Baby Alicia Is Dying

by Lurlene McDaniel

  For a moment silence descended on the room, and all Desi could hear was the sound of her own breathing. Her father finally spoke. “I have no objection to Desi’s performing community service, Eva. I know Clare will keep an eye on her.”

  “Of course I will.”

  Her mother glared at each of them, and gripped the arms of the graceful Queen Anne dining chair until her knuckles went white. “Well, it certainly appears that I’m outnumbered, doesn’t it? I’m not in favor of this, Desi. I know you think I’m being overly harsh and unsympathetic, but I don’t care. I have my reasons.”

  “And I have mine,” Desi insisted. This was something she wanted because it would be hers. She wouldn’t be following in Val’s or even her mother’s high school footsteps. Her mom and Val could be pretty, athletic, and popular. She wanted to be useful and valuable.

  “I start work full-time next week. I won’t be able to shuttle you to and from this ChildCare house,” her mother warned.

  “I’ll be responsible for driving Desi,” Aunt Clare interjected.

  “I won’t bother you about it, Mom.”

  Still agitated, Desi’s mother rose and started clearing her place.

  “Don’t do that, Eva,” Aunt Clare said cheerily. “You’re my guests today. I’ll do it.”

  “It’s all right, Clare. You’ve done quite enough for us today already. Quite enough.”

  Juggling plates and glassware, Desi’s mother left the room in a huff.

  Because Corrine was out of town over the weekend, Desi was unable to talk to her until Monday at lunch about ChildCare.

  “So tell me,” Corrine said after listening to Desi describe the volunteer program, “are there any cute guy volunteers?”

  “Get serious, Corrine. This isn’t about meeting guys, it’s about helping abandoned babies.”

  “It doesn’t sound like much fun to me.” Corrine poked her fork into a mound of mashed potatoes and watched the gravy leak onto her plate.

  “The babies are so adorable. Like little dolls. Alicia, the one who fell asleep in my arms, is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.” Talking about Alicia made Desi smile tenderly.

  “Kittens and puppies are cute. Babies just spit up and poop. I know, I baby-sit all the time. You’ve never had to make money baby-sitting, Desi. You’ll see—it’ll get old fast, believe me.” Corrine took a sip from the straw in her milk carton. “Besides, what do you know about babies? You’ve cared more about bugs and butterflies for years! Why this sudden interest in babies?”

  For a moment Desi wasn’t sure what to say. Corrine was right—she’d never baby-sat because her mother had always discouraged both her and Valerie from baby-sitting. “Too much responsibility,” she had told them. “What if you had an emergency with someone else’s child? Or an accident? It would ruin your life. If you need money, we’ll up your allowance.”

  “First of all, I think the babies are cute,” Desi replied between mouthfuls of potato chips. “And second of all, these babies need love. They’ve never had mothers to take care of them. I want to help. You should come and see for yourself. I’m sure they could use more volunteers.”

  “No way. I have big plans for myself in high school.” Corrine’s fork clattered against her plate. “When do you start?”

  “I have an all-day training class next Saturday, then it’s two afternoons a week. Some Saturdays too.”

  “We won’t get to do much together on Saturdays if you’re busy volunteering every weekend!”

  “Not every Saturday. I’ll have to see how many volunteers there are and when I’m most needed.”

  “Do you have to do this, Desi?” Conine’s green eyes looked troubled. “We’ve been friends forever, and I just thought this year was going to be extra special.”

  “You sound like my mother. Try to understand. It’s not that I don’t want to do things with you. It’s just that ChildCare and these babies need me. School isn’t enough for me. I want to do something meaningful with my time.”

  “Friday night’s the first football game of the year. Are you still coming with me?” Corrine abandoned the topic.

  “Sure,” Desi told her with more enthusiasm than she felt. “I’m not letting this new project take over my life completely.”

  “I think you’re wasting your time.” Corrine mumbled. “There’s lots to do around Grady—with me.”

  “It’s my time,” Desi said stubbornly. “It’s my life.”

