Silver

by A E Gamrat

  This is true, but still, why wouldn’t he tell me about it at least? I would’ve understood if he wanted to go separately, or there wasn’t room for me, but to not say anything makes me want to throw up and scream all at the same time.

  “Well, I don’t know. I'm going to see MaryAnn on Saturday for family day. Out partying the night before might not be a great idea.”

  “You know MaryAnn will be doing that,” Claire chimes in. The glare I shoot at her makes her go back to pretending to work. We all know Claire can’t work when it’s quiet, so she definitely can’t work during some good gossip.

  Mom flashes her I agree smile at Claire and looks at me with that mom look. I'm in my forties, and when she throws her mom look at me, I still concede and agree. “But I don’t understand what kind of party this is?”

  Watching my mother float around the store always fascinates me. Yes, she does float, and I have yet to figure out how she pulls it off. She's so regal and pampered, but to the naive eye you really wouldn’t get that vibe. In her closet are brands most normal people have never heard of, and work to her is completely different than work to most, but again, you might figure her life out but not understand the woman.

  She is the reason I became the adult I am today. When I told her of the divorce, instead of shock and anger, she was proud of me and for me. Never once did she ask how I was going to make it or ask if I was scared. She told everyone that I was good, and this was for the best, which gave me more confidence than ever. Her jaw hit the floor when I told her about my house and wanting nothing else to do with him. All assets were being split accordingly, and then I was gone.

  “This place gets cuter and cuter every time I'm here. I see those two new shelves of books too. Claire, this place is great.” Claire looks over at my mother like she stole the moon for her.

  “Th…ank…s” comes out all staggered from Claire, holding back tears. I don’t know a lot of her back story, but her and her mother were not close. My mother figured this out on day one of meeting Claire and always goes above and beyond for her.

  I try to slowly back down the bay I was just in and continue to work, stewing over this party and Silver not saying anything, when they both turn their heads at the exact same time. Now four eyeballs are on me, asking where the hell did I think I was going.

  There are a bunch of emotions vying for the top spot and not one I want my mother to see. She'll ask too many questions, which I have no answer for. Telling her about Silver was not on my to do list today or any time in the near future. Our rekindling friendship is still brand new and fragile. My mother would latch on and be singing the Wedding March before the day is out.

  She would have an answer to why Silver never brought it up. My mother would do the motherly thing and tell me everything was going to play out just fine for us and what is there to be worried about?

  “Darling?” she asks with high spirits. “It’s good to get out there and meet new people. Isn't that what you wanted to do with your new single life?”

  “Sure, but it’s all too soon, and I have nothing to wear.” It’s the only excuse I have in my back pocket, but it seems to have worked. She floats over to me and grabs my right hand. Pulling my hand up to her mouth, she kisses and then pats it, acting like she understands. She’ll put me out of my misery this one time. My shoulders sag in relief that my mother understands me and is giving me space.

  I hardly even notice the mischievous gleam in her eyes but catch it at the last minute as she turns toward Claire while still holding on to my hand. I watch the knowing train wreck about to happen in front of me but can do nothing to stop it. Their gazes lock, and a silent conversation is struck up. Their devilish ways are forming without a syllable expressed, and I can feel my victory slowly slipping from my fingertips.

  Maybe Silver won’t be at this party, him having other plans already set in stone. Could I be that lucky? The answer is no. I need to confront him about this party he never uttered a word about, but how will the conversation make me sound?

  Needy? Jealous? Hurt?

  Yes, because as I stand here, I am all those things. He has to know my parents were invited. People might not realize that our mothers are thicker than thieves, but because they are ladies and know how to act like them, none are the wiser.

  It feels like they’ve been silently scheming for minutes when it’s been seconds, and they nod at each other, my mother turning her attention back to me. “Go out, buy a dress, and have a packed weekend. I know you don’t like unexpected plans. I know that idiot sucked the little bit of adventure you did have right out of you, but this is the new Ginny, right?”

