Meditation for Relaxation

by Adam O'Neill

  1.Find a comfortable seated position. You can sit on a cushion on the floor or in a chair. Sit up straight, but don’t force perfect posture.

  2.Imagine that you’re lifting up through the top of your head.

  3.Soften your gaze or gently close your eyes.

  4.Take a long slow inhale through your nose, then exhale completely through your mouth with an “ahhh” sound. Repeat 5 times.

  5.Close your mouth and allow your breath to return to normal. Find the place in your abdomen where you feel your breath the most. Focus on breathing into your belly. Stay with this sensation for several breaths.

  6.On your next inhale, imagine the spot in your belly is opening up to pull a rush of air down into the bottom of your lungs. You might feel this breath to be very deep and satisfying.

  7.On the exhale, feel your abdomen squeeze in and push the air out up through your lungs, your chest, your throat, and your nose.

  8.Inhale again from the bottom of your belly.

  9.Repeat the same exhale.

  10.Each breath should be long and slow, deep and powerful. Don’t rush.

  11.Stay with this breathing pattern for the rest of this meditation.

  12.Maintain your focus on the sensation of each belly breath.

  13.If thoughts arise, acknowledge them without judgment and let them go.

  14.When the meditation feels complete, allow your breath to return to its natural rhythm. Notice how you feel. Consider how simply breathing with more focus and intention can cause significant shifts in how you feel.

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  DINNER PARTY 10 MINUTES

  I remember being a kid, lying in bed and listening to the muted banter of my parents and their friends downstairs. At the time, the sounds of the different voices, their varied tones, the ebb and flow of conversation, and occasional outbursts of laughter were reassuring. Now, I like to imagine my daughter is having the same experience as she falls asleep with her parents chatting downstairs. For all of us, regardless of our upbringing or circumstances, knowing our family and our community are close by is deeply important to our sense of identity, belonging, and fulfillment. In this meditation, you will envision a dinner party with your favorite people, scanning the faces and interactions, and absorbing the sounds of conversation and laughter. This bedtime meditation is meant to bring a deep sense of comfort and calm.

  1.Lie on your back on the floor or in your bed.

  2.Gently close your eyes.

  3.Without changing or controlling your breath, bring your attention to it. Follow each inhale and exhale. Identify a sensation in the cycle of your breathing and turn your focus there.

  4.Bring to mind a dinner party in a comfortable, familiar setting. The people at the table are your favorite people, the ones who fill you with joy, the people who know you deeply, love you, and trust you.

  5.Look at each person. Without trying to script their words, try to feel the meaning of what they’re saying. Are they expressing concern, insight, support? Are their bodies leaning in toward the table or leaning out? Are their hands moving? What does their laugh sound like?

  6.Continue to move around the table, appreciating the presence of each person. Our memories of people are often complex, carrying varied and conflicting emotions. Take care not to let your emotional memories carry you away from simply accepting the person without judgment or attachment. Be with them in love and compassion, in the joy of sharing time together.

  7.When the meditation feels complete, bring your attention back to your breath.

  8.Reflect on how lucky you are to have known these people, to have had them (or to still have them) in your life. Let this gratitude for the people in your life and the comfort of being loved fill your body and mind as you drift off to sleep.

  TIP: If people you haven’t communicated with in a while show up to your dinner party, consider reaching out to them with a phone call or text. I was doing this meditation, and you were at my table . . . could be a good opener to reconnect. Clearly, they are important to you.

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  FINDING SILENCE 5 MINUTES

  The soundscape of life is rich, varied, and persistent. In almost all settings, unless we’re in an isolation tank, some sound usually calls for our attention. Silence, on the other hand, tends to be more elusive. Although the purpose of meditation is to cultivate a detached awareness of all sensations, thoughts, and stimuli in the present moment, the practice of meditation in total silence can be beneficial. In my experience, silence quickly amplifies the cacophony of my thoughts. But by minimizing external distractions, I find that I’m able to settle into a deeper meditation. This technique can be particularly helpful if you’re a beginner.