  That Friday night Corrine’s dad dropped them off at the football stadium. Desi wore a new red sweater that perked up her brown hair and green eyes. By halftime the Grady High Warriors were ahead by a touchdown and she had yelled herself hoarse. “I could sure use a soda,” she shouted above the noise of the marching band.

  Corrine yelled, “The line’s a mile long. We’d better go now if we want don’t want to miss the kickoff.”

  They were returning from the refreshment stand when Desi saw Brian Connley walking with a group of his friends. “Hey, Desi. How’re you doing?”

  She was surprised that he spoke to her, since he barely acknowledged her in class. “Fine.” She racked her brain for something witty to say and wished she were more like Valerie, who had a gift for small talk. “Good game, huh?”

  He tossed his unruly thatch of blond hair off his forehead. “If you like football,” he said with a grin. “I just came to pick up pretty girls. What are you doing after the game?”

  It took Desi a moment to realize he’d paid her a compliment. She felt a warm blush creep up her neck, but thought of no snappy comeback.

  “Aw, Connley, back off,” one of Brian’s friends said. “Can’t you see the chick is elsewhere?”

  “She just needs a little prodding.” Brian put his arm around her shoulders, and she felt dwarfed beside him.

  “More like hog-tying,” one of the guys said, making the others laugh.

  More color flooded Desi’s cheeks. “The game’s starting. I’d better go.”

  “See you in lab,” Brian called as she turned, grabbed Corrine’s arm, and bolted for the bleachers.

  “Who was that?” Corrine asked. “He’s gorgeous—what a build. Why’d you run off?”

  “Brian was just joking. He’s only my lab partner in biology.”

  “Well, thanks for sharing.”

  “I hardly know him. He was showing off for his friends, all right?”

  “You’re beginning to act weird, and the year’s just begun, Desila Mitchell.” Desi hated it when Corrine used her full name, because it meant she was ticked off. “I don’t understand what’s happening to you.”

  “Nothing’s happening. Let’s just watch the game, okay? Anyway I’ve got to get home early. Remember, I’ve got that class tomorrow, and my aunt’s picking me up at eight o’clock.”

  “Right. The AIDS babies and your important new work.” Corrine turned her attention to the action on the football field, but Desi had the distinct impression that her friend was politely tuning her out. Desi shivered, and felt certain that her chill had come from more than the autumn air.

  Chapter Five

  Desi was barely in the door of the ChildCare house on her first afternoon of volunteer work when a girl she’d not yet met called, “Welcome to the zoo! Come quick! I could use a hand.”

  “What do you need?” Desi stepped over the toy-littered kitchen floor. Dwayne and Anthony were bopping each other with plastic blocks and yowling, Alicia was crying inside a playpen, and the girl was holding another squalling baby.

  “Separate those two,” the girl said. “And pick up poor Alicia—she’s having a hissy fit. I’ve got to change this one’s smelly diaper.”

  Desi plopped Dwayne in the playpen and patted him gently. Then she scooped up Alicia, who stopped crying as soon as Desi held her. Desi juggled Alicia and knelt down next to the girl who was busy changing the fourth baby’s diaper on a changing mat she’d spread on the floor.

  “Hi. I’m Tamara Wilcox,” the girl said with a bright smile. �
��Sadie’s bathing Paul, and Mrs. Randall—that’s the housemother—is upstairs on the phone. I was doing fine until Heather here decided to drop a load. You must be Desi. Glad to meet you.”

  Desi thought that Tamara talked faster than anybody she’d ever heard. “Glad to meet you too.”

  “Listen, you’d better check Alicia’s diaper. She just got up from her nap, and I haven’t had time to change her yet.”

  Desi lay Alicia down carefully and fished a paper diaper out of a nearby box. The baby’s lower lip began to tremble. “Now don’t cry,” Desi cooed. “I’m just putting dry seat covers on you. It won’t hurt one little bit.” Alicia seemed to study her with huge, soulful eyes.

  Tamara resnapped Heather’s terrycloth sleeper. Desi watched her fingers fly over the task effortlessly. Her own fingers felt clumsy and awkward as she fumbled with the tape tabs on the paper diaper. “Have you been doing this long?” she asked.

