Between Heaven and Hell

by Erin Trejo

  “Not this time. Daddy has to work.” Amee smiles as though she understands everything. If only that was true.

  “You have to promise me to take care of mommy, ok? She is sad right now.” Amee glances over at Ava before coming back to rest on me.

  “Ok.” I chuckle before pulling her back against my chest.

  “I love you.” Whispering in her ear, she giggles.

  “I love you, daddy.” I release her before she runs into Jordy’s arms. Those two have formed their own bond over the last few days. He’s taken his place as uncle seriously. Pushing myself up, I step into Ava’s space. I grab her around the back of her neck, pulling her sobbing body into me.

  “I wish I could make you understand. I wish there was a way around this, but there isn’t. You both deserve so much more in life. A life that isn’t here. I can’t ruin anyone else, Ava. I’ve done so much of that in the past. Death is inevitable for me. It doesn’t have to be that way for you guys, though. I love you more than you will ever know.” Pressing my lips into her neck, her crying becomes uncontrollable.

  I stood in the same place for nearly an hour debating what I’d done. I watched Jordy as he walked the two most important people away from me. It killed me. Inch by inch, it ripped out my heart. I know it needed to be done. I know it was the right choice. Sliding my phone out of my pocket, I do something I haven’t done in a very long time.

  “Jameson, this is your cousin, Cordae. We need to meet.” I hang up, sliding the phone back into my pocket. Taking a deep breath, I head out of the hotel. I need to get back to the states and set my plans into motion. Some disturbingly shocking news has made its way to me and my insides hurt. I never thought I would have to deal with betrayal within my family. It kills me to know what I have to do to make amends for that betrayal as well.

  You never think family could turn on you. You never want to believe that it’s the truth even when the evidence is set down right in front of you.

  There is always a question as to why they did what they did. What did they hope to gain? Why to me?

  Those are all questions that I have no answer to at the moment. One day, I will have them. I’m not sure if that settles the demon or awakens him. Climbing into the plane alone doesn’t settle me either. I wanted to climb on the other one with Ava and Amee. I wanted to hold my daughter and tell her how much I loved her. That was all a dream. It was a dream that I wasn’t allowed to have.

  “Jordy will check in with me when they arrive.” Romero glares at me as I nod my head.

  “And the rat? Is he on the way back?” I refuse to use his name right now, not when so much has come to light.

  “He is. The plans are set in motion. Everything is playing out the way you’d like.” With another nod, I ready myself for the flight home.

  Home isn’t even home anymore, not after the breach. Finding out where that breach came from was far worse than I could have imagined. It killed me. It stole my breath away.

  “Good. I have a message out to Jameson. I’d like to know as soon as he arrives.” Romero nods his head before sliding his phone out.

  He types out a few messages before I lose myself. I close my eyes, trying to force every image of Ava and Amee from my mind. That doesn’t work, and I should have already known it wouldn’t.

  “Everything’s set.” Romero’s words fall on deaf ears.

  This is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

  Chapter 51

  The flight was long. Longer than I’d ever imagined. It gave me too much time to think and that is never a good thing. My chest is tight. There’s a nagging voice eating at me. Nothing is going to ease the ache that this is going to leave. This is going to be an indescribable pain.

  “Jameson has arrived at the safe house.” Romero looks at me from across the limo.

  I nod my head, thankful that he’s still here. Sending Jordy with Ava and Amee was the right choice. If anyone can handle her, it’s him. Pulling into the driveway, my emotions are all over the place. As much as I’d like to think this was the best choice, it still haunts me. I climb out of the car in a daze. The world has a way of teaching us a lesson. Some are harder than others. This one is the hardest I’ve ever had to learn.

  “Jameson. It’s good to see you.” Pulling the cousin that I haven’t seen in years, into a hug, I’m settled.

  “You as well, Cord. I’m so sorry about the circumstances, though.” Nodding my head, I pull away to take him in. He looks a lot like me in many ways. There is no darkness in him, though.

