Ashes To Ink

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  “So, do you want to take it back?”

  He was silent for so long that she was afraid she might cry. Even with his hands still on her face. She didn’t know why she felt like this with rejection.

  But she did.

  “I didn’t know what you were going to say. So I didn’t ask before. And I didn’t want to take advantage of our friendship by asking. But now that I did, I don’t want to take it back.”

  “Oh.” Her words a breath.

  “So? Abby? Do you want to get some dinner with me?” He ran his thumb across her cheek, and she barely resisted closing her eyes and leaning into him. “Any time you want. Any place. All you have to do is say yes, and I’m yours.”

  That sounded nice. Being his. Though she didn’t know what that would entail.

  And she knew she was ready, but she didn’t know exactly what that meant.

  Because she took so long to answer, she saw his gaze shutter, saw the way he wanted to move back. He thought she was going to say no. He wondered if he was making a mistake.

  And because she knew she should say no, because their friendship was more important than anything, she did the one thing that she shouldn’t do.

  She opened her mouth and spoke. “Yes. I’d love to go out with you.”

  She just hoped she hadn’t made another mistake.

  Chapter Four

  Ryan had lost his damn mind, and it wasn’t even one in the afternoon yet. He’d left Abby in her shop, not even touching his tea since it seemed awkward to stay after she’d said yes to the date he knew neither of them expected.

  He’d just looked at her there and hadn’t been able to hold himself back. He liked her, that much he knew. But with his brother back in town, it was kind of hard to think about anything but the fact that a calamity was probably on its way.

  He had no right to step into Abby’s life like he was, but apparently, he couldn’t help himself.

  He thought about her often—the way she smiled, the way sadness sometimes shone in her eyes before she shook it off. She didn’t ignore it, that much he could see, but she tried to move forward.

  He understood that. He tried to do the same. He just figured that Abby was a little more successful at it than he was.

  Of course, her memory stared at her every day in the eyes of her daughter.

  His came back and asked for money, asked for a place to stay, and tried to find ways to ruin Ryan’s life.

  Because Michael always wanted to discover ways to get into Ryan’s mind, figure out how to get under his brother’s skin. Because Ryan’s twin wasn’t a good man. No matter how hard Ryan wished it were different.

  “What’s up with you, man?” Shep asked from his station. Ryan turned to his friend and watched as the man cleaned the area. Shep had just finished a tattoo, and the client had already left. Ryan figured that his boss had a few minutes before he either went to check on his daughter, Livvy, or took the next walk-in client. Even with the holiday season, they were busier than usual.

  Montgomery Ink Too was a branch of the Montgomery Ink franchise that was settled in downtown Denver. The artists at the original Montgomery Ink had waiting lists that were months long, but they also had room for some walk-ins for last-minute tattoo decisions that meant something important.

  Since Shep and Adrienne had modeled Montgomery Ink Too after the one up in Denver, and their cousins were also investors, it made sense that the shop would be like the other. Montgomery Ink Too wasn’t as busy as the original one, but it was getting busier as the months passed. They were getting a reputation for having talented artists and a damn good business practice.

  That meant that while Ryan had a long list of people waiting for him, he was also able to take walk-ins just like the rest of them. He did his best to make sure everyone got exactly what they wanted and turned away clients that wanted something he couldn’t give.

  Most of the time, that happened with women who wanted to get to know him better, or even men who wanted to get to know him like that. Yes, he was bisexual and had dated some of his clients back in the day, but he’d learned the hard way not to do ink for anyone that he wanted to sleep with.

  Things got tricky with that. Of course, when it came to Ryan’s relationships, everything was complicated.

  “Hey, you there?” Shep asked. “What are you thinking about that’s making you look like you’re going insane?”

  Ryan flipped him off. “I don’t look like that.”

  “I beg to differ. But what’s up?”

  “I asked Abby out.” He hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that, but apparently, he hadn’t been able to hold it back.

  He hadn’t been able to hold a lot of himself back lately.

  That didn’t bode well for his dates—or his life, for that matter. Considering that Michael could pop out again at any moment, Ryan really wasn’t sure what might happen next.

  Now was not the time to be dating a woman that he really admired, respected, and one that happened to have a daughter that he really liked.

  “You asked out Abby?” Adrienne asked as she walked through the door, Mace behind her.

  Ryan put his hands over his face and shook his head. “Why did you have to walk in at that exact moment?”

  Adrienne just grinned. “Because I’m amazing and I needed to hear this, apparently. So, did she say yes?” She shook her head. “Of course she said yes. You wouldn’t look so sick to your stomach if she hadn’t said yes.”

  Mace looked down at his woman and then back up at Ryan. “I have no idea what that means. Why do you look sick?”

  “Because she said yes.” Ryan let his hands fall and stared at his friends. They were in a lull between projects, something that they all liked to take advantage of if they had time. Having moments where they could discuss business and life was good for the four of them.

  However, Ryan really wanted someone to walk into the shop right now so he could work on a tattoo. Anything so he didn’t have to talk to Adrienne about the fact that he had asked Abby on a date. Anything so he didn’t have to talk about any of it at all.

