Jealousy

by Laran Mithras

  Maybe, just maybe, I might find success because my anger and erections were tied into my jealousy. I'd do anything to hold onto my erections now that I had gotten them back. Tonight would be the proof. I'd dive off of high cliffs with broken parachutes to certain death if it meant getting a solid, enduring erection.

  It really meant that much to me.

  I would no longer be not-a-man. I could hold my head high plummeting to my death in a graceful swan dive of serenity – if only I had that erection.

  To say I was desperate…

  I ruminated on her third lap, not even looking out there now as I studied without seeing the countertop. I had always liked her dressing slutty – for me. The jealousy had likely brought on my ED – of that I was now fairly certain. Anger had followed at my predicament. But I had fought back, twisting my anger into something productive and regaining my ability to achieve total, sexual stiffness.

  Success!

  Better than the notice online when paying a credit card bill. Much better.

  So where could I push my progress now?

  I didn't like that men looked at her – that wasn't something I could deny or alter with a flick of my wrist – voila, I'm a new man! No, not at all. However, using it as I was now with Garth at least had produced a positive effect on my former condition.

  Could I live with my jealousy if I could use it to continue producing beneficial physical responses? Wouldn't that be much like turning my anger into something different – positive? If my jealousy could be used to feed my recovery, then wasn't it worth it? Maybe my jealousy would fade like my anger did.

  The opening of the front door broke my chain of thought.

  What was it I had been thinking? Jealousy might be good? I must have had a look of curiosity and irritation on my face as the fast train of thoughts slipped from my mental grasp.

  Tessa froze in the entry next to the kitchen and said, "Is something wrong?" Her eyes made a quick once-over of the kitchen – and the wall where I had thrown the bowl not so many days ago.

  I jerked my lips to the side in irritation – talking to her would make the thoughts definitely recede out of my grasp, but I didn't want her to think it was her fault. I gave up trying to remember exactly what about my jealousy had given me hope and had me determined to hang onto it. "No, was just thinking."

  "Was Garth too obvious?"

  My mind was still reaching, despite my attention to her. Suddenly, I grasped again that I could use my jealousy to continue feeding my erections and it was possible that it would fade like my anger into permanent recovery. Right. "Uh, isn't he always?" A chill of relief swished through me at recalling my train of thought.

  Her expression was all suspicious. "Are you sure?"

  "Yeah, though truthfully, I only watched a lap or two."

  "You're standing right where I saw you—"

  "I really was thinking… so I wasn't paying attention."

  Her shoulders relaxed. "Oh. So what were you thinking about?" She busied herself removing her phone sleeve and pulling the tie out of her hair.

  "Things my father had said. I'm hoping I can transform my jealousy like I did my anger."

  "How?"

  No way did I want to try justifying myself to her; she wouldn't understand. I waved her off and said, "Nothing definite; just thoughts."

  She accepted that blithely. She changed the subject. "Maybe you could talk to Garth again. I'm starting to dread running."

  Surprised, I said, "All right…" This one time, I was thankful for her fault of being casually indifferent to important things and had changed the subject. Maybe she just didn't think they were that important to her.

  Good for me.

  Good for her.

  Good for us.

  CHAPTER 12

  I stood there in my shower towel and studied her dress for the party. "I don't know."

  She frowned at me, fists on slender, youthful hips. "You were all lit up about me wearing this. You bought it for the party."

  "I know, but…" I could see her nipples and outline of her breasts through the ultra-thin fabric of what was supposed to be a short little day dress. The top part was loose and a slight lean forward would allow the blouse part to hang out, exposing her breasts.

  I was getting firm down there.

  Also, the dress was so short that any movement might expose that she wasn't wearing panties. I swallowed and allowed my jealousy free reign. "It's too short."

  "Clark, you bought this. You like me dressing slutty. You like when men look down my tops. What happened that—"

  "Maybe I went too far." My dick, however, slid up between the ends of the towel and poked out.

