by Seth Barder
Children’s laughter broke the silence between them. Josh looked across the street where kids were just being let out for recess at a kindergarten. Their gleeful noises carried over to where the two stood, helping Josh ease out of his depression some. He watched the children play their games of hop-scotch, soccer, or who could swing the highest on the swing-set. Josh looked at Driton hinting that he was expecting him to say something. Driton acted as though he didn’t notice Josh’s stare. He sat on the stoop, leaning forward just a bit, resting his arms on his legs, and stared at the kids. Josh looked back at the playground then back at Driton who smiled when a boy found a grasshopper and began chasing the other children around with it.
Josh looked back at the children, his mind drifted off. He wondered whether time was moving slower or at its normal speed since they’d been there for some time and the children were at recess, something usually done after lunch from what he could remember. Then his mind drifted to when he was that age. How wonderful it was to be that young, not understanding how the world worked yet. Not knowing evil or how sin would affect his life in ways he would have never imagined. Josh looked a little more intently at each child. What will become of them as sin starts to influence them? And how will they deal with it? Will their parents be prepared, and willing, to talk with their children about how to deal with sin in their life and the evil that comes at them? What if they don’t? What if they were like he was, not once talking to his daughter about Jesus?
Josh thought of all the missed opportunities he had to talk to his daughter about God, Jesus, and the afterlife. He just got too busy doing other things. Sure, some things could have been put on hold for a moment like the time that new video game came out and he thought he had to have it. But there were legit reasons he didn’t have time as well. He was working long hours and when he came home he was so tired all he wanted to do was relax. Then the divorce came and that ate up a lot of his time, which meant he had to juggle work, finding a cheap place to live, meeting with his lawyer, court, and all the other things that came with divorce proceedings. There just wasn’t enough time. But, then again, a small part of him figured someone else would talk to her about all that stuff, someone a little more knowledgeable about how it worked. At least he’d hoped someone else would. That way he’d have more time to do the things he wanted. And now it was too late. She’d have to learn about sin, evil, and death from what other people think and believe. There was no telling who these people were, or who was controlling them. They could be just as bad as the evil they’re telling her about.
“Can you at least let me know whether God will send someone to Nikki to tell her about Jesus?”
Driton didn’t answer right away.
“God reaches out to everyone on the planet.”
Josh found little comfort in Driton’s answer. “Do you know if He’s sent someone to her already?”
Driton shifted to look at Josh, “He has.” Driton said a little warily, knowing from experience where this conversation would lead.
It was Josh’s turn not to respond right away. He looked back at the children across the street. The sound of a little girl’s laughter took him back to his own daughter’s laughter. The last time he heard it was when they played in their back yard. Her red hair glistening in the sunlight, bouncing as she ran around the green grass in her bare feet as he happily chased her. It was one of the few times he’d done real “fatherly” things with her.
“And what happened?” he swallowed hard, hoping to anticipate the worse.
“She didn’t…respond well.” Driton really didn’t want to go on but knew it would be hard for Josh to accept his answer. “She responded much in the same way you had when you were her age. She saw no reason why she needed Jesus in her life.”
Josh nodded he understood, but it was only in part. He understood a child, with all the influences in the world, could believe they didn’t need Jesus, but he also felt a little unsatisfied with Driton’s answer. If Nikki thought this, what was going on in her life to make her believe Jesus wasn’t that important? She was five when he and her mother divorced. And it was only a year later when he was on the streets. He’d lived on the streets for almost another year before he was in the alley that fateful night. That should make her about eight now if Josh’s math was right—his two years being gone from her and the time in hell that was no more than a year. What could a young girl possibly be doing to make her turn away from Jesus?
“Who’d He send?” Josh tried to act cool. He wanted to prove to Driton he’d learned his lesson from before.
Driton groaned silently as he turned to look back at the school.
Josh could tell he said the wrong thing and tried to recover, “At least tell me if it was just like one person coming to her with a Bible tract or was she invited to a revival or, oh, did she meet a girl at her school who was a Christian?”
