by Niyah Moore
Luxury reached for my hand, and I gave it to him.
“You extra mushy,” I said I laughed while I looked down at our hands, feeling awkward.
“I guess you ain’t used to a nigga showing you the right kind of attention. You rather I toss you my dollars for shakin’ yo’ ass, huh?”
I let his hand go, feeling offended. “You for real?”
“I’m dead-ass serious. Look, I ain’t tryin’ to offend you. I’m just saying, you think it’s weird if a nigga wants to hold your hand?”
“I didn’t say it was weird, Luxury. I’m just . . .”
“Not used to real affection. I get it. Hey, don’t sweat it. Let’s get to this studio.” He unlocked the car, and we climbed in.
His silence on the way to Lavish’s spot made me feel bad. He was so sensitive. We were still getting to know one another, and I wanted to understand him.
“I’m sorry, Luxury,” I said after we’d gone a few miles.
“I said, ‘Don’t worry about it.’”
“Are we good?” I asked, feeling as if I didn’t know what else to say.
“Yeah, we straight. I just won’t try to hold your hand no mo’.”
I smacked my teeth and grabbed his right hand. “I want you to hold my hand.” I held his hand in mine and brought the back of it to my lips. I gave the back of his hand the sweetest kiss I could.
He bit his lower lip, and a grin crept onto his face. “Aye, I forgot to tell you. We got a show coming up in Atlanta in two weeks. You should come.”
I had never been anywhere outside of Miami. Atlanta sounded like fun. “I’m down. I gotta let Queen know I’ll be gone.”
“You might as well tell Queen you’re quitting while ya at it.”
I sighed. “Fine. Luxury. I’ll quit. If this shit don’t work, I can always go back.”
“It’s gone work. Just watch. You’ll never have to dance ever again.”
8
LUXURY
Love Without Limits
The first time I met Desire, I thought, What’s her pretty, young ass doing in here?
She looked every bit of eighteen no matter how much makeup she had on. She looked scared as fuck to be up in there. Despite her tender age, she was one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen. I wanted to give her everything she wanted even then, but she wasn’t ready for me, and I wasn’t prepared for her.
I waited for the perfect time, which just so happened to be when she turned twenty-one. I had to make sure my loose ends with other bitches were cut and burned. I had to come correct. Too many niggas, including my brothers, wanted to holler at her, but I could see the way she felt about me every time she looked at me. She wasn’t stuntin’ no nigga but me.
My life was good. I loved my life. I was quite blessed to be able to help my brothers with their rapping, and I could leave the dope shit behind with this music label. I wasn’t about to take anything for granted. Lavish, Frill, and I were blood brothers, same mom and same dad. Our so-called dad had bailed out on the fam when we were little, so our mother had raised five bad boys by herself. Talk about strength. We’d grown up in the ghetto, in one of the most broken-down parts of Miami. Shit, we’d slept on mattresses on the floor.
With the money we were making, we had bought our mom a beautiful three-bedroom house in the suburbs. Her backyard faced the water, so she could look at the flamingos and shit. She’d cried the day we handed her the keys to that house. She couldn’t believe that we would take care of her that way. It was the least we could do. Frill lived with her so she wouldn’t be lonely, but he was over at Lav’s so much, you would think he lived there.
Money had changed a lot of things in our family, had turned things real ugly. Before the music business had come the drug business. We’d lost two brothers behind drug money. Our youngest brother, Travis, had killed Frill’s twin brother, De’Vonn, over a funky two hundred dollars. Whenever I thought about it, it seemed crazy that he had destroyed his own flesh and blood, like De’Vonn was just another nigga off the street.
Travis had been only fifteen years old at the time and had been tried as an adult. He would be in prison for the next eighteen years, and I had nothing to say to the nigga ever. None of us had shit to say to him except Mama, because Travis was her baby. Mama was the only one who acted like what Travis had done wasn’t cold-blooded. She made all kinds of excuses for him, said he felt bad about what he had done. I hoped the guilt he felt ate at him for the rest of his life. Before he was killed, De’Vonn had been on his way to becoming a big star in the industry with us. Not a day went by when I didn’t think about my little bro.