  But because this was Ryan and his life, no one walked in.

  He turned to face Adrienne fully. “She said yes,” he repeated. “Yes. What was she thinking? What was I thinking? I wasn’t supposed to ask her out. I know the rules. You don’t poach on your own territory. Or someone else’s territory. I can’t even make words anymore. What is wrong with me?” He put his head in his hands again, ignoring the way that Shep and Mace started chuckling beside him.

  He would get them back later for this. Of course, he had already gotten to Mace a bit when Mace started dating Adrienne. He’d even walked in on them once—or three times. He’d lost count. He really didn’t want to think about that.

  Shep had come into Ryan’s life already married with a baby. But Ryan had also walked in on Shep and Shea making out in the closet like teenagers.

  Apparently, his lot in life was to walk in on his friends making out with their people.

  He really needed a new role.

  Or a new life.

  Or maybe a new address.

  Could he live in Timbuktu? Was that even a place anymore?

  Oh, God, he was losing his mind.

  Adrienne stood in front of him then, and he looked down at her. She pulled her dark hair back, her bright eyes staring at him. “You asked her because you like her. She said yes because she likes you. She’s gentle, but then again, Ryan, so are you.” Ryan opened his mouth to protest, to say there wasn’t anything gentle about him and they all knew it, but Adrienne held up her hands. “No. You are. You might be a badass like everyone else here. You have the tattoos, the piercings, you have the bad attitude when you feel like it. But you’re sweet. And I don’t exactly know why you are so sweet sometimes because you won’t tell us anything about your life, but I will wait for gossip a little bit later. What I want to know now is if you’re happy about this. Because I see something in your eyes, and it looks like fear. Do
you want to talk about it?”

  “Don’t make him talk if he doesn’t want to,” Shep murmured.

  “Don’t tell your sister what to do, it’ll just make her go off in the opposite direction,” Mace answered.

  Adrienne flipped off her brother and her man, all while looking at Ryan. That took skill.

  “I asked her out. I don’t know if I should have.”

  “I’ve watched you look at her, just like I’ve watched her look at you. I like the two of you. And I know that you both respect each other and our little territory here, as you put it, enough that you’re not going to make the same mistakes you might have with other people. Go slow. Test it out. Just know if you make mistakes and hurt her, I will geld you. I’ll still let you work here, but you will have no balls. That’s not a threat as your employer but as a friend of Abby’s. And as your friend. Don’t go ball-less, Ryan. Treasure your balls. Don’t piss me off. And don’t hurt Abby.”

  Both Shep and Mace crossed their legs, laughter in their eyes. Ryan flipped them off just because he could and then looked down at Adrienne once more.

  “You sure do like to talk about my balls.”

  “That’s my sister, you asshole,” Shep put in.

  “And my woman. Maybe I’ll be the one to geld you before you go see Abby. She might not like it if you have no balls.”

  Everyone started laughing, and Ryan closed his eyes, holding back a groan. He’d officially lost his mind, but then again, he couldn’t really help it. He hadn’t grown up in the sanest family, not with his parents doing their best to make sure that Michael was the most spoiled brat ever. Not when they had put all of their hopes and dreams into Ryan and then pushed him away when he didn’t do what he was supposed to.

  “Why don’t you tell me what else is going on while I clean up my station and get ready for my client?”

  “It’s fine.”

  “Never say that, dude,” Mace put in, going to his station after he’d kissed his girl. “That means something is really going on, and Adrienne will find out. Never mess with the Montgomerys.”

  “I think my mom cross-stitched that on a pillow once,” Shep said with a laugh.

  “You know, that doesn’t really surprise me,” Ryan said, setting up his station as well. They each had an appointment within the next thirty minutes, so as they got to work, the subject was thankfully changed—but only for a few moments. Too soon, Adrienne was right back, asking the same question.

  “What’s wrong, Ryan?”

  “My brother’s back in town.”

  They didn’t know about his brother, and from the looks on their faces, they didn’t know why his brother being in town was an issue. But it wasn’t like he could really keep the secret because he couldn’t hide anything from them.

  They were really good at their jobs.

  And he wasn’t talking about being tattoo artists.

  “And? What’s wrong with that?” Adrienne asked. She paused and looked at him directly. “I mean, there has to be something wrong with it, or you wouldn’t be as worried as you are. But can you explain? Or is this something that is best done over beers when we’re not at work and waiting for someone to walk in at any moment. I’m not going to pry.” She glared at her man and her brother as they snickered. “I don’t pry when it’s really important. Or I guess, I don’t pry if it’ll hurt, even if it’s still important. You know that.”

  “I do,” Ryan whispered. Both Shep and Mace agreed, nodding and verbalizing their assent. At least, that was something.

  “My brother’s a drug addict.”

  Adrienne reached out for Ryan, and he didn’t pull back when she patted his hand. She immediately dropped her arm, though, and he was grateful. He didn’t mind being touched, but it was hard enough to talk about this subject without having to worry about hurting his friend’s feelings.

  “And is he using right now?” Mace asked.

