In Name Only (A Pine Falls Novel Book 2)

by Jennifer Peel

  “If that’s what you want.”

  More than anything, yes.

  Chapter Seven

  “The doctor is good with his hands,” Erin purred in my ear. She was one of a handful of paid employees at Children to Love. With how little I could afford to pay her, it was more like volunteering, but she wasn’t here for the money. Regardless of her monetary compensation, she was an amazing development and outreach coordinator.

  I stopped gawking at Brock from across the shop area while he taught a group of our students how to build a bookcase. He had decided his time would be better spent volunteering instead of moping at home until he could return to work. And I think he was trying to make good on being a better husband or friend or whatever he was. While things had been better between us the last few days, there was this underlying tension and confusion that simmered below the surface while we tried to navigate our situation.

  I smiled at Erin and admired her flawless ebony skin and her uniformly brilliant shiny black hair. She was ten years older than me but didn’t look a day over thirty. She used to be a hairstylist. It was how I had gotten to know her. When she ran her own salon, I used to be a client. I had roped her into giving free haircuts to some of the trade students we trained here. She’d agreed and got sucked into my world. She said she’d been looking for a higher purpose, so she sold her salon and came to work for me full time. Erin herself had been a foster child, so this place spoke to her. I think for any of us who had survived the system and thrived, we felt the calling deep in our bones to make sure others got the same chance. She had even convinced her husband, Jermaine, to teach a class once a month on managing finances since he was a financial planner. The kids that came through here were fighters, but they lacked a lot of basic life skills and knowledge.

  Erin wagged her brows at me. “Honey, you got yourself a fine man there.”

  I glanced at Brock. He was teaching the students how to safely use a table saw. He was a good man. Not only was he being thorough, he was patient and kind with the students, most of whom had never worked with wood or power tools. This place was all about not only giving kids the opportunity to acquire workplace skills but letting them explore what might interest them. So many kids had come through here and discovered unknown talents, like carpentry skills. It reminded me where Brock had found his love for woodworking. His father. My insides squirmed thinking about John. Yet I couldn’t deny he had a few good qualities. Brock had spoken often of his times with his dad in his workshop. He’d loved the camaraderie and bonding moments with his father as they had worked and talked about business, politics, medicine, and life. Together they had made Brock’s dining room table. It was a stunning concrete tabletop with a geometric wood base.

  If only John were a good man like his son.

  “He’s a keeper,” I acted the part of a smitten wife. Now it was time for me to act the part of mommy. I had my first prenatal appointment this afternoon. I had so many emotions about it. I was everything from terrified to excited to lonely. I’d always imagined doing these appointments with my husband. There was no way I could ask Brock, though. Then I worried about the doctor questioning my due date. Still, I couldn’t wait to see the little life I carried inside of me. The reason for making this all worth it.

  I looked at the time on my phone. “I have an appointment. I’ll leave you to supervise.”

  “I think your husband has it under control.”

  “I’m sure he does.” I headed toward the offices to grab my purse.

  Erin followed me. “You know, it would be okay if you took some time off. I can’t believe you two haven’t gone on a honeymoon yet.”

  I didn’t dare stop to look at her. “It’s been a crazy time. I’m sure we’ll get around to it one of these days.” The lies were coming easier. I hated myself for it.

  She tugged on my arm, forcing me to face her. “Girl, has anyone ever told you it’s not your job to save the world?”

  I gave her a pressed-lip smile. “I think you might have mentioned that to me once or twice.” But this wasn’t about me saving the world. It was about me saving my world.

  “You should listen to me. Book a tropical vacation and don’t leave the room.” She gave me an impish grin. “I’ll take care of our babies here.” Every kid that came through here became ours.

  I wrapped my arms around her, so grateful for wonderful people like her. “Thank you, Erin, for reminding me that there is good in this world.”

  She leaned away with her brow furrowed. “Honey, if you need a reminder, you only have to look in the mirror. No one does more good than you.”

  “I don’t know about that, but promise me you’ll remind me of that. Please.”