  1.For this meditation, you’ll want to lie in bed after your bedtime routine so that you won’t need to get up again. Ideally, you’ll use earplugs or noise-canceling headphones. If you don’t have them, try to prevent all sound from reaching your ears using pillows or blankets.

  2.Gently close your eyes.

  3.Become aware of the natural rhythm of your breath without trying to change or control it. Follow each inhale and exhale completely.

  4.Find a place in the cycle of your breathing where you most notice the sensation, perhaps the tip of your nose, the bottom of your rib cage, or the back of your throat. Shift your focus there.

  5.As thoughts arise, notice them, acknowledge them, and let them go.

  6.Become aware of how all external sound has stopped. Aside from the faint sound of your breathing or possibly your own heartbeat, you can hear nothing. Notice how this relative silence makes you feel. Try to become curious. What is silence? How is it different from your typical experience with sound? Do you find that your thoughts are “louder”? Can you return to your breath, letting all thoughts dissolve and immersing yourself in the silence?

  7.Notice how relaxed your body is, how quiet and calm it has become. In our routine lives, even as we fall asleep, our soundscape is so constant, so pervasive, that we don’t realize how much it affects us, and how much we rely on it for our sense of connection to the world.

  8.When you are ready to complete this meditation, remove whatever you were using to block sound. While taking several slow, deep breaths, notice how much you can hear. Do you hear sounds that you never noticed before? Settle into sleep mode with gratitude for your ability to hear, appreciation for the familiar sounds around you, and a newfound comfort with total silence.

  TIP: I’d encourage you not to become dependent on silence for your meditation. Yes, a peaceful environment is helpful, but always needing silence to meditate misses the point of meditation, which is to accept distractions without judgment.

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  LIGHT AS LIGHT 15 TO 20 MINUTES

  The incessant rambling of our thoughts, the unknowable and uncontrollable whims of others, the deep-seated ambitions of our acculturation, and the pervasive forces of our own biochemistry can lead to anxiety, doubt, and fantasy. All of these forces, if we’re not paying attention, can confuse our true purpose and obscure our view of reality. But we have a choice. Literally and metaphorically, we can turn toward the light. We can seek out the brightness, the clarity, and the truth and forge a path toward more of it. In this meditation, you will use the concept of “light” to help quiet those “dark” thoughts that tend to grow so loud as we try to fall asleep.

  1.Find a comfortable seated position. You can sit cross-legged on a cushion on the floor or in a chair. Sit up straight, but don’t force perfect posture.

  2.Lift upward through the top of your head.

  3.Let go of any tension in your body. Completely relax all muscles that aren’t holding you up, and find balance between those that are so that no one muscle group seems to be doing all the work. Remain fluid and relaxed.

  4.Take 4 deep and satisfying breaths, making the exhales twice as long as the inhales.

  5.Relax your eyebrows, your jaw, and your tongue.

  6.Tune in to your breath. Notice the sensation it brings, the flow,
the natural rhythm, the reliability with which it comes and goes. Find a sensation in the cycle of your breathing where you feel each exhale and inhale the most. It should be a pleasant feeling. Focus on it.

  7.Consider the question What is light? Hold the question in your mind while focusing on your breath. You aren’t seeking an answer. Simply ask the question What is light? and see what comes up.

  8.Maybe you feel lightness in your body. Maybe you see a warm glow of lightness. Maybe light speeds all around you.

  9.You are present with the question, with your breath, and with this moment. Can you get closer to this moment? Can you get closer to the heart of the question? Can you experience more “lightness” within you? What does it feel like?

  10.As thoughts arise, acknowledge them, and let them go without judgment. Continue focusing on the idea of light.

  11.Letting go of any mental or physical effort, return to your breath. Notice whether it feels lighter, easier, and more fulfilling with each new inhale and exhale. Notice whether you’ve embodied a new sense of lightness. This sense is something you can tap into anytime. It is always available to you. Bringing this sense of lightness with you to bed (and into your daily life) can be a powerful antidote to the dark forces of discursive thought, stress, and anxiety.

