, she hasn’t. That’s what I was thinking about.’ She smoothed her hand over the shiny paper. ‘Thank you.’ She laid the present on her legs and looked at Nellie. ‘Do you think it would be okay to name her after her father?’
Nellie looked serious for a moment. ‘I suppose that would depend on what you’re going to do.’ Nellie lowered herself onto the chair. ‘If you’re keeping your secret to yourself, then no, you should put it all away. Or, if you’re going to tell Simon and bring her up together then no. But, if you’re going to leave and bring her up on your own, her name is your choice.’
Sophia frowned. ‘Thank God, I’ve got you. What am I going to do?’
‘I haven’t got the answer.’ Nellie knew she had to be careful not to sway her either way; Sophia was so vulnerable at the moment. ‘What do you want to do? You know time sorts out a lot of life’s problems. It’s never too late. Are you really sure she’s not Simon’s?’
‘The more I look at her, the more I see Gio… I just know.’
Nellie looked into the cot, almost searching for some similarity between the baby and the boys or Simon, but it wasn’t forthcoming. ‘You can’t really call her Gio.’
Sophia burst into laughter. ‘You are so funny.’
‘Well, it’s good to see you laughing.’
‘His name is Giovanni… So she could be Annie, Vanessa, or Gina… I can’t see myself calling her any of those though, but you get the idea?’
Nellie smiled. ‘Ah! I get you… So really it would be okay for any of those as they’re quite different from Gio, but you don’t like them.’ They sat in silence staring at the baby. ‘Gianni, Georgia…’
‘Georgia. I like that. Georgia, Georgia… Georgy.’ She sat up. ‘I’m going to spell it with an i. Giorgia.’
Nellie clasped her hands together. She’d just named a baby! ‘That’s pretty, and a bit different. What do you think Simon will say?’
Sophia’s face clouded. ‘You know, I don’t think he’ll say anything.’ She frowned. ‘He’s after some promotion; I don’t even think he’s taking any time off work. The new job will be in Spain.’
Nellie’s jaw fell open. ‘Spain! You’re moving to Spain?’
‘I’m not. I’m furious. He didn’t tell me anything about it until today when he said he wouldn’t be taking time off work as there was too much to do if he wanted the promotion.’ She almost ran out of breath as the words fell out of her mouth. ‘He made it sound like he expects me to sort the boys out and everything.’
‘No! You must have misunderstood, he wouldn’t expect that, surely not.’
Sophia shook her head. ‘This is all such a mess. I know I’ve brought it on myself.’
Nellie, for once, was lost for words.
Sophia picked up Nellie’s present for the baby. She carefully peeled back the tape and tipped the contents onto the bed. ‘Ah! Look! Thank you. They’re so pretty.’ She picked up a pink stretchy hat with a flower on the side. ‘Now, something like that I’d expect from Anna. It’s so lovely. Oh, and socks to match.’ She picked up a dress. ‘It’s so small and pink.’
Nellie chuckled. ‘I went overboard on the pink. I thought you wouldn’t have much.’
‘No, nothing. Little cardy, and a pink teddy.’ She shuffled over the bed and put her arms around Nellie. ‘Thank you so much. They’re lovely.’
‘You’re welcome.’ Nellie looked around as the dinner trolley arrived. ‘Dinner time. I’d better go and leave you to it.’
‘You only just got here. Stay while I eat. You might have to do a bit of babysitting if she wakes. If Giorgia wakes.’ An orderly placed a tray on Sophia’s table.
Nellie looked into the cot. ‘So, you’re going to call her Giorgia?’
‘Yes. And you know what else?’
‘What?’
‘Now, we need a middle name. So get your thinking cap on while I eat dinner. I’m starving.’
Chapter 26
Giorgia was three weeks old before Anna visited. ‘When are you coming to visit her?’ Sophia had begged.
‘I am, soon. It’s just that Terry and I are going to Scotland for a week, so I’ll have to come when I get back.’
Sophia sighed. ‘Wow! That’s obviously going well then.’ She needed to talk to Anna.
‘I’ve put a card and present in the post, and I’ll bring her back a kilt or something.’
Sophia giggled. ’You would as well.’
At last, Anna arrived with Terry. Sophia had been a bit miffed Terry was coming with Anna. She hoped he’d make himself scarce at some point so they could talk properly. Sophia opened the front door and ran to greet her friend. ‘I can’t believe you’re here at last.’ They hugged. ‘Hi, Terry. How are you?’
