She wasn’t buying it. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I just want you to know that I’m here if you want to talk.”
There was no way that I could tell my mom that Jake was upset with me because I wanted to have sex with him and nothing else. “Okay. Thanks, Mom.”
I had called Kyle earlier in the day to find out how he was doing after last night. He was obviously fine, because he immediately started questioning me about my date with Jake. “It wasn’t a date,” I said.
“Of course it was,” he said breezily. “Do you really think I needed Jake there for moral support? I thought you would see right through that. Too bad you didn’t get to dance with him before you got kicked out. It was sooo romantic when he kissed you though. Everyone was talking about it.”
“That’s great,” I said sarcastically.
Kyle was uncharacteristically quiet for a moment. “What happened now?”
“I’ll tell you later.”
“How could you screw things up after that great exit?” Kyle demanded.
“Me?” I huffed. “Why do you immediately assume it was me?”
“Because Jake likes you enough to ask me for advice about you.” Kyle sighed. “Scott and I are going on a date tonight.”
“Then it’ll have to wait until Monday. Mom’s home all day tomorrow.”
Madison approached me on Monday before I had a chance to talk to Kyle. We had gym class together, but she had never said two words to me before. She was one of the popular, pretty girls that definitely dressed like a girl.
She pulled me off to the side after the teacher told us to do our warm up exercises, and that he would be right back. “Look, Cameron. I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I feel terrible about what happened, and I swear that I didn’t know about you and Jake when he took me to your house.”
Something clicked as I looked at her. “That was you?”
Her embarrassment turned to surprise. “I thought you saw me.”
“I did, but I didn’t recognize you.” The truth was that she had barely registered with me, but there was no need to tell her that.
“Oh, well, I hope you can forgive me. I had no idea that Jake was your boyfriend.”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I said.
Her confusion was evident on her face. “But he kissed you at the dance.”
I should have expected this after Kyle told me that people were talking about it. “That doesn’t mean that he’s my boyfriend.”
“So, it’s just a casual thing?” Madison asked.
“Yeah. It doesn’t mean anything.” I was glad to set her straight, and I hoped that the talk about Jake being my boyfriend would quickly die down.
“Hmm,” she said thoughtfully. “You even think like a guy. I wish I could be like that. Guys are so afraid of commitment, so it would be much easier if I didn’t get attached.”
Thankfully, the teacher returned then, because I was already getting bored with this conversation. Gym was my favorite class, and I especially felt ready to lose myself in physical activity today. I had gone for a long run yesterday, and it had helped me sleep better than the previous night. The only problem was that I’d had a damn sex dream about Jake. This had never happened to me before, and I hoped that I wouldn’t be dreaming about him on a regular basis.
I got detention for two weeks for punching Chad at the dance. We all got called in separately to see the principal, so I didn’t know what happened to Jake and Chad. When I saw Jake in detention after school, he didn’t say a word to me.
It bothered me more than I had expected it to. We had never been best friends, but we had always been friendly. Later on that evening I would hear from Connor that Jake also got two weeks of detention, while Chad got off with a warning. Connor was more interested in what happened between me and Jake at the dance, but I told him it was none of his business. He complained that Jake had also refused to talk about it.
Kyle sat in complete silence after I told him about Friday night. I looked out the windshield of his car and waited for him to say something. His tone held awe when he finally spoke. “He’s completely in love with you.”
My head whipped around toward him. “Where are you getting that from?”
“My God, Cam! How can you not see it?”
He never said that,” I insisted.
“Read between the lines. Of course he couldn’t say those actual words. You weren’t exactly receptive to his feelings.”
I remembered Jake’s bleak expression, and how he’d said that he needed time to get over me. I still didn’t want to believe that he had been talking about love. “He’ll get over it.”
“Eventually,” Kyle agreed. “He won’t wait around for you forever, so you better figure out how you feel about him.”
I knew that Kyle was upset about this situation, because he didn’t crack any jokes. He told me that he thought I was making a big mistake in not giving Jake a chance. “It’s not so easy to find what you have with him. Go out with some other guys and you’ll see what I mean.”
The funny thing was that guys started asking me out the very next day. It began with Dylan, the most notorious player in our school. “Hi, Cameron. How’s it going?”
I fought the urge to look behind me to make sure that he was really talking to me. “Good.”
“That’s good.” He watched me with his dark eyes as a seductive half-smile played over his lips. Dylan had been described as sex on legs, and now I could see why. Everything he did oozed sex appeal, from the way he leaned against the locker next to me to the way he spoke in that low, intimate voice. “Will you come to Kayla’s party with me, Cameron?”
“Why?” I asked in bewilderment.
“Just to hang out. It’ll be fun. You like fun, don’t you?” Someone passed by and called a greeting to him. He raised his hand in acknowledgement but never took his eyes off me.
How could I respond to that? “Sure, I like fun, but—”
“Good.” The bell rang and he waited for it to stop. “I’ll get your number in English. See you later, Cameron.” He took off down the hall before I could protest.
