Connor backed off a little. “It’s just weird for me to think of my best friend hooking up with my sister.”
“We didn’t hook up. Jake had too much to drink at the party, and I didn’t want him to drive home drunk. So I brought him here to sleep it off,” I explained.
He still didn’t look convinced. “And why exactly did he have to sleep it off in your room?”
“After what happened last time, I wasn’t setting foot in your room. How did I know that you weren’t planning to have your girlfriend spend the night?” It all sounded reasonable when I said it, but I couldn’t fool myself that it was the complete truth.
“I drove Jen home, and I was surprised when I saw Jake’s car here. He hasn’t wanted to come over at all since you guys went to that dance. Look, Cam, I don’t really want to know the details, but did you guys make up?”
“We’re cool,” I said, but I wasn’t so sure.
Chapter 11
I missed Jake. It was a subtle, gradual realization over the next few weeks. He never returned to our house after he spent the night in my room. When Connor hung out with him now, it was always at Jake’s house or elsewhere. Jake no longer came to watch my soccer games like he had in the past. He spoke to me at school, but only to say hi. I had taken his presence for granted for so long that I wasn’t prepared for how much being cut out of his life would affect me.
I didn’t tell anyone what he had said to me that night when he was drunk, not even Kyle. Jake had said that it wasn’t true, and there was no reason to dwell on it. Kyle and I had other things to deal with. The rest of our friends seemed to always be busy whenever we wanted to hang out. I decided to confront them about it, starting with Adam. He was surprised when I took the school bus home with him. I stuck to small talk until we got off the bus.
“How are you going to get home?” Adam asked. “You know I don’t have a car.”
I knew that his parents didn’t get home from work until about six, so we could talk openly at his house. “I can call Connor to pick me up. Or maybe Kyle,” I added.
Adam looked away from me as we walked into his yard. He seemed reluctant to invite me in, but he did anyway. “So, what do you want to do?” We hadn’t ever hung out together without the rest of our friends, and he seemed kind of nervous around me, although he never had been before.
“I want to talk, or are you too busy?” I had dropped the friendly tone of voice I’d used on the bus.
“Just don’t punch me, okay?” He actually stepped back away from me.
“Why would I do that, Adam? I still consider you my friend. Or am I wrong about that?” I wondered if this was going to be a replay of what happened with Chad.
“Of course we’re still friends, Cam. You’re not the problem,” he said.
My anger dissolved into disappointment. “What is the problem then, Adam?” I already knew, but I wanted to make him say it.
“Let me ask you something, Cam. How long have you known about Kyle being gay?” At least he was looking straight at me now instead of avoiding the situation.
“A couple of years. Obviously, I didn’t drop him as a friend when I found out.”
“I don’t know how he told you, but he just sprang it on us with no warning. Give me some time to get used to it,” he said.
“You’re not going to get used to it by avoiding him. He’s still the same person, Adam. Nothing has to change. Just give him a chance,” I pleaded.
“I don’t know what to say to him,” he admitted.
“You don’t have to say anything. We’ll just hang out like always. Okay?”
“Okay, Cam, but I don’t know if it can be like it was before. Have you talked to the other guys yet?” Adam asked.
“Not yet, but I’m actually going over to talk to Jason now. I texted him during last period, and he said he’d be home.” Jason lived a couple blocks over from Adam, so I could walk there.
“Oh.” His tone of voice immediately alerted me that something was wrong.
“What? Did he say something awful about Kyle?” Jason had always been so cool about everything that I couldn’t imagine him reacting in the way Chad did. Yet I hadn’t expected Chad to behave that way either.
“No. We haven’t really talked about Kyle at all. I guess we just wanted to pretend it never happened,” Adam explained. “Did you know that Jason was at Kayla’s party?”
The abrupt change of subject puzzled me, but I answered him. “No, I didn’t see him.”
“He saw you.”
There was something odd about the way he said that. “Oh? Why didn’t he say hi?”
“Maybe because he was too busy drooling over you.” He watched my reaction and smiled thinly. “Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either. All he could talk about was how hot you looked. You should know that he’s been trying to work up the nerve to ask you out.”
“Oh no!” Why was this happening to me?
“Are you still going to go talk to him?” Adam asked.
“Yes. Our friendship is too important to just give up on it. I don’t know why everything is so complicated though.”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “Things were much easier when we were kids.”
“Those were the days,” I sighed.
He smiled, and I could see the Adam I had always known. “Listen to us talking about the good old days.”
I smiled back. “We must be getting old.”
“Ancient.” Then he grew serious again. “Come back here and wait for your ride if things get too
weird with Jason.”
“Thanks, Adam.” I left his house feeling hopeful. He was open to trying to keep our friendships intact.
My optimism even carried over to the situation with Jason. I was dressed in my usual clothes, and I felt confident that he would forget about the party once he saw me. Surely one evening wouldn’t override all the years we had been buddies. He dispelled that hope quickly, however. I had launched into talking to him about Kyle, but he interrupted me.
