Off and on Again

by Tia Fielding

  “You know her father is in the Council. She’ll have her ways. I know they’re all very tight-lipped about Cal in general, but it can’t hurt to try?” Rider sighed. “I mean, only if you want to, but… whatever it is, it has to be big, right?”

  “If it’s… I mean, if it’s safe for Anna. I don’t want her to get into trouble for my sake.”

  “If we give her the go-ahead, she’ll see what she can do safely. She won’t put herself at risk,” Sean assured him.

  “Okay. Well, okay then. I….” Suddenly he felt his whole body sway. “Oh fuck, this is… I need to get to bed.”

  “Ah, the joys of travel. Jetlag and all the excitement.” Sean got up and offered Derek his arm for support as he heaved himself off the couch.

  “I’m sorry, we could’ve waited until tomorrow, but….” Rider trailed off.

  “But it’s your kids and your pack. You needed to meet me for yourself, because even though Mikael trusts me and you trust him, your first duty is to your pack.”

  The alphas chuckled in unison.

  “It’s obvious you’ve been around shifters for a very long time,” Rider commented.

  Anton appeared when Derek got to the front door and they pulled their shoes on together. Derek had to lean his ass to the closest wall to stay upright, he was that tired. “I don’t know why I bother.”

  “Yeah, me neither. It’s summertime.” Anton shrugged, then waited for Derek to be ready. “Let’s get you safely upstairs to bed. We can ponder on shoes tomorrow.”

  The next morning, Derek barely remembered going to bed. He had a mild headache that he got ibuprofen for from Noah. There were two medically trained people, Noah who’d been a medic once and Dallas who had been a nurse, living on the farm.

  That had to be an asset for everyone, because it wasn’t simple for a shifter to go to a regular doctor. They tried to always take care of their own first and only in the worst-case situations did they resort to outside help and even then, it wasn’t just as simple as going to the nearest hospital.

  Cal hadn’t appeared overnight, which Derek hadn’t really expected anyway. He took his stuff and walked with Kit through the patch of woods between the Jarvela and Metsala farms.

  “Thanks for coming to stay with me,” Kit said as they walked.

  “Of course. Your Dad will reappear, and like you said, it’s better if you’re home. The cat will find its way home and well, I know foxes like their dens best, too.” He smiled at the boy who glanced at him and nodded.

  “Yeah, I mean as much as I like the big houses, ours is nicer. I’m glad the Council put us here.” Kit was quiet for a while. “I just hate how much trouble we are for Mikael and everyone else.”

  “I don’t think they see it that way now that they’ve actually met you.”

  Kit sighed, but continued walking. Soon enough, he smiled and pointed through the woods. “There!” He almost skipped the rest of the way, making Derek chuckle.

  The house was a two story one with beat up old paint on the exterior. The roof looked nice and freshly painted, though.

  The steps that were stone and concrete—Derek could see it from the sides—had been covered with boards, probably to make it steady without having to think about the old ones crumbling underfoot.

  The yard was small, the outbuilding seemed to be in a barely-upright condition, but that was fine, it was still summer, so there was time to fix or tear it down before the winter months and all the snow Derek expected to see.

  “Come in!” Kit called from inside, and Derek realized he had stopped to look around instead of following the boy.

  The inside of the house was cozy. He kicked off his boots into the small entryway and walked into what he knew was called tupa in Finnish. The room was a kitchen, living room, and dining area, all wrapped in one. There were long rag rugs on the wooden floors, and the walls were all bare flat logs. The ceiling was white, which made a nice contrast with the medium-gray floors.

  “This is such a lovely house,” Derek said, feeling as if he’d stepped inside a home, not a house.

  “It’s super homey, isn’t it? Noah said we could maybe build an extension next summer and fix the upstairs rooms in case there are visitors. There’s no insulation up there now, so we only use the downstairs. Come see the bedrooms. There’s only two, but it’s not like we need any more space.”