‘Fine thanks. Thought I’d pop in and see the new addition.’
‘Come this way.’ She led the way through to the lounge.
Simon folded the paper and stood. ‘Hello, Anna, Terry.’ He kissed Anna’s cheek and shook hands with Terry. ‘She’s sleeping at the moment. We’re so lucky, she’s an angel. Just wakes for her food, looks around for a while, and then drops back off.’
Anna went to the sofa where Giorgia was sleeping and pulled back the blanket. ‘Oh, she is beautiful. Look at that dark hair!’ She stroked Giorgia’s cheek. ‘You must be so proud.’
‘Would you like a drink? Tea, coffee, something stronger,’ Simon said. ‘We’ve got beer if you fancy one Terry.’ A thumping of feet came down the stairs and the boys appeared. They stopped dead when they saw Terry and Anna.
‘I didn’t know you were here,’ Charlie said. They giggled, and raced back out of the room.’
‘Hi, boys,’ Anna called after them.
‘Hi,’ they chorused back.
‘Dad, are we still going swimming?’ Eddie shouted.
‘Yes. I’ll just chat with Anna and Terry for a while first.’
‘Okay.’ A door upstairs slammed shut.
Simon shook his head. ‘So Terry, a beer?’
‘Yes, great thanks.’
‘Wine, Anna?’
‘No. Tea for me.’
Sophia looked at her and raised her eyebrows. ‘Are you feeling alright?’
‘Yep, we’re fine. Can’t drink in my condition.’
‘Nooo! You’re not!’ Sophia looked at Anna’s smile. ‘You are. Oh my God! Congratulations!’ She rushed over and hugged Anna. ‘Wow! That’s lovely.’ She kissed Terry. ‘So when? Why didn’t you tell me? This is so exciting.’
Simon kissed Anna and gave Terry a friendly rub on his arm. ‘Looks like you’re joining the ranks of parenthood. Welcome. It’s not as bad as they make it out to be. Right, beer and tea.’
Terry had gone to sort out some stuff in his flat, as he seemed to spend most of his time with Anna these days. Simon had taken Eddie and Charlie swimming.
Almost the second the door closed behind them Anna raised her eyebrows at Sophia. ‘So dark hair! Is there anything you need to tell Auntie Anna?’
Sophia sighed. ‘Is it that obvious? Anna, I don’t know what to do.’ With that, she burst into tears. ‘Do you think Simon knows?’
‘Well, what’s he said?’
‘Absolutely nothing, which makes it worse. I feel like there’s a… What do they call it, an elephant in the room?’
Anna raised her eyebrows. ‘Gio. I’m presuming.’
Sophia wiped her tears on a tissue. ‘Yes.’
Anna nodded. ‘I knew it as soon as I saw her.’
‘You’ve never met Gio.’
‘She just looks Italian.’
Sophia sighed and looked lovingly at Giorgia. ‘I feel like I’m in the wrong place… It’s all such a fuck up.’ Her voice faltered.
Anna wanted to scream at her. She’d known all the way along Sophia had loved Gio, but getting her to admit it was like trying to push water uphill. I told you wasn’t going to help anything so she had to stay positive. ‘What do you want to do?’
Sophia looked thoughtful. ‘That’s the thing…’ She shook her head. ‘I feel so guilty; I just don’t know what to do. Leave and break hearts or stay and live with what I’ve done.’
Anna frowned and raised her eyebrows. ‘So when…? With Gio? It must have been—’
‘Yes! It was! Only a couple of weeks before the wedding.’
Anna sighed. ‘You should have put what you wanted first. Be honest. You wanted to be with Gio.’
Sophia nodded. ‘But I know what it’s like to be abandoned. Charlie and Eddie lost their mum and then if I left… And Simon… He didn’t deserve it.’ She bit her lips together. ‘Now he’s talking about moving to Spain.’
Anna screwed up her nose. ‘Why? When?’
Sophia drew a deep breath and then let it out slowly. ‘He wants a promotion, and the new job is in Spain, Madrid. He thinks because I enjoyed the holiday, I’ll like living there. I wouldn’t mind, but he hasn’t so much discussed an opportunity, as tell me.’
‘Oh no! So do you want to go?’
