“Me, huh?” he asked with a sneer. “I’m the fucking prize? You sure lost out.”
“Did you really have no idea?” she asked, as if he was being completely absurd. She studied his face, taking in God knows what there. For all he knew, he could have sprouted a third eye. He hadn’t looked in a mirror. There was no need. He felt like crap, he looked like crap, and he was crap. She reached out to hold his hand, and he jerked back from her. “After all that we’ve been through together…” She shook her head sadly.
“Been through?” he snapped. “You mean like when you tried to drown me?”
“Why do you have to bring that up?” she sighed. “You went against me. What was I supposed to do? Let you shoot me? Go to jail? I’ve done more good than bad for you. I took care of you,” she reminded him gently. He refused to listen. “Just look at yourself, Todd! It’s sad how much you need me. When you were with me you didn’t smoke or drink. You were clean and strong. I even got you away from Amelia before she could break your heart and ruin you even more.”
“Amelia?” he asked with a mocking laugh. He slammed his hand down on the table, and it jumped from the force. “Are you fucking serious? She was the best damn thing to ever happen to me. Are you that threatened by her that you have to make up shit?”
“I’m not threatened by anyone,” she declared.
“Not even Sandy?” he challenged.
“Believe it or not, Todd, I did it for you. Amelia destroyed you.”
“She helped me.”
“She made you soft.”
“I like soft,” he shot back.
Hurt consumed her expression, like he’d said the most horrible thing imaginable. “How can you possibly say that?” she argued. “You’ve always been this fantastic, overwhelmingly powerful beast. A beautiful, unstoppable force. It’s magnificent the way you attack. Why would you want to ruin that?”
His nostrils flared against his will. If she liked the beast so fucking bad, maybe he should let it out. God, he wanted to.
Aurora smiled like she meant it, tipping her head angelically. “I miss our time together. Spring was amazing. You have no idea the pride it brought me to have that kind of power under my control. You were nearly impossible to rein in. I almost gave up the fight, but the thrill of holding back the animal inside of you was too potent to let go.”
He wondered how quickly he could kill her, if he could get the job done before someone dragged him out.
Who the hell was he fucking kidding? He wasn’t a killer.
Weak son of a bitch.
His shoulders began to slump as his boiling rage gave way to sadness, regret, shame, and the pain of losing everything he’d fought so hard for. His body was numb from the drugs, but the pain remained anyway. Nothing could make it fade anymore.
“If you supposedly want me so damn much, why the hell did you make me try to kill Sandy?” he asked slowly.
Aurora gave him puppy dog eyes; big, blue, and sad. She leaned forward, pressed against the table that kept them separated. “I am sorry about that.”
“Like hell you are,” he growled weakly.
“No. Really, I am. She just made me so mad,” she explained, her hands curling into fists. “I gave her gold, and she threw it back in my face. And you were here, and I just… I couldn’t help myself.” She gave a shrug and an easy smile. “But, she’s fine. I mean… she must be, or else you’d be in prison. So, no harm done.”
No harm done? What happened in the woods outside replayed in his head. Mortifying. He wanted to dig into his skull with a knife and cut the memory out. Aurora could do that, and if he had one tiny shred of faith in her, he’d offer her everything he had to crack his head open again.
He hung his head, feeling tears brimming in his eyes. “Do you enjoy torturing me?” he asked grimly. “How can you possibly say you want me? You’d have to hate me to do what you did,” he choked.
“Don’t say that, Todd.” She reached for him, brushing her fingertips along his sleeve. “I don’t hate you. Not now. I love you.”
She sounded damn convincing, and it scared the shit out of him. Fucking hell… She loved him, the way he’d always hoped to be loved. It finally came. And it came from her. The sickest, coldest bitch he’d ever met. She would be the only type capable of loving a shit-faced loser like him.
“I don’t believe you,” he argued softly.
“You should. It’s the truth,” she stated plainly.
