Daddy called late that night, and I picked up the phone in her room since she was in the bathroom. My father was drunk and slurring his words as he told me that he loved me more than anything in the world. Mom came into the room just as I was demanding to know why he hadn’t shown up that day. She took the phone from me and told me to go back to bed. I saw Jake standing in the hallway, and Mom came out holding the phone.
“Go back to bed kids, please.” She took the phone downstairs with her.
I waited until she disappeared from view and then sat down on the steps. Jake sat down beside me, and I could hear Mom talking in a hushed tone in the kitchen. I couldn’t hear what she was saying, but I knew that she was just as upset as I was. Connor was either asleep, or he hadn’t wanted to leave his room to find out what was happening.
Hot tears began to roll down my cheeks, and I couldn’t stop them. Without saying a word, Jake put his arm around me, and I leaned into him and cried. We both scurried up the stairs when we heard Mom moving around in the kitchen. When she didn’t immediately come upstairs, I walked over to Jake, who was standing in front of Connor’s room, and I gave him a hug before returning to my room.
Thinking back on it now, I realized that Jake always seemed to be there for me. It was something that I had taken for granted until he removed himself from my life. I still saw him at school, but it wasn’t the same. He wanted me to leave him alone until I made my final decision. It was that word final that made me realize how important this was to me. If I told him no this time, he would move on with his life without me. Maybe he would even get back with Madison.
I had seen her trying to flirt with him one day by his locker. He had looked decidedly uncomfortable as she placed her hand on his arm while she talked to him in a manner that disregarded his right to personal space. I had a good view of them from an advantageous angle around the corner. It had started with a desire to see him and had turned into spying when I saw Madison approach him. Jake said something to her and started to walk away. She had to hurry to keep up with his long-legged stride.
After what Jake had revealed to me about their first bedroom encounter, I viewed Madison’s apology in a different light. She had just been fishing for information about my relationship with Jake. Why she would return with him to my bedroom after he called out my name while he was with her was something that made me mistrust her intensely. It seemed to me like she was playing a game, and I was her opponent. At least I was until I told her that Jake wasn’t my boyfriend. She had then lost interest in me, because she hadn’t spoken to me since.
I hadn’t bothered to ask Kyle his opinion about Jake, since I already knew what he would say. He would ask me what I was waiting for. It took me three weeks to realize that Mom had been right. In my heart I had known all along what I wanted.
Kyle happened to be over my house doing homework with me when I made my decision. I had been looking at the same page of my history textbook for several minutes without reading a word. Jake and Connor were at their basketball game, and I wanted to go there immediately. Fortunately, it was a home game at our school.
Kyle was startled when I suddenly announced my intentions. “The game already started a while ago.”
“I know, but I don’t care. Will you drive me?” I asked as I stood up and left all my books on the kitchen table.
He drove me and asked me what was going on, but I told him not to break my concentration. I still hadn’t worked out exactly what I would say to Jake, but I knew that I wanted to say it now. He was on the court playing the game when we arrived. Kyle followed me as I walked toward the sidelines and spotted Madison, who was a cheerleader.
“Hey, Madison.” She looked at me in surprise as I approached her. “Last time we talked, I told you that Jake wasn’t my boyfriend. He is now, so I would appreciate it if you would back off.”
“Jake is your boyfriend!” Kyle exclaimed. “When did this happen?”
“It’s about to happen now,” I said right before the buzzer went off.
It was halftime, and Madison had to do her routine with the rest of the cheerleaders. Jake and Connor came over to see what Kyle and I were doing there.
I spoke before anyone else could say a word. “Hi, Jake. I decided that you’re my boyfriend. I’m gonna go wait on the bleachers, and then I want to kiss you after the game is over.”
Jake stared at me for a moment before a huge smile lit up his face. “The hell with that!”
I didn’t have to wait until after the game for my kiss after all. Our team won the game too, but that didn’t have anything to do with me.
Chapter 15
After Jake and I started dating, he wasn’t allowed to sleep over anymore. This rule was put in place by my mom and his parents. Mom actually tried to have “the talk” with me.
“It’s a little late for that, Mom.” Maybe I should have phrased that differently.
“You’ve already had sex? I thought you just kissed a few times.” She looked extremely upset.
“No, calm down. I just meant that I already learned about it in school.” Little did she know that the only reason I hadn’t had sex yet was because Jake had refused my advances.
Mom was relieved. “I know I should have talked to you about this sooner, but you seemed to have no interest in dating.”
“I didn’t,” I confirmed.
“You’re growing up, Cam, but you’re still only seventeen. There’s no need to rush into anything that you’re not ready for. If Jake cares about you, he’ll wait for you.”
She had no idea how backwards she had it. Now that I thought about it, it was funny how reversed our roles had been. I had been the one pressuring Jake to have sex instead of the other way around. Somehow, I didn’t think she would appreciate the humor in that. What she had said made me realize how much Jake cared about me. A lot of other guys had asked me out because they thought they could have casual sex with me.
