Returning Home: A Second Chance Homecoming (Return To Me Book 4)

by Parks, AL

  “Does this have something to do with your father?” Apprehension filled his voice.

  Clarissa simply nodded. Once again, Brad Beckett was going to destroy people’s lives, even from his watery grave. Jake had his reasons for hating her father, who had tried - and almost succeeded at - breaking up Jake and Eve. Thank God her father’s true colors came through and Jake’s love for her mother ran so deep that not even Brad could get in between them.

  “Want to give me a preview of what’s coming?” He resumed rubbing her arms, his voice soothing.

  She shook her head. “No, Mom needs to be the first to hear this. It wouldn’t be fair to her if I told other people before telling her. But Jake, I’m not kidding when I say it’s going to destroy her. I wish I could have kept it from her, but it’s not a possibility now.”

  “What’s not a possibility?” Her mother drifted into the room, her voice light and playful, a grin from ear-to-ear. She came to where the two of them stood, and wrapped her arms around both of them. “I’m so happy to have all of my family under one roof.” She kissed Clarissa on the temple.

  Looking back and forth between them, Eve’s face dropped. “What? What did I miss?”

  Jake took her hand and led her to the couch. “Come sit down, beautiful. Clarissa needs to talk to you.”

  Lowering onto the love seat that sat opposite her mother and Jake, Clarissa fought the urge to run to her room and lock the door behind her. This was never supposed to happen. She was going to keep this secret forever. Damn Brandi for making her do this to her mother!

  She watched as Jake wrapped her mother’s hands in his, trying to provide support without knowing why. She was so thankful Jake was there for her mom. Thankful he was there for all of them.

  Steadying her breathing as much as possible, she slowly unraveled the dark tale. “Mom, there’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it. Dad molested me when I was a child.”

  Clarissa watched as all the blood drained from her mother’s face. They stared at each other for a moment until something between a gasp and a groan came from her mother’s chest. Her hand covered her mouth and her eyes grew wide.

  “When? When did this happen?” Her words were choppy, breaking through the sob that was working free.

  “It started when I was twelve and stopped after the divorce. It’s the reason I refused to go to his house for visitation.”

  “And why you were always telling me to keep Amber away from him.” Wheels were turning in her mother’s head. Things were starting to fall into place. She looked Clarissa straight in the eye. “Why didn’t you tell me? You could have come to me. I would’ve stopped him. I would’ve killed the son-of-a-bitch!”

  Clarissa let out a humorless laugh. “Well, that was part of the reason. I didn’t need for you to go to prison for murdering him. But mostly it was to protect Amber.”

  “What do you mean? Did he do this to her, also?”

  “No, we had a sort of unspoken deal, I guess. I said nothing and did what I was told, and he left Amber alone.” The memories of laying in bed, night after night, listening for the sound of footsteps in the hallway, hoping he wouldn’t to stop at Amber’s door, but praying he would walk past hers, flooded her mind. All of a sudden, she was twelve again, fear taking control of her body.

  “I’m so sorry, Mom. I couldn’t stop him and I couldn’t tell you.” Tears streamed down her face, and it wasn’t until her mother was beside her, rocking her gently that she realized she was even speaking.

  “Shh, baby girl, you did nothing wrong. You’re so brave. To protect your sister that way. Keeping this to yourself all these years. I’m the one who should be sorry. I should’ve seen it, should’ve recognized something was going on. I’m the one who was supposed to protect you from that…that…monster.”

  They sat on the couch together, wrapped in each other’s arms, crying inconsolably over a little girl’s lost innocence. It was selfish, but Clarissa felt a weight lift from her shoulders knowing she didn’t have to carry this burden all on her own anymore. But in doing so, she had dumped a mammoth-sized load of guilt on her mother. It was a no-win situation.

  The rest of the evening was spent answering one-hundred-and-one questions from her mother. At some point, Jake had left, returning a little while later with a pot of coffee and two mugs. He leaned over and kissed Clarissa on the forehead, squeezing Eve’s hand, telling them to holler for him if they needed. Then he left the room.

  By the time Clarissa had answered all her mother’s questions, some of them three or four times over, she was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. She rose from the love seat and gave her mother a hug.

  “Will you do something for me, Mom?”

  “Anything, baby girl.”

  “I need you to promise me. I need to hear you say it.” She held both of her mother’s hands in hers.

  “I promise, Clarissa.”

  “You cannot blame yourself for this. It’s no more your fault than it is mine. Dad did this, and he is the only one to blame.” Eve opened her mouth to object, but Clarissa quickly put a stop to it. “You promised, Mom. You are not to blame yourself. Period.”