  She saw it and smiled suddenly. A couple of steps and she was close, gripping my growing member in her hand.

  I was pleased, but also embarrassed. Now that my dick was working again – five times in a row now over two weeks! – I didn't want to endanger it, but neither did I want to ignore my jealous wariness. Maybe stepping back a little wouldn't hurt? Surely she could dress a little more conservatively?

  But her stroking kept me hard. "You really like it when I dress slutty around men…"

  "Yes, but—"

  "You like them checking out my breasts."

  "Well, yes, but—"

  She guided the tip of my dick up her thigh to the hemline of her dress. It was very close to her pussy underneath. "So now suddenly my dress is too short? You bought me all these clothes and they make me feel sexy."

  I groaned, torn. "I… really do think it's too short."

  "Clark, you're starting to sound like my father…"

  I swallowed hard. Now that I knew my dick worked, I wasn't so eager to continue exploring how much my jealousy could contribute to my recovery. "I… uh…"

  She squeezed my shaft. "Your dick doesn't lie. It's throbbing." She stroked it back and forth. "You've always liked me wearing short skirts and no panties."

  My erection twitched in her grip.

  Her smile told me she felt it.

  I had to give up. She was right, and I knew it. But I felt that deep-seated fear rise inside me that guys would look and she would cheat. I was able to dress after a few seconds because my erection went away – fast.

  Bend lived in a little apartment on the ground floor facing the pool. It wasn't easy access at all, though. The little patio facing the pool had a short iron fence with no gate. The pool itself was behind a higher iron fence and behind a locked entry.

  I surveyed his little home after he invited us in.

  He was all grins. "Good to see you again, Clark. Hello, Tessa."

  She said, "Tess is fine, really."

  He blushed. "Tess."

  I waved at the only guy I knew in the room – Mickey - and asked Bend, "So what's the new job?"

  "Assistant Administrative Secretary for the county."

  I frowned. "What the hell does that do?" I watched Tessa cross the living room and offer her hand in introduction to the few guys sitting. Could they see under her dress?

  Bend watched her, too. "I'll be learning how to liaison between departments for coordination."

  I was still mystified, but said, "Oh, right."

  Every guy Tessa shook hands with checked her out. Eyes fell from her face to her breasts through the semi-transparent material and then lower to her hemline. The dress was so short that the beginning of her thigh gap was visible.

  Surely she was in imminent danger of exposing herself. Even a slight shift of her shoulders in a shrug would likely prove dangerous.

  Personally, I liked it, but… For me, not for them. Jealousy seethed within me and I approached Tessa to pull her away.

  She was done with the introductions, however, and spun towards me wearing a happy smile.

  That was a huge mistake. The skirt part of her dress had just enough loose material to flare out. The guy behind her must have caught a neat little glimpse of her bare ass.

  She smiled up at me while unbeknownst to her the gu
y behind her dropped his mouth open and his eyes shone with immediate interest.

  Had she spun on purpose? To show him? To tease him? I set my jaw tightly and pulled her away. Tension tightened everything inside me and my head burned with spite. "Did you have to expose yourself?" I whispered fiercely out of earshot.

  "Expose myself?" Her eyes narrowed in concern.

  "That little spin. The guy behind you almost popped his eyeballs out of his skull."

  Her pale face turned so beet red in embarrassment that she clung to me for comfort. "Oh my god…"

  "I told you the dress was too short."

  "But you bought it—"

  "He saw your ass."

  She fanned herself and looked furtively around the room. Everyone was looking at her and she turned her back to them so they wouldn't see her blush. "But, I thought you liked when guys—"

  "Yes…. No… "

  "They were all very nice."

  I tried breathing to calm myself. "Just try not to expose yourself."

  "Okay."

  Bend approached us. "Beers and soda are there in the ice chest. Grab some if you want."

  I said, "Thanks, Bend."

  He appeared oblivious and just nodded vacantly.

  I told Tessa when he walked away. "Grab us something."