“We just started dating, Mom. We’re not even thinking about that yet.” This was true in some ways. My attempts to have sex with Jake had been about trying to avoid a romantic relationship with him. Now I was in no hurry since we began dating.
A funny little laugh escaped from Mom. “You may not be thinking about it, but Jake most certainly has it on his mind. Don’t get me wrong. I think he’s a great guy, but he’s still a teenage boy.”
I was getting more uncomfortable with this conversation by the minute. Apparently, her mom radar didn’t extend to the wayward thoughts of her teenage daughter. Since I wasn’t about to confide how many times I had pictured Jake naked, from memory no less, I signaled that I was ready to drop this subject.
“Okay, Mom, I understand what you’re saying. Nobody’s going to talk me into anything I don’t want to do.” Those were the key words—don’t want to do. I suddenly felt very guilty.
Mom seemed to understand the implications of my words, because she also became uneasy with our discussion. “I just want you to know that you can always talk to me if you have any questions or anything.”
“Thanks, Mom. I will.”
Jake and I were going out on real dates, just like any other couple. I had worn the jeans and top I bought for the party on our first date, which had been to a casual restaurant and to a movie after dinner. There had been lots of kissing in his car before we said goodnight. Connor seemed to be okay with our relationship, because it didn’t intrude on his guy time with Jake. I still hung out with my own friends just like I always had.
Jason was the only one of my friends to confront me about Jake. “I heard that you and Jake are together.”
“We are,” I confirmed.
“So that’s why you turned me down? Because you were with him? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s complicated. Things were kind of shaky with us then,” I explained.
“I guess that’s why you went out with Dylan, to make him jealous. But you wouldn’t do that to me, because we’re friends.” Jason smiled at me.
&nb
sp; He had misunderstood the whole thing, but it seemed to make him feel better, so I didn’t correct him. “Are we cool?”
“We’re cool,” he said, and he sounded like he meant it.
He sauntered away with a little wave, and I turned to see Madison watching me with a calculating look. “I guess I didn’t give you enough credit, Cameron. I didn’t think you knew how to play those kinds of games with guys. Enjoy it while it lasts. Pretty soon the novelty will wear off, and Jake will go looking for a real girl. Like me.” She flounced away in her cute skirt.
“Do you have time to go shopping with me after school?” I asked Kyle at lunch.
“Who are you, and what did you do with Cam?” Kyle quipped.
“I’ll explain it later,” I said, since we weren’t alone at our lunch table.
Madison had thrown down a challenge, and I was going to let her know that I was up for the fight. I had no fear that she had a chance with Jake, but I was going to show her that I could beat her at her own game. Kyle was thrilled with this new development. He had been ecstatic at the game when I announced that Jake was my boyfriend and as catty about Madison as any best friend would be.
“Did you see the look on her face?” Kyle had crowed. “She thought she had him wrapped around her finger until you showed up. It wiped that fake smile right off.”
Now she had apparently bounced back from disappointment. I knew that her locker was in the same section where Jake’s was located, and I was going to pay him a little visit in the morning. This time our shopping trip was actually kind of fun, because I was buying battle gear. While I was at it, I bought more jeans, bras, tops, and new pajamas. It was much easier to shop now that I knew what sizes I needed.
“My little girl is growing up.” Kyle pretended to wipe tears from his eyes. “You should buy a few dresses in case Jake takes you somewhere fancy.”
“Okay,” I grumbled, and Kyle raised his eyebrows at my acquiescence. I wasn’t about to dress girly all the time just because I had a boyfriend, but I had realized that my usual clothes might get me turned away from some places.
Connor gaped at me the next morning. “I guess I need to find another place to sleep tonight.”
I rolled my eyes. “Not everything is about sex.”
“That is.” He gestured toward my outfit.
When I played a game, I played to win. I had on a bright red miniskirt and matching top. The color alone would draw attention to me, not to mention how much leg I was showing. I had worn my hair down, of course, and applied the red lipstick I had bought for the party. Even I hardly recognized myself when I looked in the mirror. I filled Connor in on why I was dressed like this while he drove us to school.
He got a good laugh out of it. “You’re jealous!”
That was not the reaction I had expected. “What?”
“You’re jealous of Madison, and you’re fighting over Jake,” he taunted.
“I’m not jealous of anyone. This is not about Jake. It’s about Madison being a—”
Connor talked over me. “It’s about showing Jake that you’re hotter than Madison.”
“No,” I said in annoyance.
“Why don’t you just admit it, Cam? You’re finally acting like a real girl.”
It irked me that he had used the same phrase as Madison. “I am a real girl, Connor. Get that through your male chauvinist head.”
“Okay, okay,” he relented. “Don’t start lecturing me. I get enough of that at school.”
Sometimes I wondered how his girlfriend put up with him. We went our separate ways when we arrived at school, and I headed straight for Jake’s locker. He was putting his backpack away, and I saw Madison walking toward him.
“Hey, Jake,” I called as I approached him.
“Hey, Ca—” He had started to speak as he was turning toward me, but he was apparently struck speechless by my appearance.