  She tilted her head. “Everything okay?”

  “Yes,” I lied. “I have to go. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “I’ll be at Dynetics tomorrow, talking to them about our mentoring program.”

  “Right. I would wish you good luck, but I know you’ll persuade them to join the team.”

  “You know it.” She winked and walked off.

  I hustled to get my purse and rush out to my car before I was late. On my way out, Brock called after me. I stopped at the back door that led to our small employee parking lot.

  “Dani. Wait up.”

  I paused at the open door, letting the light filter into the dark hall made of cinder block walls. A cool autumn breeze ruffled my hair. “What’s up?” I thought he would still be teaching.

  “I gave the kids ten and thought you might like to see how the bookcase is shaping up.” For a moment he sounded like my Brock.

  “I would love to but . . . um . . . I have that appointment today.”

  His entire body turned rigid, and when he breathed, his nostrils flared like a raging bull. It made my heart sink. How would he ever love my child? Me?

  “I’m sorry it bothers you, but I’m not going to apologize for taking care of my baby,” I whispered. “I’ll see you later.” I walked out and let the heavy door close behind me, willing myself not to cry. I marched toward my new sleek silver luxury sedan, courtesy of my father-in-law. A wedding gift, he’d called it. I hated it almost as much as the wedding ring I wore. At least I was able to donate my old car to a former graduate of our program who was working her way through college.

  I heard the building’s door slam as I reached the car.

  “Dani.” Brock jogged over to me.

  I leaned my head against the car, tempted to start banging it against the window.

  “I’m trying,” Brock sighed.

  “Yeah, I know.” I opened the door, refusing to look at him. “I’m going to be late.”

  “Are you still planning on coming to the book signing party tonight?” he hurried to ask.

  Brock and Jonah had helped Miles Wickham, our neighbor and internationally bestselling author who went by Taron Taylor, with his latest book. It was a medical thriller, and it was burning up the charts. Brock and Jonah had lent Miles their medical expertise. In all the chaos, I hadn’t had a chance to finish reading the book, but what I’d read so far I was impressed with. It was so weird to have rich and famous neighbors. Though Miles’s wife, Aspen, I knew from high school. She was very down to earth and seemed almost as uncomfortable living among the rich and powerful as I did. It wasn’t that long ago that she’d nannied for Miles. Of course, that caused some talk in Carrington Cove. Miles paid it no heed. He worshipped the ground his wife walked on. Aspen was a lucky woman.

  “Yes, I’ll be there,” I reluctantly acquiesced. All of our friends were super excited about it. Kinsley’s restaurant, Two Girls and a Guy, was even catering the event at the Book Nook. It was a swanky bookstore in Carrington Cove. Pretty much everything was swanky in the new town I resided in. I missed the normalcy of Pine Falls.

  “We should go together.”

  “Right.” I stepped into the car and went to shut the door, but Brock grabbed it.

  He closed his eyes for a moment and ga
thered his thoughts before his eyes popped open and lasered in on me. “What I meant to say was, I would like it if you went with me.”

  “I don’t even think you believe that.”

  He leaned in. Our faces came within inches of each other, almost as if he were going to kiss me. His warm, minty breath brushed my skin, sending a wave of shivers through me.

  “Dani,” he spoke my name like he treasured it, “I want you by my side tonight. I’ll see you at home.” Without another word he shut the door, leaving me feeling like I needed to catch my breath. I’d been feeling like that for weeks. I wasn’t sure I would ever breathe freely again. I had a feeling, though, if Brock and I ever got close enough to share the same breaths and breathe as one, I would feel whole again.

  I couldn’t get my hopes up about that. For right now, I needed to focus on my baby and all the lies I would have to keep straight for the paperwork I needed to fill out. Dr. Paulson was a colleague of Brock’s, and she had promised that she and her staff would be more than discreet. Sure, there were HIPAA laws, but Brock was a national news sensation now, and some people, unfortunately, would use it to make a quick buck or two. There was no doubt my pregnancy was going to make headlines. The thought made me ill. If the spotlight shone any brighter on me, I might go blind.

