“Lily, I’m glad you’re still here. Apparently our husbands have run off on church business.” Raylene appeared beside her. “I thought this might be a good time to chat if you don’t mind my company.”
“Of course, I don’t mind.” Lily sucked in a deep breath before turning and hoped her face didn’t show her distress.
But Raylene was bent over listening to something little Ruthie was saying about an intricately painted ceramic bird. “Yes, sweetheart, it is pretty, but we can’t buy it today. Let’s go look at some fabric. Wouldn’t you like to have a new dress?”
Ruthie looked up at Lily and stuck her finger in her mouth, but her head nodded.
Her mother laughed as she straightened. “She’s still shy. Do you mind looking at fabric?”
“I’d love to look, but I probably won’t buy anything today.” She forced a laugh.
“Well, let’s go look, but don’t be surprised if I find something I want. In fact, I hope to find some soft cotton for little garments.” Raylene grinned before leading the way.
Lily was thankful for such a friend who seemed so happy about her coming baby. Would she feel the same? If she knew she was expecting now, would she be happy? As she walked, the letters in her pocket pressed against her leg, reminding her of her problems. No, it would be better if she wasn’t. But if she survived this adventure without dying of a broken heart, she’d never tell another lie for as long as she lived.
Chapter 12
By the time Elliott returned, Lily was more than ready to leave the store. She had her fill of browsing through fabric and listening to Raylene’s excitement about her coming baby. Not that she blamed the woman. If only her life was different, and she could claim Elliott and Grace as hers, but the letter in her skirt pocket almost burned her side with its insistence that she needed to leave and let the two people she loved so much get on with their lives. If—no, when- they knew who and what she was they’d agree and know it was for the best.
Grace had gone with Bethany to the park to play with the younger Langdon children, but finally the Langdon’s rounded up all the kids and headed home. Grace went with them, as they had invited her to spend the night with Bethany. Being alone with Elliott was wonderful, and Lily would have enjoyed it any other day. But now, guilt and worry ate at her with every step the horse took as he pulled the buggy down the road. She would never be the same. If only… But she couldn’t think about it now.
At the house, she helped Elliott carry in the groceries. Trying to act natural, she gave him a smile. “I imagine your sister’s letter is burning a hole in your pocket by now. I can put this all away if you want to go read it.”
He covered his shirt pocket as if checking to see it was still there. A grin spread across his face when he pulled it out. “All right. I’ll be in the living room if you need me. Thanks.”
“I’m sure I won’t need anything.” She set the large bag of flour to the side. There’d be time enough later to fill the flour sifter. The three dollars from the eggs had stretched only far enough for necessities, but it was enough. She was used to doing without, and didn’t mind. Obviously Grace and Elliott had done without so long it had become their way. Grace was a sweet girl, and when the time came to leave, she’d miss her more than she wanted to think about. Elliott, too.
When she’d put everything away, she fixed a pot of ham and beans, then started it cooking for their noon meal. After making sure there was plenty of water in the pot to keep it from burning, she slipped outside, closing the door softly behind her. Where could she go to be alone? Elliott’s letter would keep him occupied for a while. But did she want to read the ones still hidden in her pocket? Or should she wait until another time when there would be no fear of being discovered? Dreading the inevitable, she strolled among the flower beds, enjoying the crisp fall air, even though most of the flowers were dormant now. She opened the gate separating their yard from the church property and walked to the white frame building. Opening the door, she stepped inside and sat on a back pew. She always sat in the first or second row. Everything looked different so far from the front. But peace seemed to permeate the building, even to touching her heart. It was as if God’s spirit was telling her everything would be all right.
A tear rolled down her cheek, and another followed. How could anything ever be right again? She had two letters in her possession, and she didn’t want to read either. Without a doubt, she already knew what they said. Reading them would only confirm her fears.
But they had to be read sometime, and now she was alone. She lifted her gaze to the ceiling and reached into her pocket. “Lord, let me take out the one I need to read first.”