“Oh hey, Madison,” I said as if I had just noticed that she was there.
Somebody behind me whistled. “Jake, my man. Who’s this fine lady?”
I turned slightly as the guy walked up to us and recognized a boy from the basketball team.
“Hey, Tommy. This is my girlfriend, Cameron.” Jake put a possessive arm around my waist.
“Holy shit! Cameron! I didn’t even recognize you. You’re Connor’s sister.”
“Yeah,” I said. “It’s nice to meet you, Tommy.”
“It’s very nice to meet you.” He emphasized the word very.
“See you later,” Jake said. “I’ve gotta walk Cam to her locker.”
We left both Tommy and Madison staring after us. “Since when do you need to walk me to my locker?” I asked.
“Since you need a bodyguard to get through the halls. What the hell are you trying to do to me, Cam? I almost had a heart attack when I saw you.” Jake was sending unfriendly glares at all the guys who were staring at me as we passed them.
“Madison said you would get tired of me.” The words were out of my mouth before I realized what I was saying.
He pulled me to the side and stood looking into my eyes. “Damn it, Cam! I told you that I love you,” he said, not caring who heard him. “Don’t you believe me?”
I was flushing with pleasure and smiling at him like a fool. “I guess I forgot.”
He leaned down to kiss me, and everyone around us clapped.
Kyle was suddenly there as we pulled back from our kiss. “That’s my little girl. Look at her now, all grown up.” He dabbed at his pretend tears. “I’m too emotional right now.”
The warning bell rang then. “I have to get to my locker,” I said. “See you later, guys.” I hurried away from them so that I could get to class on time.
It was kind of fun to get so much attention, but I wouldn’t want to deal with it on a daily basis. I didn’t want to be aware of my appearance all the time. So, I put the miniskirt away at the end of the day. It would remain in my closet until a very special occasion in the future. I dressed in my usual clothes on most days, and saved my “girl” clothes for my dates with Jake.
I wore jeans and a feminine top when I went to his house for the first time. His parents already knew me from when they used to drop Jake off at our house before he could drive, but I hadn’t met his brothers and sisters. One parent would always stay home with them instead of loading them all into the car, while the other drove Jake.
I loved being with his family. He had four sisters and one brother. I had heard so much about them over the years that I felt like I knew them. They ranged in age from thirteen to five, and they were all excited to meet me. I was soon surrounded by kids clamoring for my attention. Justin, the youngest, settled himself onto my lap with a book and asked me to read him a story.
“Justin,” his mom admonished, “leave Cam alone.”
“I don’t mind,” I said as the adorable little boy snuggled against me.
“Dinner will be ready soon,” she said apologetically, but she smiled fondly at Justin.
I began to read his storybook, and the rest of the children listened quietly beside me. Jake had to sit on the chair across from me, because the rest of his siblings had squeezed themselves onto the couch with me. He had an affectionate smile on his face as he watched us. He was the only brunette in the family, and I guessed that his birth father must have had dark hair. His mother and the rest of his family were all blonde with blue eyes.
Jake had blue eyes too, but his were a different shade than the soft blue eyes of his siblings and dad. It was amazing how many different shades of blue there were, I thought as I noticed that his mother had yet another color of blue on the spectrum. Jake’s eyes were the most noticeable of all in his family. They just caught a person’s attention immediately. I decided that it must have been familiarity since childhood that had dulled my awareness of his beautiful eyes.
I observed all of this at the table during dinner with Jake’s family. There was never a dull moment or a lapse in conversation. “Now you know why I st
ayed at your house for some peace and quiet,” Jake told me as he drove me home.
“I was just thinking how boring it is at our house,” I said.
“Only when I’m not around,” he said with a laugh.
“You do make things more interesting,” I agreed. “Pull over into that gas station.”
“Do you need to use the restroom?” Jake asked as he parked the car.
“No, I just need to kiss you,” I said before doing just that.
“You couldn’t wait until we got to your house?” Jake asked and kissed me again before I could reply.
“It’s your fault,” I said when we broke for air. “You kept looking at me. Don’t look at me if you don’t want me to kiss you.”
“When did I say that I don’t want you to kiss me?”
Yes, we were that nauseating.
We had been dating for six months when Jake and I agreed that we were ready to have sex. It was a Friday night, and Mom was at work. Connor was out on a date with his girlfriend. I was more excited than nervous as I silently led Jake up to my room. We sat down on my bed, and our kissing quickly became heated. It wasn’t until we took off our shirts, and he began to touch me through my bra as we kissed, that I began to feel like it wasn’t right.
Jake pulled back and looked at me. “I know. We need to find our own place.”
It was a strange time to realize it, but I knew in that moment that I loved him. He was attuned to my feelings, and he understood me so well. I had been thinking about the last time he had sex in this room, and he had somehow picked up on it. “I love you, Jake.”
He kissed me passionately before he replied. “I love you, Cam. I don’t know when it happened, but I’ve felt that way for a long time.”
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