One week had passed since the reunion. She asked me again, "Are you sure you don't want me talking to my cousin?"
Once again, I was faced with the dual dilemma: defeat or defeat. There was no win in this for me. My erection of the previous week had not been repeated and the loss of it crushed my chest with profound disappointment. But here I was again, facing the question. "I'm… sure."
She looked at me doubtfully.
I said more forcefully, with probably more force than I meant to, "I am." What other choice did I have? Let her cheat? Let her be stolen away by a better, younger guy?
This was insane.
We drove to Allison's parents' house. I felt a little out of place knowing I was more than ten years older going to see her friends and that they didn't even have their own place; they had to party at their parents' home. I felt almost as if I should apologize to Allison's mom and dad.
I was assured, though, that they were on vacation and that the alcohol was free. It didn't make me feel any better - worse, maybe.
Tessa told me on the way to the party, "You know that Donny was fingering me at lunch last weekend?"
I gripped the wheel harder. "No? What's this?"
"Under the table. He had his fingers all over my pussy." She giggled. "I started playing with him…"
My hands jerked so hard, the car swerved. "You…?"
"Yeah, under the tablecloth. I was stroking him. That's when I sort of decided to do it again with him."
"Right in front of your mom and his parents? Your aunts and—"
"Well, yeah. It's not like they didn't know."
I coughed incredulously.
"What?"
"That's kind of ballsy of you—"
"He started it."
I swallowed hard, wondering if my dick was going to react, but it didn't.
She said, "It made me so wet…"
"Tessa…" I warned.
"I couldn't help it. Are you sure you don't want me—"
"I'm sure." I stamped down hard on the side of me that didn't seem all that bothered that she had fucked her cousin. She was my wife, not his. "What about Hailey? Is she all approving of this fuck-thing you got going on?"
She sighed in exasperation. "No. Donny made me promise not to say anything to her."
I laughed sarcastically. "Yeah, like she couldn't figure out from your messed up clothing and his sweating that you two hadn't had sex."
A worried look crossed her face. "You think she knew? Do you think they fought about it?"
They? What about us? "How the fuck should I know?" I discarded thoughts about erections and let my jealousy run away with my mind. I didn't want my wife cheating and flirting and that was that.
She pouted. "I hope he can make her understand."
My voice was filled with aggravated anxiety, "Am I supposed to understand?"
She tilted her head at me. "I thought you did?"
I tried to explain to her, "You're my wife, Tess. Not Donny's. Let him fuck Hailey all he wants. I don't want you cheating with him—"
"It's not cheating. We've done it before, dozens of times—"
"I don't want to hear about—"
"What is it with you, Clark? One minute you're all turned on and the next you're all pissed off?"
I sighed loudly. "I didn't marry you to share you with other guys."
"Donny isn't just another guy; he's my cousin."
"But you're married to me. He should be hands off, now."
"We can't just deny all those years we did things, right? I mean, they happened."
I groaned at the futility of it all.
She said, "It's not like we haven't fucked before. It's like a tradition kind of thing, that's all. It's no threat to you."
"Do you even hear what you're saying?"
She held up a couple of fingers and said with confusion all over her face, "Like… duh…? Yes?"
"When you get married, you stop having sex with other people."
She looked away. "I mean, I like totally understand the idea of monogamy, but it's kinda outdated—"
"Outdated?"
"Clark, everyone knows that sex is good. There's no reason to deny it like you're some prude or something."
"I'm not a prude."
She coughed and looked at me from under her eyelashes. "Like, uh, from where I'm sitting, it sure looks like it. I don't know what century you were born in—"
"Gee, thanks."
"But guys and girls have more than one partner now, you know?"
"No, I don't know," I said heatedly.
"Didn't they show you films in school about how to have sex?"
"Basic things, yes—"
"About how to pleasure another person? How to use sex as a tool for satisfaction—"
I remembered the clinical cleanliness of the film. "No, nothing like that."
