Souled Out

by Blakely Chorpenning

  Gabriel tried to rid me of her, but her body had taken on a translucent quality. His hands swished right through her like she was made of nothing more than fog. When that failed, he grabbed at my arms but discovered the same outcome. She had cast a spell that traveled between us. But I could touch her. She was definitely real as my fingernails dug into her arms.

  She laughed. “I will have my way. It is my due.”

  I used my left hand to swiftly punch her, flat-palmed, right in the nose. She cursed and released my neck. Air flowed into my body.

  “You ain’t gettin’ your way with me, lady.” I stood, looming over her frail form wallowing on the ground as she held her hands over her nose.

  Again, Gabriel held the knife out. This time, however, I took a different approach. Without warning, I kneeled and snapped her neck. Only then did I take the knife and plunge it into her chest about a dozen times. I knew what had to be done next. Still, I hesitated.

  Gabriel took the bloody knife from my hand and used it to crudely hack her head free from her body. It only took a few good swings with his vampire strength. After enduring an awful squishy noise, accompanied by the unforgettable site of Gabriel’s hand vibrating through the cut of bone and gore, he dropped her head on the ground. Disgusted, I kicked it away from us. Then, as a precaution, I reclaimed the knife, dripping with goo and sticky flesh, and drove it into her heart, twisting it. The body lay motionless. I let go of the knife and stood up next to Gabriel.

  He took a moment to let the entire sight sink in. Without remorse, he pulled me away from the body. “I’ve never seen that before.”

  I searched his face for any clue of emotion but only picked up on curiosity and, in the background, satisfaction. Wiping my bloody palms on my pants, I tried not to sound completely disgusted with myself when I said, “That old trick? I picked that up years ago when the Christmas lines got too long.”

  Ben appeared next to us before Gabriel could laugh. “I’ll gather the others and get rid of the witch’s body. We’ve taken Alexi and Drew into custody and will deliver them to the Members.” He was trying so hard to be professional.

  Gabriel nodded. “Good job. Thank you. You’ve done exceptionally well tonight.”

  Ben’s smile practically shined like a flashlight. He was trying his hardest to prove himself and was succeeding. Gabriel never gave undue compliments, especially if it was just to make someone feel better. Ben looked like he was going to implode from excitement right where he stood. “Thank you, Gabriel.” He said it with such heart. And with that, he turned and began gathering everyone to move the prisoners.

  Gabriel shifted his attention back to me. “Would you like to go home?”

  That was the best question ever. I was so ready for a shower and maybe a snack while I sat on the rickety porch swing. “That sounds great, but remind me to wash the sheets on the couch before I go to bed.”

  He shifted his gaze to the grass. “No. I meant, do you want to go to your home?”

  “Oh... I guess.” No, I didn’t. Why didn’t I want to go home to my own bed, or my own porch, or my own snacks? Because I didn’t feel safe anymore. Damn it. Before, I was my own enemy. Now I had new, corporeal enemies with the power to curdle my blood. I didn’t know what to tell Gabriel, but I definitely didn’t want to say all of that out loud and sound like a big old girl. Especially when I thought I still might puke from what I’d just done.

  Thankfully, I didn’t have to because he cut me to the chase. “Actually, going home may not be that wise. It might be better to wait until we know the Mass are out of the picture before we take unnecessary risks. You’ll be stuck with me and the farmhouse a little while longer.”

  I wanted to tell him not to pamper my fears, but he walked away. No major moment. No, “Oh, I can see you’re a big scaredy-cat and I’m calling you out on it.” Nope. He just left me standing there to go oversee Ben’s progress.

  Ellenore walked over, but I noticed she wouldn’t, or couldn’t, make eye contact. “I’m sorry, Myranda. I’m sorry that what I feel made all this possible.”

  I found I couldn’t look at her either. We both stood, talking just above a mumble, without being able to visually acknowledge one another.

  “You feel like my life and my afterlife are expendable just because I can’t use my soul.”

  It wasn’t a question, but she answered anyway, a choke holding back a sob. “Sometimes, but I don’t mean to.” And I saw her silent tears hit the blades of grass, running like sprinters into the earth to hide.

  “You can’t control feelings. I know that because if I could, I would hate you right now.”

  “But I didn’t know what she was.” Her voice rose.