  “I started over the summer,” Tamara said, sitting Heather upright. “I had to cut back my hours when school started again, but I love it here.”

  “You sure seem to know what you’re doing.”

  “I should—I’ve got three sisters and two brothers. I’m the oldest. I’ve always helped my mom with the others. I just love babies anyway.”

  “Do you go to Grady?”

  “Goodness no!” Tamara said, her dark eyes growing large. “My daddy’s a minister, and we have a school connected with our church—I’m a sophomore. My daddy thinks Grady High School is too big and impersonal.” She paused and giggled self-consciously. “Whoops! I’ll bet you go there.” Desi nodded. “Sorry about that,” Tamara said. “Didn’t mean to knock it. Daddy says I always speak before I think.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’ve been there for a month already, and I still get lost going to the bathroom.”

  Tamara laughed. “I’m glad you’re a volunteer. Most of the women who help out are older. You know—nice, but boring.” She clamped her hand over her mouth. “There I go again. A lot of them go to our church, and now I’ve probably made you think the wrong thing.”

  “It’s all right—I know what you’re saying. Is volunteering here some sort of project for your church?”

  “Yes. Daddy’s big on caring for our fellowman and all. He says that it’s not enough to talk about doing good, we need to take action.” Tamara thumped her open palm with her fist in what Desi surmised was an imitation of her father. “Daddy says that Jesus didn’t just preach to people, but he also fed and healed them, and that’s what we should do too. Our church took ChildCare on as a project last year, and it’s my favorite one.”

  By now Heather was attempting to crawl under a chair, and Anthony banged a pot and pan gleefully. “Goodness!” Tamara exclaimed, taking Dwayne over to the others. “Looks like Alicia’s the only tame baby here today. She must like you, Desi. Look how hard she’s staring at you.”

  The infant gazed intently at Desi, who smiled down at her and said, “You’re such a sweet little girl.” Alicia offered one of her sunny smiles. “I can’t believe her mother doesn’t want her. She’s so darling.”

  “Me either, but I’m glad there’s a place like this for her. We have people in our church who do volunteer work in the projects. They talk about how drugs and gangs are everywhere. That’s no place for a baby to grow up.”

  Desi agreed, hating to imagine baby Alicia in such an environment. “Come on. We’d better take these guys out into the playroom,” Tamara said. “Anthony loves the baby swing. Let’s put him in it.” She picked up Heather and darted after Dwayne. Desi held Alicia on her shoulder, carefully gathered Anthony, and quickly followed.

  When eventually she looked at the clock on the wall and saw she’d already been there an hour, she could scarcely believe it. One thing was sure—she didn’t think she’d be bored working at ChildCare. She hugged Alicia, who bobbed her head and offered another sunny smile.

  Desi quickly fell into a routine of working afternoons twice a week and every other Saturday at the house. Soon she couldn’t imagine her life without Alicia and the other babies, and Tamara, Gayle, and Sadie. She shared enthusiastic stories about her afternoons with her aunt and sometimes with Corrine. Corrine didn’t seem particularly interested, but she listened politely. Desi tried to talk to her mother, but she had become occupied with her job and didn’t appear to desire any details about Desi’s work. Since hunting season had started, her father was gone every weekend, so he rarely had time to hear what she had to tell either.

  Desi wrote Valerie and was pleased when her sister replied promptly:

  It sounds like you’re having a great time. I’m glad. Now that I’m at college, my high school days seem so frivolous. Kids here discuss politics and social concerns. There are interest groups for everything from saving the environment to feeding the world’s starving. I wish I’d done something more meaningful with my free time the way you are. You’ll fit into college life real easy, sis.

  Oh, thanks for the photo of baby Alicia. What a doll! I know why you’re crazy about her, and it’s a real downer that she may have to deal with AIDS someday. Some guy in my English class (150 students!) has AIDS from a blood transfusion. Ted looks normal enough, but I understand he’s doomed. It’s scary. I wish I had the nerve to strike up a conversation with him. As for class life, it’s hard. Trying to keep up my grades AND keep my seeding on the tennis team is really tough. I wish I had your brains!