Josh hoped it might be the last one. At least then he knew there was a chance the Christian girl would speak to Nikki again. A Bible tract she could throw away, like Josh had. A revival wasn’t long term, that’s probably why Christians have so many so often. But with someone, possibly at her school or something, she’d be around someone who already had one foot in the right direction. At the very least it would give Nikki a starting point on her journey to discover who Jesus is, an example of what a real Christian looked like. It would also be helpful for when she had to face those struggles in her life that were guaranteed to come. Then she’d have someone to talk to who’d give her good Christian advice.
Driton looked back at Josh. He blinked a few times before he spoke, “I’m not sure which one of those I should respond to first.” Driton thought about it, holding the look of unbelief on his face.
“Uh, how ‘bout the last one then work your way back to the first.” Josh said to lighten the issue.
Driton tried to keep the look on his face but Josh’s response made him break it with a smile, “That was good.” He said letting out a chuckle and shaking his head. “You have to understand my dilemma. I could tell you, but then you’d want to know more. I’d tell you more but then you’d want even more than that. Soon you’ll find out something that will get you upset and we’re back to where we found ourselves now, with you exploding in frustration.” Josh blushed, embarrassed Driton brought it up. “It’s a cycle you can’t keep going on. It has to stop or it’ll never end for you.”
“Driton please,” Josh begged, “Just answer me this one thing and I swear I’ll never ask about anything again.”
“Whoa!” Driton stood up waving his hands in front of him. He looked serious, “Never swear Josh. Once you do, you can’t take it back. You’ll be required to do whatever it is you swear to. And just by looking at your record of never doing something again I can tell you I don’t think you’ll be able to do this thing you want to swear to.”
Driton was right Josh did have a problem with the whole following-through bit of his promises. He didn’t want to swear to something he wasn’t completely sure he could fulfill. Driton’s seriousness was proof of how important it was. It was something he never seemed to keep. He made so many promises to his wife and daughter but always found an excuse why he couldn’t do them. Driton was right, as usual. Knowing the truth didn’t help. It only made things worse. He felt like a horrible father. Like he’d let his little girl down.
But still, something in him nagged at the question of what happened? He wanted to know. He wanted to know how much he’d messed up her life and whether she was smart enough to learn from his mistakes and do what was right. He hadn’t been around her for so long she probably forgot him or, at the very least, had vague memories of him. Should he swear then? Could he keep this promise? He believed, or at least told himself, he could so long as he kept reminding himself not to ask for anything else. He didn’t want a repeat of the last time he let his desperation get the better of him.
“What if I swear that I’ll devote more of my time to God?” Josh said trying to be slick.
�
��I think it’s a little late for that.” Driton said a little amused.
“Well, right, but I mean I’ll…,” he had to think for a moment, “…serve Him in heaven more. Or,” he thought quickly, “serve His angels with whatever menial tasks they might have. You can’t tell me that He hasn’t given you some task that you thought, ‘Man, if only I could get some other angel to do this, I could be out there doing something better for humanity. That’s perfect, I could help you doing…,” Josh couldn’t think of anything specific, “whatever small jobs you might need help with.”
Josh stopped, waiting for a response, smiling gleefully over his response.
“Yes, because that’s what angels do.” Driton said, almost sounding sarcastic, “They think God hands out ‘menial’ tasks.” He rolled his eyes as a human would then laughed. “Josh, you’re not getting it. If you’d just say the word we could go and you’d see that your days of working are over, but you choose to stay here.”
Josh became serious but a remnant of his smile still showed on his face, “I know. I stay here because of my daughter.”
Driton sighed, “I know. But there comes a time when a parent has to let their child do things on their own. Make bad choices and mistakes on their own, not keep them isolated from evil.” Driton moved a little closer to Josh. “I can assure you that Nikki has made some good choices in her life. But I can’t promise you that she’ll be kept from every kind of evil. She, like every human in the world, will have to make her own choice to do what’s right.”
Josh nodded absentmindedly. He knew she’d have to fight against evil in her life. He knew God would forgive her if she gave in to the sin, but he also knew the regrets he’d felt his entire life, even now, for not accepting God’s hand sooner. He had little doubt God would try to reach her over the course of her life, he just hoped she would accept His invitation before it was too late.
“I hope she reaches out to Him early.” Josh said repeating what was on his mind, “I wouldn’t want her to regret it for her entire life like I did.” Josh lowered his head, “Like I still do.”