  “Not for that.” My own tears would have glistened in the grass had I let myself cry, but I didn’t. My voice was husky with the need. “You took Mom and Dad from me. That was before the witch. You had control over that and you took them when I was scared and lonely and needed them.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize. I can’t accept it. Maybe one day, but right now I need to not be near you. I can’t look at you, and I can’t talk to you anymore. Maybe later.” I hoped.

  Her heart sounded broken when, in between sobs, she asked, “Do you want it?” The ‘it’ she referred to was my soul.

  “Keep it. I’ll come for it when I need it.” The words escaped my lips like a soft warning.

  That was it. I could hear Nick’s confusion and sincerity when he ran to her. I walked away. He had missed the entire show. Lucky him. But I was glad to hear the love in his voice because she needed someone and it couldn’t be me.

  Gabriel took me back to the farmhouse. I was silent the entire trip and he didn’t try to break it. Hours passed since the ceremony. Almost dawn. When we arrived, I mechanically left my shoes at the door, took a shower that I barely remembered, dressed in clean sweat pants and a random shirt, unwrapped a store-bought muffin, and sat on the porch with my legs dangling off. The muffin turned over and over in my hand, uneaten.

  I was left on my own for a while before I heard the screen door open and shut. Gabriel had changed into a pair of fresh black pajama pants and a gray V-neck T-shirt. He leaned against the house, right behind me.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m alive, soul intact.”

  “I know that. I’m asking if you’re okay.”

  Disheartened, I answered, “Peaches n’ cream.”

  “Always dodging.”

  “‘Til the end...”

  “Can I sit next to you?”

  “No.”

  The wood shifted, but he only ventured a foot or two. No closer. “Why?”

  “I don’t want you to see me cry again.” And I was crying. I had tried not to, but when you hold back for so long you either let the pain kill you from the inside or weep it out like exhuming a poison.

  “Do I not deserve to see you cry, either? Am I that low that I’m forbidden to see your tears and wipe them away when you don’t have the heart to do it yourself?” Something in his tone had changed. It was almost fear, like he thought he didn’t matter to me after all.

  “I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “Then give up your shields, Ell. We’re both tired. I know you want to hide from the world, but please don’t hide from me.”

  “I’m not hiding.”

  “You’ve hidden behind this armor of yours every day I’ve known you. Do you realize how long it actually took before we noticed something wasn’t right with your abilities?” His voice slowly moved closer. “You cloaked your emotional and physical pain that well. It took us even longer to uncover your secrets, and only then when your sister dropped the information in our laps. That was a long time to be alone.” He sounded like he was right behind me. He had moved with that vampire silence, distracting me with his voice.

  “I didn’t think I was alone. I had Ellenore.”

  He was standing next to me. “I’m sitting down. It’s my porch.” The a
rrogance I had come to know so well through the years had returned.

  “Fine. Take the muffin you bought while you’re at it.”

  “If you’re going to waste it, I will.” And damn if he didn’t take the last blueberry muffin right out of my hand and start eating it.

  “This is the first time I’ve ever seen you eat food. And steal.”

  “You offered it. And yes, I eat. I’m not that ‘old school.’ There’s a lot that I’m happy to do without, like fast food and meatloaf, but there are some things I’ll never give up.”

  As a small laugh escaped, he took the opportunity to wipe my tears.

  “Are you okay?”

  I shrugged, unable to speak because my throat tightened again.

  “No one expects you to be.”

  “Apparently everyone expected me to be a freaking moron who’d just drop dead on command.”

  He thought about it seriously and replied, “Some did. But that’s not what’s eating at your heart.”

  “You know why I’m upset. I don’t need to say it out loud.”

  Gabriel became a little aggressive. “I’m trying to help you come to terms with this.”

  “I’m trying.”

  “And I’m trying to get you to realize that you don’t have to do it alone. Your sister, your only friend, tried to steal your soul and didn’t mind that the byproduct might be your death.”

  “That’s not what bothers me!” I yelled. Sometimes you just want to pity yourself, which is unlikely to happen when someone’s in your face trying to be nice.

  “So you support back-stabbing and attempted murder? I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.”

  “Stop it. Of course it bothers me, but...”

  “What?” His voice was softer, waiting.

  “She stole them.” Great, I was crying again.

  “Your parents.”

  I hopped off the porch and whirled to face him. He wanted to see my pain? Well it was about to consume both of us. I would have screamed if my voice had let me, but it just came out strangled.

