Making Our Way Back

by Jennah Thornhill

  “You don’t get it. What if I make things worse by going in there, what if she loses the other…b... b” I can’t bring myself to say it, but she knows what I’m trying to get out.

  “Kane, things can’t get any worse than they already are, but if you don’t get your arse in there, you’ll never know, will you? Just be patient with her, she might even speak to you. Go on.” She urges me towards the door again. Nodding her head towards the direction she wants me to go in, followed by a smile, before she walks off down the corridor to where the canteen is.

  I can do this, I can do this. I release a breath, not even realising I was holding one in. I roll my shoulders back and knock on the door, just as I make my way through, I can see her lying there, but she’s not facing me. Her back is. She looks so small curled up in that hospital bed and my heart breaks even more.

  I tentatively walk around her bed and find her sleeping. I might as well make myself comfy, because there is no way in hell I’m going to wake her up. By the sound of things, she needs her rest. So I place my arse in the chair beside her bed and wait for her to wake up. She looks so peaceful lying there, will that peace last when she opens her eyes and sees me sitting here.

  Only time will tell.

  Lucy

  M y eyes are still tightly shut, but I know he’s here, I can sense him in the room. Am I glad he’s here or not? I couldn’t tell you, I don’t feel anything. My head keeps playing the doctor’s words over and over again. I still don’t understand what happened. One minute everything was fine -well not fine exactly, I had just been told my boyfriend had fucked not only my sister but my mother as well. The next thing I know, I felt like my insides were dropping out of me and there wasn’t a damn thing I could have done to stop it. Once all the madness and chaos was over, I found out that I was pregnant with twins. Twins. I don’t even know if I have the twin gene in my family, and I have no one who I can even ask.

  If it wasn’t for Donna coming to my rescue I don’t know what I would have done, I’d probably still be standing there, or worse I’d be lying in a pool of my own blood. It doesn’t bare thinking about.

  The last couple of days have been a living hell for me, when will all the pain and suffering stop. I can’t deal with this shit anymore, I’ll never forgive my mum and Sophie for turning up at my place and trying to start a war, a part of me thinks they caused it. Do I blame Kane too? I don’t know, yes and no.

  On one hand, he played his part in it, even if he was on my side, but on the other hand, he did it all for me. Where would I be now, if not for him? I’d be drugged and raped and god knows what else. Maybe even dead. So I should be thankful that at least someone out there loved me and protected me.

  I can’t fake being asleep any longer, as much as I don’t want to have this conversation with Kane, it’s needed for us both to move forward and on with our lives.

  With us together or not, we’ll find out once and for all.

  No more lies, no more heartache. I’m going to lay my heart out on the line and hope for the best. Because at the end of the day, even after all the shit we’ve been through in the short space of time we’ve been back in each other's lives, I still love him, I’ve always loved him even way back then, and that’s not going to change anytime soon. A love like ours only comes around once in a lifetime and I’m not about to throw it away, not when it’s taken us this long to get where we are now. We’ve already lost too much valuable time together. And if I’ve learnt anything in the last twenty four hours, it is that life is way too short and things can get snatched away from you in the blink of an eye.

  I’m not willing to waste another minute.

  I start to stretch my legs out, but wince as a pain shoots through my lower groin, reminding me of why we’re here, and what I’ve lost. What we’ve lost.

  Does he know about the other baby? I never thought of what will be going through his head at this precise moment. He has feelings too. Even though I’ve not spoken or uttered a single word to anybody, I know I have to talk to Kane, as he was a part of that baby too, just as much as he is a part of the baby still growing inside me.

  “Luce? Shit, are you ok? Do you need me to call the nurse or doctor?” I wish he’d stop bloody worrying over me for once in his life. Then again, would I want him to? No I wouldn't, that’s what made me fall in love with him in the first place. He has a kind, gentle heart. And that’s when I realise I couldn’t live without him in my life. I’ve done that before and it took a hell of a lot out of me, even if I did in the end. But I don’t think I’d be able to get through it again. My heart wouldn’t take it. He’s my life now, and forever, nothing and no one will take him away from me again.