“I’m sorry, Cam, but there’s something I need to say to you before I freeze up. I like you, and I want to know if you’ll go out with me.”
Why was my life such a mess? “Since when do you like me, Jason? Since you saw how hot I looked?” I was angrier at the situation than I was at him.
“Adam and his big mouth,” he muttered. “Yeah, Cam, I couldn’t help noticing your looks. I know there’s more to you than your body though. We have a lot in common. I never thought about you as more than a friend before, and maybe you’ve never thought about me that way either, but I think we could have something special.”
We had been friends for a long time, and I didn’t want to suspect him of ulterior motives, but I had to bring it up. “A lot of guys have been asking me out lately, Jason. If you think—”
He looked offended as he jumped in to deny it before I even said it. “I saw you were at the party with Dylan, and I’ve heard the rumors about you, but I know you’re not that kind of girl. You’re my friend first. How could you think that I would try to use you?”
“You had a date at the dance,” I reminded him.
“Yeah I date, Cam, but I don’t have a girlfriend. Not yet anyway. Will you please think about it? About going out with me, I mean.”
He was right about us having a lot in common. Besides our love of skateboarding, we also had the same taste in music and movies. We got along great, and Jason was attractive. He was just as blond as Kyle, but he had brown eyes. I was noticing his looks for the first time since my late blooming hormones had kicked in. Still, I wished that we could just go back to our effortless friendship.
“I promise to think about it if you’ll hang out with Kyle and me the way you used to before the dance.” I wasn’t just making a false promise to bribe him. I was really going to consider everything he said.
He knew me well enough to take me at my word. I didn’t go around breaking promises. “Okay, Cam, you’ve got a deal. Do you want me to talk to Kevin and Taylor for
you?”
“Yeah,” I said gratefully. “That would be great.”
“Okay, I’ll let you know and we’ll get together if they’re cool with it.” Before I knew what was happening, Jason leaned in and lightly brushed his lips against mine. “You let me know too, Cam.”
“I will,” I promised. Then I decided to take Adam up on his offer. “I told Connor to pick me up at Adam’s house,” I lied. “I better get going.”
I made my escape and called Connor when I turned the corner and was no longer visible from Jason’s house. I had made progress with my goal to help ease the rift between Kyle and the rest of my friends, but now I had a new problem to solve.
Chapter 12
I couldn’t seem to get away from the whole dating thing, even though I had wanted nothing to do with it. It was like a virus that had infected everyone, and now they were spreading it to me. It had started with Jake. Everything could be traced back to Jake in my mind. He was responsible for all these confusing feelings I now had.
My life had been simple and uncomplicated until he stimulated my hormones into going crazy for him. He was the one who set off this entire chain of events that had messed up my life. It was because of him that I had agreed to go to the party with Dylan where Jason had seen me and decided that he wanted to be more than friends. Now I was in the awkward situation of having to decide what to do about Jason.
My first impulse would be to tell him that I wanted to remain just friends, but I had promised to think about it. Dating Jason would be easy. We liked so many of the same things that we would always agree on what to do on our dates. The only difference in our relationship would be the kissing. I had to admit that I liked kissing, so it would be nice to have someone to kiss on a regular basis.
I had told Jake that I didn’t want to date anyone, so he would be hurt if I started dating Jason after refusing him. So far, I had liked kissing Jake more than I liked kissing anyone else. If I was going to date anyone for the kissing, he would be the natural choice.
Yet I felt afraid of getting involved with him that way. Even Dylan seemed like a safer choice for dating. He had made it clear that he was still interested and told me to call him anytime if I wanted to go out again. I wasn’t even sure if Jake still wanted me to be his girlfriend, or if he had gotten over me like he said he would.
It was obvious to me now that he had liked me since we were kids. What freaked me out was the possibility that I had liked him all along too. How else could I explain to myself why I had grown my hair long for him? I had told him that having sex with him would make me stop thinking of him as more than a friend, but now I wasn’t so sure. If my feelings for him predated the incident in my room, then they weren’t going to go away by trying to exorcise the physical attraction between us. His absence should have made it easier to put him out of my mind, but I was feeling it more keenly with every passing week. I wondered if he missed me the way I missed him. He had said that being around me was killing him, so maybe he was glad to be away from me.
Kyle told me that dating Jason would only lead to disaster. “Your heart’s not in it, Cam. If he starts falling for you, you’ll only break his heart. Then your friendship will be ruined.”
Was that why I hadn’t been scared when Jason asked me out, because I knew I was safe from heartbreak with him? What did that say about my reaction to Jake? I remembered my panic when he asked me if I returned his feelings. I was starting to come to a conclusion I didn’t like.
I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind as I prepared to hang out with my friends. Jason had texted me that we were on for skateboarding with all the guys. We were taking advantage of the weather before it got too cold. I had made my decision about Jason, but I was going to tell him when we were alone. Kyle and I were driving separately to the skate park so that I could talk to Jason afterward. I was nervous about it, but I was more nervous about how the guys would treat Kyle.