‘No!’
‘But you will.’
‘I expect so.’ She felt drained. ‘Gio needs to know he has a daughter.’ She closed her eyes. Her head was spinning.
Anna looked serious. ‘Let’s look at worst scenarios. If you leave or if you stay. If you tell Simon and if you don’t.’
Sophia licked her lips and looked thoughtful. ‘Do you know what? There aren’t any good or bad scenarios. I just have to decide what I want to do. Is that really selfish of me?’
Anna let out a puff of air and pushed out her lips. ‘How happy would you be living a lie? And if you tell the truth, Simon might not want to know anyway, so he’d be making the decision for you. So you might as well figure out what you want to do and go from there.’ She chewed at her fingernail. ‘Oh, God! Don’t ask me! I’m not exactly a relationship guru with my track record. I thought today would all be about babies and gooey stuff.’
‘Sorry.’
Anna was out of her depth. ‘Let’s go for a walk and visit Nellie.’
Sophia had her nose up against the patterned glass. ‘I can see her chair. She must be in. Maybe she’s having a lie-down.’
‘Let’s go to the bakers and get some cakes. By the time we get back, she might be up.’ They wandered up the road, Anna delightedly pushing the baby, imagining when she would have her own pushchair.
They got as far as the end of the road. ‘You know what?’ Sophia shook her head. ‘That’s not right. Why would her chair be in the hall? I think we should go back.’ Anna agreed.
As Nellie’s bungalow came into view, they saw John making a hasty retreat towards his car. Anna giggled. ‘Reckon they were in the bedroom together.’
‘No, don’t be ridiculous.’
‘Didn’t you know? John stayed the night you got married.’
Sophia giggled. ‘Yes, you said, but she kept very quiet about the fact he actually stayed in her bed.’ She brought her fingers up to her mouth and amazed herself that she could still whistle so loud. John turned his head and waved.
‘Look at him. A picture of innocence,’ Sophia whispered. ‘Hi, John. Don’t rush off on our account,’ she called.
‘Lovely to see you both. Let’s have a look at this little treasure.’ He looked into the pushchair. ‘She’s grown.’
Sophia kissed his cheek. ‘Yes, she has. You remember Anna?’
; ‘Of course.’ He kissed her. ‘How are you, Anna?’
‘Fine thanks, and you?’
‘I’m getting there. Good days and bad ones. Glad I’ve got Nellie.’ He looked distant. ‘Anyway. Must get going. See you soon, Sophia. I’ll pop around.’
‘You do that. Come for dinner one night. How about you and Nellie come next Saturday.’
‘That’d be great. Thank you.’ He climbed in his car and hooted the horn as he pulled away.
Nellie was waiting at the door. ‘Caught out or what? You two were in the bedroom!’ Sophia teased as she kissed Nellie’s cheek.
‘Don’t be thinking we’re too old for a bit of fun.’ Nellie pulled back Giorgia’s blanket. ‘Bless.’ She kissed Anna. ‘Hello, pet. Come on in and have a drink.’
Simon, for once, didn’t feel like going in the pool. He sat in the observation area and waved or put his thumb in the air each time the boys showed him a stunt or trick. His guilt dragged him down. Marrying Sophia had been a mistake, and now there was little Giorgia. All he could do was keep casting his mind back to when the boys had been born. His joy was so big, he thought he’d burst. Georgia was beautiful and so good, everything he could wish for, but the true feeling of love wasn’t there for him and he didn’t understand himself.
If he was honest, he’d married on the rebound. Sophia had just been there, through all the pain she’d held them all together; been their rock. He loved her and Giorgia, but it wasn’t the same. He’d confused companionship with love. He’d been lost and grabbed at the first and only thing he saw as a replacement for Marie, but as lovely as Sophia was, and for all her great ways with the kids, she wasn’t Marie. No one ever would be. He’d never love anyone as he had Marie and now the guilt had set in.
There had to be something wrong with him. Sophia was a wonderful step-mum. The boys would be lost without her, but he felt like he was using her as a convenience and she deserved so much more. He could carry on, but that only proved how selfish he was. Then there was Giorgia. He looked at her, he wanted to feel the passion, but it wasn’t there. He rubbed his hand over his face.
‘Dad!’ Eddie shouted in frustration. ‘Can we get burger and chips on the way home?’