"How did you learn how to masturbate?"
I coughed, incredulous. "I taught myself…"
She shook her head.
I asked, "They taught you that in school?"
"Well, yes…"
"They didn't teach me that."
She looked like she couldn't believe it.
Annoyed, I asked, "What else did they teach you?"
"Just, you know, things. How to do anal. How to roll on a condom. How to masturbate someone else."
"And they didn't teach you that these things were wrong?"
She looked at me in horror. "No? They're not wrong ." She emphasized the word argumentatively. "It's sex. It's part of human nature."
I shook my head and turned the corner onto Allison's street. "They didn't teach you morals?"
"Morality has nothing to do with sex. It's a natural human function, not a morality question, no matter the history of patriarchal ideas about marriage."
I laughed.
"What?" She genuinely sounded curious and affronted.
"I guess we were born in different times. In my time, it was all about being true and not cheating."
She said petulantly, "I know what monogamy is."
"But you don't agree with it." I pulled to a stop at the curb.
"Let's just say I understand it. It's not an idea everyone agrees on, Clark; it's an outdated concept. It's one choice among many valid choices."
"Not for me it isn't."
She sighed and got out of the car.
I tucked my towel under my arm and went around to where she was waiting. "So you'll just have sex with everyone—"
She touched my arm. "No, Clark. Not everyone. Sex is beautiful and they have to mean something to me to…" She trailed off quietly and looked down.
We walked to the door. Mean something? Like your cousin? Except that the bitterness of jealousy was less in thinking it. Better her cousin than Dustin? Garth? Jadin?
Allison answered the door and let us in. She gave Tessa a big hug. "Everyone's out back already."
My wife said, "We aren't late—"
"No, everyone else was early." She rolled her eyes with a crooked smile. She glanced at me quickly, with much uncertainty reflected not only in her eyes, but her voice, too. "Hey… Clark."
I grimaced and moved past her.
She said, "Drinks are there just outside the sliding glass door. Just be careful with the glasses."
Outside, a bunch of kids lounged around, but on a quick count I saw there were only seven. The deck table held all sorts of bottles of booze and two pitchers sat filled with orange juice and something deep red.
The kids were old enough, of course, or at least of adult age. Anyone eighteen or older could drink in a private – not a public – place. Yet, I felt the weight of age press down on me and my face heated from the flush that rose from my t-shirt collar.
Out of place.
Furtive looks pressed the point home far more effectively than pugnacious prattle.
Tessa stripped off her tube top and skirt as soon as she took over a chair. Her smiles and looks as she greeted everyone were as smooth as an oil
slick and she was definitely in her element.
I heard one kid with the beginnings of a beard say, "Who's the old dude?"
"My husband, Clark."
Disgustedly, "Oh…" The patchy-faced kid sneered with disapproval and held up his glass of alcohol as a talisman against my… age.
I breathed a silent sigh and poured myself a small couple of fingers of vodka.
That drew several snickers from the guys who held glasses almost filled to the brim.
I suppressed another sigh at their ignorance and bravado.
Allison's boyfriend, tall and lanky Garren who had taken a lap selfie with Tessa the previous year seemed much more friendly to me. "Not working today?"
Why? Were you hoping I would on a Saturday? "Nah, normal weekdays for me."
"Silverlake is big business on Saturday—"
"Surely. I run the department like the business it should be and keep mostly normal hours."
He grunted his assent. "I guess you can't work twenty-four seven."
"I have a great assistant supervisor for the weekends."
"Pay must be shitty, though, huh?"
I searched his face for acrimony and assault, but there appeared to be none. Some kids just didn't understand manners. "I'm debt-free."
Garren hooted in appreciation. "Whoa, I wish I could say the same for myself. I'm eight grand in the hole." He bounced his head with pride.
I pasted a plastic smile on my face and wandered away from him to Tessa.