  “I promise, baby girl, but I need something from you, too.” She pulled back and peered into Clarissa face. “I need you to consider talking to someone about this. Professionally. I know you hate the idea - you have since your father and I divorced and I tried to get you into counseling - but I really want you to think about it.”

  “I’ll think about it, but I am not promising I will do it. Okay?”

  Eve nodded and the two embraced for another couple of minutes until Clarissa couldn’t take it any longer. She needed to get away, to shut down. She wouldn’t allow herself to pull away from her family, but she needed some breathing room. She said good night to her mother, and started toward her bedroom.

  She stopped when she heard Jake’s muffled voice, and crept back down the hallway. She could see them together in the study, Jake holding her mother in his arms, rocking her, murmuring in her ear. Her mother was crying, and Clarissa felt tears threatening at the back of her eyes. She was turning away, not wanting to intrude on their private moment, and so thankful that Jake was there for her mother, but her mother’s words stopped her in her tracks, and Clarissa knew the promise made had come too easily.

  “She will hate me, Jake. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but eventually, its going to sink in. I wasn’t there for her. I wasn’t paying close enough attention to my family. It was bad enough that I had missed Brad and I pulling so far apart we would never be able to come together, but this - what he did to her? I not only missed it - I never would have suspected it. How did I miss something so tragic happening to my daughter? How could I not have seen that she was becoming so serious, so withdrawn, and not investigate it more closely?”

  “Eve, you heard Clarissa. She worked just as hard trying to distance herself from what was happening as she did trying to make sure you never found out. This is not your fault anymore than it is C’s. This was all Brad. His problem. His instability. His sickness. What you have to do is be there for her now, beautiful. You cannot go back and change the past, but you can affect the future, give her what she needs to move past this, deal with it, and have the life she deserves. Blaming yourself does nothing to help that girl now - and now is when she needs it.”

  Her mother shook her head and buried it into Jake’s chest. There was nothing she could do to help her mother right now. Jake was taking over that role, and Clarissa was happy to let him. It was as if that light at the end of the tunnel - the one Griff had been making brighter every day he was in her life, Jake was adding to it. Who would have thought that she would feel warmth and love and security in her life, and it would be provided by men?

  She walked into her room, closing the door behind her. Flopping onto her bed, she was thrust into another round of uncontrollable sobbing. Her heart felt as if it was being torn into tiny pieces. She found it hard to breath, or
think, or do anything but just lie there and cry.

  Only one thing would help calm her, the only thing that had been able to calm her lately. She reached for her cell phone and pressed the speed dial button.

  ***

  Griff’s cell phone buzzed in his back pocket. He dropped the wrench on the work bench and wiped the grease off his hands before retrieving it. Rissa’s name flashed on the screen.

  “Riss?”

  “Hey.” He could barely hear her voice. She’d been crying.

  “What’s wrong?” His words were rushed, his heart nearly beating out of his chest. “Are you hurt?”

  “I’m okay. Just a really bad day and I needed to hear your voice.” Jesus, it nearly killed him to hear her say that and not be able to wrap his arms around her and protect her from whatever she was going through.

  “Baby, please tell me where you are. I’ll come there. You don’t have to be alone. I can help you through whatever you’re dealing with, please let me.” He slid down the wall and sat on the shop floor. His free hand ran through his hair.

  “You have no idea how much I appreciate that, Griff. And I wish you could help, but I have to do this on my own. I’m getting better, I promise.” Her voice sounded stronger, but he could still hear the scared little girl lingering in the background. She hadn’t gotten past whatever she had to get through, yet.

  “When are you coming back, Riss? I miss you so much. I hate that I can’t help you.” He banged his head against the wall in frustration. He felt so goddam helpless, and he hated feeling this way. It was reminiscent of being unable to help his mother with her demons.

  “Griff, you have helped me. There is no way I could have come as far as I have if you hadn’t been there for me, helped me see the light though all the clouds. You are that light, Griff, and I will get out of this darkness and back to you. Please don’t give up on me yet.”

  “I’ll never give up on you, Riss. Not ever.”

  “I have to go. I’ll call you tomorrow.” And then the line went dead.

  Griff sat on the floor for God knows how long. He was numb. On the one hand, she had called, but she couldn’t tell him what was going on or when she would be back. This patience crap was for the birds. He was having a hard time understanding why she needed to face her demons alone when he had been so instrumental in helping her deal with some of her fears already. What could be so bad that she had to face it on her own?