It was a little awkward at first when we all greeted each other, but having an activity to distract us really helped. We were soon having fun skateboarding and attempting to perfect our moves. Kyle flawlessly pulled off a trick that had always thwarted him before, and we all cheered for him.
It was when he and Adam got into an argument about zombies, however, that I felt like things were back to normal. The rest of the guys joined in with their own opinions on this pointless disagreement. As I listened to them, I felt my heart swell with happiness. We were going to be okay.
Once things started winding down when everybody was going home for dinner, I hung back with Jason. He picked up on my cues that I wanted to talk, and he stayed with me after everybody else left.
“Seems like everybody’s cool with him,” Jason said.
“Yeah, thanks for setting this up. Did you have trouble talking Kevin and Taylor into coming?”
“They weren’t exactly thrilled about it,” he admitted. “I think we were all worried it was going to be weird, but it was like old times.”
“They just needed to see that he’s still Kyle. It’s not like he suddenly became a different person.”
“That would actually have been an improvement,” Jason joked.
I laughed, but I was already dreading the next part of our conversation. “So, I thought about what you said. Our friendship is important to me, Jason, and I don’t want to lose it.”
“It’s important to me too, Cam. If things don’t work out with dating, we can still be friends.”
“I think we should just stay friends.” Kyle was right. I really had no desire to start a romance with Jason.
He looked disappointed. “So, you just don’t like me that way.”
“I’m sorry, Jason.” I was worried about where we would go from here, because I could tell that he was unhappy with my answer.
“No, it’s okay. Anyway, I gotta go. I’ll see you at school.” He took off without me then, even though we were going to the same parking area.
I let him have his space as I walked slowly back to the car with my skateboard. Jason had never shown any romantic interest in me before, so I hoped he would get over this soon.
Kyle seemed to think so. “He’s just hot for you, Cam. He’ll move on to lusting after some other
girl. What about Jake? Anything new going on with him?”
I had nothing to report. Kyle would make a big deal out of it, so I didn’t tell him that I had gone to see Jake play basketball. Connor was on the team too, but my motivation had been seeing Jake. It wasn’t just his gorgeous looks either. I missed Jake, and I had thought about letting him know that I was there but had ended up just sitting inconspicuously on the bleachers and watching the game. We lost, and Jake’s mood seemed even worse than that of the rest of his team.
That was the only time I saw him outside of school until the day of the funeral. My mom’s cousin died, and Mom insisted that Connor and I had to go even though we had only seen the woman at family reunions and barely remembered her. She had lived in a town two hours away from us, so it was going to waste most of our Saturday, I thought ungraciously.
“Wow! Check out those houses,” Connor said as we drove through a residential area on our way to the cemetery.
“Candace married into money,” Mom told us. “Not that it was the reason she married Edward,” she quickly amended. “They met in college and fell in love.”
It was true, because Candace’s husband was clearly grieving for her. Their kids were all grown, but I could tell they were close to their dad as they all cried for their mom. The whole thing was sad, and I was glad when it was over. After I awkwardly took my turn in giving them my condolences, I spotted Jake standing in another section of the cemetery. I looked again, and it was definitely him. What was he doing here?
I motioned to Mom where I was going, and she nodded and continued talking to another relative I didn’t know. Connor was talking to some girl and didn’t notice me walk away. Jake was as surprised to see me as I was to see him. “What are you doing here?�
�� We had both asked the question at the same time.
“My dad and grandpa are buried here,” he said.
“What?” How could Connor fail to tell me that Jake’s dad died?
He saw my horrified expression. “My other dad, Cam. He died a long time ago.”
Now I was thoroughly confused. “What other dad?”
“My mom was only married to him for a year. I was a baby when they got divorced, and he died when I was two. I don’t remember him at all, but I come up here once in a while.”
I was shocked to learn this. He had never mentioned it in all the years that I’d known him. I looked down at the headstone. “You have his last name.”
“Yeah, I’m the last of the family. My dad was an only child, and he only had me,” Jake said.
“Cam,” Connor called. “Hey, Jake.” He turned back to me. “Mom says we have to go to the wake now. I guess they’re having food and stuff.”
“Jake said he’d drive me home.” I knew Jake well enough to be sure that he wouldn’t contradict me.
“Yeah,” Jake said, proving me right.
“Hold on. I’ll go talk to Mom.” I started to walk away then turned back to Connor. “Do you want me to get you out of it too?”
“No, that’s okay. I’ll keep Mom company on the ride back.”
He squirmed under my disapproving glare. “Are you seriously trying to pick up a girl at a funeral? What about Jen?”
“I’m just talking to Ashley,” Connor said defensively.
“Another damn Ashley,” I muttered as I walked toward Mom.
To my dismay, her mom radar zeroed in on my situation with Jake. “Is he the guy?”
“Yeah,” I confirmed while looking at my feet.
“I thought so,” Mom said, making me look up at her in astonishment.
“As much as I love his cooking, he wasn’t doing it for me.”
I wondered what she meant by that. “So, can I go? Please?”
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