Taming the Tramp

by Amy DeMeritt

  “Nope, I’m fucking amazing and I’m not shy about admitting it.” She laughs and reaches up to kiss my cheek for a moment. “Oh, man, I’m drunk. Whoa, who is she?”

  A really sexy brunette has just appeared on the TV screen. She’s in tight torn blue jeans, a tight torn and dirty white tank top, and her cheeks are smudged with dirt. She’s holding a pistol with one hand, and she’s dragging a wounded man with the other.

  “Damn, she’s hot.”

  “Is that your type?”

  “My type?”

  “When I first moved in, you said I had to observe the women you bring home to figure out your type. But they’re all different. I can’t figure out what you like.”

  “It’s an attitude thing.”

  “Like what?”

  “If you can’t figure it out, then I can’t help you.”

  “You are so aggravating sometimes.”

  “Yeah, so are you. So, what do you think of her?”

  “She’s pretty.”

  “Would you sleep with her?”

  “Maybe. Stop talking.”

  “Meany.”

  I shut my mouth and continue watching the movie, or at least I try to. My eyes are heavy and blurry from too much alcohol and everything is starting to spin. Oh, no, the spinning. I close my eyes and try to imagine a perfectly still plane within my mind to try to end the feeling of being on a merry-go-round.

  The brunette appears, but she’s dressed in a see-through lace slip and looks amazing. She runs her hands over my torso and through my hair as she pulls me into a kiss. It’s a good kiss. Damn, it feels so real. She pushes me down on my back and climbs on top of me. Her hips rock against mine, so I grab her ass and pull her in harder. She moans into my mouth, and I feel it hot in my throat. She pulls me up, pulling my shirt off, and as I fall back again, I hit my head on something hard.

  I groan in pain and blink hard a few times while I rub my head and eyes.

  “Carrie? What are you doing?”

  She bends down and sucks my bottom lip before bending into my neck and sucking hard.

  “Carrie, we can’t do this.”

  “You just kissed me.”

  “No, I didn’t. I was making out with the brunette. I was asleep. Wasn’t I? Why does my head hurt?”

  “Jack, you’re rambling. Just shut up.”

  She starts kissing me again, but I push up on her shoulders.

  “I’m really drunk. You should stop.”

  “I don’t care. I don’t want to stop.”

  “Carrie, get off of her.”

  I look up and see a blurry version of Janae walking over. I smile and try to sit up, but I’m dizzy and fall back again.

  “Oh, god, I don’t feel good. Baby, I drank too much.”

  “I see that. Carrie, get off of her.”

  “Fine. Whatever. But just so you know, she kissed me.”

  “She’s wasted, so this doesn’t count. Come here, honey. Lean on my shoulder.”

  “Where are we? What happened to the hot brunette?”

  “There was no hot brunette. Let’s get you to the shower so you can sober up.”

  “No, babe, there was. She was in this little black lace slip thing and she was kissing me. Are we at Stilts?

  “No, you’re at home. Can you stand up?”

  “Aren’t I? Wait. Whoa, where’s my shirt? The brunette stole my shirt. How are we getting out of here? I can’t walk through the club like this or they won’t let us come back.”

  “Jack, honey, you’re at home. You were making out with Carrie.”

  I laugh and fall backwards against the couch with my head lulling around in a nauseating way. “You’re funny. That girl can’t stand me. There’s no way I was making out with her. Oh, babe, my head.”

  “Watch her so she doesn’t fall over. Don’t you dare kiss her again.”

  Carrie sits down next to me and Janae walks out of the room. My head spins really bad, so I close my eyes to try to find balance.

  Something cold presses against my cheek and forehead. It feels nice. It moves over my neck, and down to my chest. I inhale deeply in shock and my eyes fly open as I lean forward but hands push me back.

  “That was cold.”

  “Jack, you have to stay awake till you’re able to stand up. How do you feel?”

  “Babe, I don’t think I can have any beer for our movie. I’m pretty fucked up.”

  “I know, honey. Keep talking to me.”