  "Okay." She smoothed her dress down nervously and walked stiffly over to the ice chest. Aware of the watching eyes, she made sure she lifted the lid and looked inside with her backside aimed away and into the empty kitchen.

  I swallowed hard in panic as her attempt to keep eyes from seeing her exposed ass had another unintended effect: the loose material at her top billowed enough to show everyone in the room her round boobs. Being young, hers didn't hang, despite being full. I saw everyone looking – and getting a long look at her nipples.

  Mickey was speechless and gave me an alarmed glance before looking away at the wall.

  Another guy I didn't know blew out a breath and moaned happily. "Oh, yeah, dude…" Two others chuckled in agreement and… stared.

  Pressure built inside me like a boiler. I was going to burst. Fortunately, a knock on the door kept me from blowing.

  Bend answered and let in some guy and his gal. He called out, "Everyone who doesn't know, this is Steven and Parris." He continued making introductions.

  I was relieved and pleased that Parris immediately garnered all the attention. Her breasts were enormous, her midriff-exposed blouse was tight, and her red hair was deliberately wild. Her jeans shorts were purposely cut and shredded to allow enough skin to show that she couldn't be wearing panties. She was long, tall, and full of sex appeal.

  Tessa came over to me, handing me a beer. She held a soda. She said, "You look like you're going to pass out."

  I whispered back, "I'm glad she's here."

  She looked at me with intense and sudden scrutiny. "Why?"

  I sighed happily. "Notice how everyone is looking at her? Now they won't notice you."

  Her lower lip came out. "That's not nice."

  "I didn't mean it that way—"

  "I thought you liked—"

  "When you bent over, your dress showed everything you have up top."

  She clapped her hand to her dress top so hard that the sound made people look. She turned her back to them. "Are you serious?"

  I was still watching the redhead vamp at everyone. "Yes."

  She noticed it and looked. "You like her better, don't you?"

  "What?"

  "She has bigger breasts. You guys are all about breasts."

  "No—"

  "Don't lie to me; you haven't taken your eyes off her since she came in."

  I gasped in irritation at her. "That's not true—"

  "Oh, now you finally look at me?"

  "You're just as sexy as she is."

  "Then why is everyone all over her and not me?"

  I muttered, "I'm glad they aren't." My phone chimed. I took it out and thumbed the Home button. Dustin's text popped up, with the picture. I started to whip the phone down and stuff it in my pocket, but Tessa grabbed my forearm.

  She wasn't strong enough to stop me, but she asked, "What's that picture?"

  "Nothing."

  Her eyebrows knit together and she glared up at me. "Where did you get that?"

  "It's nothing."

  "Why do you have that picture of me? Who sent it to you?"

  My shoulders sagged in defeat, despite my tension. So she had seen it long enough to identify it. I brought the phone back up and waved it. I said disconsolately, "Dustin."

  She looked straight up at the ceiling and blew out an angry breath. "Why?"

  "I threatened him at the pool party and he's been sending me this ever since. Every day."

  Tessa's mouth tightened down to a thin line, but her eyes looked hurt. She turned with a jerk and hugged her arms to herself as best she could while holding a soda can. She stalked away from me.

  I didn't know if she was embarrassed, mad at me, or perturbed about our previous conversation.

  She jerked her hem down frantically before throwing herself down to sit on the couch. She held her can at her thighs with both hands, blocking anyone from looking.

  Mickey came over to me and stood by my side, beer in hand. "Sorry I missed the wedding."

  I dismissed him, watching my wife. "It was a small gathering…"

  "Your girl is really cute."

  Everything caught in my throat. I didn't know whether to thank him or push him to the ground. Jealousy spiked so hard in me that my clenched jaw began to hurt. I finally grated, "I think Parris wins the trophy today."

  He looked at me weirdly. "I think Tessa looks fine, unless you're jealous that everyone's checking out the redhead instead of admiring your wife."

  I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head.