  He was always supposed to be mine.

  My eyes land on him, he looks roguishly handsome and looking rather dapper in his casual wear. He’s so breath takingly gorgeous, it hurts to look at him. And he will be all mine.

  His face also has the look of pure devastation, telling me he knows about the baby we’ve lost.

  “No.. I’m fine, the doctor said I’ll still get pains from time to time, I just need to take it easy.” He looks sorrowful, remorseful. He doesn’t know what do for the best, he wants to touch me but daren’t. I don’t blame him, I’d be cautious if I was in his shoes. He’s brave to show his face, I doubt I’d even make it through the hospital door. But he did, he did it for me and I’m glad.

  “Luce, I.. I’m sorry, for everything. I..” He’s a nervous and jittering mess, so I put him out of his misery.

  “Kane. Shut up for a moment will you? And just let me talk.” He looks up at me. Shocked to the point he doesn’t know what do with himself. “You’re going to give yourself a bloody heart attack, then what would I do without you?” I laugh, well I try to. “Look I’ve had a lot of time on my hands to just sit and think, and believe me there was a lot to think about. First things first, I love you, and I want us to be together, as a family, the three of us.” I get a tight pain in my chest, when I think about what we could have had, and only just lost. But we need to be grateful for what we still have. “I know it’s not going to be easy, but I think we will and can get through this, if we do it together.”

  In a flash I’m pulled into his big strong arms, as he rains down kisses all over my head, neck and face, finally landing on my lips.

  “Fuck Luce, You have no idea how happy you’ve just made me. I thought I’d lost you for good this time baby girl. I’m absolutely devastated that we lost one of our babies, but in time we can try again.. If you’d want that. Then we can tell them all about their little brother or sister that’s now an angel in the sky and that will always be looking down on, looking after them.”

  Tears are streaming down my cheeks, I didn’t think I could love him anymore than I do, but my love for him just soared so much more.

  “I want that with you and so much more Kane.” I manage to hiccup out.

  Wiping his thumb under my eyes to rid me of the tears that are still leaking from them, he looks me in the eye with nothing but adoration and love staring back at me.

  “Then what my girl wants, my girl gets.”

  Letting me go from the warmth of his arms, he clambers off my bed and falls to the floor on his knees.

  “Now before I do this let me explain something first.” He tells me.

  Throwing a hand over my mouth in shock, I realise what he’s about to do and so the tears start back up again.

  “I have a ring for you, only I rushed out of my hotel room so I kind of forgot to pick it up, but I need to do this now.”

  I nod my head at him, telling him silently to continue.

  “Lucy Ann Kennedy, I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember, you’re it for me baby girl. Not only are you my best friend, you’re my soulmate, my other half. I want to marry you because you’re the first person I want to look at in the morning when I wake up, and the only one I want to kiss goodnight after a shit day in the office. Because the first time I saw these hands, I couldn’
t imagine not being able to hold them. But mainly when you love someone as much as I love you, getting married is the only thing left to do. So will you marry me baby girl?”

  Not caring about the pain, I dive over the edge of the bed and wrap an arm around his neck, whilst placing my other hand on his strong stubbled jaw. I’m a total mess, but I don’t give a shit about that either.

  I kiss him with everything I have, my tears mixing in with our lips.

  “Yes!!. Yes Kane I will marry you.” I say softly against his lips.

  In this moment, we’re living proof that no matter what cruel obstacles life throws at you, if you love that person enough you will always make your way back to each other.

  Lucy

  One year later

  “K ane, can you grab me a nappy and the baby wipes please? She needs changing again!” I shout up to him. He’s currently getting dressed for the special occasion. I swear she senses when people are coming around.

