by Niyah Moore
“Nothing. Tellin’ her is gonna do what? The first thing she’s going to do is want revenge.”
It was my job to protect Desire. It was better for her that she didn’t know anything about my conversation with Bo.
11
DESIRE
It’s Too Hard to Say Goodbye
The day I buried my best friend was one of the hardest days of my life. That morning the sky became a charcoal color, and rain started pouring down, as if the day itself knew it was a dreadful one. During Mina’s memorial service, I was a mess. Though I struggled to hold back my grief, I couldn’t stop crying and thinking about what had happened. As I allowed my tears to flow, I silently held down my head. I felt so bruised inside. I was numb, empty, as I walked behind Mina’s white coffin at the end of the service. I found myself saying goodbye when she was already gone. My soul was unwilling to acknowledge the finality of her death. I would never be able to look at her face again or feel her embrace, see the warmth in her eyes, or be surrounded by her love. I was glad when it was all over.
I had read on news sites that Zay’s and Mina’s bodies had been riddled with bullets before they could even walk into the club. Some niggas had executed my friend, and nobody knew anything. Luxury had told me Fat Man Bo didn’t have a clue as to who would do this. It was going to be up to the police to figure out this mystery. Luxury not only tried to get to the bottom of what had happened, but he also paid for the funeral and burial, which he didn’t have to do. I thanked God for him. He made sure Mina had a proper service and repast, and he also comforted me as much as he could.
Going to Atlanta for the Monnahan Boyz’ show was what Luxury felt I needed. Our song was spinning on the radio, but everyone’s reaction to it was unexpected. People loved the song. It was their jam. Luxury wanted me to get onstage to perform it with the Monnahan Boyz, even though I was dealing with losing my best friend. I just hoped I wouldn’t fuck up the lyrics.
* * *
We got to the venue in Atlanta hours before the show, so we could get in a rehearsal and have time to chill. I was drawing blanks backstage, and it almost sent me into a panic attack. I had to remember to breathe. Somehow, I was sure the words would come back to me once I was onstage before a live crowd.
I looked like a million bucks in that one-piece sparkling bodysuit and thigh-high boots Lala had picked out for me and Luxury had approved of. One thing I could say about my man was that he knew fashion and had a great eye for making me look good. Luxury posted pics of me all over his Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat. I loved the way Luxury’s eyes roamed up and down my body, a sign of his approval. Once I got on that stage, the energy from the crowd pumped me all the way up. It was like my pain from losing Mina was gone temporarily. When I rapped my part, Luxury went live from his phone.
After the show, we changed our clothes and went to some club. I was still feeling the buzz from performing. I couldn’t wait to do it again. We went straight to the VIP. Drinks were flowing. I glanced around the section. The black couch was filled with beautiful women, enough for Lav and Frill to flirt with. Thick clouds of smoke were in the air from the blunts they were smoking. Cool air was fighting to circulate with all the bodies in the room, and I felt hot.
Exposed skin was everywhere. A few chicks were grinding on one another, smacking asses. As the beat was bumping, I started thinking about the days when Mina and I would dance onstage together. I missed her so much. If only she were still alive, she would’ve been able to see me do my thing. I felt the tears spring to my eyes.
“I got you another shot,” Luxury said, handing me a shot of Cîroc.
We stood next to each other, since there wasn’t a seat to be had in the VIP section at that moment. As I downed the drink and placed the glass on the cocktail table, I couldn’t help but feel that if I didn’t get out of this sad, depressed state, I was going to fuck up what Luxury had planned for me. I hadn’t recorded another song, and Luxury was on my ass about it. Since Mina had died, I hadn’t stepped foot in the Queen of Diamonds, so he didn’t have to worry about me going back. I was trying to figure out how to feel like myself again.
“Thank you,” I said, then forced a smile through my tears.
“You know I’m proud of you for getting out there tonight, right? I know it ain’t easy.”
“It ain’t. The reaction from the fans was crazy.”