  “All these years I lived with the pain that they couldn’t love me anymore for what I’d become. For what I am. But I was able to live with it because I’d saved Ellenore. You should have seen her fear when she was chosen. Even now, that memory, the look on her face, shatters me. Had she become the Cypher, I would have lost every part of her forever.” My voice gave way to a scream, though it crackled under the stress. “I didn’t do it to be the martyr! I did it because I would have died anyway if I had to watch her life be stolen away, to watch her become what I’ve become. I did it because I was selfish! I didn’t want to lose my best friend. And after everything, she thinks I did it to show how much better I am than her? And then she stole them...”

  I dropped to my knees and my voice was nothing but a broken sob. “All these years I’ve lived with this pain that they hate me, and the one person who knew that pain was the same one who caused it. Why?” I searched Gabriel’s eyes for an answer. “Why would she hurt me so bad? How could she do that? And knowing everything, how can I still love her? That’s so screwed up. I just want to hate her. It would be so much easier.” I inhaled like I’d never breathed before. “I feel like I should be dead.”

  “There are days I feel like I should be alive, but that doesn’t make it so.” Gabriel approached as ragged sobs jolted my body. He kneeled in front of me on his shins. Grabbing my hands, he drew me to his chest, wrapping his arms around me.

  And I cried.

  All those years, I thought I was sad and pathetic. But I was angry, and that anger had turned into an inner rage feeding off of itself. That’s the truth Gabriel wanted me to see. I had shut everyone else out to punish myself. And though Ellenore had screwed me over by lying, the lies I’d told myself were much

  Epilogue

  I needed a vacation. It took me by surprise when Seth was ecstatic to arrange it. And Gabriel proved to be much more than my greatest expectations. He even stood up to the Members when they initially denied my vacation. Since rumors escaped concerning my sister and I, the Members want me working more than ever. Gabriel tactfully mentioned the repeated sacrifice of my soul for ‘the cause,’ and wasn’t shy about reminding them of the warpath my temper is capable of. Apparently crazy, destructive employees are allowed vacations.

  I haven’t spoken to Ellenore or my parents. I just don’t know what to say to Ellenore. We’ve wronged each other. And considering her silence toward me, we both need time to heal. Maybe one day we’ll find our way back to each other. My parents are another matter. Gabriel found their address and phone number, but I haven’t used either. The information is written on a sticky note hiding in the pocket of my new denim jacket, a gift from the Members, although I think Gabriel had a little something to do with that. I will talk to my parents, but for now, what can I say? Ellenore’s tampering was the cause of our disintegrated relationship, but the fear that they won’t want me is still fresh and very real in my heart.

  After spending a month with Seth, I’ve grown to like him more than I wanted. He felt awful about missing the ceremony, not being able to help, but that’s life. I told him to get over it. I talk to Seth a lot, but some of my best epiphanies are found in his smiles. Every once in a while, though, I get this nagging feeling not to get too close.

  Gideon has been missing since the night of the ceremony. Gabriel doesn’t seem to be worried yet, since he’s notorious for disappearing like a sock in the dryer. If he’s still missing by the time I return, I’ve swore to help find him.

  I’ve also decided to redecorate my house and upgrade the security system when I get home. A measly latch doesn’t seem as safe as it used to. And the old décor just isn’t who I am anymore. I’m different. I am. I can feel it before I open my eyes. My soul is still on loan, but I’m letting go of the fear. I’m not afraid to see what I became because now I look forward to who I’m becoming.

  I’ve come to realize the world is built on crumbling families, bowed lives, and flecks of wrath and optimism blowing in the breeze like pollen. And that’s exactly how it’s meant to be: fire and ice, loving and hating, tears and peaceful hearts. We all have to bide our time raging against the world so we can appreciate serenity when it comes. And it does.

  I’m figuring you out, world, one soul at a time. I just haven’t taken you over yet because I’ve been too busy taking back my life.

  And I’m ready to have some fun.

  About the Author

  Blakely Chorpenning lives in a cozy North Carolina town with her crazy, beautiful family. When she is not writing paranormal and urban fantasy, Blakely enjoys controlled chaos, anything shiny, soft, or fuzzy, and has a knack for breaking electronics...with her mind.

  For more, please visit her Facebook page

  http://www.facebook.com/blakelychorpenning

  or official hub/blog

  http://indiscriminatewrites.blogspot.com

  Table of Contents

  DEDICATIONS

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-one

 
Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Epilogue

  About the Author