Her fingers closed around an envelope. She held her breath as she withdrew her hand and held the envelope in her lap. She filled her lungs. It was JD’s. Fearing for her brother, she tore it open and pulled a single sheet out. His scrawl covered only half of it.
Dear Lily,
I’m not good with words like you are, but I can’t come by now. I’m tired of being hungry. You need to know, I tried hard to do what you wanted. Guess it’s not meant to be. I am what I am. Anyhow, I won’t bother you anymore. I know you’ve got a good place to stay, and that’s good enough for me. Take care of yourself.
JD
“Nooo!” Her wail echoed against the lonely walls of the church. How could he do this? She should’ve given him more to eat. Why’d she tell him to stay away? If only he were here now. Maybe they could go away together and start over. “Please take care of him, Lord Jesus. Don’t let him die like Pa.”
Tears ran in rivulets down her cheeks while her heart grew so heavy she didn’t think she could bear it. Only she couldn’t allow herself to be weak. She’d made a mess of things, and she had to make them right. Somehow, she’d do what she had to.
After a while, she wiped her eyes and stood. The church was cold. Elliott would have to build a fire in the morning, and he’d likely stay to tend it, expecting her to come in time for the service. She’d read the other letter then. If she had to read any more bad news right now, she might lose her mind, and more than anything, she needed to be strong. Standing straight, she lifted her chin as determination filled her heart. She would fix dinner for Elliott, then she’d spend the afternoon enjoying his company. If this was the last night she spent with him, she wanted it to be a good one without sorrow or worry intruding. She tucked JD’s letter back in her pocket and went to the house, taking in the beauty of Elliott’s yard, recording it in her memory.
Lily checked the beans and saw they weren’t quite done. She’d spent almost an hour in the church, but still had time to do something else. Setting to work, she mixed a batch of cornbread. After putting it in the oven, she wandered through the house without finding her husband. He must be outside, and somehow she’d missed him. She found the letter from his sister on the table beside the sofa. Surely, there wasn’t bad news in it. Without disturbing it, she went to the front door and stepped outside on the porch. Although she looked in all directions, she saw no sign of him. Going back inside, she hurried through the house to the back where she’d hung her coat. Slipping it on, she went out into the backyard and looked around. He hadn’t been at the church, so she rejected that direction and walked toward the henhouse. He wasn’t inside or anywhere around it. She paused for a moment and looked toward the woods in the direction JD had gone a few times. Had he been camping there close by but hadn’t told her? Her heart ached for her brother. Although they weren’t blood kin, he was the best brother she could imagine having. She tamped down her sorrow and continued looking for her husband.
As she rounded the corner of the barn, Elliott stepped out. His eyes brightened as they met hers, and a smile turned up his lips. “I thought you’d gotten lost.”
“No, I’ve been looking for you.” She hurried to him, eager to feel his arms holding her close. “Where have you been?”
His chuckle went straight to her heart. “I was going to ask you the same thing, but seem
s we’ve been looking in all the wrong places. Doesn’t matter now that we found each other.”
He pulled her to his chest and rested his cheek on the top of her head. “Oh, Lily, what would I do without you? When God sent you to me, he made my heart complete. I hadn’t even known a piece was missing until I looked into your face.”
Tears sprang to her eyes, but she fought to keep them inside. There would be time to cry later. Right now, she wanted to store away every memory of this moment, this entire evening, to take out someday and relive. She held him tight and breathed in his special scent. She didn’t want ever to let him go. But she had to, and knowing what was right, she loosened her hold and leaned back.
Taking her movement as invitation, he lowered his head until their lips met in one kiss after another. “I love you, Lily Rose, you know that, don’t you?” He whispered the words, but didn’t wait for her answer before taking more kisses.
She responded with her heart and soul. He was hers. For tonight, he was all hers. Tomorrow afternoon she’d spend time with Grace, but tonight was for her and Elliott. After supper, they would… “Oh, no!” She pulled back and stared at him. “The cornbread. I forgot.”