“You should have forgiven yourself a long time ago Josh.”
“I know.”
“Forgiveness is important to God…and to us in the ‘spirit world’.” he added almost as an afterthought, “Forgiveness is the key God uses in order to have a close relationship with humans that was lost so many years ago. It’s because of what Jesus did on the cross that God is able to forgive. If it weren’t for Jesus, God would never be able to forget all the things you do to Him and His creation. You become clean the moment you ask.”
There it was, the Gospel in its simplest form. Just as simple as Jesus’ two commandments to love God with your whole heart, mind, and body and to treat others as you want to be treated. Josh again thought of how hard he tried to please his father, to no avail. Probably the reason why he never thought he could please God, no matter how good he was or how much he achieved. To Josh, God’s character was a mirror to his father’s. But the story of the prodigal son showed a different kind of God. A God who never brought up all the wicked things he’d done.
Josh kept the tears from forming in his eyes. How he wished people wouldn’t have judged him on his past. How he wished there was something he could do for his daughter. Some kind of good he could leave her with before he was whisked away from this place. He took a deep breath, hoping that would help stifle the tears.
Just then the school bell rang for the children to go back inside. Some trailed behind, not really wanting to leave the playground trying to stretch every moment of their recess out as long as they could. The kid who found the grasshopper threw it as far as he could out into the grassy area of the playground then ran to meet up with his friends. The teachers who had stood by during the entire recess time like obedient sentries hurried the stragglers in doors. The children’s voices faded out as the gray metal doors closed behind them, increasing the sounds of traffic and other various city noises.
Driton stood straight again, a little taller than Josh, “People aren't born evil, Josh. And people aren't evil just because they sin, no matter what the sin is. If that were true then Adam and Eve should be considered the most evil people who ever lived for what they did to the rest of the human race. But they’re not. I know that sounds silly, but if it weren’t for their choices, people today wouldn’t be hurt the way they are. Humans today are able to forgive them for the choice they made, why can’t they do the same for those who do evil today…regardless of what’s been done to them. Sin is evil and demons are evil, not the person. People still have good in them regardless of what sin they commit.”
Josh furrowed his eyebrows, “Yeah but, that can be used as a crutch. I mean, you're saying that people can't help but sin. That means I could say, 'the devil made me do it'. You know, not take responsibility for my actions, like you say people should.”
Driton nodded in agreement, “If they don't take responsibility, they end up where you did. It’s called repentance. It goes back to the asking for forgiveness that we just talked about.”
Josh nodded his head, smiling, “I know what repentance is. But people use it--I’ve used it--to push the blame on something else.”
“It’s been that way since the first humans were created.” Driton said “It’s nothing new to God. He’s seen it before and He’ll see it again. Sometimes you just have to let these people go on their own and let God sort them out.”
“Seems like He takes forever sometimes.” Josh said
“I imagine so. But try not looking at the negative. You’ve done it for so long in your life I think it’s time for a change. Even now, after your death and seeing all that goes on, you’re focusing on the negative. This is a new life for you, and a chance to see yourself how we see you.”
Josh smirked, “Yeah but it’s difficult when you show me the things you do: the prying, the manipulating, the deceiving. Then expecting me to think positive about my daughter?”
“Remember humans can be their own worst enemy sometimes.”
Josh knew how true that was, possibly why Driton and other angels could look at humans with such compassion. They knew humans were harder on themselves than God was.
“You probably learn that from years of human studying huh?” Josh asked
“Well, yes, but it's also in the Bible.” Josh shook his head and smiled at Driton's continual reference to the Bible. Driton looked up at the sky, it had become evening already. Then he looked back at Josh, “Come on, let's go.” he said getting up as he turned and began down the sidewalk.
It was only then that Josh noticed the sun was further down the western sky than it had been. Time had moved quickly by when he wasn’t noticing again, it was one of the things Josh didn’t like too well—mainly because it sped up and slowed down so sporadically that he had difficulty knowing how long things took to happen. It happened more when Josh wasn’t paying attention to it. Josh thought of the old saying, “A watched pot never boils.” He certainly could apply that to his life now.