  “Did you say we’re going to Stilts?”

  “No, we’re not going there tonight. Would you like to go tomorrow?”

  “Yeah, I want see if that brunette is there to finish what we started. She needs to give me my shirt back too.”

  “Honey, there is no… Oh, never mind. Ok, we’ll go find the brunette tomorrow night.”

  “I’m hungry. Do we have food here?”

  “You have a lot of food here. What would you like?”

  “I’ll take a number seven with the seasoned wedge potatoes.”

  Janae laughs and caresses my cheeks. “You are so adorable when you’re looped out like this.”

  “Do you know what she’s asking for? Is it something I can order?”

  “It’s from Pepper’s Steaks and Pizzas. It’s a fried chicken dinner.”

  “Ok, I’ll order it. Do you want anything?”

  “I’ll take the same thing.”

  “Baby?”

  “Yes, honey?”

  “You look really nice.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Do I look nice?”

  Janae laughs and combs her fingers through my hair. “Yes, even with your goofy little drunken grin and loopy eyes. What did you do today before you got drunk?”

  “I had to fire three people.”

  “You did that yesterday, sweetie.”

  “Oh, right. Today…”

  “You went swimming.”

  “Oh, yeah. Fucking Carrie almost drowned me because she thought I was dead. I was just trying to float. I like to float. Are we floating right now? I feel weird. Where’s the sun?”

  “The sun is outside.”

  “What is the pool doing in the house?”

  I sit up feeling frantic, but Janae pushes me back with a small laugh and caresses my cheeks. “Your pool is still in the backyard. We’re sitting on the couch.”

  “Baby, I think I did something bad. I don’t remember it though. Did I fuck someone I shouldn’t?”

  “Almost.”

  “Hey! Why can’t she…”

  “Whoa, Carrie, what are you doing here? I thought you got a job at Pepper’s?”

  Janae laughs hard and Carrie releases a small laugh, but she looks sad. “Jack, you don’t remember kissing me?”

  “What? I didn’t kiss you. It was that brunette.”

  “The goddamn brunette was in the movie. There is no stupid brunette! You kissed me.”

  “Really? But you don’t have brown hair. Were you in a wig? Were you being weird?” Janae laughs, but Carrie gives both of us a dirty look. “Why do you look upset? See, I did something bad. I just don’t remember. Oh, shit! Did I blow up a bank?”

  “No, that was also in the movie. God, you are never allowed to drink that much liquor again. What is wrong with you?”

  “Jack has a three-shot limit within an hour. How much did she have?”

  “Shit. Probably double that. I had no idea.”

  “We’re lucking she hasn’t gotten sick yet.”

  “I’ll get a bucket and a glass of water. I ordered the food.”

  “Food sounds good. We should get a cheesesteak pizza and hot wings.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me, Jack?”

  I jump backwards, startled by Carrie, and Janae releases a small laugh, saying, “Honey, Carrie already ordered you some food. You’re going to eat what she ordered.”

  “Oh, fine. Thanks. I wish you would just tell me why you’re so mad at me, instead of jumping on me. Damn, you scared me.”


  “You are so aggravating when you’re like this.”

  Carrie storms out of the room, and Janae kisses my lips with an amused loving smile.”

  “I like your lips.”

  “I know.”

  “I like everything about you.”

  “I know.”

  “Did I really kiss her?”

  “Yes, you did.”

  “Oh, shit. How was it?”

  She laughs and caresses my cheek. “I have no idea, but you both looked like you were enjoying yourselves.”

  “Well, if she was the brunette, it was a nice kiss. Did I grab her ass?”

  “Yes, you did.”

  “It was a nice ass. I feel bad. She must really hate me now. We were doing good today, too.”

  “I don’t hate you. Here, drink this. It’s water.”

  “Thanks.”

  I startle from a weird sensation on my leg and end up spilling water on my chest and sports bra.

  “What the hell?”

  “It’s your phone, honey.”

  Janae pulls my phone out of my pocket and trades me the glass for the phone. I stare at my phone confused, and Janae releases a small laugh and punches in my passcode for me.