  “Our life is all about circumstances, isn’t it? I know Romero spoke to you about the position. What are your thoughts?” Motioning for him to follow me inside, I head toward the bar.

  “I’m honored that you would offer it to me. It’s a big step. Although, I’m unsure as to why you feel the need to offer it to me.” His confusion is with good reason. I didn’t disclose much of my reason.

  “There is a rat within the family. One that has long been trusted. It’s a matter that I must attend to myself. I’m sure you’ve heard of my problems over the years. It’s time for me to step away.” Shaking his head, I know he knows all about me. I’ve made sure of it.

  “Why can’t you get a soldier to handle the rat?” A small smile crosses my features.

  “It’s personal. A price must be paid. I fear that my time is coming to an end, and that this situation is going to be the end of me.” Jameson nods, fully understanding all of this. He wasn’t oblivious to this world.

  He knows how we operate.

  “I know what a great leader you are, Cordae. I know this decision didn’t come easily either. I will accept your proposal under the assumption that you are available to me.” Shaking my head, that isn’t an option anymore.

  “You will accept as you are next in line to be Boss of the Vitale family. I will be dead, there won’t be any more from me.” I watch him suck in a breath. He doesn’t like this anymore than I do.

  It was a decision that I had to make, though. I had to take matters into my own hands. I had to make this choice for my sanity, and my family's safety.

  Jameson has been a quick study. I’ve introduced him to everyone that holds an importance to this family. He’s learned the ropes. He’s shown authority. When the time comes, I have no doubt that he will take over with an ease.

  “Are you sure about all of this, Cord?” Nodding once, I refuse to rehash this with him.

  “Juno will do as you say. Your gun worries are unwarranted with him around. He’s a great asset that given the protection will continue to be a great asset.” Changing the subject, I watch as Jameson takes a seat behind the desk I’ve sat behind so many times before.

  I’ve had everything of importance moved to the new house so that Jameson has what he needs.

  “I will see that it’s done. Is tonight the night?” I clasp my hands together in my lap before I nod.

  “It is. The plan is set. You won’t have a worry after tonight. The Bratva has been paid off by Luciano. The other families have been taken care of as well.” Jameson nods before taking a deep breath.

  “Why are you doing this, Cordae?” The obvious question.

  “For light. For peace. I’ve been in this life for longer than I should have been. I’ve lived on borrowed time for as long as I can remember. I should have been dead many years ago. If we’re being honest here, I never should have survived my birth. This life has taught me several valuable lessons. I’ve learned that I hold a demon inside myself that I let free far too often. There’s a darkness that comes with this lifestyle, one that I hope you can reign in better than I have.” Jameson studies me from across the desk. I know he doesn’t understand this now, but in time, he will.

  “It’s an honor to take this place, Cord. You made it hard to follow, though. I won’t let you down.” With a small grin, I stand and leave the room.

  I walk through the halls as I remember what it used to be like when I first came to be Boss. It was a worl
d unlike any other. It was a world of pride. I will miss certain aspects of this life. I will mainly miss myself. What needs to be done will come to be. In the end, this was my reality.

  Chapter 52

  When I first stepped inside the old house, my body went numb. I walk the halls that were once my domain. This was my world. This was everything that meant anything to me. I stop and look into Amelia’s old room one last time.

  “You will never feel that pain again.” Whispering the words, I sigh before I continue to walk. These halls are all a reminder of what my life once was. It’s now going to be a memory for those that come after me. This life has pushed and pulled me into the depths of hell. I allowed it. The final nail in my coffin was Amee. I had to rethink everything for her. Her safety, her happiness was imperative. She deserves to experience everything that I didn’t. She has to learn to love and live in the light, much like her mother. Those are the angels that rise above the ash. They are the ones that will hold the highest place in this world. The pure, the innocent.

  I pick up the gas can that Romero has sitting outside for me. He’s already made sure that the house was coated in it.

