Bear Caves Complete Series: A Bear Shifter Box Set

by Mia Wolf

  “What about the woman in the portrait?”

  The hair on the back of my neck rises. “What about her?” I ask, flustered.

  “What about her? She meets all the criteria! Did you even check her background?” he asks. For a second, a nasty feeling creeps up on me. How does he know all this? Why does he have access to all this information when it’s such a secret mission? Even with less secretive missions, Daniel usually makes sure that his team members don’t know a lot about each other’s missions.

  “Is there something you’re not telling me, Ash?” I ask. There’s no reason for him to know the details of the target unless—

  “I’m warning you, Sebastian, just as I warned you when we last met. Don’t screw this up for yourself or for me because you won’t like the consequences. I’m trying to help you here. Get your head back in the game before things get ugly.” He gives me a threatening look, then turns around and walks off.

  A threat coming from Ash, I don’t know what to make of that. Has Daniel put him on my tail? So soon? Have they found out I’m thinking of deserting them? That makes me wonder, am I thinking of deserting Code Blue? I suppose that all of my actions point in that direction. I just never thought about it as deserting, more as keeping secrets.

  It doesn’t matter what I call it. If Ash is on my back, that means that Daniel suspects me. So I need to be more careful, and I need to be quick. And worst of all, I need to warn Maya. I trust her ability to fight; how could I not, having seen her in action? But fighting against Code Blue is a whole different ball game. At best, I can buy her some time, and we make a run for it. I sigh. That’s not the type of life that she deserves, to run and live like a fugitive. She deserves some peace and calm in her life. But as much as I want to, there are no two ways about this. We will need to see this through to the end, won’t we?

  Chapter 22 - Maya

  The morning seems calm as I sit down to meditate in the sparsely furnished living room, the faint sunlight pouring in through the window behind me. I feel at peace with the world, and I’m not surprised or annoyed when the bell rings just as I’ve sat down.

  Jessica is standing at my front door with a lunchbox in hand and a smile on her face. Looking into her friendly eyes, I suddenly realize the generosity of her actions, and even though I don’t know how to talk to her or make conversation, I still take that first step because if I never try, then I’ll never learn.

  “Would you like to come in?” I say hesitantly, afraid she’ll say no.

  “Oh, would I?” Jessica says squeakily, then saunters into the living room. “What a beautiful place you have here. Will you look at that view!” she exclaims at the sight of the tall mountain ash trees at the back.

  She’s wearing a yellow tank top and brown cargo pants today and is totally rocking the look of a power mom, ready to lock and load. I’m amazed at the intensity of her joy. Amazed and envious.

  “Thanks for always bringing me food,” I say, guilt lacing my voice. “I really do appreciate it a lot.”

  “You’re welcome, honey.” Jessica perches on one of the stools at the kitchen counter and gestures towards the other stool, telling me to sit. “Let’s have a chat!”

  A chat about what? I get nervous as I draw closer, but once I’m sitting across from Jessica, she puts a warm hand over mine, and my worries dissipate. “I’m always around if you ever need to talk, Maya. You might not be from this village, but now you’re a part of it, and I hope that I can help to make you feel that way. Besides, I don’t nearly have enough girlfriends around here.” Jessica chuckles, and her eyes seem to shine in the morning sunlight. For some reason, looking at her makes me think that there’s true happiness waiting for me, too, somewhere in my future. But how do I get there?

  “Something on your mind?” asks Jessica, successfully snapping me out of my head.

  I think about the man I attacked; Sebastian’s friend, who ended up having an asthma attack because of me, and the pang of guilt strikes me as if it just happened. Trust, Maya. That’s what Kai would say. But what do I do if I don’t know how to trust, brother?

  “There’s this,” I pause and hesitate, “guy.”

  Before I can continue, I realize what this sounds like, and Jessica obviously does, too, because she screeches and laughs in excitement. “I was thinking it’s too early in the morning to talk about men, but you’re right, who the hell cares? Tell me everything from the beginning.”