  “I’m trying.”

  “I know you are, baby, and we are all so proud. Have a night out that you can tell you daughter when you see her on Saturday about.”

  MaryAnn would be shocked to hear I went out on a Friday night. My lack of party weekends does make me sound pathetic and a hundred years old.

  “Fine, but I'm not promising anything.”

  “Good.” She clasps her hands together, getting exactly what she wanted when she walked through our doors. “Think cocktail dress, and the doors open at six-thirty.”

  My mother kisses both of us, hugging me extra tight, and out the door she goes. Slowly I start to pack up my laptop and mark the shelf where I’m ending for the day. The light clicking of the front door as my mother leaves has Claire rushing up to lock the door and flip the sign, then rushing back to me exclaiming, “Shopping, here we come.”

  If this is going to happen, it’s going to be done the right way. “Call Anne and tell her to meet us at my house for a girls’ night.”

  Claire sees the determination in my eyes, and instead of arguing about the shopping, she grabs her phone and calls Anne. There's no need for shopping when there’s my closet.

  Chapter Twelve

  “I cannot believe you’ve been holding out on us like this,” Claire yells.

  “There are so many to choose from. It had to cost a fortune,” Anne adds on.

  “I was making a new persona for myself and went a little crazy,” I try to explain.

  When Claire called Anne, I could hear the skeptical tone of the conversation, but they agreed to play along. Anne grabbed some wine, and Claire and I headed back here. I told them I had enough pastries for us to get full and sick on.

  I've hidden my secret for a long time, my mother doesn’t even know about it, but this seemed to be the perfect time to let it out. It drives MaryAnn crazy, and she would be so proud that I'm finally contemplating wearing something from my secret closet.

  We all have wine glasses in hand, but I'm sitting watching these two crazies drool over what’s hanging inside. I’ve been telling myself for the last three years I've had nowhere to go to where an outfit from inside these walls. Mostly the thought is true, but honestly, I'm scared to death of wearing one of these dresses.

  One day I said to hell with everything and went to a boutique the ex wouldn’t let me shop in. He told me, “No wife of mine will be wearing anything from this place.” So, my first act of acting out was to drive straight there and buy everything I could. I've never been back after that shopping experience. I hung up all the dresses in this closet, shut the doors and never looked in since.

  I forget I have all of this at times, but this is the perfect excuse to let one of these bad boys out. After tonight, I have a feeling the girls won’t let me forget about this closet either.

  “You are going to try all of this on tonight!” Claire is losing her mind and is already pulling dresses out and making piles. “So, I'm making two piles: one, appropriate for Friday, and the other is stuff I want to see you in.” Both Anne and I could’ve figured out what the piles were for, but Claire is being all bossy, so we let her go.

  “I’ll try on what I can. Not promising all of this is happening tonight,” I try to tell Claire. It is a work night, but she blatantly ignores my protests.

  “While Claire is in her element, can you tell
me what’s going on?” Anne whisper-asks.

  “The short version is I was told my family was invited to a gala of sorts for Mrs. McBride at her flower shop. My mother stopped in the store this evening to tell me, and that’s how we ended up here.”

  “Oh, how fun, and you thought tonight would be the night to show us a hidden secret of yours?”

  “Basically, mother wanted me to buy something new and told Claire she was in charge. So, I told her to call you and figured there would be something in here for me to wear.”

  Anne grabs my hand. “And you thought to have us help you?” There’s a surprised tone to her question.

  “Sure.” I’m not exactly sure how to respond to her question, or if it really is a question.

  “I just know girl time is not your thing. Makes me, us feel special. You thought of us to help you find a dress and show us a secret of yours.”

  “Don’t get weepy on us, Anne,” Claire yells from inside the closet. At least that’s where it sounds like her voice came from. “Tell her the rest, Ginny.”

  Anne clasps her hand in excitement, and I shake my head back and forth. “Silver never said anything to me about this party. It's his mother’s store, for goodness’ sake.”