  “Got them.” He rounds the island in the kitchen of our new home. Yes we finally moved out of my small apartment and went looking for a new house for our fresh start. I love it, it’s got four bedrooms, two of them with en-suites, a lovely spacious kitchen with an island in the middle and massive play area that sits to the side of the house for Faith to play. And the garden is huge! It’s how I imagined our home would look like.

  When he reaches me, he places a small kiss to Faith’s head, as he places his arms around my growing stomach, and rubs the other bundle of joy I’m currently keeping snug and warm. I’m six months pregnant, yes again. I fell pregnant almost straight away. I was a bit apprehensive at first, but when I look at my daughter Faith now, and see how Kane is with her, all my worries and doubts have disappeared. We haven’t got married yet, we decided to wait till after Faith was born, but then I wanted to get back into shape and before I knew it I was pregnant again, and there was no way on this earth I was getting married looking like a hippo. So Kane finally relented, and let me choose a date for next year. I will become Mrs Lucy Williams on the ninth of September, it’s not just our wedding day, it will also mark the anniversary that Kane moved into my neighbourhood and turned my world upside down.

  “I’ll do it baby girl, you finish cleaning up. Come on Fifi, daddy’s going to clean that nasty smell for you.” He coos at her, and even though she’s only nine months old, she’s got him wrapped around her little finger. I laugh at them as they leave the room.

  The doorbell rings, so dropping the cloth I was about to clean Faiths mess up with, I waddle to the door.

  “That’ll be my dad.” I call to Kane, letting him know they’ve arrived. Since finding out I had a dad, who actually wanted me and loved me, I reached out to him. Well Kane did it for me. Turns out they kept in touch the whole time. I’m glad they did, I couldn’t ask for a better father, or an even better grandfather for my little girl.

  We met up a few times whist I was pregnant, we talked and talked. Only briefly mentioning my mums name. He told me how much he missed me when he was inside and that he did everything he could to try and get to me before my mother. I don’t blame him for anything that happened to me when I was younger. Even though he feels guilty and will never forgive himself for what she put me through, we still worked things out in the end. We haven't spoken of it since, I forgave him. The past is the past, onwards and upwards.

  Turns out we have a lot in common. He’s a twin himself. Would you believe it. I have an uncle Tony, and he looks just like my dad. I’ve yet to meet him but there’s plenty of time for that. So I got my answer in the end as to where the twin gene comes from.

  Even though me and Kane did lose one of our twins, we’ll never forget them, they’ll be a part of all our lives. We only have to look at the stars and know they’ll we’re watching and looking down on us.

  “Dad, come in. I was just cleaning up before the rest of the clan show up.” I’ve just finished making a small spread for people to eat. We’re celebrating after all. It’s nothing major, it’s just to celebrate life really. Kane’s calling it a, ‘happy engagement, new home, baby Faith and pregnant day.’ Yeah, that’s what I thought. But I don’t voice my opinion. He’s happy, I’m happy and we couldn’t ask for anything more.

  “Do you need a hand a with anything my lovely?” That’s Angie, my dad’s partner, I love the bones of her, she’s sweet, polite and doesn’t have a bad bone in her body. I’m really happy for them both, they make a great couple. After everything my dad as endured, he deserves to be happy.

  “That’s ok, I’m almost done, but thanks. Go through.. I apologise for the smell Kane is changing her again.”

  “She knew we were coming around then?” My dad says to me from over his shoulder. So he sees it too, it’s not just me. “Come to grandpop’s, my little princess.” Not giving Kane a chance to pick her up, she crawls her way over to my dad, throwing her arms up at him in a ‘pick me up then.’ gesture.

  “You little traitor.” I hear Kane shout, amongst her giggles, just as there’s another knock at the door. Opening it to find Donna and Cole on the other side.

  “Hey, bitc… Mamma.” Donna corrects herself. “It’s no fun when the kid is around, it’s a good job she has the cute thing going on.” It’s also a good job I know she’s joking, or I might be forced to go all momma bear on her arse. She pulls me in for a hug before placing her hands on my growing belly. “I still think you’re going to be a beautiful little boy.” She says, addressing her comment to my bump and as if he’s heard her, he gives me a swift kick. Oh fab just what I need, another male who will fall at her feet. I am having a boy, but Donna doesn’t know this yet, only me and Kane do. We want to keep it a secret till he’s born.