  I feel stupid. This is not exactly what I wanted to talk about. Or is it? I sigh then decide to just go with the flow of the conversation. It’s what Kai would do. “Well, nothing has happened yet,” I begin, then remember the night Sebastian and I slept together. “Well—”

  “You player,” Jessica says as she winks and lightly pats me on the shoulder.

  “I don’t know if I’m ready for it, Jessica,” I say in a sudden moment of vulnerability. “I don’t want to give him any wrong ideas if I’m not ready to give this my all, and I’m not sure that I am. I don’t know if I trust him enough—”

  “Maya,” Jessica puts her hand over mine again. “It’s not him you need to trust, it’s yourself. He might be the one or he might not, but there’s only one way to find out. Go out there and experience it for yourself instead of guessing what the future is going to be. Be there for yourself when it hurts, when it doesn’t work out, when you have to move on for your own good. But trust yourself, trust that you won’t lose yourself, and all of the rest is a matter of detail.”

  The words comfort me so much that I’m about to cry, and I’m sure Jessica sees the tears in my eyes. Long after she’s left, I sit with the weight of her words. It never even occurred to me to trust myself. Sure, when it comes to fighting, I always trust myself. When I’m out in the arena, I’m the maker of my victory and the bearer of my defeat. But outside of the arena, it’s almost like I don’t exist because I’m constantly at the mercy of the people around me or of the circumstances. I never thought for myself. It was always about what Kai would do, about what Kai would say. But I completely forgot that my life is my own and I cannot live it by Kai’s rules.

  The realization that I don’t need to live my life by someone else’s standards or expectations, not my parents’, not Kai’s, not the village’s, and definitely not Sebastian’s, brings me a lot of comfort. But it also brings me pain, because I have no clue what it means to live like me.

  ***

  It’s dinner time, and I decide that it’s time to be brave. So I grab the food that Jessica brought me and take it to Sebastian’s place. I don’t feel like eating alone tonight.

  He opens the door the second I ring the doorbell. He looks tired, his hair is ruffled, and his shoulders are sagging, but he smiles, his eyes lighting up, the moment he sees me. He has the same effect on me; I suddenly don’t feel so alone any more.

  “What brings you here?” he asks as he lets me in. “I was about to fix myself a sandwich.”

  “I thought we could eat together,” I say, suddenly self-conscious. “Is that okay?”

  “Are you kidding me? That’s brilliant,” he responds to my relief. “I’ve gotten bored out of my wits living in this house alone.”

  But before I can sit down, the doorbell rings. Sebastian raises his eyebrows in suspicion, walks to the door, and peers through the peephole. Then he turns to me, a look of horror on his face, and says, “Hide in the bedroom and don’t come out until I say so. Keep the light off.”

  I hesitate; I don’t understand what’s going on and why he would give me such instructions. He approaches me with care and puts his hands gently on my shoulders, looking me in the eyes as if trying to make a child understand why they need to go up to their room.

  “I promise I will explain this. For now, please just go to the bedroom and don’t come out until I tell you to. It won’t take long.” Sebastian is speaking slowly and softly, despite the urgency in his demeanor. “I don’t want the man at the door to see you here with me. Just trust me on this, okay?”


  I want to tell him that I don’t trust him because I don’t, but there’s that fear in his eyes that I can’t ignore. “If he’s here to hurt you, I can help, Sebastian,” I say.

  “You’re my hero,” he says, chuckling slightly. “But no, the man is not here to hurt me, he’s here to talk. So don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine, but I need you to listen to me and don’t come out. Please?”

  I reluctantly go upstairs into a dark bedroom and hear the door open downstairs. The man starts talking, but I only hear muffled sounds and can’t hear what he’s saying.

