by Cole Bates
Chapter Eighteen
Ryan
I stood at the edge of the locker room and fought off the nerves as I heard the music begin to play. I leaned to the right of me so that I could see around the people between the “R’s” and the “M’s,” and I found Alex. Sometimes I think he has radar and he knows when I’m looking at him. He turned slightly in my direction and smiled. I smiled back. It was enough to quell my nerves just to remind myself that he was here and doing this with me. The truth was that I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. As Pomp and Circumstance played and I waited for my turn to walk the line I thought back over the past three months. That night after the play when Alex and I made love for the first time was a game changer for me. I knew I was falling in love with him and I also knew that I didn’t want things to go back the way they were ever. There was no way I would be able to sit back and let someone pick on him ever again. I couldn’t even stand the thought of him being disappointed in me.
The next day I got more serious about my school work than I’d ever been. Alex was right there to help me every day and he never lost his patience. It was a little hard some days when I was horny and I wanted to kiss or touch him, but he’d just laugh and slap my hand and tell me there was a time and a place for that. I worked hard and so did he and when the grades came out I was doing well enough to play the rest of the baseball season. Our team didn’t do too well overall since four of the major players had gotten suspended from school over vandalizing the spring play and then benched for the rest of the season. But, I had continued to do my best and between that and my much better grades, my scholarship offer became official and I was practically on my way to N.Y.U. I couldn’t wait.
The girl in front of me in line began walking and I waited until she turned out to the football field and I followed. As I walked past the goal posts I spotted Dad and Linda. Linda was on her feet with a finger in either side of her mouth, whistling at her son. Dad was sitting down, but he was smiling. When I reached the fifty-yard line I heard her call my name and whistle. I looked up at her and smiled. Linda is a good step-mother and someday when Alex and I find a way to tell them about us, I hope she still loves me the way she does now.
I took my seat and listened as the ceremony progressed and once again my mind drifted back to that day when I finally woke up. When Scott and the others came back to school, Scott acted as if we would pick things back up where we left them. I did my best to just ignore him but the first time he mentioned Alex, I lost it. We were in the locker room and he said,
“That little faggot Penny fucked up everything. I’m losing my scholarship because of him and since I can’t fucking play baseball anyways, I’m going to make that little gay boy pay.” I was about six feet away from him but before he saw me coming I had ahold of the front of his t-shirt and had him shoved up against the wall.
“Listen to me well,” I said between gritted teeth. “You will not call him that name again. His name is Alex Matthews and if you have any reason to speak his name that’s what you’ll call him. You won’t torment his again, ever. You won’t put your hands on him or any of his stuff, ever.” I could see Scott’s eyes moving quickly around the room. He was looking for someone to step in and help him. Nobody did. It was too close to graduation and too much was at stake. Nobody thought he was worth it and I think maybe he finally got a taste of what it must have felt like to Alex all of those years that no one came to his aid. He finally looked at me and in an effort to maintain his masculinity that I thoroughly understood he said,
“Or what, asshole?”
I pushed him harder up against the wall and said, “Or, I will personally kick your ass. I won’t just hit you in the mouth or hold you up against the wall. I will make you hurt for every hurt that you’ve ever inflicted on my brother. Don’t test me on this Scott because I will gladly give up my future playing baseball to protect my family.”
He scoffed at that. He was either braver than I gave him credit for or stupider, I’m not sure which. “Really? Suddenly he’s your family? What’s that about Reed? You fucking him?” Strangely enough, I wasn’t enraged by that. Alex and I were not ready to come out to our family or our true friends though and that dickhead wasn’t going to be the first person I told. I simply said,
“You don’t need a reason other than the one I already gave you. Now, do you understand me?”
“Fuck you!” That was when I pulled my fist back and slammed it into his face. I only hit him once and then I let him fall to the floor. He didn’t get up and fight back. Instead, he waited until I went home and he went to the counselor and ratted me out. I’d been in my room icing my fist when I heard Dad call my name. I came down the stairs to find him and Linda at the table.
“Sit,” Dad said. I sat down and he said, “Did you punch one of your teammates in the face in the locker room?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
I looked at Linda. They both looked genuinely interested in knowing why, which I thought was odd. There was no reason to lie though so I said, “Because he was making threats to hurt Alex. I tried talking to him rationally,” Okay, maybe rationally was pushing it but I did try only talking. “He wouldn’t listen. I’m not going to let him torment Alex anymore.”
“What do you mean, anymore?” Linda asked. I swallowed hard and tried to prepare myself for the wrath I was sure to come following my confession.
“The guys on the team have been picking on him for years. That incident at the play was just the final straw for me. I finally grew up I guess and realized that family is a lot more important that impressing a bunch of teenagers you’ll probably never see again after you graduate. I was as bad as they were and for that, I am so damned sorry. But I am finished letting it happen to him. If I get expelled for it, then so be it.”
Dad and Linda exchanged a look. Sometimes I think they’ve learned how to communicate without words. Linda spoke first. “Thank you, for standing up for him.”
“Please don’t thank me, Linda. I don’t deserve it. Like I said, I used to be as bad as they all were. I only did what was right after I got to know Alex and we all know that the fact is I should have been doing it all along.”
“Why didn’t he tell me?” she said.
“He’s so crazy about you. He hates anything that upsets you. He knew you would want to fix it and you couldn’t so he just lived with it. He’s the bravest man I know.”
My dad still hadn’t said anything. I finally looked at him and he said, “I’m proud of you, son.”
I nearly fell off my chair. Other than baseball awards or accomplishments I’d never heard those words from him. I had to fight through the lump in my throat as I said, “Thank you. I’m not so sure how proud you’ll be when I’m expelled and off the baseball team and living in your basement when I’m forty.” I winked at him and he smiled. Linda suddenly pushed herself up out of her chair and I got a glimpse of where Alex got his grit.
“You’re not getting expelled.” She went over and took the car keys off the ring on the wall.
“Where are you going?” Dad asked her.
“To make this right, for both my boys.” She started toward the door and then looked over her shoulder at him and said, “Are you coming?” I never saw my father move so fast. It was hilarious. I don’t know what was said in that meeting they had that day but I never heard anything else about the incident and Scott didn’t even make eye contact with me for the next three months leading up to graduation. It was the most peaceful time of my life.
“Alex Matthews!” I heard the announcer call his name and looked up toward the stage. I watched him march across in his cap and gown and when he stopped to take his diploma from our principal he moved that crazy lock of hair that’s always in his eyes out of his face and smiled. My heart swelled every time I looked at him. Alex and I will be rooming together in New York. It made sense to our parents since the Arts and Film school he’s going to is connected to the NYU campus. It made sense to us bec
ause we would finally be able to live like a couple with no more secrets. At least not until our parents come to visit and hopefully by then we’ll be able to tell them that we’re no longer just step-brothers, we’re best friends and lovers and someday we’d even like to be joined together forever. As they called my name I looked up at the proud look on both of their faces and I felt confident that they would both come around to wishing us well even if they were angry with us at first. After all, accepting each other for who they are is what family does best. Alex taught me that.
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