  “Hey Chica, how’s my second favourite female doing?” Cole says, pushing Donna out of the way so he can bundle me up in his arms.

  Pulling back, I look at him confused. “Second favourite?” I look at him questioningly.

  “Well yeah… Faith is my number one, she doesn’t judge my fashion sense, unlike her mother.”

  He has a point, so I leave that conversation alone, ushering him into the house with everybody else.

  Sophie and my mum kept to their promise for once in their lives, we haven’t heard a peep out of either one of them since the day they walked out of my door. Thank god, I wouldn’t be able cope with another drama of that size without going crazy, which I will not do, and cannot do as I have a family to look after now. They need me as much as I need them, they are my life and I’d do anything to keep them all safe and protect them. Steve, Kane’s business solicitor informed us that Sophie was now stripping somewhere in Soho, but I couldn’t give a shit, she deserves everything she gets. As for my mother it seems she’s fell off the face of the earth, but again I don’t care, it sounds heartless but I don’t want her tainting mine and my family's life with her evilness. Obviously money doesn’t last forever as the pair of them seem to have found out. And the house Kane gave Sophie in their divorce settlement doesn’t stand anymore, due to what I don’t know, Kane never told me and I never asked. All I know is, it’s now back in Kane’s name, what he decides to do with it is up to him, even though I have an idea, as he’s said as much. He mentioned not long after he got the house back that he was going to sell it and split the money between the two kids, keeping it in a trust fund for them until they are both bigger. Thinking like a true father, god I love him.

  Pulling me out of my thoughts, Kane comes over to the doorway I’m standing in, where I’m watching the people I love the most.

  “You doing ok, baby girl?” He asks me, as he stands behind me and wraps his arms around my bump.

  “You know what? I am ok. Infact I couldn’t be happier. I’ve got everything and everyone I want right here in this house, and it’s like you say, you’ve made your way back to me and so has the rest of my family. The people in this room right now are the only people I will ever need in my life, and that’s all down to you. So thank you, I love you Kane.”

>   The End

  Adele- Water Under The Bridge

  Nickelback- Far Away

  Celine Dion- River deep, Mountain High

  Rihanna- Pon de Replay

  Christina Aguilera- Fighter

  Britney Spears- Sometimes

  Fabolous ft Ashanti- Into you

  Ja Rule ft Ashanti- Mesmerize

  Matchbox Twenty- Push

  Destiny’s Child- T-shirt

  Jennifer Lopez- I’m gonna be alright

  Sybil- The love I lost

  Otis Redding- These Arms Of Mine

  Solomon Burke- Cry To Me

  Where do I start with all the people that have made it possible for me to do this?

  The most important people will always be my family. Nathan, Mollie, Noah, Tracy my mum and Sam my baby brother, you are my rocks and my biggest supporters. None of this would even be possible without your love and encouragement. I will never be able to thank you all enough for putting up with me whilst I’ve had my head stuck in my laptop. I love you all so much.

  Karina aka my mofo/editor- You are worth your weight in bloody gold girl. You’ve put up with me and my neurotic ways and demands. You have the patience of a saint and I couldn’t imagine doing this without you by my side, so please don’t quit on me? I need you… there I admitted it after all these years.

  I luv ya bye…

  All the ladies in my facebook group Jen’s Lovelies- You crazy bunch rock, you make me laugh, smile and generally happy every day. Without you all I actually think I would’ve given up, but you all had my back and kept me from pressing the delete button more than once. A simple thank you wouldn’t be enough for how much I appreciate you all being there for me, but I’m afraid that’s all I’ve got and I hope I haven’t disappointed you with this book, especially after all the teasing I’ve put you all through.

  I love you all.