  The bedrooms were small, which made sense, giving the square layout of the building. Kit’s room had a desk, a bookshelf, and a bed that Derek knew would be slightly narrower than an American double. The bed sizes had been weird to learn back when he’d first arrived in Europe. He’d often wondered how people who moved from Europe to the States and back coped with no linens ever fitting right. Yes, those were the things Derek’s mind went to when he had off-time or was stuck with something tedious, like staring at the screens in Council’s security room.

  “I like the colors here,” he commented to Kit. The floors were the same the house, but here, the walls had some wallpaper.

  “Oh yeah, Jude likes interior decorating, so he picked the wallpapers, apparently. Like, these are special ones, meant for these old houses and to be used with log walls. It’s interesting how different all the building stuff is here.”

  Derek smiled as Kit flopped onto his bed. “You do whatever you were going to, I’m putting this in your dad’s room,” he said, lifting his heavy backpack.

  It went unsaid that since Derek was Cal’s mate, he wouldn’t sleep on the couch, especially with Cal not being there to tell him to do so. For someone as tall as Derek, couches were never ideal, and frankly the bed in Cal’s room when he got there was calling his name already.

  It was a queen-sized one, or a bit bigger, again with the EU sizing, and he loved the warm blue cover and the conservative amount of pillows. He’d never understood the use of decorative pillows on beds. Those programs that showed professionally decorated houses with beds only halfway visible from under a mass of pillows, yeah, so not his style.

  “Kit, is there a bathroom somewhere?” he called out once he’d put down his pack.

  “Oh yeah, the door by the entrance. The one that’s not the stairs to the attic.”

  “Oh thanks, I would’ve gone and peed in the attic if you hadn’t told me that!” Derek called over his shoulder, on the way to find the correct door.

  A delighted cackle followed him there, and he knew things with Kit would be okay. It wasn’t the young fox he needed to worry about, it was the fox’s adoptive father.

  Noah, Dallas, and Maxim came by after lunchtime to start figuring out the shed situation.

  “The adult wolves won’t come to this property before Cal has come back. We don’t want any canine scents to mess with his cat,” Noah said as he helped Derek make coffee and sandwiches for everyone as an afternoon snack.

  “But Kit’s a canine,” Derek replied, frowning. “So are the other boys.” He gestured with a butter knife toward the window where they could see two rangy young wolves, a red fox, and a tiny fennec playing in the yard. “When did you have time to take off Jude’s cast?”

  “Oh, last thing I did yesterday. He wants to go swimming and well, I think he’s healed enough if he can do all that.” Noah chuckled as he looked at the boys.

  Jude, the slightly smaller one of the wolves, was calling everyone to play, his front down on the ground, leaning on his wrists, with his butt in the air and tail wagging.

  “It must’ve been hard, not to be able to shift.”

  “It’s hard to have a cast for any teenager, for a shifter who is used to running wild it’s doubly difficult. The boys are active, and I can tell how happy the others are to have Jude with them again. They hated leaving him behind and didn’t go running much while he couldn’t come with them.” Noah assembled the sandwiches, and the scent of homegrown tomatoes and cucumbers was clear to even Derek’s human nose.

  “It’ll be good for Kit to be able to shift safely like this. To my knowledge, he’s never really had that
,” Derek murmured as he started to pour coffee into various mugs.

  “Yeah. Dallas knows all about that, even though his problem is a bit different.”

  “A tiglon, right? Where Kit is small and rare, Dallas’s cat is massive and even rarer.”

  “Harder to hide for sure.” Noah carried the massive plate of sandwiches to the long table that had a bench on each side of it.

  “Yeah, at least Kit has been able to shift indoors sometimes.”

  Noah chuckled. “Yeah, we have had a few emergencies where we’ve had a bigger cat shifting inside the house for an extended period of time and let me tell you, it’s always the tail.”

  “What’s always the tail?” Dallas asked brightly as he toed off his boots and marched in to wrap himself around his mate.

  “Shifting inside.” Noah took the kiss Dallas offered him, and then asked, “Are the others coming in?”

  “Yeah, we smelled the coffee. Good thing you had the door open.”