Losing my brothers had left holes in my heart. Having Desire in my life was like replacing these missing pieces to the puzzle. Desire’s head and her pussy game were top-notch, and that could be why I was feeling so crazy about her. She wasn’t no dummy, either. I never wanted her to leave my side. I didn’t want her to strip, because I felt it was a waste of time. A woman like her didn’t need to be up there taking off her clothes for a buck. She had that star quality, and she didn’t even know it. I was about to change her life for the better.
I looked over at her as she rode with me over to Lav’s. The way she had kissed the back of my hand made me feel soft as velvet. I had never allowed myself to fall in love with anyone, but my heart was open for Desire. I wanted to be in love with her. For three years, I had sat back and watched her. I had had to know she was the one, without any doubts. Though I hadn’t said much to her during those three years, her actions had spoken volumes. I’d never seen her sloppy drunk. I’d never heard about her givin’ up the pussy for money. She was the complete opposite of her best friend, who was topping Lavish off every chance she could get, and that was what I loved about Desirae. She didn’t allow her surroundings to influence who or what she wanted to be.
I parked in Lav’s driveway, and we got out of the car. Her walk was mean as her hips swished from left to right. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. She turned to see why I wasn’t walking behind her.
“Come here, sexy,” I said, biting my lower lip.
Without hesitation, she came to me.
Yeah, I like that submissive shit. I wrapped my arms around her. As I kissed her lips, I slid my hand in the front of her jeans. She moaned but immediately pulled my hand out.
“We can’t be doin’ this in front of Lavish’s house,” she scolded.
“Why not?” I asked. “We the only ones out here.”
“How you know? Plus, I can handle whatever you want later.”
“Damn right . . . I love you more and more by the second.”
“I love you too, baby,” she said, leaning in to kiss me again.
When we kissed, she moaned, and the sound was like music to my ears. She moved her lips to my neck, rolled her tongue over my skin.
“I thought you said we can’t be doing this out here,” I whispered in her ear.
She pulled at my Louis Vuitton belt buckle, and as she unbuckled my pants, I pulled her to the side of the house, which was draped in shadows. My baby was so fucking sexy. I had a real one by my side. We were Luxury and Desire, and it couldn’t get any better.
9
DESIRE
Pain Is Inspiration
My first official studio session with the Monnahan Boyz was insane. The beat, the hook, the verses, the song, which we called “Real,” were fire. It took about three hours to finish the song top to bottom. The engineer mixed and mastered it to perfection. Luxury couldn’t wait to get it out. I had to admit, I sounded like a real rapper. I didn’t think I could sound like that, and Lav didn’t have to tune my voice, either. With the ad-libs and voice doubles, my voice was everything.
“Now, that’s what the fuck I’m talking about,” Frill hollered.
“You ready to be a star?” Luxury asked, with the biggest smile spread across his face, those dimples as deep as ever.
I felt a little excited, yet I was nervous at the same time. Was I ready to be intr
oduced to the world? I had never once thought that I would be in this kind of spotlight.
“This is def a hit,” Lavish said after blowing out smoke. “Keep that shit on repeat. I’m about to post a sample on the Gram.”
My cell vibrated my hip, and I saw it was Queen.
“Damn,” I said, looking at my phone. I had forgotten to let her know I wasn’t coming in.
“What?” Luxury frowned, seeing my worried look. “Who’s that?”
“It’s Queen.”
“You gotta answer?”
“I should. I forgot to call in. I’ll be right back.” I stepped out of the studio and answered the call as I was walking up the stairs that led to Lav’s kitchen. “Hey, Queen. Sorry I didn’t get to call to tell you I wasn’t coming in, but—”
“Desire, I’m not calling about that.”
“Oh . . . ? What’s up?”
“It’s about Exxxotic.”