  “So, we are a help and a distraction?”

  “Yes, and maybe motivators. I need to say something, don’t I?”

  “Yes. You. Do. And take no shit from him either. It could be a simple slip up, or he blatantly didn’t tell you. Find out now his real truth before you get more involved. I was there, at my house, the other day. I know what I saw, but looks can be deceiving.”

  If you are looking for the hard truths of life and relationships, talk to Anne. There's not a more honest, truer friend than Anne, but sometimes I even want to live in denial. Claire is a free spirit and decides when she feels like she wants Anne’s opinion.

  “I think we need to take a bunch of pics, send them to him and see what he says,” Claire chimes in, holding a dress up in front of her, swaying her hips back and forth for the mirror.

  “Then he’ll definitely come up with an excuse for her to believe.” They both have good ideas and points. I want to hide away or demand answers; which will win out is still to be seen.

  “Whatever, Anne.”

  “Alright, alright…let’s see how these dresses fit and not fight like teenagers. I'm going no matter what, so I have to find something.”

  Claire is still in the closet and eyeballing both piles, where there’s over fifty dresses and outfits. I remember buying most of these but blocked out the rest. It's imperative I go through each item and donate what I will not keep. I was on a mission to start over and find myself, but what was I going to do with all this? The three of us are about the same size. I’ll probably let them go through what they want too.

  “The shop isn’t overly big, so I'm thinking something light and short-sleeved with maybe a jacket. Nothing long or heavy; I don’t need to be sweating right out of the gate.” Nervous sweating is no fun.

  An hour later the three of us are buzzed, and we’ve narrowed the dresses down to three. I love all three of them, but I’m not sure if I really do or if it’s the wine talking. I've never enjoyed picking out a dress so much. When I was little my mom had my outfit planned out well in advance for the outing.

  The ex had a stylist come out for the big events. When the kids were little, we all coordinated from head to toe, and I had nothing to do with the theme. Now, in my little home, with my best friends, at the age of forty, I'm experiencing something every girl should in their life.

  Every dress I‘ve tried on they’ve “ohhed” and “awwed” over, making me feel like a million bucks. Silver or no Silver, I'll look amazing and have an amazing time. Every new dress I've put on, I've wanted to take a picture and send it to him. The outcome I want, I don’t know, but with my buzz, I want to tease. There's even a tiny part of me wanting to send some naughty pictures in my underwear. I'll never say those words out loud, but how empowering would the feels be? I walk everywhere, every day, so my body is in decent shape. I have stretch marks, and my tits sag a tad but looking in the mirror tonight, I see the woman I was always meant to be.

  “I’m wearing this one.” I twirl around, watching the skirt twist to and fro. I feel like a million bucks in it and look it too. I have the perfect necklace and shoes to top off the outfit, and with a deep V-neck I'll be able to wear my hair down in loose curls.

  “I thought you didn’t want sleeves?” Anne breaks my spell.

  “I know, but they are wide bells and the dress is short, so I think I'll be fine. This…” I have no words for how this dress is making me feel. “If I could wear this out daily I would.” I do another twirl and giggle to myself.

  “All I'm saying if Silver doesn’t want you, I’ll take you. Damn, that dress was made for you. I can’t stop staring at your cleavage, that neckline is so deep.”

  “Claire, stop.” The room erupts into girly laughter and excitement over my choice and my cleavage. I can’t stop looking at it either; I don’t think the girls have ever looked so good. In the pile there was also a cute sweater dress for Saturday afternoon with MaryAnn.

  Once I convince both women to take a dress or two home with them, I'm finally alone for the night. It's late; I'm buzzed, and wearing a permanent smile. I decide to take a selfie and send it to Silver.

  I'm not sure what I want the outcome to be, but I've never felt so confident in my life. I'm taking it and being bold for once. What's he going to do? Be mad at the picture? He might be mad about the party, but that’s on him.