No, God, please, no. “Tell me this is a fuckin’ joke,” he pleaded. He didn’t want her love, and he couldn’t take knowing he had it. He craved love. He needed it, and she was the first person to ever feel that way about him. He wasn’t capable of being loved by decent people, because he wasn’t decent. He could never be.
“I told you, I don’t lie to you anymore. You changed my mind, babe. You made me love you again. I love you, Todd,” she said emphatically.
He kept shaking his head. He couldn’t let her words sink in. He couldn’t accept it. Because if he did, he would realize that this was his one chance, his only chance to feel loved. He’d never find anyone else dumb enough to love a jerk like him. And if he accepted that… he would accept that love. And her. No good could come of that. He wouldn’t survive. Sandy wouldn’t survive.
“You remind me of who I used to be,” she said. “A girl who believed in fairytale endings and in the sacred vows of marriage. Who thought honesty in love could move mountains. The girl who was betrayed… in the worst way possible.” She paused for a moment, holding back emotions that rose from her confession. “Todd, I love and hate the reminder you bring. But I don’t hate you. I only love you.”
She slid out of her chair and settled onto his lap. Somehow, they were kissing. It was wrong, and he knew that. He wanted to stop. He wanted to drive the table leg through her skull. But, God, he needed this. Feed me your lies. Make me feel loved. Just for a little while. Just a taste of it. That was all he needed. Her mouth on his, her drug battling the coke for dominance. Her touch bringing comfort that not even crack could provide. Crack had never been his friend. Crack had never loved him. But Aurora did. And to his screwed-up brain, for the moment, that was enough. It was better than enough. He wanted more.
No… What the fuck was he doing?
This had to be a fucking nightmare. Wake up, Todd. Friggin’ wake the hell up!
Her lips parted from his. “Don’t look so tortured. You’re mad now, but you’ll get over it,” she cajoled, her words cold but her tone warm as her body wrapped around him. She rolled her lips into her mouth, and they rolled back out, plump, pink, and glossy. “I know you love me too, Todd. You can’t say it, your pride won’t let you, but I know.”
“You’re wrong,” he said breathlessly, fighting to spit the words out.
Her fingers wove through his hair seductively, but he couldn’t feel a thing. He’d gone numb from the inside out.
“You told me that you loved me last spring,” she reminded him.
“You made me say it,” he stated, staring fixedly on her lips, aching for another taste.
“No, Todd. I never forced you to love me. You said it all on your own. Those feelings were real. Give it time, babe. You’ll feel that way again. I’ll take care of you like I have. We’ll be a family, Todd. You’ll be safe, happy, and sober. I can give you everything that you want.”
He shook his head, sickened by the traitorous part of him that longed to believe every word. She knew exactly what to say to him. She knew his weakness and how to break him down, twist him, and leave him begging for more. She was the ultimate puppeteer.
She traced his jaw with her hands, and Todd dared to look into her icy blue eyes. They saw right through him, down into the deepest, darkest recesses of his tainted soul. He felt the coke racing through his body, influencing the balance, tipping the scale. For once, it was in his favor.
Hurtful words felt like sandpaper in his throat. The weak part of him tried to choke them down, but the small, sane part was
aching to speak up.
“You know what? You’re right,” he said gruffly. She was. All of it. Every goddamn word she’d said. She stroked his face, lips smiling triumphantly at his words. That smile would not last.
“You did have me, Aurora,” he admitted bitterly. “Last spring, those weeks you remember so fondly, I was with you. I was sure that I loved you. Even on the beach, when you confessed you’d been using me, I still loved you,” he spat angrily.
The confession hurt, but he wouldn’t deny it any longer, sick and twisted as it was. He could clearly see it now. “I would have stayed with you,” he told her, words coming stronger. “But that wasn’t enough. Nothing is ever enough for you, is it?” he demanded. “You just had to get rid of Sandy, whatever the cost. Well, here it is, the price of your hate. You lost me and you’ll never have me again.” His hands planted on her hips, and he forced her off his lap. She stumbled back a step, shocked by his firm action. “I feel nothing but hate for you now. You ruined it for yourself.”