  Mickey wasn't getting it, though. He whispered confidentially to me, "I like full breasts, but not massive ones. Tessa has some really nice ones. When she bent over… I mean, like wow."

  Anger rose up in me, and at the same time, my dick firmed. That I had so deliberately diverted my anger into excitement was betraying me now. Fortunately, not a single person cared about my jeans when they were all looking at the redhead's generous tits and tight jean shorts. I sighed audibly.

  Mickey nudged me. "Everyone's ignoring her. Aw, man, that sucks. I feel bad for her." He gripped my shoulder and squeezed it. "Don't worry; I'll keep her company."

  My chest was too tight to answer. Maybe talking was fine, after all. I knew Mickey well enough that he wouldn't be putting moves on her and maybe it would make her forget how angry she was at me.

  I watched him sit next to her and bend his head down to try catching her lowered gaze. For several minutes, the conversation was mostly one-sided and Tessa barely responded. She must be super mad. I took my first swig of beer.

  Despite her cold shoulder, it began to soften and she began responding to Mickey's chatter with interest and her usual warmth.

  Tension drained from my muscles so fast that I almost staggered. I sat in a chair freed up by a guy who was busy standing in front of Parris, talking to her tits.

  I rested that way for over a half hour, talking alternately to Bend and Steven. The latter seemed totally uncaring that his girl was being perved. I asked him before he moved away, "Aren't you…"

  "What?"

  "Aren't you jealous that these guys are drooling on your girl's tits?"

  He made a dismissive noise. "Fuck no, it's funny. She hates guys that talk to her tits."

  That confused me more than anything. I would've been jealous; he found it funny. Didn’t he see the danger? Or was he really so confident that she wouldn't cheat?

  Tessa handed me another beer and sat gingerly down on my thigh. She put one arm around my neck. Her words were careful. "You have to make him stop."

  "Mickey? Bend? Or the other guy that was talking to you?" A few had sat next to her and talked.

  "No, Dustin."

  The pic
ture. "Oh, I can't."

  "Why haven't you blocked him?"

  "I can't."

  "Why not?"

  "He said if I blocked him, he'd send it to a lot of friends and at least one of them would make sure it got posted on the internet."

  She growled in frustration. "He wasn't such a dick when we…" She sighed and looked away for a moment. "Why would he keep that picture, anyway? We broke up."

  "How long did you go out with him?"

  "Two months."

  I was amazed that she had gone as far with him in just two months to have a picture taken of his cock on her mouth. "That's a long time—"

  "Especially for… him."

  "Why did you go out—"

  "Don't ask."

  Now my jealousy came back, raging against her secrets. "I deserve to know."

  Her shoulders rose and fell in a silent sigh. "It was just something… to replace something else. A rebound, okay?"

  I could live with that, definitely. It meant Dustin wasn't a serious interest – despite the picture.

  She changed the subject, putting on a lighter tone. "Your friends really seem to like me."

  I considered her practically see-through dress. "I bet." Personally, I was glad we were off the subject of Dustin and the aggravating picture.

  "I didn't think anyone liked me, especially when a real woman came in." She risked a glare at Parris, but the redhead wasn't looking.

  "I like you better."

  "You said you were glad she was here."

  "Only because it meant guys weren't perving on you."

  "But, I thought you liked it. You said it helped get your erections back."

  I shushed her, hoping she hadn't said it too loud. Really, though, no one was near enough to listen or hear anything. Still, it was an embarrassing subject. I whispered, "Yes, but—"

  "Either you do or you don't. You dress me like this and you get all hard."

  I nodded reluctantly. "Yes…"

  "So then you get all angry when someone notices?"

  I knew she had a point. I had been angry when people looked, but I had used that with Garth to ease away from self-defeating anger into productive energies – and my erections had returned. I had also thought that I could do the same with jealousy. However, once the erections returned, I hadn't seen the need to shift my jealousy into something else. The contradiction was not lost on me. It was okay for Garth but not for others? I hated Garth. I decided to placate her. "I'll… try… to work on it…"