Josh cleared his throat, trying to relieve the scratch he had there, “You think we can stop for some water?”
“Water?” Driton asked curiously
“Yeah. My throat’s been dry and I just ignored it ‘cause I didn’t want to bother you with it. I was hoping it’d go away when we went to heaven but…this took a little longer than I thought it would.” Driton laughed softly, Josh knew why. “I know, I know. It’s my fault but I just…”
He couldn’t think of a good excuse, at least not one that would be slick enough to fool Driton. It was probably what prompted Driton’s response.
“Water will do you no good right now Josh. You’ll just get thirsty again and we’ll spend more time getting you a drink than we have walking around.”
Josh remembered a preacher quoting the Bible saying people will no longer hunger or thirst in heaven. He felt like an even bigger idiot. All this time he’d been suffering when he could have been rid of it some time ag
o.
He rubbed his throat then tried to clear it, “Feels like sand's in it or somethin’.”
“Yeah, that's normal.”
“You guys ever suffer like this when you’re here on earth?”
“Feels like sand in the back of my throat,” he smiled.
Josh smiled back, feeling better he had someone there who knew what he was going through. Probably what Driton’s been trying to get him to see all this time. Jesus came to earth to suffer through all the things humans did so He could know first-hand what they went through. It was a little more comforting to know instead of a God who had no idea what it was like to be human struggling daily with the things in the world.
“I don’t know how you deal with it for so long.” Josh thought about it. “Guess over the years you get used to it.” he assumed.
“Sure, the scratchiness you get used to but it’s for a good cause.” He looked at Josh and winked. “There are other things you miss more than a clear throat.”
“Really!?” Josh was intrigued, “Like what?”
“Well like…,” Driton thought for a moment. There were so many different examples he wanted to give but had to choose only one for the time being. “…like a cool breeze in a meadow.”
“Really?” Josh thought Driton would have said something else.
“Yeah.” Driton’s voice seemed to trail off as if his mind went back to a past memory. “Just to feel the breeze blowing off the tops of the flowers, carrying their sweet smell to tease your senses.” Driton took in a deep breath as though he could smell those flowers right now. “There’s nothing like it.”
“Huh.” Josh was still dumbfounded. He honestly thought Driton would have said something like a cold beer or, since he was an angel, aged wine. “So, what, you guys can only do things like that every ten years or something?”
“No, no. Angels can only make themselves into human form if God allows them. Usually it’s only to further His kingdom.”
“Can demons ‘make themselves into human form’?” Josh asked
“No. They lost that ability in the fall.”
“Like the season?” Josh asked sincerely
Driton laughed out loud not expecting that response, “No, no. The fall of the angels.” Josh didn’t completely understand. “You know when a third of the angels were cast out of heaven?”
“Oh, yeah, yeah. I remember. Sorry.”
“One of the abilities lost was the ability to take human form.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Angels can take a human form, but demons can’t.” Driton said trying to keep it simple, “You will never read in the Bible of a demon who appears to a human. You can read how angels do. Like the ones who came to see Abraham and Sarah to tell them she would conceive in her old age. You will also read about the ones who went to Sodom to take Lot out. But no where do you read about a demon coming up to anyone in human form unless they are incased in a person’s body.”
“Wasn’t Jesus tempted by Satan?” Josh said proud he could something in the Bible in a conversation.
“The Bible doesn’t say he was physically there like a human.” Driton countered. Josh thought about it but wasn’t sure. “If you’re tempted, does a demon show itself to you? Or do they, like we’ve seen, hide in the background whispering in your ear to do things you wouldn’t normally do?” Driton had a good point. Josh wasn’t sure whether Satan really appeared or not. He’d only assumed since that’s what he was taught in Sunday school, and shown in drawings depicting the scene. “Angels can take physical form,” Driton repeated, “Demons, on the other hand, take a more…deviant approach.”
Driton didn’t sound like he wanted to give up any more information and Josh wasn’t sure if he should pry. He assumed Driton was talking about demons possessing a human’s body. Driton had hinted to it before and was the only explanation Josh could think of.
Josh looked at the people passing him. He envied them for being able to smell the aroma of the hot dog vendor, a woman’s perfume, or fresh baked bread. In some strange way he was even beginning to miss the smell of a car exhaust.