  I pour the gas into the doorway and across the porch where I found Amelia.

  “This is the beginning of the end. The end of a demon. The end of a destroyer.” The words leave my mouth with the most honesty I’ve ever spoken. I take the lighter from Romero. Flicking it to life, I drop it to the ground. We both step back as I watch the past go up in flames. The flames of hell. The hell that I’ve made. The one that I created.

  It’s for all the souls that were stolen from me. The one’s that lost their lives because of me.

  This is my hell.

  My creation.

  My demise.

  “What’s this about, Cord?” Nikolai sits across the table from me. His old worn out eyes are a little brighter today.

  “We have things to discuss.” My tone is even. He would never suspect a thing.

  “What’s going on? Has something happened?” The way he pretends to care almost makes me believe him.

  “We have a rat, Nikolai. One that needs to be disposed of. I was in shock when the news hit me.” His eyes widen before he leans onto the table with his forearms.

  “I can’t believe it. This is horrible.” A man that lies is a man that will steal. A man that will steal is a man that can’t be trusted. In all my years in this position, I would have never pegged him as a rat.

  “Indeed, it is. I was shocked to learn that this rat not only set up the hit of my shipments, but also the kidnapping of my daughter. It was all for a personal gain, of course, that means nothing.” His eyes never leave mine. That’s what intrigues me. He can keep eye contact with me, knowing that he is the rat.

  “It’s a shame what others will do for power.” I lower my head, looking at my lap where my gun now rests. Does he not realize that I in fact, know it was him? Is he trying to play me in some way?

  “The thing is, I never saw it coming from you, Nikolai. You were a valued member of this family for so many years. My uncle placed his faith in you, much the way I have.” My eyes come to meet his. His reality has dawned on him. His eyes fill with sorrow. Sorrow that he was caught, surely.

  “I deserved that place at the head of the Vitale family, Cord. You were in no position to take it. After you became Boss, things worked out. I was satisfied with the way you ran things but after Ava and Amelia, you lost your way. I was only doing what I felt was right.” What he felt was right? He felt that it was right to go after what belonged to me? He felt that it was right to make me go mad and lose myself?

  “The irony is that I trusted you, Nikolai. I trusted you with what was valuable to me. My uncle held a high regard for you. You have ruined everything that was built.” He smiles as he shakes his head.

  “You weren’t ready to take over. You still are in no position to be Boss.” Nodding my head, at least we agree on that.

  “I agree. You won’t be taking that position, though. Jameson has taken over. You are right that I am no longer able to take charge.” His eyes fill with a fire that I’ve never saw in him. His hands slam onto the table in front of us.

  “You don’t know what you’re doing!” I slide the gun from my lap before aiming it directly at him. His hand rounded his back pulling his at the same time.

  “We seem to have a predicament here. I already made that decision.” We stand there in heated stare, neither of us willing to back down.

  My grin spreads across my face when I smell that familiar scent of gasoline.

  “What did you do, Cord?” His tone evens out as he realizes what’s happening.

  “I’m making all the wrongs, right.”

  An explosion sounds off behind us before everything explodes.

  Ava

  Amee colors on the living room floor as I prepare dinner. The last few months have been hard for me. Amee questions where her dad is, and I have no answers to give her. Jordy stays to himself for the most part. He comes out of his room to eat and watch Amee, but that’s about it. The TV on the corner of the cabinet goes over the day’s news. I continue with cutting the carrots when the world stops spinning.

  “In breaking news, the mafia crime boss, Cordae Vitale, has been found dead, along with his associate. Both were confirmed dead after an explosion in the restaurant they were dining at.”

  My heart stops as my hands begin to shake.

  “Jordy!” Screams rip out of me. He can’t be dead. He can’t be gone. Of all the things in this world, he can’t be the one that has left me.

  “What?” Jordy rushes next to me as I stare at the screen. Pictures of Cord flash across as the sobs shake my body.

  “No. This isn’t fucking happening,” Jordy screams louder than I do before he pulls me into his chest.