  I sit down on the floor and place my back against the wall. Suddenly, the realization that I’m alone in the dark brings back a painful childhood memory, from when Master Kana had locked me into the training facility for being late for training two days in a row. He had shut the power off and locked me in by way of punishment. I was nine or perhaps ten and still afraid of the dark. The memory of being there all alone in the dark and imagining the worst comes flooding back to me, and I feel the sweat pouring onto my skin, my body shaking and a silent prayer on my lips. I cry quietly and swallow the fear along with the tears until a darkness more absolute than the one in the room comes to usher me to a slumber.

  Chapter 23 - Sebastian

  I’m looking at Ash’s face while he’s trying to talk sense into me, telling me to get my act together. Again, I don’t quite understand why he’s so involved in my mission. It only strengthens my theory that he’s tailing me.

  “You know Ash, it doesn’t make any sense that you’re butting your head into my business so profoundly,” I say.

  “You’re right,” he replies, and for some reason, he looks pleased with himself. “I am butting my head into your business because that’s what Daniel asked me to do. He thinks that you’re acting weird and has tasked me with beating some sense into you. If you don’t comply then you’ll be off this case, and I’ll be on it, but you know that there’ll be dire consequences for you if that happens.” He spits out the words like Daniel would then smiles even more. The asshole is enjoying my downfall too much. “So I’m repeating this for the hundredth time: get your head back in the game for both of our sakes, because you know I hate fieldwork and I’ll be even less excited if I have to clean up your sorry mess.” Ash digs his index finger into my shoulder, punctuating his last words.

  I have nothing else to say to him, so I don’t, but he stares into my eyes for a good ten seconds then walks away without another word. All I’m thinking is that I couldn’t care less about what Ash wants. I definitely have bigger things to worry about, like betraying Daniel himself.

  I make sure Ash is gone before I rush to the bedroom. My heart is beating furiously as I contemplate how I’m going to explain this to Maya, but my worries turn out to be futile because she’s passed out on the floor.

  I pick her up and put her on the bed before I turn on the lights to get a good look at her. I check her pulse and her breathing and am relieved to find that they’re normal. She’s fine, she’s not in any danger, but this is the second time now that she’s blacked out, and I don’t like that idea one bit.

  Suddenly, Maya wakes up with a jolt and inhales sharply. Her mouth opens widely as in a quiet scream. She’s clearly terrified of something, I can see it written all over her face as she stares into the distance with wide, unseeing eyes. It’s like she’s watching something from her past evaporating in front of her. I know this look well, I know this feeling well, because I’ve been there a few times. Unlike her, though, I’ve always tried to find answers in alcohol bottles and dimly lit bars. She’s ahead of the curve on this one.

  I know what will comfort her, and I decide to just give it to her, even when I’m not sure if she’ll let me. Lightly and gently, I put my arms around Maya. It’s what I would want someone to do to me when I’m this far outside of myself, and I don’t see the way back home. She fidgets at first, jumping a little at the action, but I keep my arms around her. Her body is stiff, her muscles holding so much tension. She’s in fight-or-flight mode, her body prepared to face the worst. I keep hugging her, until her occasional protests die down, her shoulders and arms relax, and I can hear her heart calming down. Finally, she lets her head rest on my shoulder in defeat.

  “You’re okay.” I repeat the words a few times in Maya’s ear, hoping that if I just say them over and over again that, she’ll eventually start believing them.

  “I—” She struggles to speak, and her spirits seem to die as she tries again. I console her and tell her it’s okay, that she can take her time, that we’re not going anywhere.

  I don’t know where this need to be there for her comes from, but it’s helping me calm down as much as it’s helping her. I realize that this is all I ever wanted in my moments of darkness: a helping hand that guides me back to the light. Instead, I got Daniel, and his treatment made sure that I made a castle in my darkness and became the king of my own misery. I feel the anger rise up, but Maya grabs onto my shirt which pulls me back to the present, to her while she’s in my arms. She’s such a tiny little thing, so delicate and fragile, yet unbreakable.

  “Don’t ever tell me to stay in the dark,” Maya says, burying her head in the crook of my neck, her sobs getting muffled.