“You okay?” Driton asked, “You got quiet all the sudden.”
“I’m just thinkin’ ‘bout these people,”
“Oh.” Driton said.
“I just,” Josh shook his head, “feel sorry for ‘em is all.”
“That’s natural. And it’s good that you do, it’s a good quality for a person to have.”
“Yeah, but it hurts. Knowing they go about their daily business unaware of the forces all around them, waiting to catch them when they’re at their weakest.” Josh paused to think about it. “Kinda’ makes me wish I never knew all this and went straight to heaven first thing.” Driton didn’t answer. Josh had hoped he would but since he didn’t Josh went on, “So why doesn’t God do something about it then?”
“What, about the people?”
“No, the demons.”
Driton shrugged thinking Josh should have known the answer, “He knows what will come of the demons in the end. And they know their end as well, which is another reason why they're trying to take as many humans as they can with them.”
“What’s the other reason then?”
“I’ve told you before, Josh. Demons know they’re doomed to spend eternity in hell so they’re taking as much of God’s precious creation with them that they can. Demons don’t like the fact that humans are allowed forgiveness of their sins and that there’s none for them, who God created first. There’s no Savoir for them. I mean, think about it, if you were a demon who was stronger, smarter, and personally seen the face of God, the heavens, as well as the universe, how would it make you feel if you were told there’s no forgiveness for you but there is an over-abundance of it for the weaker creation who blatantly does some of the most horribly wicked things even after they’re told not to. Not only that but it makes it worse when the demons see humans do the same things over and over again but God forgives them over and over again. It’s kinda’ tough. Demons have a hatred for humankind unlike any other created thing.”
Josh never realized it before. He never thought of how angry demons would be at humans who are considered lower than them yet receive forgiveness while they don’t. With all their greatness one human, the Son of God, came and dispelled all the notions of who they thought they were. Demons would have to absolutely loathe humans knowing they have more power than demons because of all Jesus had done and went through. Even more, they would have to simply hate it when a single human reaches out for the salvation God freely gives them because every time it would remind them of the one thing they have been denied.
“Wow.” Josh said with stunned surprise, “Really puts the whole ‘freedom of choice’ in perspective huh. I mean, I know you’ve been telling me that all this time but it kinda’ brings it home knowing humans have the privilege to choose to…,” Josh tried to think of some scholarly word but none came to him, “…be forgiven and have all their wrongdoings forgotten.”
Driton didn’t answer. He only smiled at Josh knowing another light of truth finally sunk in.
“Wow.” Josh repeated
Driton let out a laugh.
“Hey,” Josh said starting to smile himself, “It’s not funny. I know it takes me a little while to get things but I’m doing my best.”
“I know, I know, I’m sorry. I’m not worried about you getting things right away. No human has ever done that. I just laugh once in a while when I see humans light up as something is revealed to them. I’ve always been fascinated with a human’s response to different events in their life. Some things just never get old.”
“Shoot, you’d think it would with as long as you’ve been around.”
“You’d think so, but surprisingly it doesn’t—well, some things don’t. It’s like, some kind of new birth when I see it. Always tickles me.”
Driton’s smile was infectious. Josh was glad he could make him laugh again. He didn’t want to tell
Driton he hadn’t totally abandoned the thought of possession. It was tempting to try and jump into a person’s body and take over so he could experience those simple pleasures one more time. The moment dragged on a little longer when he thought of all the other possibilities he could have. He could use the moment to find Nikki and tell her about Jesus. It’d probably be a bad idea to tell her he was her father since he would look nothing like the man she knew. That would, in turn, cause her to freak out and just think she was being stalked by some freak. But if he tried to come up to her and talk to her about Jesus she might think him some creepy person trying to tell her of all the things she was doing wrong. Probably not the best idea he had. He knew he’d never do it so would be a waste to ask. Josh knew it’d bring Driton’s mood down, especially hard since Driton was beginning to believe in him. For the first time since his being taken out of hell Josh was glad he wasn’t shown how something was done, especially possession. He’d just mess it up somehow, like he did with all the other things he’s tried so far, ruining his chances of going to heaven.
Chapter 14