  Quickly I clean up my bedroom, so there will be no dirty laundry in the background. I might be trying to spice my life up, but the need to do it while looking clean and organized will never go away.

  Do I want the bed in the background or not? Don't want to come off desperate, but he might not even notice there is a bed behind me. It’s fifteen minutes later when I feel the room is right for the picture. I need a lot of help with all the thought I put into this picture, which I have not taken yet. He better appreciate it because this was no easy task on my part. My buzz has even faded away from all the hustling around the room I just did.

  I practice a couple poses while looking at them through the lens. My hand on a hip, angled out shows everything off and keeps my dress in the dark also. Love the little mysterious look, hoping he’ll want to find out more when we are together.

  I should be mad about this whole party thing, but really, I'm not. We'll see what happens, but for now I'm clicking away, ready to show him how hot I look in this dress. Show him the confidence I’m trying out for him and grabbing on to today.

  I send two of the best pictures, asking Do You Like? I turn my ringer off and high step it out of my bedroom. Butterflies take over my stomach, and I'm trying to keep my wine down.

  Silver would never send a mean text back, I know this, but I've never been so bold. My ex would drill me with all the wrongs I'm committing and how easy I'm making myself look. No wife of his would ever be easy, but the double standard is he can have all the easy he wants.

  I'm vowing to myself right now in this amazing dress, I will have a good time on Friday. I will wear this dress and not back down, and I will show Silver what he could have.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Silver

  I swear on my daughter’s life this is the best week of my life by far. I've talked to Gin daily, got a raise at the bank, and ran my best mile ever. I could go as far as saying the birds are chirping a happy melody everywhere I go.

  I always knew Gin and I would have a connection like this. So free and easy. When I think about her, my steps become lighter, and I can feel my smile come to life. The years have been both good and bad for both of us, and now I feel we are headed for an amazing finish.

  Dam called me up yesterday saying he knew someone getting rid of a ton of decent vinyls. I’ve never been interested in Claire’s store, up until now, but she sells used records and books. He knew
it was an extra in for me and a random reason to call Gin up. I'll take anything at this moment for a reason to call, text or even write her. Guess I'm sappy now being older.

  Mom keeps calling me about the party and making sure I don’t forget and have something nice to wear. How I could forget is beyond me, and I know she wants everyone to look nice, but I'm not wearing a three-piece suit if that’s what she’s looking for. I feel like there is an underlying message to her phone calls, but I can’t put my finger on it.

  So, I sit here on my porch waiting for Dam, wondering how our lives came to this point? Everything Gin has been through and to come out the other side her own person is remarkable. Telling her ex all she wanted from the divorce is her kick ass house is so selfless. It’s even hard for me to wrap my head around it. Gin’s family is in a category of money I'll never see, but here she is on this side of town with barely any neighbors and a car she barely uses.

  What socialite lives the frugal kind of lifestyle? Most demand everything from their exes and more. Try to put them in an early grave if they could. Run their name through the gutter to make themselves feel better.

  Gin, on the other hand, barely even acknowledges him or his wrongdoings. She's not bitter or a man hater, and she’s putting herself out there for me. Taking a chance on me and a dream we both had so many years ago.

  There's a big part of me that wants to tie her to me and never let her out of my sight. Any man would be lucky to have her gaze upon them and be able to snatch her up. I thought my world was over when Tanya took her last breath, but losing Gin a second time? My heart would never beat for another for as long as I last on this earth.

  Dam, the best friend that he is, is eating this up on a daily basis. Once he realized I would answer his questions about Gin honestly, he hasn’t stopped. There is no way I would hide my feelings at this stage of the game. I want everyone to know how I feel about her and what she’s always meant to me.

  I think I hear my phone buzz as Dam’s Mustang pulls into my driveway. Yes, we share the same love for the Mustang. One of the reasons we bonded so well together. No shame either when I bro hug him every time I see him.