Jerking away from him, she ran as fast as she could to the house. Hampered by her skirts wrapping around her legs with each stride, Elliott quickly outran her and disappeared inside. By the time she reached the kitchen and skidded to a stop, he was setting the pan of over browned cornbread on the table. He looked up with a grin. “Looks perfect to me.”
Not being able to find him, the sweet kisses when she did, almost burning their supper, the letters, and mostly the guilt that constantly prodded her conscience all came together in a whirlwind of emotion, releasing the tears she’d been trying to hold all day. She shook her head while her hands covered her face as the tears poured. All intelligent thought left, and she turned to run away. “I’m sorry.”
“Whoa, what’s going on?” Elliott caught her before she reached the doorway to the living room. “You did nothing wrong.” He pulled her back into his arms. But this time it was different. His gentleness and concern didn’t belong to her. Why couldn’t he be mean and ugly so she wouldn’t mind leaving? Why did she have to fall in love with him only to lose him now?
She struggled to stop crying.
“Lily.” With her head against his chest, his voice vibrated in her ear, comforting her. He was warm and manly, just the way she liked. But he didn’t belong to her. She had to give back what wasn’t hers. When she didn’t respond, he spoke again. “Lily, please look at me.”
She stirred, and he pushed her back then looked into her eyes with a probing expression. “Lily, are you in the family way?”
“Oh!” The startled word became a moan as she again hid her face against his chest and cried more than she ever had in her entire life.
“Please, don’t hide from me.” As she struggled for breath, he spoke low, but she heard every word. “I’d be thrilled if you are. I’d love to have another child.”
Surely, it wasn’t true. She couldn’t be expecting. Not now. Just when the truth was rearing its ugly head. Wasn’t it bad enough she’d stolen his heart, how could she steal his baby too? No, of course she wasn’t. She shook her head. “No, I’m sorry.”
Gathering all the courage she had, she wiped her eyes and face on her coat sleeve, and hoping she didn’t look as bad a mess as she felt, she lifted her head. Stepping back from his arms, she looked into his eyes. “No, it was just not being able to find you, and then I thought I’d burned the beans or the cornbread. And almost did. I think I’m just tired. But there’s no baby. I promise there isn’t.”
Surely there couldn’t be. She’d know if there was, wouldn’t she?
The light in his eyes dimmed, but he regained his smile. “Why don’t you go wash up while I dish up our dinner? We’ll eat and then maybe we can go horseback riding if you’d like. Spending some time with Sissy will make you feel better. What do you say?”
She couldn’t help but respond to his smile. “Yes, I’d like that. I love you, Elliott. So much more than you know.”
“And I love you. Now go and let me get this on the table.” He turned away, and she hurried from the room.
She had to be stronger. And she would. No more outbursts, or Elliott would put her away in an asylum, and she wouldn’t blame him. She washed her face and hands and felt better. Then she slipped the two envelopes from her pocket and hid them under the mattress on her side of the bed. He’d never find them there. Soon, she’d give the one from Rebecca Lily to him, but this afternoon and tonight he was hers, and she wouldn’t allow her emotions to get so out of hand again. Behaving in such a way did no good.
~*~
True to her word, Lily kept her emotions under control and enjoyed her and Elliott’s time together. After their supper of beans and cornbread, they went for a long ride. All the way to the Langdon farm. After a brief visit with their friends, Raylene helped the older girls talk them into letting Grace stay one more night and go to school with Bethany on Monday.
Lily looked into her pleading eyes and realized her little girl was growing up. She’d hoped to spend special time with her on Sunday afternoon, but maybe this was better. Sometimes a clean break healed faster. Before they left, she slipped her arms around Grace and gave her a quick squeeze. “I love you so much. You be good now for the Langdon’s and have a wonderful time.”
“I will. And I love you too, Lily. I’m glad you came to be my mom. I’ll see you Monday after school.” Grace stepped away with only Lily’s nod as an answer. She’d just said her goodbyes.