  When I arrived at the doctor’s office, I was shuttled in through the back entrance like a criminal. It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate the discretion, but this wasn’t how I had pictured motherhood beginning for me.

  I was placed in my own private exam room to fill out the paperwork. I couldn’t help but feel like I wasn’t in Kansas anymore. The exam room was too posh. It had real hardwood floors and dark bronze mosaic lighting fixtures. It almost felt like a spa, except the exam table had stirrups, which didn’t give me warm and fuzzy feelings. Not only that, this place didn’t hand out cheap paper gowns to cover up with. We are talking cotton gowns with probably a thread count of a thousand draped my body. So this was how the other half lived?

  Once my paperwork was done, a nurse drew blood and checked my vitals and weight. I’d lost ten pounds since this ordeal had all begun. Hopefully, I would feel better soon and gain it all back and then some. I wanted this baby to be healthy and strong. We both needed to be. Our lives weren’t ever going to be easy. Not like mine ever had been, but the situation we were in now was a different kind of beast. One I couldn’t slay, only appease.

  The doctor finally came in. She was a pleasant-looking woman with short gray hair, a sparkling smile, and piercing violet eyes that made her seem younger than her fifty-five years her bio claimed she was. Her presence instantly made me feel at ease. Which was saying something given my state.

  “Dani, it’s so nice to meet you.” She held out her hand to me.

  I took her hand and shook it. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. Brock speaks very highly of you.”

  She smiled. “He’s very complimentary of you as well. Congratulations, by the way.”

  “Thank you.”

  She took a seat on the rolling stool and scooted close to me on the exam table. “Why don’t we go through your chart first and then we’ll take a peek at the baby.”

  That was the best news I’d heard in a long time. “Sounds good.”

  She pulled up her laptop and my chart. “Looks like we don’t have any health concerns to be worried about and we’re looking at an April thirtieth due date. Tell me how you’ve been feeling.”

  “Tired and like I might die of nausea.”

  “Sounds about right.” She laughed. “That should go away in the next few weeks. If it doesn’t, let me know.”

  Oh, happy day. Hopefully that meant ten days sooner than her calculations, since I was further along than I claimed to be.

  We went through every little piece of information I’d written down, and she answered all my questions. Then it was showtime. Her nurse came back in with an ultrasound machine. I got uncomfortable in the stirrups, and Dr. Paulson proceeded with the vaginal ultrasound. I held my breath, waiting to see my little peanut on the screen. It didn’t take long for the most beautiful sight ever to appear before my eyes. Tears ran down my cheeks as I admired my tiny baby. When I heard the heartbeat, I full on started to bawl. Suddenly, all the pain and struggle didn’t matter. All that mattered was the small creature moving on the screen.

  Mommy loves you. Everything will be all right. I promise.

  Chapter Eight

  I was dying to show Kinsley and Ariana the ultrasound pictures I had tucked away in my purse, but I knew I couldn’t risk it here among the sea of people at the book signing. It was probably not a smart thing for me even to have brought them, but I thought maybe I would be able to safely give my sisters a peek. Besides, the pictures of my cutie were like a talisman to me that I wanted to keep close by. My little cutie who measured too big for the due date. Thankfully, Dr. Paulson shrugged it off as not a big deal. Though she did have me reiterate the start date of my last period. I told her the baby was destined to be an overachiever, considering who the father was. That was true.

  I found a quiet corner with a comfy chair near the women’s fiction section and settled in away from the main action. I felt as if I were in a movie watching people swirl around me in cocktail dresses, sipping on champagne. So not my crowd. Not to say I hadn’t been to some ritzy parties with Brock over the years, but somehow it seemed different now that I bore his last name.