  “He can’t be dead, Jordy! He can’t!” I cry into his shirt. His chest heaves with his own tears. Cord was my darkness. He was everything that I couldn’t have, let alone live without him forever. He taught me to love despite the hate. He showed me so many things about myself that I never knew. My heart is ripped in half. How can he be gone when I just only got him back? I knew he sent Amee and I away for a reason. I was willing to give him that time to work things out before I forced myself back into his life. This was never the plan. I waited too long.

  “I messed up, Jordy! Why did I let him push me away again?” My screams turn frantic, the more I hear his name mentioned on the TV. With every word, I fall deeper into myself. I’ve lost the one person that I loved with everything I had. The one person that I gave everything to. The father of my child, the love of my life.

  I lost my world.

  Months later my chest still aches. I watch Amee as she splashes in the water of the ocean. It’s so perfect here. I knew Cord had set this up. It’s beautiful. Jordy sits on the edge of the water as the waves crash near the shore. He’s been as lost as I have these last few months.

  The day the news announced Cord’s death, the world ended around us. I didn’t have the heart to tell Amee, though. She’s too young. One day she will understand. I push myself up out of the sand, shielding my eyes from the sun as I watch my little girl with a smile on her perfect face. She mesmerizes me. She has so much of Cord in her, it scares me at times. She’s strong willed, just like he was. She holds a darkness in her that I know is her father.

  “She has the eyes of an angel.” My breath catches in my throat, my heart ceases to beat. I turn slowly to a voice that I can only be imagining, to see him standing there. Scars mar his cheek, his neck.

  “You’re here.” The words barely tumble from my lips before he smiles.

  “Where else would I be?” The lightness in his features stirs a whirlwind of emotions inside of me.

  “I saw the news. You... you can’t be here. You died.” A tear falls down my cheek. I feel like I’m in some kind of dream-like state. He isn’t real. His hand comes to my cheek, his thumb brushing away the tears.

  “
You saw what I needed you to see.” This can’t be true.

  “I don’t understand.” Cord sighs, his fingers lingering on my cheek.

  “I knew it was Nikolai that betrayed me. I knew I had to get someone in my place before I dealt with him.” I shake my head, confused by what he’s saying.

  “I don’t understand, Cord.” His light laughter does little to ease anything I feel inside of me.

  “Nikolai was to blame for Amee going missing. In fact, I can almost guarantee that he was the reason you went missing. He wasn’t happy with me being Boss; he wanted it all for himself. When I found out, I knew I had to get you and Amee as far away as I could. I wouldn’t let him hurt you again.” It all starts making sense to me now.

  “I’m so sorry that he betrayed you.” Cord’s hand falls from my face leaving me cold from the loss. His smile is infectious.

  “They said you were identified.” His smile falls before he steps into my space.

  “I was. I had the empire at my fingertips remember? I made things happen. They assume that was me in that explosion. I didn’t get out as planned.” Pointing to the scars on his face and neck, I freeze.

  “You’re okay, though?” Cord swallows hard before wrapping his hands around my waist, pulling me against his body.

  “There is only one way that I will be perfect, Ava. Say that you still want me. Say that you will still marry me. Say that you are still mine.” His words are breaking me. Inch by inch, I cave into the man that I love.

  “Are you going back?” When he shakes his head no, I almost faint. That was his life, his whole world. That’s all he’s ever known.

  “You gave it up for me?” I try to hide the shock behind my words.

  “I gave it up for us.”

  Epilogue

  Cordae

  In every darkness, there has to be a light. There are always shadows that dance in the dark but without that light, we would have nothing. Ava and Amee are that light. They are everything good in my life. They are everything that I’ve always known I wanted but was afraid to have. Jameson checks in from time to time, but he runs New York and the Vitale family now. From what I hear, he is doing an outstanding job at it. My life has fallen into place with my wife and daughter. I never knew that was an option for me. At the end of the day, I’m damn glad that it was.