  I gently caress her head. “I won’t, I promise.” Once she’s calm, I wipe the tears from her face. “Well, I’m glad you didn’t break into my house this time,” I jest, and she punches my bicep at that.

  “Ow,” I say because it genuinely hurts. “You’re too strong, Maya. Be careful with those punches.” She rubs my arm in the manner of an apology. “Shall we eat? I’m sorry you had to wait.”

  I help Maya out of bed and am about to walk out of the room when she grabs me by the arm. I turn around to see what’s wrong and find her staring at me quietly and intently. I cock my head at her, trying to understand what’s on her mind. After what seems like an eternity, she parts her lips, a faint smile dancing on her lips.

  “Let’s be together,” she says.

  It’s like I’ve been hit in the chest with a taser gun; my entire body is on fire. Is this really happening?

  “It’s okay, take your time to think about it,” she says while she passes me by, leaving me alone in the room.

  I place a hand on my chest because my heart is beating like crazy. I hadn’t expected Maya to be so forthcoming. She’s right, I probably need to think very carefully about whether I can keep up with her. But what she doesn’t know is that I’ve already made up my mind.

  I catch a glimpse of my face in the mirror and notice how stupid I look, smiling like a college boy. For the life of me, I cannot stop the grin from spreading across my face. I try to remember the last time I felt this happy. I give up the search midway because my memory doesn’t go that far back.

  I walk downstairs where Maya and I eat dinner, putting the matter of being together aside for the time being and focusing on having a good time together. We talk about the canary, and Maya apologizes for the Harris incident again. And I tell her again that it’s okay and that she can apologize in person when he comes around next time, which I’m sure he will because he’s one persistent bastard. Which is precisely why he’s my friend.

  I forget all of my worries while we eat and laugh. I forget about Daniel and Code Blue, about the mission and Warren, about alcohol and art. This evening, it’s just Maya and me, and we’re all that’s required to make this moment a memory.

  It comes as a bitter realization that this is all I ever wanted in life, someone to share a good time with. Someone who can accept me for who I am.

  Chapter 24 - Maya

  Sebastian bought me a smartphone so he can reach me when we’re not together. “Who doesn’t own a smartphone?” he had exclaimed when he found out that I didn’t have one. I explained to him that I’ve carried smartphones on missions for purely tactical reasons but never quite understood the need for them in my private life. Why would you want to have people encroach on your privacy at all times? But
ever since I started using it, I’ve been in love with it because I can text Sebastian whenever I want. It feels like he’s with me even when he’s not.

  Sebastian has also asked me out on a date. We’re supposed to go to a restaurant nearby and have dinner, and it’s supposed to be romantic. Sebastian didn’t say any of those things, of course; he only asked me out, but the extent of my understanding of dates only goes as far as the romantic comedy movies’ portrayals, and something tells me that they aren’t the best at mimicking reality. I know that because whenever they show combat movies on television, they’re nothing like the real thing. For one, you don’t look cool while you’re fighting at all. You only look sweaty, and you’re scared to death half the time.

  So I called in help. In fact, Jessica is on her way to my place right now to help me figure out this dating thing. My phone buzzes and I jump at the vibration because I’m still not used to the sound. Once I’ve calmed my nerves, I check the notification and see that it’s from Sebastian. It brings me unadulterated joy to hear from him again, even though he only asks me how I am, and even though it’s only been five minutes since his last text to me. I must be falling for this guy; otherwise I have no explanation for my strange feelings.

  When Jessica arrives, she’s smiling from ear to ear like she cannot contain her excitement. “You weren’t bluffing about the guy,” she says and lightly punches my shoulder. I don’t know what to say because I don’t understand why she should think I’m bluffing.

  “Let’s check your wardrobe,” Jessica says after we have idly stared at each other for too long. She’s probably thinking that I’m a lost cause, but I hope I’m not. All I need is for her to teach me so that I know what happens on a date.

  We walk to the bedroom, where she swings open the door of my wardrobe. Her expression turns grave.

  “Is there a problem?” I ask her as she stares at the row of red tunics hanging there.