She swallowed hard, looking upset. She leaned over him and pressed her lips to his. For some reason, he let her. Maybe he did love her still. Maybe he could see a future for them, even after everything. But he knew, Aurora would never be content, never satisfied. She would always be seeking revenge.
Her lips drew back. She pressed her forehead to his, looking deeply into his eyes. “It won’t last. Soon I’ll be free. You’ll be clean again, and we’ll be together. You and me against Sandy.”
He shook his head firmly. “I’ll never be clean again. I’d rather be crack’s bitch than yours. At least crack never made me try to kill someone.” He laughed to himself, the sound dark and strange. For all its bad qualities, his addiction hadn’t been at quite the same level as her. “You’re worse than fucking crack, and I will gladly ruin myself if it means freedom from you. Remember that.”
He shoved her back from him and stood to go. She steadied herself against the table and watched him with fire in her eyes. “You still love me, Todd. It won’t be long before you come crawling back.”
He glared at her through long, dark bangs. “You really are fucked up in the head, you know that? No one could ever love you for long.”
Her icy blue eyes narrowed. “Careful about challenging me, Todd. You think you don’t have anything to lose, and you’ll think that until I take it all away. You’ll have nothing left but me when I’m through with you.”
“You forget, Aurora. You already took everything from me. I’m alone, just like you wanted.”
“Amelia?” she dared with sly eyes.
“She’s with someone. And not me.”
Her smug expression dropped, then returned. “Sandy?”
“Scared I’ll kill her.”
“Tony?”
“On Sandy’s side.”
She paused, thinking. “Your mom?”
He smirked and let out a short, mocking laugh. “Really? Please, do.”
“Yale?” she countered quickly.
He snorted. “You’ve got me there, but if you take my education away, what would you really gain by getting me? A drug addicted pizza maker? Something tells me you want more.”
She swallowed hard, and he leaned forward.
“What do you take from the guy with nothing, Aurora? I suppose I do have my love of crack, but you’ve tried to take that before, haven’t you? Apparently it hasn’t gone well. But hey, if you enjoy failure, go ahead and try. If you want me so fucking bad, then come after me, but leave Sandy the hell alone, or you’ll never win.”
With that, he left her speechless. Once in the parking lot, he hauled ass to get out of there while he still had his mind. He hadn’t had it when he went in, but he had it now, and he was gonna cling to it with everything he had until his last dying breath. That was the least he could manage for his baby cousin.
CHAPTER 28
ROCKS AND THICK BRANCHES
Eric and I were tangled together on the sofa. Curtains draped the windows, blocking out light and any chance of being seen in our precarious state. We were distressed, depressed, and quiet all day. My voice cut the silence with the words I had been thinking for a long time.
“We’re going to die,” I said in my gravelly, tortured voice.
“No, we aren’t,” he argued softly.
I stared absently at open boxes scattered around the nearly bare Christmas tree. The room was in disarray, the beautiful decorations taken down and piled haphazardly, waiting to be shut away for another year. My eyes focused on a blue bulb with a small silver crack running through the paint. Its damage was barely noticeable, but it was there, and had likely been for years.
“She’s getting out. We can’t survive.”
“We will, Cassandra. I’m going to protect you,” he said darkly.
“How can you possibly do that?” I asked.
He didn’t answer. With his silence, realization swept over me like a chill breeze. I sat up, shivering, and looked to his stony face. “You’re going to kill her, aren’t you?”
He said nothing, but his eyes told everything.
“I’ll lose you,” I said in a frightened admission.
“You’ll be alive. That’s what counts.”
I didn’t know what I’d do without him. I couldn’t handle that. “You promised not to leave me. You said that you wouldn’t do anything stupid.”
He shook his head. “Killing her wouldn’t be stupid. It would be the smartest thing I ever do.”