The way Queen’s voice sounded made me pause. “Okay . . . You looking for her? She told me she was going to the club tonight.”
“No . . . she . . .” Queen paused, and she was sniffling, almost as if she was crying.
“Queen? What’s going on?”
“Somebody . . . shot her about an hour ago. I’ve been trying to reach you.”
“What?” I felt my heart drop into my stomach. “Wait, is she all right?”
“No. She and her boyfriend were gunned down out front. The paramedics did everything they could. They’re gone.”
My knees buckled, and I hit the floor.
* * *
I woke up to Luxury shaking me. “Desire, wake up. Wake up, baby.”
Everyone was standing around me.
“What happened?” I asked, putting my hand on my head.
“I don’t know. I came in here to check on you, and you were on the floor, totally passed out.”
“I must’ve fainted.”
“You faint like this often?” Egypt asked.
“No,” I said as Luxury helped me to my feet. Then I remembered what Queen had told me about Mina, and it brought me to tears. “Queen just told me that Mina and Zay . . . Someone shot them outside the club tonight. They’re dead.”
Everyone groaned.
“Fuck. Are you serious?” Luxury asked.
I nodded, crying. “I gotta call her family. I . . .” My legs felt wobbly.
Luxury held me up. “Just sit down for a minute.” Guiding me over to the kitchen table, he asked, “They got beef with anyone?”
“Zay was saying something earlier today about Mina fuckin’ around with the nigga he gets his coke from, but I don’t know. Zay was into a little of everything.”
“You talking about that nigga Fat Man Bo?” Lavish asked, his eyebrows furrowing on his forehead.
I shook my head. “I don’t . . . Wait, Fat Man Bo? The fat, ugly, greasy nigga who owns that pool hall?”
“Yeah. That’s who Zay got his blow from. I heard she was fucking around with him, but I’ve never known him to get down like this, though,” Lavish commented.
Luxury said, “Listen, everything will be okay. I’m here. Just breathe. I got you.”
I couldn’t believe my best friend was gone, and she was my only friend in the world. My whole body shook as my tears blurred my vision. My emotional pain was flowing out of my every pore. A cry escaped my mouth, a cry so raw that everyone had tears in their eyes. I held on to Luxury so that my violent shaking wouldn’t cause me to fall on the floor. Everything in that house was a blur. I felt only pain, pain so searing that it was enough to break me, pain sufficient enough to turn my heart into a cold brick.
“Let me get you home,” Luxury said.
Black filled the edges of my vision, and the only thing I could hear was my own heartbeat. My breath came in ragged, shallow gasps. Seconds, even minutes, passed, and I was still crying. It was like I could hear Luxury’s voice, but I could not move.
10
LUXURY
The Pool Hall
I took Lavish and Frill with me to go holler at Fat Man Bo the next night. I wanted to hear his side of the story because although no one could confirm he was the one that had murdered Zay and Mina, the streets were talking. Everyone knew about the little argument between him and Zay. No one was talking to the police, because they knew what the consequences would be. No one fucked with Bo. He instilled the kind of fear that a mob boss did.
We had heard that Bo and his pack of goons were hanging at his pool hall, so we pulled up on him. On any other day, we wouldn’t pull up on him like this, but this was serious business. We didn’t have any beef, and Bo and I had respected one another when I was in the dope game.
As soon as we walked in, I could hear him talking a gang of shit to his minions. We followed his voice to the back, where the bar was. Bo looked a lot like a fat black version of Lurch from The Addams Family, but bitches loved his big black ass. His loud, obnoxious laugh roared above the trap music and the sounds of people playing pool.
“The muhfuckin’ Monnahan Boyz. What brings y’all down here? Ya tired of trickin’ off ya money in that pussy shack?” Bo asked with a deep grimace.
“You know it ain’t trickin’ if ya got it, right?” I asked.
“That’s what that nigga T.I. said seven years ago, and everybody still livin’ by that bullshit. Sound like an excuse to be stupid if ya ask me.” He popped his collar.