“I told you. Soon crowds will be chanting your name. Hey, did you see that another picture of us went viral? We are officially a meme, babe. We’re everybody’s relationship goals now. Do you know how many followers you have now?”
“I haven’t had time to check it out with all that’s been going on. Since I made my page public, like you told me to do, I haven’t been keeping up.”
“You’re at eight hundred ninety-four thousand followers.”
“What?”
He pulled up my Instagram to show me. “See. You’re blowing up, and you ain’t even know it.” He chuckled.
Out of nowhere, a brown-skinned chick with straight hair down her back walked right up to Luxury. I frowned, watching her.
“Hey, I saw you from over there, so I had to come over and say something. You’re Luxury, right?” she said.
He looked at her. “Yeah. Who you?”
“I’m Trina,” she said, as if he was supposed to know that.
“Nice to meet you, Trina,” he replied. “This is Desire. You heard of her?”
She shook her head and didn’t look at me. She looked as if she was trying to see if he remembered her. The way she was standing there looking at my man bothered me.
“It’s nice to see you again, Luxury,” she purred. When she put her hand out to shake Luxury’s hand, I nearly lost it.
“Bitch, you betta—”
Luxury put his hand on my chest and nudged me back. I scowled, looking at him as if he had lost his mind.
“Hey, this is my girl. So, no disrespect, but I’m taken,” he explained.
Trina rolled her eyes and nodded, as if she already knew that. “That’s cool, but I was hoping you needed one more to join your party.”
I tensed up again, and Luxury placed his hand around my waist. “Nah, we good, Mama.”
As she walked away, she said over her shoulder, “Too bad.”
“I was two seconds away from throwing my drink in the bitch’s face,” I growled.
“You gotta kill that. There’s about to be a lot of hoes, and I don’t need you fighting and getting thrown out of clubs. You know I am all about you.”
“I know.”
“Good.” He caught my eye. “Hey, you ever had a three-way?” Luxury asked.
I shook my head, wishing I had another drink. “Nah. Never.”
He pulled me close and whispered in my ear, “Well, that makes two of us. I ain’t interested, so you ain’t gotta worry about that.” He kissed me long and slow as he took hold of my ass with both hands. “You looked so fuckin’ sexy on that stage, much sexier than you do when you’re stripping.”
“Is that right?”
“Yeah. I’ve seen so many naked women, titties, and pussies. That shit doesn’t move me. A woman who is confident and about her shit, like the way you rocked that stage, that’s what gets my dick hard. I love a woman with power.”
My hand traveled up his tattoo-covered arm. I looked up to see that broad giving me the stink eye. I squeezed him tighter and rolled my eyes at her.
“Baby,” I said. “I need to sit down. These fuckin’ boots are killing my feet.”
“A’ight. I’ll make room on the couch. Hold on.”
I watched him walk over and tell the bodyguards to free up some space on the couch. Within seconds, we were sitting close to each other on that couch. I felt like I was the only woman in the room, because Luxury didn’t look at other women. These hoes were everywhere, serving legs, breasts, and thighs as if they were at Popeyes. Like he’d said, that shit didn’t move him. Luxury always exuded sex appeal, and that night was n
o different. The throbbing between my legs confirmed I was going to fuck him good all night long.
“I’m Different,” a song by 2 Chainz, started playing. That was my jam. I straddled Luxury and started twerking. Lavish and Frill had their phones in their hands and were recording my lap dance. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that Trina, the same female who had bothered us before, had made her way over and was standing in front of us.
Is this bitch crazy? I stopped dancing, looked at Luxury, and saw that he had donned an expression of annoyance.
“Luxury, you act like you don’t remember me,” Trina said.
“The fuck he need to remember you for?” I barked as I hopped off Luxury’s lap. “He told you to step, bitch.”
She rolled her eyes, as if I was irrelevant. “So, you really gonna act like you don’t remember me, Luxury?” she asked. “I think you actin’ brand new ’cause you got yo’ li’l half – Puerto Rican bitch here with you.”