  “Thanks, babe. Oh, look at that. Stilts wants to come to me. Georgia wants to come over for a quick visit before she has to go to work. You ok with that?”

  I look at Janae and she shrugs a shoulder as she takes a sip of my water.

  “Sure. Do you feel good enough for that right now? It won’t be very sexy if you throw up on her.”

  “Well, that brunette got me all, you know. So, it would be nice to…”

  Carrie slaps my arm, and screams, “There was no fucking brunette! You’re all ‘you know’ because you were making out with me. You’re not fucking another girl to finish what you started with me.”

  “Damn it, why can’t I keep that straight in my head? Maybe it’s best I don’t fuck anyone till I’m sober.”

  “Jerk.”

  “What did I do now?”

  “Nothing. I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.”

  “Babe, I think I hurt Carrie’s feelings again. When I’m not stupid drunk, can you tell me what I did?”

  “Yes. Now, tell Georgia you can’t see her tonight.”

  “Here, you should probably do it. I might ask her for a number seven with wedge fries. Oh, we should get that.”

  Janae laughs hard as Carrie smacks my arm again, and says, “I already ordered that! It’s on the way. Will you pay attention?”

  “Where’s my shirt?”

  “Here.”

  Carrie picks my shirt up off of the floor and throws it at me, hitting me in the face.

  “Thanks. I hope that food gets here soon. I’m starving. What did you order?”

  “A number seven with wedge fries! Good, God, Jack!”

  “I meant, what did you get for yourself? Why are you so high strung?”

  “Because you’re driving me crazy. You are so annoying when you’re drunk.”

  I pout as I lean into Janae, who wraps her arms around me with a loving smile and kisses my forehead.

  “Baby, do you think I’m annoying?”

  “No, I think you’re adorable.”

  “I think I’m adorable too.” She laughs and pets my head as she gives me another kiss on my forehead. “Are you going to stay with me tonight?”

  “I can, but I have to be up early.”

  “I can get up early.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Hey, Carrie.”

  Carrie stops as she’s rushing through the living room to go out to the backyard with her yoga mat, but she doesn’t face me. I set my laptop down and scoot forward on the couch.

  “Can we talk?”

  “I’m busy.”

  She starts to walk again, but I stand up and she suddenly turns on her heels to face me.

  “You know what, I’m glad nothing happened between us. You’re just a selfish jerk.”

  She storms out, slamming the glass door behind herself. I grab my laptop and go back to my bedroom. I change out of my lounge pants and tee shirt and into jeans and a polo. As I’m passing the living room, I glance out at the backyard to see Carrie is in the middle of a yoga routine. I exhale hard and grab my keys.

  I pull out of my garage without any destination in mind. I just need to get out to clear my head, and I figure Carrie might appreciate having the place to herself.

  When we went to bed last night, Janae explained everything I had done and said while I was drunk. Some of it I remember pretty clearly – mostly just my confusion. But most of it is really fuzzy, or I don’t remember it at all. I honestly don’t remember pulling Carrie into a kiss. I must have blacked out or something.

  I feel horrible and I want to apologize, but Carrie hasn’t given me the chance. I’ve tried to talk to her three times today, but she just shrugs me off, saying she’s busy. Maybe if I give her some space, she’ll hear me out later.

  I drive through a web of backroads, just trying to waste some time, but after about twenty minutes, I end up running out of low-populous areas and end up on the highway.

  “Incoming call from, Carrie. Would you like to accept or decline the call?”

  I stare at my dashboard, where the computer screen is waiting for my answer. I take a deep breath, and say, “Accept.”

  The screen shows a counter, indicating I’m connected to Carrie, so I say, “Hello?”

  “Where are you?”

  “Just out for a drive. Do you need me to pick something up for you while I’m out?”

  “No. Why did you leave?”

  “Because I thought you’d prefer if I wasn’t there.”

  “Why would you think that?”

  “Because I’m a selfish jerk and you don’t want to talk to me anymore.”

  “You are a selfish jerk, but I didn’t say I don’t want to talk to you.”

