Making Our Way Back

by Jennah Thornhill

  “So just to clarify, you're not going to run for the hills? You're ok still being my solicitor, and having me back in your life?” I have to ask her just to put my own mind at rest.

  “No Kane, I’m not ok, what you’re just told me is a fucking lot of information to digest. I will be ok over time when I’ve processed it all, but no, I’m not going to run for the hills as you put it. You have your reasons for doing what you did, and if I knew you back then as well as I think I did. You did what you did because you felt like you had no other choice, the Kane I knew then didn’t have a bad bone in his body. Just because you told me this, it doesn’t make me happy Kane. I’m still fucking fuming at you because of how you left me, yes you’ve told me now why you left. But I still have thirteen years of hurt and anger built up inside of me, it doesn’t go away just like that. You left me for a bloody long time, making me feel like it was my fault, like I was the one that did something wrong. I had nobody Kane, just you. And you left me.” She’s in a full blown crying fit now, and I haven't a clue what to do about it. I hold myself back from touching her, knowing that it’ll only make this situation worse.

  “I’m sorry, I never wanted you to feel that way, I thought I was doing the right thing at that moment in time. If I had any other choice, you know I would have been there that day. I’m so sorry Lucy, I am really, you have to believe me.” I plead at her, I didn’t have a choice… I didn’t. And if I did, I’m one hundred percent sure I’d make the same one as I did then. “I’m glad you’re here now Lucy and willing to listen to me.” I say to her, hoping she can’t see I’m telling her the truth.

  “Look Kane, I need to go back to my friends before they send out a search party for me, we’ll talk properly some other time but right now I need to leave. I can’t deal with all of this.”

  Not once does she mention the kiss we shared, although I would gladly lay her bare right here right now and kiss the life out of her. I stare at her lips, wishing I could taste her again but I’m not going to push my luck. I’m grateful she let me kiss her, just that one kiss will last me a lifetime. I want more, but for now that will have to do. As much as I'd like her to stay, I don't beg or plead with her. She knows enough and we should leave it at that, and if I spend another second being this close to her, I will not be responsible for my actions. So instead I push myself up off the sofa, holding my hand out for her to grab so she can pull herself up. She hesitates for a split second before she places her hand in mine, I hold her tiny hand in mine all the way to the door, wishing it was further away just so I could feel her soft delicate skin that little bit longer. I can feel her staring at me, and I realise I haven't said anything for a while.

  Coughing, I clear my throat.

  “It’s good seeing you again bab... I mean Luce, enjoy the rest of your evening, and behave yourself.” I wink at her, she knows full well why I said that. No more talking to strange men. That I could not bare to watch, if it happened again I would be going back to prison that's for sure. And for some reason I get the feeling like I may not see or hear from her for a while, if ever again. It feels like a final goodbye. She’s leaving to be with her friends, yet this feeling I have pulsing through my veins and the thoughts I’m having that are racing through my brain will remain with me till I see her again.

  I kiss her hand before I let it go and opening up my office door for her. She's got that shy look on her face, just like when we were younger.

  “Thank you Kane. For being honest with me, and sharing what you have.” She looks at me for something, but all I can give her is a nod if my head.

  Just before she walks off I tell her.

  “Oh and Luce, anything you and your friends are drinking? They are on the house.” I see her eyes nearly pop out of their sockets. I know what she's thinking just from the look on her beautiful face, and before she can even open her mouth I cut her off.

  “It's not up for discussion, just enjoy your night, yeah.” I give her a coy smile. With that said I close my office door. Throwing my hands on the back of my head, I blow out a massive breath.

  What the fuck just happened?

  As I’m pacing the office floor trying to get my head around it all, Marcus comes barrelling through my door looking like he’s just been mauled to death by a wild animal.

  “What the hell happened to you? You look like someone or something has tried to rip you to shreds.” I try my hardest to stifle my laugh, but it comes bubbling out of me uncontrollable.

  He's just staring at me with a look of bewilderment on his face, whilst trying to catch his breath.

  “I think I've just been violated.”