  Love,

  Val

  P.S. Don’t worry about Mom. She’ll come around eventually. She’s just concerned for you.”

  Desi folded her sister’s letter and wondered how Val could ever be envious of her. Nevertheless, Desi felt closer to her sister because she honestly seemed to care about what Desi was doing. She’d be glad when Thanksgiving came and Val would be home. Maybe she could somehow arrange for Val to meet Alicia. Desi smiled to herself and put her sister’s letter away in her drawer of special keepsakes.

  Desi was at her locker the morning Corrine came up to her with a determined expression on her face.

  “Hi,” Desi said, searching for a pencil.

  Corrine held her books against her chest. “Are you busy this weekend at that house with the AIDS babies?”

  “You know I am. Why?”

  “Some girls from the pep club asked me to go to the mall with them.”

  Desi wasn’t very impressed with several of those girls, but she didn’t want to burst Corrine’s bubble. “Sounds like you want to go.”

  Corrine nodded eagerly. “Of course I want to go. They don’t let many freshmen hang around with them.”

  “Then go.”

  “I could ask them if you could come with us.”

  “Corrine, that’s just not my thing.”

  “Well, I just wanted to give you a chance.” Corrine shifted her books. “Guess I’ll talk to you later.”

  “See you at lunch?”

  “Not today. I’m sitting with my friends Sherry, Kristen, and Rebecca. Oh … and Randy Morris. I told you about him, remember?”

  “No, I don’t think you did.”

  “Well he’s just a guy in my American studies class. He asked me out.”

  Desi knew how important having a date and a boyfriend was to her friend. “Corrine, that’s terrific. You should have said something.”

  “You’re so busy with that AIDS place, we hardly have any time to talk anymore. I’ll tell you about Randy sometime when you’re not so busy.”

  She wanted to tell Corrine to stop acting so childish. That it was all right for her to have other friends. Her own growing friendship with Tamara was helping her to see that it was possible to have a wide circle of friends and still care about old friends too. There was no need to feel joined at the hip to someone. “Maybe we can do something Sunday afternoon.”

  “Probably not. Randy’s supposed to call me. Listen, I’ve got to go,” Corrine called over her shoulder as she dashed down the hall.

  Bewildered by Corri
ne’s behavior, Desi fiddled aimlessly with her locker until she realized she was going to be late to class. She darted into biology just as the second bell rang, hurried to her lab table, and slid into her seat just as Mr. Redding started handing out yesterday’s quiz papers. Desi noticed that Shaundra was absent, but Brian gave her a nod of greeting.

  Around her kids shuffled and complained as they studied their quizzes. Brian Connley buried his face in his hands and moaned. Desi read her score, A+, and noticed Brian’s D. For the life of her, she couldn’t understand what was so difficult about biology.

  From the front of the room Mr. Redding announced, “All of you know your assignment—dissecting your frogs.” A few kids made faces. Mr. Redding told them, “Fill out the chart in your workbook as you dissect. I’ve got to step out for a few moments. Don’t fool around. Get to work.”

  He left, and murmuring started. Desi lifted the frog out of the formaldehyde, stretched it out in the dissecting pan, and proceeded to slice it open. “Here, pin its skin flaps back, Brian,” she directed. “That way we can expose the alimentary canal.”

  When he did nothing, she stole a glance at him. His face was the color of paste. “What’s wrong?”

  He stared at the slit-open frog. “Nothing.”

  “You look sick.”

  “Thanks. I love you too.”

  “Well, you do.”

  Suddenly Brian stood. “If Redding misses me, just tell him I skipped.” He bolted for the door before Desi could say anything. Embarrassed, she shrugged to the kids around her. Two girls at the next table gave her mean looks.

  Desi felt her face flush scarlet. What was wrong? Did she have lipstick on her teeth? Before she could check it out, Mr. Redding came back into the room. He glanced around and then said, “Desila, I’d like to see you up here please.”

  She caught an instantaneous case of bad nerves. Had she done something wrong? Had he noticed that Brian was gone, and would she have to lie for him? Heart pounding, she went to Redding’s desk. “Yes, sir?”