  “Then why won’t you talk to me?”

  “What do you want to talk to me about?”

  “So, this is how we have to do this? We can’t talk face to face?”

  She’s quiet for a few moments before she says, “Come home.”

  “I’ll be there in about half an hour.”

  “Why so long? Did you go see someone?”

  “No, I’m just driving. I’m on the highway. I’ll take the next exit to turn around.”

  “I might not be here when you get home.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Thirty minutes is a long time. I might need to go out.”

  “Fine. I’ll see you whenever you decide to give me the time of day.”

  I disconnect the call and slam a hand down on the steering wheel. How could I have been so stupid to keep accepting those drinks yesterday? I know my limits. I know I can’t handle that much hard liquor. Beer – I can drink till I’m floating away without losing mental clarity, but not liquor.

  As I’m about to turn off of the last main road before my neighborhood, I decide to make a stop in the florist. I feel like I need a bigger gesture of apology than just words. I buy a mixed bouquet of orange and red daisies, yellow lilies, green carnations, some dark burgundy twigs with matching small round berries, and a couple of white roses. I don’t know what her favorite flower is, but it’s a beautiful giant bouquet, so hopefully she likes it.

  When I hit the button for the garage door, I just sit in the driveway staring at her empty spot. I slam my hand on the steering wheel, and burst, “Goddamn it!”

  I have half a mind to throw the flowers away, but I know that will just make this worse if she sees them in the trashcan. I park, and as I get out of the car, I scuff the bottom of my shoe across the concrete of her empty space in agitation before pulling the flowers out of the backseat. I run my hand through my hair and hang my head. Fuck, this sucks.

  I set the flowers on the kitchen counter, then fill a vase with water and the packet of plant food. I cut the ends and arrange them as best as pos
sible. I’m not very good at this task, but I think it looks ok.

  I write “I’m sorry” on a pad of paper and leave it in front of the flowers on the buffet counter of the kitchen. I grab a beer and walk out to the deck. I sit down in a cushioned chair and stare up at the sky while I take a sip of beer.

  I haven’t fucked up this badly in a long time. I have very strict rules for myself to avoid situations like this. I drink often, but I’m careful with how much I drink so I always remain in control. The last time I lost control, I accidentally fucked a friend’s girlfriend. That was really bad. I didn’t even want to fuck the girl. They broke up and I lost my friend. I feel like that’s happening now. Just as I felt like I was getting to a better place with Carrie and I felt like I could call her a friend, I just had to do something so stupid to ruin it.

  It will hurt, but I’ll completely understand if she won’t forgive me. The girl has tried to kiss me twice, and I rejected her both time. Then I finally kiss her and I’m wasted and completely unaware of it.

  The backdoor opens, so I quickly spin around and stand up to face Carrie. She’s dressed in a pair of shorts and a tight tee shirt with flip flops on her feet. She’s just standing in the doorway with my simple sorry note in her hand at her side. I walk forward, but she suddenly looks scared, so I stop.

  “Carrie…”

  She spins around and closes the door in my face. I run a hand over my face, exhaling hard. Well, I guess that’s it.

  I sit back down and empty my beer in three big gulps. I set the bottle down and pull my phone out. If she won’t allow me to say what I need to face to face, I guess this is my only option. I dial her phone, but it goes straight to voicemail, as if she has it off or is rejecting my call. I guess I’ll have to text her.

  Me: I understand if what I did is unforgivable and you don’t want to know me anymore. If living with me is too uncomfortable, or you don’t feel safe anymore, I’ll help you get settled into a place of your own. I’ll also set you up with a business expert to help you get your studio started. Carrie, I truly am sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I care about you and I feel horrible about this. Anyway, I’ll leave you alone. Just let me know what you want me to do. If you don’t want to talk to me at all, just tell Janae or Jill and I’ll take care it, whatever you want. I’m sorry.

  I stare at the screen, waiting for a response, but after five minutes of anxiously waiting, nothing comes in. I slip my phone in my pocket and lean forward with my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands.