by Cotterill
I am puzzled. “So you didn’t take her?”
She shakes her head. “No.” Then she says, “Oh my gosh, did you come looking for me because you thought I had Georgie?”
“Yeah,” I say.
Kaydee starts to laugh. She laughs and laughs and laughs and then I start laughing too, even though I don’t know why it’s funny, and then she reaches out to hug me again and then the laughing slows down and she does that sort of ohhh sound people make when they’re stopping laughing. “Amazing,” she says. “Amazing. I can’t believe you found me.”
“I didn’t,” I say. “The deer did.”
And it’s true, because if I hadn’t seen the deer, I wouldn’t have crossed the field to this side at all. The footpath doesn’t go this way. “We need to go home,” I tell her. “Because I’m hungry.” Also, Kaydee doesn’t have Georgie, which means someone else must.
The smile slides off her face. “I can’t.”
“We’ll go to Aunt Milly’s house,” I say, reaching out to pull her to her feet. “I’ll help you.”
She resists. “No, I mean I can’t go home. I’m not welcome there. You saw what Mom and Paul were like over Lissa. Even Olly.”
“But everyone loves you,” I say. “And Lissa’s there.”
Kaydee’s eyes fill with tears. “But she won’t stand by me, Darby. She’s too scared. You know, her dad used to shout at her all the time when she was little. She could never do anything right. Now she just backs off at the first sign of trouble.”
My tummy rumbles. “Come on.”
“Mom and Paul took it really badly,” Kaydee goes on. “I’m so angry with them. I thought they were better than that.”
“It’s been a bad weekend,” I say, thinking about the chocolate hunt.
“Yeah …” says Kaydee slowly. “I guess it has. But even so …”
“They’ll get over it,” I say, because this is something I’ve heard adults say. “Give them time.”
She stares at me for a moment, and then she starts laughing again.
I’m finding it a bit hard to keep up with whether Kaydee is happy or sad.
“You’re incredible,” she says. “Where did you hear all that?”
“I dunno,” I reply.
My sister gives me another big hug and whispers into my ear, “I love you, Darby. You’re the best sister in the whole world.”
“I love you too,” I tell her. “Can we go and get some breakfast?”
Chapter 31
It’s very hard to get Kaydee to Aunt Milly’s. Not because she doesn’t want to go but because she’s really hurt her ankle, and she can’t walk on it much. She winces and leans on me a lot, and she’s quite a bit taller than me and I’m all tired out, so helping her across the fields is really, really hard.
“I wish I hadn’t dropped my phone,” Kaydee sighs. “Water and phones don’t mix.”
“You have to put it in a cup of flour,” I say.
She giggles. “Rice, you loon, not flour. If I put it in flour, goodness knows what’d happen to it. Phone cake, probably. Oh, owww, my ankle really hurts.”
We have to keep stopping, and I dunno how long it takes us to get to Aunt Milly’s but it’s ages.
“I woke up in the night and I just couldn’t bear to be in the house any longer,” says Kaydee. “I had to get out. So I started walking. I don’t know where I thought I was going really. I just needed to get away. And after a while, I thought maybe I could stay with Aunt Milly. But it was still dark, and you can’t just go knocking on people’s doors in the middle of the night. I couldn’t think where else to go—and then I saw a barn across the fields, and I thought I could wait in there because it would be warm. But I fell in the ditch and couldn’t get up, and then my phone wouldn’t work.” She stops talking because she’s crying again.
I say, “But it’s okay now. I found you, and Aunt Milly will give us breakfast. And maybe some socks.”
Kaydee looks down at my feet and says, “Oh, Darby, you came out in the middle of the night with no socks on?”
I say, “It wasn’t the middle of the night, it was four a.m.”
“I bet you didn’t tell anyone where you were going, did you?” Kaydee looks at me like a schoolteacher.
“No,” I say. “I forgot.”
She sighs, and then grimaces as she puts her injured foot down. “I think I might have to go to the hospital.”
I look at her in alarm. “What for?”
“To have my heart examined because it fell in love with a girl, not a boy,” Kaydee says seriously.
I stare at her.
She bursts out laughing. “For my foot, you idiot.”
“Can they examine hearts for falling in love with the wrong people?” I ask.
“No. Get that idea out of your head right now. Oww, oww!”
“We’re here,” I say, because it’s true. Aunt Milly’s house is right in front of us.
“I really, really hope she’s home,” Kaydee groans as she limps up to the front door.
Chapter 32
Aunt Milly is home, and she is very surprised to see us standing on her doorstep. Kaydee is at least wearing proper clothes, but I’m still in my nightgown and fleece and coat. Her house feels super warm after being outside, and Aunt Milly gets me some socks.
“Oh, Darby, look at your poor feet,” Kaydee says. They are all rubbed and sore with blisters. And some of the fluff from inside the boot has got into the blistery parts, which makes them look disgusting.
Aunt Milly is not the fussing sort, which is good because she doesn’t ask us lots of questions. Instead she makes us some toast and then calls Mom and Dad, and within ten minutes they have driven over. Lissa is with them. Kaydee goes red in the face and starts crying, but she can’t get up because Aunt Milly has made her sit on the sofa with her foot up and a bag of frozen peas on her ankle.
Lissa stands in the doorway and stares at the floor.
Mom rushes over and gives me a huge hug. “What on earth did you think you were doing, Darby? You have to stop wandering off without telling anyone!”
I wasn’t wandering. I was looking for Kaydee. But instead I say, “Sorry, Mom,” because it seems like the sort of thing she wants me to say. Then I realize I’ve got toast crumbs down my front and I try to brush them off before anyone notices.
Dad looks at Kaydee, and I can’t figure out if he’s angry or happy to see her or what. Then he sighs and says, “I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Well, she isn’t really,” points out Aunt Milly. “She needs an X-ray on that ankle. It’s swollen up like a balloon.”
“What?” Mom lifts up the bag of peas and gasps. “Oh, Kaydee! How did you do that?”
“I fell in a ditch,” Kaydee says. Her lip trembles and she adds, “I’m sorry.”
Mom gives her a big hug, and Dad squeezes her shoulder, and Mom tells her it’s fine, they’re just glad to have her back.
Kaydee nods, and then she looks at Lissa, but Lissa is still looking at the floor. Then she glances up and her eyes bump into Kaydee’s, and Lissa looks away again really quickly. Neither of them says anything.
Dad says, “We need to get Kaydee to the hospital.”
“You need to get back to the farm,” Mom says. “I’ll take her. I can drop the three of you back at the house and then go on.”
“I want to come to the hospital,” I say. Then I look at Lissa, standing silent and sad in the doorway, and I say, “And Lissa wants to come too.”
Lissa bites her lip and nods.
There’s a pause. Mom looks at Dad. Dad looks at Kaydee. I look at everyone.
“All right,” says Mom at last. “But we’ll pick up clothes for you first, Darby. You’re not going to the hospital in your nightgown.”
Chapter 33
I know our hospital well. I had to go quite a few times when I was little. But I haven’t been to the emergency room before. Emergency room isn’t a very good name because it’s not one room, it’s several room
s. The biggest one is the waiting room, which isn’t emergency-ish at all, because everyone is just sitting around. We sit down on the seats, and Mom helps Kaydee put her foot up. Kaydee lets out little whimpers when she moves, so it must be hurting her a lot.
Lissa is very, very quiet. In fact, she doesn’t say anything at all. I don’t know what to say to her, but I think maybe she’s sad, so I sit next to her and hold her hand.
We have to wait ages. Mom gets some magazines for us to look at. We sit in a row: Kaydee, Mom, me, Lissa. I let go of Lissa’s hand to take a magazine. I like magazines because they’re about celebrities, and I love all that stuff. One of my favorite girl singers is in there. I don’t read the interview but I look at the pictures of her and some other people dressed up for a party. I like nice clothes. Maybe when I grow up I’ll be a model instead of a singer or a dancer.
Mom gets us some snacks and drinks from the vending machines, and then Kaydee says, “I need to go to the bathroom.”
Mom helps her down the hall.
Lissa puts her head in her hands. I can tell she’s sad, so I say, “It’s going to be okay.”
She pulls her hands away to say, “Is it?” There are dark smudges under her eyes from where her makeup has run. “I don’t think it is, Darby. I shouldn’t have come. I should get on a bus and go home.” She stands up. Then she says, “Oh. I didn’t bring any money,” and sits down again.
“I don’t want you to go,” I say. “I want you to stay, and Kaydee does too.”
She smiles a bit. “I just don’t think I’m strong enough.”
I don’t understand. “What do you mean?”
“Love.” Lissa stares at the wall in front of us, which has a bulletin board covered in flyers. “It’s not enough on its own, Darby. You can love someone with all of your heart and soul, but you have to be strong and brave too. You have to stand up for yourself. You have to say, ‘This is who I am and what I want, and no one is going to stop me.’ I just … I don’t know if I can do that. No matter how much I love Kaydee.” Her eyes fill again. “I don’t know what she sees in me. I’m nothing compared to her. She’s so alive, so … bright, that it burns me to look at her. I was off the rails when we got together. She … She keeps me safe, you know?”
I don’t understand the bit about the rails, but I nod, because I know what she means about Kaydee being bright. Like the sun.
“She has to help me along all the time, pick me up when I’m down,” Lissa goes on.
“She does that for me too,” I say. Maybe Lissa doesn’t know that’s what you’re supposed to do, because her family isn’t like that.
Lissa gives an annoyed sort of shrug. “Maybe she’s fed up of doing it for me. Maybe she’s realized I’m not worth the effort. I wouldn’t blame her.”
Lissa wipes her eyes hurriedly, because Mom and Kaydee are coming back from the bathroom. But before they reach us, a doctor comes into the waiting room and calls Kaydee’s name. So Mom gives us a wave and they head off again.
… being very young. There was a mobile that hung over me—the Very Hungry Caterpillar with all his foods. A plum, a strawberry, a piece of cake, a salami … I loved that mobile.
In my memory, there’s a face looking down at me, and it’s not Mom’s. It’s Kaydee’s. She’s smiling at me, and I know, just by the look in her eyes, that she loves me. She doesn’t need to say anything. I just know. And I’ve always known.
Mom says I must have imagined that memory because I was too little to be able to remember back that far. But she’s wrong.
I don’t know what to say to Lissa because I feel sad for her, so I just hold her hand again. When Kaydee and Mom come back, Mom tells us that the doctors are going to x-ray Kaydee’s ankle because they’re not sure if it’s broken, and that’s the only way to tell. We wait some more. I wish I’d brought my iPod. I say this to Lissa, and she pulls out her phone and earphones and we share them. Her music is different from the sort of stuff I usually listen to. You couldn’t really dance to it. But it’s kind of nice. My eyes droop, and I lean my head on Lissa’s shoulder.
When I wake up, Kaydee is back from her X-ray with her foot all bandaged up. It’s not broken. Mom says something about ligaments that I don’t understand, but I’m glad it’s not broken.
We all climb in the car to go home, and I’m getting hungry again. Mom says she’ll make us lunch and then I should go back to bed. “And your mom will be coming to pick you up, Lissa.”
I glance at Lissa. She blinks and looks out of the car window.
Kaydee is in the front seat and she doesn’t say anything.
Inside me, something really hurts. I think it’s a pain for Kaydee and Lissa.
Lissa said she doesn’t think she’s good enough for Kaydee because she’s not brave or strong.
Brave and strong are good things to be, I know. But does it matter if Lissa isn’t brave or strong? When Kaydee is with Lissa, she looks happy. Big-smiling, wide-eyed, shining happy. I love anyone who can make her look like that.
I sit up straighter. I am brave. I am strong.
I will fight for Kaydee and Lissa.
Chapter 34
Mom puts Kaydee on the sofa with her foot up. Even though it’s not broken, she’s not supposed to walk on it for a while. The hospital has given her crutches.
The rest of us have lunch at the kitchen table. Olly asks what happened, and Mom tells him about Kaydee going out in the night and me going after her. I am too busy thinking to listen. I think Olly says, “Darby, you idiot,” at one point, but I ignore him.
After lunch, Olly says he wants to go meet up with some friend, and Mom agrees to take him. Lissa goes upstairs to pack her things. She looks pale and she still hasn’t said anything. I don’t think she ate anything either.
It’s just me and Mom in the kitchen. I say, “Mom, I don’t want Lissa to go home.”
She gives me a sort of smile and says, “I know you like her, Darby. It’s nice. She’s a nice girl.”
“I don’t want her to go home,” I say. “Not when she’s sad.”
Mom thinks for a moment and then she says, “Relationships are complicated, Darby. It’s hard to be happy all the time.” She glances at the clock and adds, “I’m going to run to the site office and see if your dad needs me to pick up anything while I’m in town.”
I follow her out of the kitchen, through the hall and out of the back door. I am wearing slippers but I only notice that when I step in mud. Too late now.
I can’t believe it’s only a few hours since I was wandering around here in the dark with a flashlight. The sun is shining again and I expect the broken glass is twinkling in the grass, but Mom doesn’t go that way. She goes straight to the site office, where Dad is talking to Juris and looking at the computer. I follow her into the cabin.
“I don’t want to interrupt,” says Mom, which is a thing adults say just before they interrupt. “I’m leaving in a minute to take Olly into town. Do you need me to pick anything up?”
Dad blinks for a moment and then says, “Yes—hang on, I made a note somewhere. There were a couple of things …” He digs around in his pockets.
Juris says to me, “Exciting weekend, eh, Darby?” and smiles.
I say, “Everything went wrong. And it’s still going wrong.”
He stops smiling.
“What are you talking about, Darby?” asks Dad, still hunting in his pockets. “What’s gone wrong now?”
“Lissa’s going home,” I say. “And I don’t want her to, because Kaydee loves her. And,” I add, “I want another makeover.”
Dad glances at Mom, and then he looks at Juris for a moment, and then he looks at me and says, “Shall we have a quick chat?” And Juris goes to the computer, and Dad and Mom and I go back out to the sunshine and the muddy ground.
My slippers are soggy.
“Darby,” Dad says, “I know it’s hard to understand about Kaydee and Lissa.”
“No, it isn’t,” I say. “They were really ha
ppy and then you found out they were together and you didn’t like it, and now they’re sad. And so am I.” I do feel sad. And tired and frustrated. Because it feels like everyone else isn’t understanding something that’s really kind of easy.
Mom gives a little sigh. “I didn’t handle it well, I know. I’ve been so worried about the farm—we’ve come very close to losing everything, sweetheart. I’ve hardly slept. And then I burned my hand, and … I could have managed the situation better. I was scared and in pain. It made me say things I maybe shouldn’t have.”
Dad says, “But, Darby, this isn’t as simple as you think. If Kaydee is … if she likes girls … life will be that much harder for her. People will make her life harder because of it.”
I am really confused. “But you are making it harder.”
“We just want her to be happy,” Mom says.
“But … Lissa makes her happy.”
“It’s more complicated than you think, Darby” Dad tells me.
I am tired and now I’m mad. “You keep saying that! Don’t treat me like I’m stupid! I’m not stupid! You say one thing and then another but it’s all lies.”
Dad frowns. “Don’t talk to us like that.”
“If you send Lissa home, Kaydee will cry lots and lots,” I say. “And Lissa will cry too. And I will cry, and then I will never talk to you again.” I fold my arms.
Mom reaches out to me. “Darby, we’re not sending her home. Her mom’s coming to pick her up! She was always going home today. And maybe it’ll be good for Kaydee and Lissa to have some time apart. It’s been a very intense weekend.”
“I don’t want them apart,” I say obstinately. “I want them together. And if you want Kaydee to be happy, then you should want that too.”
Dad says, “It’s up to them to decide if they’ll stay together.”
“But you have to tell them it’s okay,” I say. And suddenly I realize—this is The Thing. This is The Answer. “You have to tell them, Dad. And Mom. You have to say you want them to be together. So they can be happy.”