“You really think you could do it?” I challenged. “Kill her? Watch her die?”
“I really could,” he answered without hesitation, and I believed him.
“There must be some other option.” I searched his eyes, pleadingly. “Something. Anything.”
He was silent for a moment before inhaling deeply, as if about to dive into deep water. “We could run,” he offered, meeting my eyes reluctantly. “Disappear. Start over.”
I hesitated on my answer. He leaned in intently, hands pulling me closer. “We could go anywhere. Start new. See the world. Anywhere that you want to go. Arizona. Maine. California. Europe. China even.”
“Eric… I… don’t have a passport,” I argued limply.
“But you applied for one. It’s on its way. We’re already halfway there, and then we can leave.”
“We can’t. What about college? What about our families?”
“Keeping you safe is all that matters,” he said. “We have my car. I have some money. We can go anywhere. Say you will, Sandy. Say it. Pack a bag and we’ll go. No looking back.”
“And what? Just run forever?”
He smiled softly. “We’ll be together. Safe. Happy. You and me and a world of adventure.”
I almost agreed. If he had offered that a year or two ago, I would have dropped my life and run. I’d have gone anywhere with him, but things had changed.
“What about Todd? And Tony? I can’t leave them.”
“They’ll be fine.”
“Will Todd?” I argued. “I can’t leave him now. Not after what happened. I’d do nothing but worry.” I took his hands, watching his mood deflate at my words. “He needs me, and I can’t turn my back on him again.”
He nodded solemnly. He had known my answer before he’d offered. “Then let me do this for you, Cassandra. Let me stop Aurora.”
“No,” I nearly shouted. “You’ll be caught. You’ll go to jail for life.”
He was silent, staring down at the floor, and when he spoke again, his voice was heavy and dark. “You gave your life to save me, so this is nothing. I want you to have everything in life. To marry someone wonderful. Have children. Grow old. You’ve been robbed of that so many times.”
“I don’t want to marry just anyone. I want you.”
Eric wrung his hands pensively. “You used to scare me,” he said. “You always looked so unhappy. You hated everything. But then, once in a while, I’d get you to smile. And that…” His words trailed off, and he grinned, glancing sheepishly at me. �
�That smile was just for me, and I felt so important. This girl who hated everything smiled for me.”
“I don’t hate everything.”
“No. You don’t. Not now. You don’t really need me to make you smile anymore. There are other things that make you happy. Other people. You don’t really need me.” His eyes were lined with red. He was on the verge of tears. “It’s because of me that you were unhappy in the first place. I ruined all of your lives. And this is the only way I know to make it right.”
He hesitated, choking on his words before adding, “We’ve fought so hard to be together, but… maybe we’re just not meant to be.”
I pulled away from him, betrayal crackling through my stiff body, shattering me.
“Maybe its time to let go.”
Tears burned at my eyes, and I shoved him hard. How could he think such a thing, no less say it? Tears spilled down my cheeks, and I rushed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me.
He didn’t come for me. I sank to the lip of the tub, feeling my emotions, my heart, and even my soul cracking apart, until I felt like rubble scattered over the room. I cried for minutes, but he never came. He was prepared to leave me.
All at once, I realized how dependent on him I’d become. I relied on him. But as much as I needed him, I knew he needed me too.
I emerged slowly, tiptoeing from the bathroom in a teary mess, makeup running down my cheeks. Eric still sat on the sofa, his back turned to me. He was hunched over, face hard, but tears stained his cheeks. I bit my lip, feeling the rough scab against my tongue, and tasted my salty tears. I set my hand on his knotted back. He turned his head from me, hiding his face, but he could not ignore me. I settled onto his lap and held him tightly in my arms.
“I won’t let you go, Eric,” I whispered against his neck. “Not ever.”
A tingle of a memory wove its way through me. Eric seemed unaware of the force within him as it knocked at my door, but in hopes that it might help, I let it consume us.
Envious Deception Page 29