  Just as he said that, four pairs of feet thumped up the stairs and Noah yelled, “Stop right there!”

  There was some cursing, and then Kit slunk inside seeming contrite. “Sorry!”

  “Yeah, less speed. Besides, this is your house, and Derek and Cal’s. You should be the one telling the others how to behave,” Noah said in a patient tone.

  That was one of the things Derek loved about shifters. They always took care to raise the kids together, and nobody got offended if you scolded or corrected an adolescent member of the group.

  “Uh, yeah, thanks,” Kit said, turned to the three taller boys who were still in the small entryway. “Make sure your feet are clean and then come in.”

  The boys smiled, made a point of wiping their feet on the round rag rug they stood on, and then walked in at a more sedate pace.

  Soon after, Maxim followed them, took his shoes off, and came to sit with everyone else.

  The large Russian was a hard nut to crack. He seemed kind but wary, always looking for any sign of deceit. Derek wondered what he’d been through to make him like that.

  “Mikael says, if you need anything from store, let him know. Grocery run time tomorrow,” Maxim half-grunted in his usual style.

  “Oh, right. How do you grocery shop for such large group of people?” Derek asked, and Noah started to explain the process.

  Suddenly Kit lifted his hand and froze, then slowly tilted his head to the side.

  All the shifters turned into statues and listened with intent. Then Kit clambered from his seat and ran outside.

  “Cal?” Derek whispered.

  “Yeah. Boys, let’s eat and clear out,” Noah said quickly. He drained his coffee and glanced at Derek. “Do you need anything specific from the store? If not, I can make sure you get the regular stuff we’d bring here anyway.”

  “Nothing comes to mind,” Derek said and thought a bit. “No, actually, add chocolate to the list.” It was a comfort thing, so sue him.

  Maxim grinned. “Finnish chocolate is the best.”

  A bit surprised at the expression, Derek nodded at the tiger. “I can’t wait to taste it then.”

  In five minutes, everyone was out and on their way back to the other farm. It was funny that this house was even called a farm, really. It hadn’t had any farm animals in decades and while there was a spot that might’ve been a field back in the day, it was now overgrown and the trees were ten, maybe fifteen feet tall.

  Derek waited until the yard was quiet before going outside. Without any extra senses, he hoped he could still find Kit and Cal somehow.

  He peered everywhere from the airing holes in the foundation of the house to the nooks and crannies of the outbuilding.

  Finally, he gave up. “Kit, can you show me where you are?” he called out.

  A moment later, he heard a rustling, then a tiny sand-colored head with massive ears peeked out from inside a… currant bush? Kit chattered at him in fox speak, which he didn’t understand at all.

  “Is he okay?” Derek asked as he slowly approached the bushes on the edge of the yard. He’d noticed them, of course, but hadn’t really paid attention to them because they didn’t look like they’d produce any berries anymore.

  Kit nodded.

  “Okay. He must be hungry.”

  Kit nodded again.

  “I’ll cut up some meat that’s in the fridge. I’ll leave it in a bowl in the kitchen. Try to get him inside.” He looked up. “Seems like it’s going to rain soon.”

  Kit chattered again, this time almost questioningly.

  Derek wondered what he was trying to say. “I’ll go into my—his room and read or take a nap. I won’t come out unless you come tell me it’s okay.”

  That seemed to have been Kit’s question, because he nodded and pulled himself back into the tangled bush where somewhere, a Scottish wildcat hid from Derek and maybe, the whole world.

  Cal

  The cat almost staggered with relief when the familiar scent of the fox kit drifted to it on the breeze. It had found the kit again, the kit would help it.

  There were others, though, in the scents surrounding what must’ve been their den. There were large cats there, but it didn’t worry much. It was vicious, could defend itself, could claw and rip and bi—oh, Mate was there.

  On the inside, the cat shrunk, and the man pushed back.

  The cat couldn’t let the man out, so it surged to the forefront of their shared mind and hid in the closest thing it could see; a bush.