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  GET COMFORTABLE 10 MINUTES

  As anyone who has ever traveled knows, there is nothing like your own bed. There is comfort in the familiar feel of your mattress, sheets, blankets, and pillows and in the familiar smell of your detergent or fabric softener. There is also comfort in your prebed routine, the layout of your bedroom, and even in the smell of your home and the night sounds you’ve come to know so well. In this meditation, rather than returning from a trip to appreciate the comfort of where you sleep, you’re going to simply pay attention to everything that makes your own bed special and comfortable.

  1.Lie on your back in your bed with your arms stretched out, palms facing up, and your feet hip-distance apart.

  2.Soften your gaze or gently close your eyes.

  3.How do you feel? Are you relaxed? Let go of any tension in your face, your jaw, your neck. Let go of any tension you feel in your body.

  4.Without trying to change or control your breath, bring your attention to it. Follow each inhale and exhale.

  5.Check in with how you feel now. Are you as relaxed as you can possibly be?

  6.Take several deep breaths, then return to a normal breath pattern.

  7.Bring your focus to the comfort of your bed, the soft support beneath you. Feel the gentle weight of the sheets and blankets on your whole body and the warmth and security they bring you.

  8.Check in with the familiar smell of your room.

  9.Identify familiar sounds.

  10.Without opening your eyes or looking around, picture your surroundings. Perhaps you see the art on the walls, pictures of friends and family, your clothes strewn about, a pet cozied up in the corner—everything creating a calm, relaxing environment around you.

  11.Feel the comfort of your pillow beneath your head.

  12.Come back to your breath. As thoughts, sounds, or sensations arise, notice them and, without judgment, let them drift away. Return to your breath and the comfort of your own bed.

  13.Staying in this feeling of warmth, let go of any lingering effort and allow yourself to drift off to sleep.

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  FLOATING 15 MINUTES

  Floating on water has a deeply relaxing quality. The sound of the water, the shift in our relationship to gravity, the gentle rocking of waves, the cool (or warm) sensation on our skin. In this meditation, you will imagine that you’re floating on your back on a gently rocking body of water. To help facilitate and enhance this meditation, I suggest playing an audio track of water sounds (see resources).

  1.Lie down on your back on a comfortable surface, such as a yoga mat on the floor, a couch, or a bed.

  2.Begin playing your audio track.

  3.Close your eyes.

  4.Take a deep, relaxing breath and allow yourself to fully let go of all thoughts and tensions.

  5.Bring your attention to your breath. Don’t try to change or control it, simply pay attention to how it feels, to how it moves.

  6.Notice the sounds you hear, the sensations, and any thoughts that arise, and return to your breath.

  7.In particular, listen to the sounds of the water. What sounds is it making? Do you hear splashing, lapping, rushing? Are there other sounds in the distance? Imagine a blue sky above you, the warm sun, a gentle breeze.

  8.Tune in to the experience of floating, of being completely supported by the water below your body. Feel the gentle motion of rocking on the surface of the water. Notice the peacefulness around you and the calm within you.

  9.Become completely aware of the present moment. You are awake. You are breathing. You are floating. You are free.

  10.As thoughts arise, notice them, acknowledge them, and let them go. Perhaps imagine that they are tiny bubbles rising to the surface of the water around you and gently popping when they reach the air.

  11.If you are already in bed, settle into the peace and tranquility you feel and allow sleep to wash over you. If you are not in bed, rise slowly and stay with this feeling of complete relaxation. You can re-create this visualization when it’s time to fall asleep.