  I almost fall to the floor, I’m howling with laughter that much. I can’t get any words out.

  “Gay men are worse than fucking women, they’re like fucking vultures out there. I swear to god you wear a nice shirt and some tight trousers and they think you're as camp as they are… I mean I have nothing against another man's sexual preferences, each to their own and all that. But do I look gay to you?” He’s not in the least bit amused, I'd say more along the lines of terrorized. Where as I’m creased over at the waist still laughing, this just gets better the more he talks.

  “And the worst thing about it, I get the fucking gayest of all gays don't I. Not just a man who's gay. Nope, the biggest fucking diva in the club. I’m pretty sure at one point this place used to be pussy central… what the fuck went wrong? He practically molested me into a fucking corner. I mean who the fuck does that? Him obviously.” He's answering his own questions now. Thank god, I wouldn't be able find the words. I haven't laughed like this for such a long time that I’d actually forgot what it feels like. It feels good.

  I finally compose myself in some sort of fashion to look at him, but when I do, I see why a gay man would think Marcus was fair game.

  He’s wearing the most ugliest shirt I’ve ever seen, it actually reminds me a little of a Noel Edmunds shirt… you know the type. Pink paisley pattern, fitted snug to his muscular frame. How I didn’t notice this earlier I don’t know, because if I had I would’ve made him change it, and don’t even get me started on his trousers. Them fuckers look like they’ve been spray painted onto his legs.

  “Dude…did you even look in the mirror before you came out the door tonight? Have you seen what you're wearing? Of course he’s going to think you belong in the gay club.” I inform him, still trying my hardest to keep my composure, whilst at the same time motioning up and down with my hand at what I’m talking about.

  He looks down at his attire with a serious look of confusion on his face.

  “This shirt is Hugo Boss I’ll have you know, I paid a small fortune for it.”

  “Then I’m telling you now mate, you were ripped off big time. I wouldn’t pay fifty pence for it let alone a small fortune.” I point out.

  “Why are you just telling me this now you idiot? Oh that’s right you weren’t paying attention were you? What happened to getting you smashed and laid good and proper?” Shit I’d completely forgot about that conversation, but I’m glad I didn’t, I’m not a teenager anymore, I think with my head not my dick, and after seeing Lucy again, I wouldn’t want to sleep with anyone else knowing there is a small chance of us being together, however small that may be, it’s still a chance. That’s all I need.

  I walk over to the glass window that looks out over the bustling club, seeking out just one person.

  “She happened.” I say as my answer, as I nod my head towards Luce who’s dancing with the guy who she works with, Cole I think his name is.

  “I don’t have a shitting clue who you're nodding your head at, the place is packed. I will however tell you, that’s the fucking guy who just had his hands on my butt….” He trails off. Stabbing his finger on the glass, aiming it in the direction on Lucy and Cole.

  “What?.” I cut him off, realising he’s talking about Cole. “I take it you’ve already met her friend then, in fact I’d say you know him very well indeed.” Laughter threatens to
take over again, but I just about managed to contain it. Fancy Cole being the guy Marcus was on about.

  “What, that guy knows Lucy? Does that mean I’ll have to see him again? Oh God, he’s going to make my life hell isn’t he?” He puts his face in his hands, as if admitting defeat. I think I’m going to enjoy making him suffer that little bit longer.

  “Oh yeah, he works for Lucy, so my guess is you're going to be seeing a lot of him over that next couple of months, seeing as I needed a solicitor, and Luce just so happens to be mine.”

  “But are you sure? Because he’s currently rubbing himself all over that very fine piece of ass on the dance floor.” The way he describes Lucy as a fine piece of ass makes me want to choke the life out of him, but then I’m the dumbass, like he just said, he doesn’t know who I was nodding my head at. There’s god knows how many women on that dance floor.

  I calm myself down with some deep breaths before I can respond to him.

  “Just so you know, to save me from knocking your pretty boy teeth out. That fine piece of ass is Lucy.”