Allison and another girl were with her, talking with big eyes and low mutters of wonder. Tessa saw my approach and continued to just listen to them.
The girl I didn't know said, "I really want to try it."
I butted in. "Uh oh, is this about drugs?" I didn't do drugs – not even pot – and didn't want to be around it.
Allison said, "No, it's about..." her eyes danced back and forth between me and Tessa, "that train last year."
"Train?"
The girl leaned towards me, pretty in a skinny way. "I remember you there. The pool party where a Latino chick took on a room full of dudes?"
Garren had followed me. "I missed that, but Ally told me about it."
The girl's eyes were large with amazed wonder. "Dude, you so totally missed out. Seeing her laying there…" she shivered, "She looked snatched as fuck. I want to be her just once."
I said, "That gal was married."
Everyone looked at me. The skinny girl said, "So? I'm a lesbian and I still want to try it." Something in her challenging look made me shy away from the chip on her shoulder.
Tessa said with morbid curiosity, "Without condoms?"
Skinny girl said wide-eyed with wonder, "That would slay."
I rubbed the bridge of my nose, knowing she meant she'd like it. I picked up a lot of lingo at the carwash.
Allison said, "I keep remembering it, too. I've dreamt about it a few times."
Garren chuckled. "Let me know when you want to set it up and I'll—" he held his thumb to his ear and extended his pinky to his mouth, "get some bro's."
I looked at him, checking for sarcasm, but there appeared not to be any. Next I looked at Allison. For her part, she didn't look eager, but she didn't look disgusted, either. She simply looked as if she accepted the promise of something in the future.
Tessa, on the other hand, looked marginally ill. "I don't think I could do that. All that," her eyes flashed to me, "cum all over the place. Yuck." Her tone was all honesty.
A sense of pride swelled my chest slightly. At least my wife thought pulling a train was something to be avoided, rather than admired.
The girl wasn't taking any dissent, though. "Come on, haven't you ever felt like just being tied down and letting dozens of men have their way with you one after the other? That would be hot as fuck."
Another guy that overheard bounced his head. "Trying anything once is always a good thing."
Like eating a Tide pod? I thought sarcastically.
The girl said, "I know, right?"
I sighed and sat down.
Garren said to the skinny girl, "Amy… what about your wife?"
"Hmm?"
"Your wife? What would she think?"
The skinny girl frowned. "She prefers to be called hersband."
The other guy popped his head back. "Whoa, I didn't know you married her."
Amy beamed with pride. "Yeah, fuck them all."
Garren pressed the point. "How would Kristy take a gangbang?"
She looked down. "She can't know; she gets all salty over guys."
I smirked to myself, So that's why she's not here. Hates dudes. I tried to smooth out the twist in my lips. For a while, I listened to Amy moan about how desperately she wanted a gangbang.
The chatty dude who bounced his head a lot changed the subject. "Anyone for skinny-dipping?"
Garren laughed. "Again?"
Allison snorted. "Sure, why not?"
Tessa had sat down and she looked up at Garren. Her knees parted instantly and I remembered what the jerk Jadin had said at the previous year's pool party. I watched her lick her lips as she looked at him. Despite being Allison's boyfriend, my Tessa obviously felt some kind of attraction to him.
Tension filled my shoulders, but she looked away and closed her knees. Was she even aware? Was she consciously attracted to him, thinking about him even now as she looked at the pool? Was her body reacting subconsciously or consciously? Was she deliberately sending him physical signals that he was missing?
I couldn't tell.
Kids were already stripping. Dicks flopped out. Boobs jiggled. I goggled. Tessa stood and removed her bikini top.
I got up and shielded her from view. "You really want to go skinny dipping?" It might have been a question, but I meant it as a big hint of my rejection.
Her nonplussed expression was followed by her stopping the removal of her bottoms. "Well, yeah. We've always skinny dipped. It's kind of a tradition."
Like your cousin? I ground my teeth together not wanting anyone to be looking at her boobs, much less her bare pussy.