Did I want to go to a party with him? The only parties I had ever attended were birthday parties for family and friends. This would be a completely different kind of party. Maybe it would be fun to try something different for a change. At least I didn’t have to worry about Dylan wanting a relationship. I hardly knew him, so I certainly wasn’t going to sleep with him. I was feeling restless and out of sorts since this whole thing with Jake. Maybe a party was just the distraction that I needed.
I gave Dylan my number in English class, and he gave me his and said he’d call me later. Another guy asked me out later that day, but I turned him down. I couldn’t fathom why guys were suddenly interested in me.
Connor was the first one to give me a clue about it. “Did you and Jake have sex?”
I finished putting on my seatbelt and looked at him. “No.”
“Are you sure?” Connor asked.
“I think I would know for sure. Are you going to drive, or should I?”
He turned on the ignition and pulled into the line of cars waiting to exit the school parking lot. “It’s just that I heard a lot of people talking about it today.”
“It’s probably because of what happened at the dance,” I said.
“I guess. Anyway, about that...”
“I’m not talking about that.” I turned to stare out the window.
“Neither is Jake. What the hell is going on with you guys? He doesn’t want to come over anymore.”
“I’m sorry, Connor. I just don’t want to get into it. Just give it some time, and things will go back to normal.”
When Dylan called me later that evening, I was brusque with him. He didn’t seem to take offence at my attitude, and he was as smooth as ever while he told me the details of the party. Then he tried to continue the conversation, but I cut him off. “Look, I’ll go with you to the party, but you don’t re
ally need to talk to me until then.”
Apparently, even his laugh was sexy. “I like a girl who knows what she wants. Okay, Cameron. Goodnight then.”
“Goodnight, Dylan.”
I was walking toward the cafeteria with Kyle the next day when Jake suddenly grabbed my arm and dragged me with him down the hall. I looked back at Kyle, who was watching us with amusement. There would be no help from him. I looked at Jake and saw that he was furious. Well, I was mad too. “What are you doing?”
He pushed open the door and pulled me outside with him. “My car,” he spat at me.
“Let go of me. What about your car?”
He loosened his grip on my arm but didn’t let go as he propelled me toward the parking lot. When we got to his car, I couldn’t see anything wrong with it. He yanked open the passenger door for me as he finally let go of my arm. I glared at him, but I got into the car. “You don’t even have lunch this period,” I said after he got into the driver’s side and shut the door. “Are you skipping class? You already have detention.”
“Did you tell everyone that we had sex?” The words were spoken in a harsh tone that he had never used with me before.
I couldn’t believe that he would accuse me of such a thing. “No. Why would I?”
“Because that’s what everyone is saying.” The hard look in his blue eyes had never been directed at me before either.
I waved that away. “I’ve heard that rumor too. It’s probably just because we kissed and left the dance together.”
His expression didn’t soften. “I’ve heard the same rumor from everyone, and it’s very specific. They’re saying that you’re the one who said that we hooked up. They’re saying that’s what you do, just hook up with guys.”
“So that’s why all these guys are asking me out.” Two more guys had approached me today, and they had never paid any attention to me before.
“Why the hell else do you think that Dylan would ask you out? He’s only after one thing. I heard you’re going on a date with him. Congratulations, Cam. He’ll give you what you want.” His voice sounded more hurt than angry now.
“It’s not a date,” I clarified. “We’re just hanging out, and I’m not going to have sex with him. I hardly know him!”
“A lot of girls didn’t plan on having sex with him, but they did anyway. He doesn’t have that reputation for nothing.” Jake didn’t look quite as angry now. “I don’t know what this is all about, Cam, but the rumors will just get worse if you go with him to that party.”
“I don’t care what people say about me. It’s not like I’m worried about being popular like Madison,” I said.
Jake immediately went on the defensive. “So you’re going to keep throwing that in my face.”
“I wasn’t. I didn’t even know it was her until she apologized yesterday,” I admitted. “Speaking of which, you never actually apologized to me about that.”
Jake’s eyes had narrowed. “You talked to Madison? What exactly did you say to her?”
“Just that she had the wrong idea about us kissing. I told her it meant nothing.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I wished that I could take them back. The wounded look on Jake’s face made me feel awful. “I didn’t mean it like that. You know that I wanted you to kiss me.”
“Yeah, whatever.” His expression became neutral. “So you gave Madison the impression that we hooked up casually?”
I remembered her asking me if it was a casual thing, now that I thought about it. “She misunderstood what I said.”
“Why would you tell her anything?” Jake asked in annoyance. “You know that all she does is gossip.”
“That’s not all she does.” My tone was so unexpectedly bitter that he glanced at me sharply and kept his gaze on me.
I was suddenly uncomfortable with the keen way he was studying me. “I have to go eat before lunch is over.”
I threw open the door and scampered out of the car before he could reply. He was still watching me when I looked back at him. I gave him a hesitant little wave, and he waved back. It was amazing how such a small gesture could lift my spirits so much.
Chapter 9
I wasn’t sure how I got talked into going shopping with Kayla, the girl who was having the party, and her best friend. How Kyle ended up going with us was beyond me. I was asking him for advice on how to get out of it at lunch, which we were finally eating in the cafeteria, and instead of helping me he managed to get himself invited to go with us. I was sure that he only wanted to watch my torture.