I was used to people confusing my Latin heritage, because most didn’t know any better. I had been called Mexican, Dominican, Puerto Rican, but they never, ever guessed I was Cuban. This stupid ho wanted his attention so damn bad. I was about to swing on her, but Luxury had given the bodyguard a hand signal, and he was moving straight toward her.
“I need you to leave this area,” the bodyguard told Trina.
“Aw, hell no, Luxury. Really though? This how you treat me now? Fuck you, nigga. Fuck you!” She stormed out of the VIP area, and the bodyguard roped it back off.
“You know that raggedy-ass ho?” I asked.
He shrugged. “No.”
“She acting like y’all fucked before, so don’t lie to me.”
“Ain’t nobody lying to you. I think she’s confusing me. Maybe she fucked Lav and don’t remember.”
Lavish heard him say that and began to laugh. “I might’ve. It’s possible.”
“Yeah, okay. Y’all don’t look that much alike,” I said, folding my arms across my chest. “You know what? You ain’t gotta explain shit to me.”
Luxury smirked and let out a low chuckle.
I cocked my head to the side. “What’s so fuckin’ funny?”
Luxury grabbed me and pinched my cheek before kissing my lips gently. “You so damn cute when you’re mad. My baby got a li’l temper. Let’s get out of here, ’cause I’m ready to get you up out of your clothes for that lap dance.”
* * *
As soon as the hotel door was closed, Luxury started hungrily kissing my neck and rubbing my nipples through my dress. I moaned as he sucked my neck. A few seconds later, he had his hands up my dress and was removing my thong. I stepped out of it. He cupped my ass as his lips moved over my dress to my hard nipples. I arched my back and pulled him onto the bed. Luxury hovered above me while I took off my dress and bra. He pulled his clothes off next. I got on my hands and knees. He pushed inside me from behind. I opened my legs wider to give him better access. With each moan, I felt like I was losing a piece of myself. The deeper he went, the deeper he went into my heart.
“You got me ready to beat that pussy up,” he said.
I liked when he talked nasty like that. I liked it when he pulled my hair. I liked the way he smacked my ass. When he put his hand around my throat, I loved that shit.
He flipped me around so he could grab my throat with one hand as he fucked me. His grip was tight, and I loved it. I gasped for air, but I couldn’t find it. I was getting light-headed, and my orgasm was rising through my body. He was so deep in the pussy and was breathing hard, with his eyes closed. Right when I felt like I was choking, he eased up his grip, but he was pounding me hard and rough. In the throes of passion, I was bucking and screaming. He was hitting all the right spots at the right time. My screaming was at the heavens. With every stroke, my pussy overflowed. A shiver ran through me, and when we came together, we collapsed in one another’s arms.
Luxury eased off me.
“Nooo,” I whined. “Where you going?”
“I gotta piss.”
I whined as I watched him walk to the bathroom. I loved his naked body. He had the perfect body. Not too slim and not too muscular. He had nice legs, and those abs . . . I could just stare at him all day.
I heard him pee and then flush the toilet. He washed his hands and stood in the bathroom doorway. He stared at me, as if he was in deep thought.
“Why you looking at me like that?” I scowled.
“We should get married. Yeah.”
“What?” I laughed.
He wasn’t laughing or smiling. I stopped laughing and ran my hand over my hair. We had been living together for only a little over a month. I had just turned in my key a few weeks ago, and now he wanted to get married? This roller coaster I was on with Luxury was moving at the speed of light.
“We’re getting married,” he said.
“Already? What’s the rush?”
“I’m not talking about right now,” he said, noting my worried expression. “I mean, like, one day. I’m gonna surprise you. I’m not gonna tell you when, but I’ll propose the right way.” He got back in the bed with me and pulled me close.
Holding him close to my heart, I closed my eyes and imagined that I was already his wife. If he wanted to get married without delay, truth be told, I would marry him, because that would mean he was committed to spending the rest of his life with me.