Allison must have heard me. She came to me and clung to my arm, naked as she could be. Her breast pressed against my skin and she looked up at me prettily. "Why don't you join us, Clark?" She called a little louder to those in hearing, "I got dibs on Clark for after the swim." She giggled at me. "I'll need help with the suntan lotion."
I blinked in so much dumbfounded mystification that I croaked, "Okay…"
She laughed with delight and bounced away to the pool. My eyes followed her young, jiggling bare ass. I swallowed hard. When I looked back, Tessa had removed her bottoms.
She leaned up and kissed my cheek. "Thanks for that; you're sweet."
Mollified by her approval and lack of stern warning over me watching Allison's ass, I grunted with relief. I swallowed again, pleased and reassured that something possibly sticky had been avoided so easily.
She said, "Join us."
"I don't know."
Allison called to me from the pool. "Come on in, Clark. I want to swim with you." She was a great-looking girl, big in the breast department and trimmed but not bald down below. Her dark hair was wavy and looked sexy.
Tessa encouraged me. "Come on, it'll be fun. It's swimming, not sex."
"I guess…"
She pranced to the pool and waded in. Almost immediately, Garren swam to her and they circled like playful seals.
I watched warily for a moment, but they didn't touch.
Allison called again, "I'm waiting…"
The two other guys eyeballed my wife, but didn't pursue her. With a sigh of patience, I stripped down.
There was a smattering of giggles mixed with the noise of the water. I looked. Eyes from all of the girls were on me – on my dangling part.
Allison's eyes were alight with sheer delight. "Wow, Clark, that's… impressive. I'ma definitely swimming with you."
Amy and the other two girls giggled. One of them licked her lips at me. Tessa sm
iled with a mixture of pride and… sadness.
I flushed a very warm shade of embarrassed. It might look great limp, but getting it up was another issue altogether. But they didn't know that.
I wasn't going to tell them.
I waded in feeling a little more secure with myself on the surface of things. Underneath, the core of my failure shook like a tower of bricks in an earthquake.
The guy who had been in the conversation with Amy had her backed to the edge, his hand down between her legs. They were kissing. Married or not to another girl, Amy must have been bisexual. But they were the only two touching. The rest of the swimmers just swam around, splashed, and laughed.
I began feeling it, though: the exertions after drinking really began to make my brain float. Woozy, I allowed Allison to attach herself to me. The other guy I didn't know who had the patchy neckbeard was on her other side, touching her tits, but her attention was on me. She asked, "Would you ever let Tess do what Maria did?"
"Maria?"
"That married chick last year that let—"
"No, definitely not."
"Even if she wanted to?"
"I don't think she does."
Her lower lip pouted out in thought. "I think you're right."
"Would you do it?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. Yes, I guess. It sounds like fun for like… maybe once."
I gave her an astonished look.
She giggled and squeezed my arm to her wet breast. "I'd definitely want you to be one of the guys."
"Me?" I was amazed. "Aren't I too old?" I asked sarcastically.
She laughed. "No, not too old. Besides, I like guys a little more mature."
I nodded absently. Garren certainly seemed a lot more mature than others his age. I looked over to him where he had Tessa backed up against the edge of the pool. They were close, but just talking and I observed no handling of anything. His hands were gripping the edge on either side of her. Her arms were back – elbows supporting her on the edge of the pool. It had the effect of thrusting her round breasts out at him up towards his face. From the side where I was in the shallow end, I could see him talking to her tits about half the time.
I worried suddenly that I was going to get hard, and I strained my senses to detect the first stirrings of my member. But it was as dormant as ever. With relief, I got out of the pool to get my towel. I had chosen what I thought would be a fine towel that wouldn't attract notice: an old white bath towel without design. Picking it up now, I realized that it was not only out of place with all the beach towels sitting around, but also drab and desultory – just like my dick.
Jealousy Page 11