  Eventually, he lifted himself from the floor, drove his ass home and fell into bed. Maybe tomorrow would shed some more light on the situation. Maybe he would be able to talk her into returning to him. This place that had been his home all his life, felt empty without Rissa there with him. She had become his home, and he felt out of place without her in his life.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Clarissa dragged her ass into the kitchen the following morning and poured herself a cup of coffee. The house was quiet. Jake and her mom must’ve left for work, and taken Amber and Lauren to school. Normally she would’ve welcomed the solitude so she could gather her thoughts, but this morning all could she could think about was seeing her mother. Clarissa knew, no matter what promises Eve had made, she would blame herself for everything that happened.

  The door from the garage closed, and Eve walked into the kitchen, tossing her keys onto the counter. Clarissa glanced at her mother and sipped her coffee. Her mother leaned against the counter opposite her, narrowing her eyes but looking past her. Uh-oh, Mom’s deep in thought. She waited to see if anything was going to be said. The longer her mother was quiet, the worse it was going to be for whomever caused the stern look that now crossed her face. Eve was one of the kindest people around, until pushed too far. Then there was no safe corner of the world in which to hide.

  “Why did you tell me about your father now, Clarissa? I mean, what prompted you to tell me after all these years? Your father’s dead and the secret would have died with him, if you wanted.”

  “Provided I was the only one besides Dad who knew what he had done.” Clarissa took a large gulp of coffee, keeping her eyes on her mother.

  “Who else knows?”

  “Dad told Brandi when he was drunk - apparently on more than one occasion. She’s blackmailing me, threatening to tell everyone what Dad did. I didn’t want you to hear about it secondhand.”

  “Wait! That bitch knew? For how long? Why didn’t she turn him in to the police?” Eve was pacing the kitchen. Her eyes were dark and storming and Clarissa was worried the vein in her neck was about to explode.

  “I’m sure she had her reasons, and I’m sure they all had dollar signs in front of them. It doesn’t matter now, Mom. I’m trying to take some of the luster away by telling the people that matter most to me. No secrets - no blackmail. At least, that’s the hope.”

  “Who else have you told, besides Jake and me?”

  “No one yet.” She looked at her empty coffee cup, slid off the stool and walked to the coffee pot.

  Her mother’s eyes were following her like a hawk watching its prey. “Okay, who else is on the list?”

  “Well, eventually Amber will have to be told.”

  Eve stepped in front of Clarissa as she tried to return to her seat. “Quit making me pull teeth here, Clarissa. Who else do you need to tell before Brandi spills the beans?”

  “Griff.” Clarissa stepped around her mother and dropped onto the chair.

  “Griff? The motorcycle shop guy? Why do you need to tell him? I doubt it will have a negative impact on his sales. In fact, knowing the people your father associated with, it may increase sales.” Eve stepped closer to Clarissa so that the only thing separating them was the kitchen island. “Why the need to make sure he knows?”

  Clarissa shrugged, running her finger around the rim of her cup. “He’s important to me.”

  “Are you in love with him?”

  Clarissa shook her head. “No,” she answered raising her eyes to her mother’s. “But I think I could fall in love with him. I just don’t know how he’ll react to this kind of information.” Eve reached her hand across and squeezed her daughter’s as it lay on the cool granite.

  “If he’s worthy of your love, Clarissa, then he’ll be there to help you get through this.” She turned away and grabbed a mug from the cabinet, filling it with coffee. “So, tell me about him. Amber says he’s totally hot.”

  Clarissa shook her head, knitting her eyebrows together. “Seriously? I am not talking to you about how hot my boyfriend is, Mom.”

  “Okay, so when are you going to talk to him?”

  “When I get back to Newport. It’s not really something you want to say over the phone. I’m just not quite sure when I’ll be going back. Every time I think about seeing him, I can hardly stand the wait - until I remember that it’s returning to Newport, and it all comes crashing down on me again.”

  “It’s going to be difficult to have a relationship when you can’t stand to be in the same town as him.”

  “I know. I’m working on that. I’m not sure what I’m going to do. All I know is that I need to tell him the truth. After that, it may not be an issue of whether I stay in Newport with him. He may decide I’m not worth the hassle.”

  Clarissa stood and walked down the hallway to her room. She needed to take a nice long hot shower and clear her thoughts. She needed to come up with a plan of how to tell Griff.

  And what to do about Brandi.

  ***

  Griff called while she was in the shower. The voicemail made her melt into her bed.

  “Just checking in. I was thinking about you and wanted to make sure you’re okay. If you get a chance, just give me a quick call so I know you’re alright.”

  She felt the tug on her heart, the one telling her she was in way over her head where he was concerned. She may not be fully in love with him, but she was only a few steps short. She didn’t care how much time she had or hadn’t known him. She had seen his true colors, knew what was in his heart and soul. He cared about her, not
about what had happened in the past. If it were an issue for him, he would have demanded answers that first night she fell apart in the dark.