12
LUXURY
My Brothers’ Keeper
As soon as Desire said we were rushing, it made me slow down and think. She was right, but I knew it in my heart that we were made for one another. I didn’t need a whole lot of time to seal the deal. Felt like I had thought long and hard enough about it. I had blurted the marriage shit out because I wanted to see if she was feeling what I was feeling.
Her reaction told me she wasn’t ready for all that, so I wasn’t going to push it. I knew she was in pain over losing Mina. I knew all about that pain, because the pain I had felt when I lost my brother had never left me. Life had gone on, though. I wanted her to shake that shit and live her life. Nothing was wrong with mourning, but at the end of the day, we had money on the table, and we couldn’t just leave it there.
I sat on the couch in the hotel room after I finished rolling a blunt. I picked up my iPhone to take a picture of how she looked as she wrote in her new little journal. She liked writing her raps in there.
She looked up at me with a smile. “What you doing over there?”
“Takin’ pictures of you, with ya fine ass.”
“Thank you, baby. You’re so sweet.”
I swear, she didn’t have any flaws to me. She was more than perfect in my eyes. It was hard for me to be hard on her, because she was like this delicate flower, but I couldn’t be no soft-ass nigga. That just wasn’t me.
I looked over the photos I had taken of her as she walked over to me.
“Let me see,” she said.
I titled my screen toward her so she could see.
She nodded. “What you plan on doing with those?”
“Use one as my background and one for my lock screen.”
“That’s how you know it’s real. I get to be on your phone’s background,” she mused.
I scrolled through the photos, and a pic of Frill and De’Vonn popped up. I pushed the side button to turn the screen black.
“Wait,” she said. “Let me see that picture. Go back.”
I hesitated before I showed it to her.
“Hey, Frill and this nigga look identical. Y’all got another brother?” she said, looking confused.
“There was five Monnahan Boyz in total.”
“Really? I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah. That’s De’Vonn. He was Frill’s twin.”
“Oh. Why you say was like that? What happened to him?”
She was genuinely concerned. Since she wasn’t asking merely to be nosy, I felt comfortable enough to talk about it.
“De’Vonn was killed when he was only sixteen years
old. The fucked-up part is that our own brother killed him. Travis is currently spending the next eighteen years in prison. So, you know, I know all about losing somebody close.”
She wrapped her arms around me. “That’s the craziest shit I’ve ever heard. I’m sorry to hear that, baby. You’re pretty fuckin’ strong. That’s why you can be so strong for me.”
“I don’t know how else to be,” I said. “You smoking this blunt with me?”
“Now, you know I don’t smoke. We gotta head to the airport soon. You got your stuff packed?”
“Not yet. I’ll get it all together once I finish this blunt. Cool?”
“Yup.”
I watched her go back to her journal to write her rhymes. I stepped out on the balcony to smoke my blunt. Tears threatened to appear as I thought about De’Vonn. I shook the sadness away and put some fire to my blunt. If I could turn back the hands of time, I would’ve been there to stop my brothers from fighting. Travis never would’ve shot De’Vonn if I’d been there.
13
DESIRE
The Grind
We landed in Miami the next evening. It was peak hurricane season, and a category-three storm was threatening to make landfall somewhere in South Florida, though some computer models had it veering offshore. Since we didn’t know where or if the hurricane would hit, we had to rush to get someplace safe. We had music to record, so Luxury suggested we stay at Lavish’s, since that was where the studio was. As we drove, the wind was howling like in some scary-ass movie, and it was darker than dark. Lavish had invited Nia, Lala, and Egypt, along with some other people, to hang out at his place because it was pre-tour celebration time. They didn’t give a fuck about the hurricane. They were acting like not everyone had been warned. Once everyone was inside the house, the winds grew stronger, so Luxury and Frill boarded up as many windows as they could.
Down in the studio, it was me, Lavish, and an Arabian sound engineer named Nuri Bank$. So far Luxury had popped in to check on me every half hour or so, but when he didn’t come back after two hours, I got to wondering. What the fuck is he doing?