“Hey, you mind if I holler at you for a minute? Alone?” I asked.
Bo took a hard look at us before he looked at his boys. He motioned with his head for me to follow him, and then he headed toward the back, in the direction of his office.
I gave Frill and Lav the hand signal to stay put, and then I followed Bo.
“What’s good?” he asked after we stepped inside his office and he reached out to close the door.
“I should be asking you that same thing. Tell me that wasn’t you that was shooting outside Queen’s last night.”
He replied without blinking, “It wasn’t me.”
I clasped my hands together and said, “Here’s the thing. My girl lost her best friend in that shooting. I’m just trying to figure out what happened. That shit wasn’t no random thing. That was an execution. I heard you were fucking around with her, and her nigga didn’t like the shit. I heard he popped off at you and told you to stay away from her.”
He popped a toothpick in his mouth, bit down on it, and sucked his teeth. “Nigga, you got some balls walking up in here, accusing me of some shit I didn’t do.”
“I ain’t accusing you of shit, Bo. I know you and ole boy had a falling-out over Mina. Tell me you didn’t pull up and end them like that.”
He grunted, “Nah, that ain’t my style. We didn’t fall out over his bitch. I don’t get at niggas over bitches.”
“So, what happened?”
“Nigga, you workin’ for the police now or what? You wearing a wire?”
“Fuck outta here. The day I become a snitch is a day I kill myself. Come on, man. You know me better than that, or at least I thought you did.”
He observed me for a moment in silence before he said, “The fuck boy was supposed to make good on a deal, but he failed. That don’t mean I was the one to give him what he deserved.”
“What you mean, he failed?”
“I fronted the nigga a key, and he couldn’t pay me back, claimed some shit went wrong on his end. He offered his bitch to pay off his debt. I fucked her for months to work that off. I was more than lenient. The pussy was good, and the head was superb. Truth be told, she couldn’t leave a real nigga like me alone.”
“Sounds to me like y’all worked that shit out.”
“Nah. He asked me to front him another key, and I did, but I wasn’t taking his bitch’s pussy as repayment, because I was already hitting it for free. I wanted my mothafuckin’ money. He talked real slick, warning me to stay away from her. Hey, it’s unfortunate what happened last night, but, uh, it wasn’t me.”
I nodded.
“I hear ya. Mina didn’t deserve that, though. Zay’s business had nothing to do with Mina. Now my girl is broken up over the shit.”
Bo sat down at his mahogany desk, leaned back in his black leather chair, and chewed on that toothpick. “Like I said, that wasn’t me. I don’t know shit about who did it, either. How’s the music business?”
“I can’t complain. I ain’t in the streets no mo’.”
“I know. That made mo’ room for me.” He grinned and paused before he said, “You said you fuckin’ with Mina’s best friend?”
“Yeah.”
He stood up and went over to his safe. Once he got it open, he pulled out a few bands. “Let her know this is to help pay for her funeral, and send my condolences.”
I put my hand up. “It’s good. The funeral is covered. Thanks, though.”
Bo shrugged. “A’ight. Let me walk you out.”
I opened the door and walked out, and he walked behind me. I didn’t say anything else to him, and he didn’t say anything else to me.
I nodded at Lavish and Frill. We walked out of the pool hall and got in my car. I started it up and pulled out of the parking lot.
“The fuck he say?” Lavish asked from the passenger’s seat, lighting his blunt.
“He said he didn’t do it.”
“You believe him?” Frill questioned, flipping his dreads out of his face.
I shook my head. “Fuck no. Bo may not have pulled the trigger, but he ordered the hit.”
“Over some pussy?” Lavish scoffed. “Shit, I was fuckin’ the bitch, too, so he gone kill me next?” Lavish inhaled smoke.
“Nah, they had some other shit going on, but he claims he didn’t do it and don’t know who did. That’s that,” I said.
“What you tellin’ Desire?” Lavish asked.