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  BIRTHDAY SUIT 15 TO 20 MINUTES

  We’re accustomed to wearing clothing all the time, and some people feel very uncomfortable being naked. Sure, clothing is important for protection and cultural norms, but it also forms an additional protective layer on which we’ve come to rely. We have clothes for sleeping, clothes for working, and clothes for playing, and each item of clothing projects something about how we want to present ourselves to the world and how we want others to perceive us. Clothes also constantly touch our skin, the largest organ of our body, so we’re in a consistent sensory relationship with them, whether we’re conscious of it or not. This meditation helps us reconnect with our truest, purest physical bodies, and it is one you’ll want to do in the comfort and privacy of your own home. You may find the sensations on your skin distracting or unnerving and appreciate the sense of putting clothes back on when you’re done. Or you may find this exercise liberating and relaxing, in which case you may drift off to sleep without anything on. Don’t take this practice too seriously. Have fun with it. Keep your focus on the sensations and the mindfulness practice available to you here.

  1.Disrobe completely and get into bed.

  2.If lying unclothed in bed is unusual for you, the feeling of the sheets against your skin may be strange in places.

  3.As biological creatures, sex and sexuality is core to our existence. Through cultural indoctrination, we may tend to think about nudity as part of sex. In this meditation, try to remove that conditioning from this experience, which is not a sexual one. You are simply wearing no clothes.

  4.Take several deep breaths, inhaling slowly through your nose and exhaling completely through your mouth with a gentle “ahhh” sound. Repeat 5 times.

  5.Become completely relaxed and allow your breath to return to its natural rhythm.

  6.Bring your awareness to your skin. Feel the sensations on every inch of your body. Become aware of any thoughts, insecurities, or worries that arise. Acknowledge them and let them go without judgment.

  7.Note the difference between the actual sensations on your skin and the interpretations of those sensations offered by your mind. Let go of what the mind tells you. You are here in your natural state, naked, comfortable.

  8.Return to your breath.

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  TONUS DISSOLVER 10 MINUTES

  Tonus is a constant low-level activity in our muscles and tissues, one we rarely notice. When you bring your attention to relaxing a tense muscle, it’s easy to release a contraction and bring some ease to the area. But totally and completely relaxing the muscle may require further, deeper concentration. If you are in calm state of mind and follo
w a simple, focused approach, you can create full-body relaxation on the deepest level. This meditation will guide you through this process—it’s a good one to come back to again and again.

  1.Lie on your back on a comfortable surface such as a yoga mat or carpet. You can also do this practice in bed before sleep.

  2.Place your hands palms up at your sides, just an inch or so away from your hips. Position your feet about hip-width apart with your ankles and toes relaxed.

  3.Gently close your eyes.

  4.Take 4 deep breaths, inhaling slowly and deeply through your nose, and letting all the air out through your mouth with a gentle “ahhh.”

  5.Starting at the top of your head, feel the strength of gravity pulling you into deep and total relaxation. Without moving, feel all of your weight being pulled down into the surface beneath you. Feel your skull sinking down, the muscles in your scalp and face relaxing completely with the pull of gravity, and your shoulders, elbows, hips, knees, and ankles sinking deeper and deeper into the earth.

  6.Feel your jaw muscles and your tongue release. Feel your lips and all the tiny muscles around your eyes ease.

  7.When you have moved through your entire body, check to make sure you haven’t introduced tension anywhere at all. You should be completely, entirely, deeply relaxed, with every single fiber in your body in a state of total rest.

  8.Stay in this state for the next few minutes or as long as you’d like. If you are in bed, melt into the state and allow the sleep to come.

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  SELF-LOVE 5 TO 15 MINUTES

  We’ve all heard the saying “You can’t love someone else unless you love yourself.” But as many times as you’ve heard and reflected on that idea, how often do you really make the effort to deepen your love for yourself? I understand it can be challenging. But making time to appreciate, even celebrate, who you are, the life you lead, the relationships you maintain, the breaths you draw, the good decisions you make, and the body you nourish can be transformational. Rather than focus so much on your relationship with others, as we’re all prone to do, in this meditation focus on yourself, without judgment, attachment, or fear. Doing so brings a powerful sense of peace that you can carry with you throughout your day or as you fall asleep at night. In fact, self-focus can be the best gift to give yourself at the end of a long day.