  Ryan nodded, thankful for the question. Just because someone was an addict didn’t mean they were using all the time. You could be completely sober, going on a decade of not using, and still be an addict. You would always have that craving. Ryan wasn’t an addict, but his twin was. And that meant he had seen the signs, had attended the classes, had gone to the support groups. He had tried to help his brother his entire life. But he hadn’t been enough.

  That was why he needed to stay away from Abby.

  But he knew he wouldn’t.

  Because maybe he was an asshole.

  “He’s using again. He showed up on my doorstep last night after I got back from Abby’s. I was making sure she got home okay. He wanted money, wanted a place to stay. But I had to push him away. I have my damn house because of the money my parents left to me out of guilt.” He paused. “I had to push him away.”

  “Guilt?” Adrienne asked.

  Ryan shook his head as the bell on top of the door rang. Mace’s client had arrived. “I’ll talk about it later. Promise. But I’m not going to hurt Abby. I can’t. Because if I do, I’m going to hate myself more than I already do.”

  Adrienne gave him a look, and he knew this conversation wasn’t over. But it wasn’t like he could talk right then. He had so many thoughts going through his mind, and was too busy thinking about Abby and Michael and Julia. He knew he should stay away, but he wasn’t going to.

  Thankfully, his client came in next, so he didn’t have to think about anything personal anymore.

  He only had to think about the ink. Just had to concentrate on the art that he was about to create, the piece that would conform exactly to what it needed to be and would be a representation of what his client needed, what they wanted.

  This was something he could do.

  This was something he was damn good at.

  And maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t fuck up everything else.

  “You think Carter’s okay?” Landon asked from across Ryan’s bedroom.

  “Well, he went home with Roxie, so I guess he’s as okay as he’s going to be right now.” Ryan looked in his closet and then glanced over at his friend.

  Landon and Ryan were still new friends, but they were close. They’d met through Mace and then Shep and hadn’t looked back. They had beers with the guys sometimes and, considering they hadn’t married into the Montgomerys like the rest of them, they had formed a bond.

  They were not dating, contrary to popular belief. It amazed Ryan how many people thought that the suave and suited broker would want anything to do with Ryan in his jeans and usually ratty shirt, with all his piercings and tattoos.

  But Ryan didn’t mind. Landon was hot, and he was also one of Ryan’s best friends. He and Landon had never dated, and considering that he knew that Landon’s gaze had settled on another of their friends, a certain art teacher with a penchant for glaring at them both, Ryan was glad they hadn’t.

  Plus, Ryan had always had eyes for Abby. Landon had noticed that from the start, even if it had taken a little bit longer for everyone else to see it.

  “I can’t believe that Carter got burned as bad as he did at Thea’s bakery,” Landon said, shaking his head. “I swear, between the tattoo shop getting broken into, and the bakery having a freaking explosion, it’s like one thing after another with the Montgomerys.”

  “Truer words have never been spoken,” Ryan said, turning with two shirts in his hands. “The dark blue or the black?”

  Landon raised a brow, shaking his head. “They’re the exact same shirt. Just in two different colors.”

  Ryan shrugged. “You say that as if you don’t own eighteen of the same shirt.”

  Landon put his hand on his chest as if wounded, and Ryan rolled his eyes. He knew that Landon was trying to jokingly come on to him because it was safe. The two of them were friends for a reason.

  “You’re an idiot. I’m just going to say it now. You’re an idiot.”

  “No, Ryan, my dear boy, you’re the idiot. And you want to wear the other black one you have. The one that I gave you for your birthday.�
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  “That shirt? No. That shirt cost more than I make in a month.”

  Landon rolled his eyes and pushed Ryan out of the way. “No, not so much. And I know what Adrienne and Shep pay you and what you make from your clients. You make a hell of a lot more in a week than I paid for that shirt. I got it on sale. I like money. Therefore, I don’t spend it unless I have to. Remember?”

  Ryan huffed out a breath and then stripped off his current shirt before putting on the one that Landon handed over.

  “See? I was right. It looks the best. And make sure you brush your hair and put in some of that gel you like. I already know that you’ve already taken care of your facial hair. You take care of your beard more than you take care of anything else on you or in this house.”

  Ryan ran his hand over his beard and grinned. “It takes a lot of work to make this look good.”

  Landon burst out laughing. “Are you saying you don’t look good unless you put work into it?”

  Ryan flipped him off. “Oh, shut up. Beard care is some of the most important care you can do. It takes a lot of soaps and oils to make sure it smells nice and isn’t a Petri dish of crap that you don’t want to think about.”

  “Emphasis on the crap.”

  Ryan snorted since that was true. He and his friends who had beards took care of themselves, unlike some of the guys out there who grew a beard and ignored it. Didn’t they ever want their mouths on another person? If they did, they needed to take care of their damn beards.

  Ryan went to brush his hair like Landon had told him to. His friend was better at this whole dating thing than Ryan was, so he would take the other man’s advice.

  “But back to Carter,” Ryan began, “he’s going to be okay. As for if he and Roxie are going to be okay together? That’s a whole other story.”

  Landon sighed, leaning against the doorway between the master bathroom and the master bath. “I know. I’m a little worried about those two. I don’t think they’re going to last. I don’t think they can.”