  “That’s Lucy? Jeez mate your punching well above your weight with that one.” I see him smirking at the side of me. The fucker is right though, she is, she deserves the best in life. And I’m not even one hundred percent sure if I’m worthy of her.

  All I know is that I’m willing to fight tooth and nail for her.

  Lucy

  T hanks to Kane, myself and these two idiots are way past drunk. I haven’t told Donna or Cole that I have being getting their drinks for free. To be honest after they had their sixth or is it seventh cocktail? I’m not sure, anyway they haven’t noticed, and quite frankly they don’t seem to care. When they asked where I had been earlier I just told them I bumped into an old friend, Donna gave me a ‘I know you're bullshitting’ look but didn’t push it. Although the bitch will when we’re alone, and Cole didn’t give two shits. When I got back to them, he was busy pawing at some poor bloke in the most god awful shirt that looked like it had baby sick on it, thinking he’s pulled.

  “I’m telling you, that guy was into me, he’s just playing hard to get. I love a good chase.”

  “Either that, or he couldn't get away from you and your flipping hands, grabbing his arse and all that. It was not a pretty site… at all.” Donna shakes her head as if removing the image from her head.

  “You're just jealous my friend, because I’m going to get laid and you aren't.”

  “Please, and yeah I agree, you are gonna get laid… Laid out. By him, did you not see his face. You've scarred him for life.” I try my best not to laugh at Donna’s comment or the look on Cole’s face. Before he comes back with another sly comment I interrupt them.

  “Ok kids, I wanna hit the dance floor again who’s coming?” I turn around as I’m walking back towards the dance floor to see if they are following, they are. Both jumping up from their seats and following me.

  Just as I reach the floor the song that was currently playing stops, like right in the middle of the song. I look around and see everyone’s just as confused as me.

  “What the fuck?” Some random guy shouts.

  The DJ then makes an unusual announcement.

  “Sorry to stop the party guys, but I have a request from the boss. It’s a banging tune so here it is.” With that said the song starts to play. As soon as I hear the beat start to kick in, all the hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention, as well as getting goose bumps that break out all over my body.

  The chorus kicks in and the whole of the club roars…

  “Everybody’s free it feels good…” I start laughing to myself.

  I can’t believe he remembered, after all this time. You may laugh but this song by Rozalla was our song, we would sit and listen to it play over and over again on his tape player. I spin on my heels, looking for him. I eye all the people dancing around me, thinking he might be on the dance floor, he used to a good mover back in the day. But he’s not there. I can feel him watching me though, my body is reacting to him and I can’t even see him. Something tells me to look over my shoulder in the direction I know his office is. Which is what I do, that’s when I find him, just standing there, looking down at me through the glass wall with the cockiest smile I’ve ever seen. Looking like the smuggest bastard in the world. He also looks hot as hell leaning his forearm up against the glass, resting his head on his arm, just looking at me. His eyes burning into mine.

  He knew this would get a reaction from me, he’s reminding me of how we once were, he doesn’t need to though, I never forgot what we had as kids. He may have said he loved me earlier but he always used to tell me that, he always loved me like a sister, yet the kiss we shared certainly isn’t the way you would kiss your sister. God I’m so confused right now. With the music still going strong, I shake my head at him before turning my attention on my two friends who are flinging themselves around the dance floor like something from Strictly. Seriously I don’t know how I ended up with these pair of crazies as my friends. And the fact I’ve now introduced them doesn’t help me in the slightest, with the two of them together, means double the crazy. Deciding instead of being a bore, I take the saying ‘If you can’t beat em join em’ to heart. I throw my arms in the air and start to finally enjoying the song from a time when I was deliriously happy.

  Before I know it, hours have past and it’s getting late, or should I be saying early? It’s coming up to two am, my feet are killing me in these ridiculous yet sexy shoes, and my heads starting to bang a little. I look over to Don and Cole still rocking it out on the dance floor, I had to find a seat to sit on, if I didn’t I’d be sitting on the floor and not give two shits about it. I pull my phone out my bag, wondering whether to go tell them both I’m going to head home or just text them both the same message. Knowing them pair they wouldn’t let me leave just yet, so I decide on the latter of the two.