The rest of the evening was for Elliott. After reaching the barn and grooming their horses, they turned them into the field, then strolled toward the house, holding hands. He bent close. “Are you hungry?”
She shook her head. “I don’t think so. What would you like to have?” She’d fix him anything he wanted if it was in her power.
“I’ve been thinking about that cake you baked yesterday. Could we forget supper and just have a big slice of it?” His smile was as appealing as she’d ever seen.
Her heart raced, and she blocked every thought but him from her mind. She looked into his eyes and saw only him. “There’s cold milk in the cellar.”
“I’ll get it if you’ll cut the cake.” He allowed her fingers to slip from his as he veered to the side. His smile was for her alone. “Make sure mine is big, or I might have to have seconds.”
Laughter bubbled from her, and she felt free. Nothing but Elliott existed in her world. She would hold on to him, even if only for two more nights. But tonight was special. This was their time alone, and she would never forget.
She let herself into the house and pulled the cake from the pie safe. Making sure she cut his slice first, she carefully lifted the piece that should be enough for two men and set it on a plate. Pushing the rest of the cake to the side, she went to the outside door and opened it for Elliott as he came in with a jar of cold milk. While he set it on the table, she got two glasses and two forks and put them on the table then stood back and watched him.
He looked from the plate into her eyes while a smile formed on his lips. “Are we sharing, Mrs. Cooper?”
“Yes, we are, Mr. Cooper.” Her smile was slow, her eyes watching for his reaction. “If you’d like, I can put away one fork.”
“And one glass?” His gaze never wavered.
“Tonight is for you, so you must decide.”
His smile grew as he picked up the extra glass and fork then put them away. “May I hold your chair, my lady?”
She allowed him to help her sit while her heart pounded. When he sat across the corner near her, she lowered her lashes. “Would you mind blessing our meal?”
“Not at all.” His voice remained soft but clear. “Father God, we come before You asking for Your blessing on our food, our lives, and on our marriage. Thank You for all things, and lead us ever closer to You and to each other until we truly, as Your word says,
become one. One in faith, one in service, one in desire, and one in love. Amen.”
“Amen.” She whispered her agreement as tears moistened her eyes. Wiping them away with her fingertips, she gave a short laugh. “That was beautiful, and my love for you is beyond all I thought possible. You are wonderful, and I don’t deserve you. I love you, Elliott.”
“Thank you, sweetheart.” His smile was kind. “But you have things wrong. It is I who don’t deserve you. It would be humanly impossible to love you more than I do right now. Why God blessed me so much, I don’t know, but I’m so very glad He did.”
When tears again threatened to undo everything she wanted, Lily lifted her fork and cut off a small piece. Holding it toward him, she smiled. “The first bite is yours.”
He leaned forward, his lips accepting her offering, then he took the fork from her. “The next is yours.”
After they’d eaten, they washed their dishes together and put them away. Then Elliott took her hand. “Let’s go outside and watch the sunset.”
She slipped her hand into his and together they went out the door and walked to their special clearing that faced the western sky. God’s blessing must have been theirs as a brilliant display of oranges and yellows, mixed with red against the darkening sky belonged to them alone. Or so it seemed. Elliott took her lips with his for the sweetest kiss they’d ever shared. She could have stood in the yard kissing him all night, but after a while, he turned to the house and whispered close to her ear. “It’s time to go inside.”
Yes, it was time to go in, and if she had her way, tomorrow would be another day as sweet. She needed this time to add to her memory of the best few months of her life.
Chapter 13
Lily awoke and for a moment lay in the darkness of their bedroom. The dream that had seemed so real a moment ago now danced outside her memory. Leaving it alone, she slipped from bed and reached under the mattress. Her fingers touched what she was looking for, and she pulled out the two envelopes she’d hidden since Saturday. She’d put it off for too long. Already it was Monday morning, and Grace would be home this afternoon. She had no choice but to take action now.
Stealing the Preacher's Heart Page 11