  From my vantage point I could see Brock in the thick of things with Jonah and Miles near the signing table at the front of the vintage-chic bookstore. The press and fans surrounded them, as well as large cutouts of the book cover, which sported an IV bag of blood with a creepy font for the title—Harvest of Blood. Ariana dazzled by Jonah’s side in a shimmering gold number. Aspen, Miles’s wife, was also with them. She glowed at eight months pregnant in a flutter-sleeve maternity gown. Her golden-brown hair was done in waterfall curls. She was absolutely stunning. I prayed I would look as good as her when I was that far along.

  I supposed I should have been up there supporting my husband. I felt, though, that I had done my part when we’d walked in together, all smiles for the camera with Brock’s arm around me. Pretending was exhausting, as was growing a life, so I sat in my chair and sipped on ginger ale in hopes of not vomiting. Although, I had to say it was nice to see Brock more relaxed than he had been. I think he appreciated that the focus was directed more toward Miles than him. Everyone around here was still in awe of the British author who was as famous as he was handsome. And when people did ask Brock questions, it was more related to the medical expertise he’d offered for the book than his harrowing escape or even our marriage.

  Kinsley sneaked away from her catering duties and pulled up a chair near me. “You look gorgeous."

  I crossed my legs and glanced down at my black off-the-shoulder lace cocktail dress. “Thank you. People are loving the food. I’ve especially heard people rave about your tomato, herb, and ricotta tarts. I’m dying to try one, but if I do, I may die,” I whispered.

  She leaned in and for my ears only replied, “When you feel better, I’ll make you anything you want.”

  “You’re the best.” I caught a glimpse of her business partners—the other chefs she worked with, Carter and Giselle—mingling among the crowd, carrying trays of hors d’oeuvres. “How goes it with those two?” I growled. If I felt better, I probably would have had words by now with the spoiled brats who frequently made Kinsley feel like a second-class citizen, though she was a full partner in the restaurant and had the reputation as the best chef among them. I’d been wanting to go all big sister crazy on them, but now I had a reputation to uphold.

  Kinsley shrugged her shoulders. “I’d rather not talk about them.”

  “Point taken.”

  Kinsley was a tenderhearted soul who wore her emotions on her sleeve. I wished she could see how amazing she was and not let others’ opinions of her tear her down. If I could, I would buy her partners out and let her have the
run of Two Girls and a Guy. But even if I could afford it, she wouldn’t take it. Ariana had already tried to help her out after she’d inherited a large sum of money from her late grandfather. The money had some unsettling motives surrounding it, so Ariana didn’t want to keep it. Instead she’d offered it to help Children to Love and Kinsley. Kinsley wouldn’t take a dime. She felt the kids in my program needed it more. She had the best heart. I hated that it was so broken.

  To shatter it some more, Brant and Jill walked in. It made poor Kinsley jump up. “Break time is over. I’ll talk to you later.”

  Before I could respond she had disappeared into the crowd.

  Several members of the press turned their attention toward the newly engaged pair. Brant gave his best practiced politician smile and wave. Jill gazed up at her fiancé with adoration. They looked so rehearsed it hurt; I saw more of John in the act than I did of Brant. Though the way Jill clung to his arm spoke of how desperate she was to hold on to him.

  My eyes drifted toward Brock. He was glaring at his brother. Then, as if he knew I was staring at him, he jerked his gaze toward me. His head whiplashed a few times between Brant and me. Before I knew it, he was walking my way.

  I sat up straighter, feeling nervous. I never knew anymore what Brock’s mood would be like. He was looking quite broody at the moment, and as sexy as that was, I missed the playful side of him. The side that would have already come to me instead of waiting for his brother to show up.

  Brock threw himself into the chair Kinsley had just vacated and folded his arms as if he were pouting.

  “You shouldn’t have let him ruin your fun,” I said out the side of my mouth. I didn’t bother looking at him.

  “He didn’t,” he barked. “I’ve been meaning to check on you.”

  “Please, don’t patronize me. You’re only here now because of him.” I slowly turned his way, making sure no one was around. “There’s nothing going on between us. There never was.”

  Brock’s eyes drifted toward my abdomen.