  I pull up both of their names and start to type a message.

  Don, Cole

  Hey just letting u know I’m heading home, will txt u wen I get there. Have fun luv ya xx

  I look up towards Kane’s office to see if he’s still there, he isn’t. I find myself feeling a little disappointed. He’s more than likely busy working or gone home himself already. Then the green eyed monster rears her ugly head… what if he’s found someone to take home tonight? Jealousy boils in the pit of my stomach, anger prickles my skin. How can he kiss me like that, then leave with someone else?

  Stupid… Stupid Lucy.

  I head towards the side exit, knowing the main door will be packed with people pushing and shoving trying to grab the first taxi there. Not a lot of people know about this exit, but thanks to Gavin I no longer have to fight my way through the crowds.

  I swing the door open expecting to breathe in the fresh air from a cool night, but instead I’m hit with a minty yet wooden spice of a man's aftershave. That and also what felt like a brick wall. Only it wasn’t, it was a man’s chest, I muscle packed chest at that. Just when I think I’m about to hit the floor with the impact from it, his arms wrap around me, scooping me up.

  Oh my god… I’m being attacked, there’s no way I’ll have the strength to fight him off me.

  I go to scream for help when the goose bumps that are coating my body stop me. It’s Kane. It’s like my body is wired to his, connected together somehow.

  “Are you ok baby girl?” He asks whilst removing my hair that’s covering my face, as soon as I feel his hand touch the skin on my cheek, I find myself pushing it further into his hand. And for a split moment, a moment of weakness I find myself lost.

  Lost in him. Lost in what we once were.

  Realising I’ve closed my eyes and haven’t given him an answer, I pull myself back to the here and now, pushing him back slightly.

  “Jesus Kane, you nearly gave me fucking heart attack, I thought someone was going to attack me then…. but yes I’m fine… no thanks to you, and if you must know I was just doing a back door boogie on my friends.” I laugh
to ease the awkwardness away. He looks at me with a quizzical look on his face.

  “A back door boogie?” The look of confusion on his face is actually quite comical. Is he for real though? How does he not know what I’m on about? He’s just as common as me, if not more. Well he used to be. I guess having the money he has now will change a man. So it looks like I’m going have to explain it to him.

  “You know, when you leave without them knowing, you must’ve heard of it, or at least done it.”

  “No I haven’t, that’s a new one on me baby girl. Come on, I’ll give you a ride home.” He offers, at the same time he’s not really asking either. He’s telling me. Which is extremely hot.

  He places his large hand on the small of my back, and even with the material of my dress separating us from being skin on skin, I can still feel the heat from him. He guides me to a parked Audi just a few steps away from us. That’s when the nerves kick in, my mind finally registers I’m going to be alone in a confined space with him. At least when we were alone earlier I had more space, I also had a club full of people I could escape to as well. In the car I have nowhere to hide.

  It’s just Kane, you have nothing to worry about. I give myself a little pep talk as he opens my door for me, I climb in and sink low into the leather seats. This car is hot with a capital H. It’s a Matte grey Audi R8, which has red bucket seats on the inside, the steering wheel is red leather and the panels on the doors are grey little red gadgets on them, the middle panel where the gear stick sits is also red. Not to much red, but just enough. The best bit though, is the steering wheel. It’s got carbon fibre paddle shifters attached to it, the Audi badge symbol is printed in the middle also in red. It screams sex on wheels. It suits Kane down to a T.

  I pull my seatbelt on just as he’s putting his large frame behind the wheel. It’s then my nerves leave and they are replaced with a feeling I’m not used to, nor want. I want him, I’m not going to deny it to myself anymore. If I was honest with myself I wanted him the minute he walked in my office four days ago, I was just too shocked at the time. And then in his office, when I left I had no intention of seeing him again, at least till I got my head around him being in prison. But now, having him in such a close, confined space has my mind all messed up. One minute I need to get away, put some distance between us, and then the next my body is all hot and bothered. This isn’t me, I don’t get hot for a man, then again this just isn’t any man.