Kayla and Jennifer made me shop for two hours before we finally agreed on “acceptable” clothes. I had to try everything on and model it for them. My usual clothes shopping took about fifteen minutes, and that included standing in line at the register. When I walked out in the first thing they picked out for me, all three of them stared at me. I had never before tried on a miniskirt in my life. None of my friends had ever seen me in a dress or skirt, and I wasn’t planning on wearing one now.
“Darling!” Kyle cried. “You look fabulous!”
“She looks hot,” Kayla said. “Cameron, I didn’t know you had such a nice figure. Why do you wear all those boy clothes?”
“I’m not wearing this to the party.” I was still looking at Kyle and trying to figure out what he was up to. He had never used the words darling or fabulous before to my recollection. As the shopping/torture continued, he would repeatedly call me darling and tell me that I looked fabulous. I eventually caught on that he was playing into Kayla and Jennifer’s stereotypes about gay guys.
After I refused to consider skirts as a possibility, they decided that I should wear jeans. Kayla was stunned after she asked me what size jeans I wore, and I told her that I didn’t know because I didn’t have any. She and Jennifer exchanged a look of disbelief. Then I had to try on dozens of jeans until we found the perfect pair.
“They’re too tight,” I complained.
“No, they’re not. You’re just used to wearing baggy clothes,” Kayla said.
“Darling, you look fabulous.”
I shot Kyle a murderous look. By this time, I was tired and annoyed, and I regretted ever agreeing to go to this stupid party. Kayla and Jennifer picked out some girly top for me to wear with the jeans. I barely glanced at it, because I just wanted to be done shopping.
“Now for the makeup,” Kayla said. “I’m guessing you don’t have any.”
“Forget it,” I said. “Thanks for your help, but I’ve had it with fashion.”
“Just lipstick. That’s all you need. Every girl looks better with lipstick,” Jennifer insisted.
“Yes, darling. All you need is a fabulous shade of lipstick.” Kyle fluttered his lashes at me.
“And you need a new vocabulary, darling,” I said in a falsely sweet voice.
A wicked gleam in his angelic blue eyes warned me that he was going to annoy me even worse. “What about lingerie, darling? Surely you’re not going to wear boxer shorts on your date.”
Kayla and Jennifer both gasped and looked horrified. For the record, I didn’t wear boys’ underwear. I had sensible girls cotton panties. Sure, Kyle had never seen me in my underwear, but I suspected he knew that even I wasn’t going to wear boys’ underwear.
“You should get a thong,” Kayla said. “Dylan loves to see a girl in a thong.”
“Oh yeah,” Jennifer agreed. “It drives him wild.”
Kyle looked like the cat that swallowed the canary. “You ladies have firsthand knowledge of this?”
“Hell yeah,” Kayla said. “Dylan’s the best.”
“It’s true what they say,” Jennifer added. “Practice really does make perfect.”
“How’s Jake in that department?” Kayla was looking at me with open curiosity. “You’re one of the few that actually knows.”
I was surprised by that statement, because I had assumed that Jake slept with lots of girls. “Let’s go find the lipstick,” I said, willing to submit to more shopping in order to change
the subject.
I allowed them to pick out the color for me, and they chose red. “It’ll make your lips pop,” Kayla said.
We then made a stop in the lingerie department, but I nixed the thong idea. After taking a better look at the top they had picked out for me, I realized that I needed to buy an actual bra. The girls were looking at me like I was from another planet when I admitted that I didn’t know my bra size.
Kayla made a guess by looking at me, but I had to buy a bigger size than she had predicted. My breasts looked much fuller in the regular bra than they had in my sports bra. Going to a party could not possibly be worth all this trouble, I thought. Why did so many girls think that shopping was fun? Fortunately, Kyle and I had driven separately from the girls, because they decided to stay at the mall awhile longer.
Kyle waited until we were out of sight of them before he began laughing at me. “Didn’t you have a fabulous time darling?”
“What the hell is wrong with you? It was bad enough without you making it worse. If you call me darling one more time, I won’t be responsible for my actions,” I warned him.
He was still getting a kick out of it. “The look on your face! You looked like you were being put through the Inquisition instead of just trying on clothes. At least you have something decent to wear
now. Maybe next time you’ll get a skirt.”
There will be no next time,” I declared. “I don’t ever want to see another mall as long as I live.”
“Remember, Cam, prom is next year.” Kyle stepped through the door to the parking lot and held it open for me.
“Who says I’m going to prom?” I shifted the purse strap uncomfortably on my shoulder. It was the same one I’d had for years, but I rarely used it. Most of the time my pockets sufficed for carrying what I needed, but I hadn’t been sure how much money to take with me, and I didn’t want to have a wad of cash in my pocket.
“I thought this was a new beginning for you,” Kyle said. “Accepting dates, partying, shopping.”
“It’s not a date,” I reminded him.
“You keep telling yourself that, Cam. Dylan didn’t ask you out as just a friend. All of his friends have benefits. We just went shopping with two of them, and they both gave him rave reviews. You should have taken their advice and gotten a thong.”
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