  Soon, it heard the familiar sound of kit coming closer. The cat mewled softly, and the kit rustled through the bush like a cannonball of fur. It pressed against the cat, rolling around and over its bigger form, chattering and whining with happiness.

  The cat felt content, but it was weak and hungry, and there were still strangers around. It lifted a paw and placed it over the kit’s head, making the frantic movement and sounds stop. The kit knew what the cat was like. They were so different, but the kit belonged to the cat and the cat belonged to the kit, and that was how things had been for a long time.

  When the cat heard the others leave and then soon Mate’s steps—so achingly familiar—around the yard, it relaxed gradually. Kit was still pressed against it, inside the protective gnarled branches of the strong-smelling bush. They were safe, but they were also worrying Mate, and that… that wasn’t a good thing.

  When Mate called out, the kit lifted its head and licked the cat’s jaw before sliding out of the bush. There were human sounds, but the cat couldn’t understand them. The tone was kind and quiet, so the kit wasn’t in danger. Not that… not that either of them would be in danger from Mate. Mates weren’t supposed to be dangerous—the cat shrunk back from the thought.

  The tiny fox slithered back into their safe place and nudged the cat with its nose. Yes, it would be time to go soon, but the cat waited for something first. For Mate’s sounds to go and stay in one spot. It wasn’t ready to respond to the call yet.

  The kit was the cat’s and the other way around. The cat knew it was the mate’s, because that was how mates worked. But it shied away from thinking that Mate was its own. Because nobody capable of hurting you should have dominion over you and the cat—its frantic breathing alarmed the kit, and the fox whined, before nudging it again.

  It was time to go eat. Then sleep.

  The man inside the cat was quiet again. Good.

  Cal felt the sense of relief from the cat as soon as it was inside the house where it knew it belonged. Cal relaxed, too. He could let the cat steer for now. It would let him out when it was ready.

  The thought made Cal feel a small wave of surprise. He knew why immediately: he wasn’t ready to be man around Derek, so he let the cat run the show without trying to push through now that they were safely at home. Because this was home. Where his son and his mate were was home.

  Derek

  Slowly but surely, Cal’s cat side came out of its shell, but it wouldn’t let Cal out. One day, about a week after the cat had come back home,
Kit pulled Derek aside and whispered that he was pretty sure Cal didn’t want out, because Kit couldn’t feel him much when he talked to the cat.

  “Usually, when he gets stuck like this, or the few times he did when I was younger, I could still feel him there. This time… I don’t know. It’s hard to tell what’s going on with his brain and while he feels completely happy as a cat right now, it’s….” Kit sighed and ran his fingers through his dark hair.

  “Yeah. There’s a lot of baggage. We’ll give him time.”

  To his surprise, Kit hugged him and stayed close for a while. Derek guessed he was used to being hugged by Cal and he missed it now.

  “Hey, he’ll come back. He just needs time,” Derek whispered into Kit’s hair.

  “But they say it’s not good on either end of the spectrum. Like you got to shift back and forth. He was just human for such a long time that it made me really, really scared, Derek. But now he’s just cat. What if… what if this is how he loses his mind?” Kit trembled in his arms.

  Derek choked up. Resilience was one of Kit’s main characteristics. The boy could survive anything and he often seemed older than he was because of that. This teenager in Derek’s arms now felt exactly as young as he really was, if not younger.

  “Hey, I’m here. You’re not alone. We’ll take care of him together and eventually he’ll come back to us.” Derek hoped he was right.

  Life slipped into a comfortable routine. Derek worked with Mikael’s people on fixing the outbuilding and the rest of the house. The windows wouldn’t arrive until early fall, but they needed to be changed because the old ones were letting too much draft in, even on rainy summer days.

  He couldn’t imagine what it would be like in the winter.

  “You’ll be dead in the winter with those windows.” Noah snorted. “At least if it drops to the minus thirties like it did last winter for a few days.”

  Derek blinked slowly. “Wait, Celsius or Fahrenheit?”

  Dallas, who was changing the battery of the rechargeable drill grinned. “Both.”