1205, ERIC
I watched the joyous faces and smiled along, letting them all believe I was just as enthralled by our victory. The brutality of war was wearing on me. The ache in my heart was no longer foreign. Happiness seemed distant, and Cassandra a lifetime away. This battle had been won, but there would be more. Five years remained until I would be free and given land. By that point, Cassandra would have forgotten me.
The festivities were grand and raucous in the great hall. Smoke hung in the air from the fire, tossed about from the constant motion in the room. The long tables and benches were full. The King was boisterous in the telling of his mighty deeds from years past. Meat and mead circled the tables, being gobbled down quickly, but the food before me had barely been touched.
Heodred clapped a hand on my shoulder, gulping down the last of his mead. He settled on the bench at my side. “My friend. You are not here with us, are you?” He knew me well. “Thinking of your maiden?”
I looked into my tankard, staring at the sticky, sweet ale. “It is not easy to be so close but unable to go to her.”
Heodred nodded his head understandingly. “Go, young guard. Take your horse. I will give an excuse for your absence. But be quick.”
I grinned, unable to hide my excitement. “You are a great friend, Heodred.”
“Remember it on the battlefield.”
I swiftly left the hall, making my way through the castle to the outer wall. My hurried steps made my latest battle wound ache. The slice through my arm burned, but I did not care. I hurried to the stables. My black horse was waiting for me there, and I began to ready my mount.
Grindelf shifted, suddenly agitated by something. Tense and alert, he ground his hooves to the dirt.
“Where do you go?” a voice called.
I turned slowly, knowing who watched me and how she would feel about my destination.
“To see someone,” I told Aurora. My breath was a thick sweep of fog drifting from my lips.
She stepped out of the shadows, a spectacle as always. Her crimson dress flowed free from her waist, with straps nudged to the edges of her slender shoulders. Her long, golden hair was twisted into flowing waves, falling around her shoulders and meeting her waist in a soft wisp. Golden jewelry, encrusted with jewels, circled her neck. A bronze snake with emerald eyes wrapped around her wrist. She stepped forward, dress swishing through stray bits of straw and a dusting of windblown flurries.
“Why don’t you stay? It’s been long since you walked these halls.”
I stood a bit straighter. “Princess, I-”
“Sneaking off to see her?” Aurora surmised with a knowing smirk.
“I miss her.”
Her soft gaze dropped to my hastily bandaged arm, and her face tensed. “Might you stay?”
My hands paused at tightening the girth. I gave a hard exhale.
“It is a dream, Eric. You and this girl. It can never be. I can offer you so much more.”
She stepped forward, setting a delicate hand on my war-torn arm, waiting for me to meet her gaze. I slowly turned to look on the vulnerability churning in her pale eyes. I hated the truth in her words. What little hope I’d had was dwindling, and the words she spoke drove a spike into my already bleeding heart.
“I love you, Eric. I will love you for all eternity if you allow me. You and I have a chance for something everlasting. One word to my father and we could rule someday. You and I. We could change this place. You could be king.”
My gaze dropped guiltily. “Aurora, I don’t want that. I do not need riches or power.”
“And what of me? Would you cast away a chance for happiness at my side?” Her hand lifted to my cheek, hiding my mangled scar beneath her palm. “I know that you love me. I see it in your eyes,” she said, gazing up at me softly. “Say it. Tell me truthfully.”
I swallowed hard, feeling my vulnerabilities rush to the surface. Her pale blue eyes watched mine soften as she inched closer. Her breath fell lightly on my lips. She was so close…
“Say it,” she coaxed, her mouth nearly touching mine. She smelled sweet, like wildflowers and herbs.
“I do love you,” I admitted weakly. “But-”
Soft, warm lips greeted mine.
Cassandra flashed into my mind, the way she smiled when she saw a butterfly, the same as when her father called her by that nickname. The determined look in her eyes when she faced a challenge. The deep gaze she held when looking at me.
I backed away from Aurora’s kiss. My heart wrenched in my chest, painful at the memory of all I hoped for and how it was all so distant and unlikely. She leaned in again, and I turned from her.
“I knew you loved me,” she said in a proud little whisper, keeping her hands on me, ready to draw me close once more.
“But…” I slowly continued. “Not in the way that I love Cassandra.”
She was silent. The breeze licked at her dress. My hair flew about my eyes, and my horse shifted impatiently, scraping a hoof on the ground, inching from Aurora.
“Would you reject me?” she asked despondently. “For her?”
“Aurora,” I whispered, unable to look into her hurt eyes. “You know where my heart truly lies. To choose you would be easy. You deserve a love that burns as brightly as the love you offer, but my flame burns only for Cassandra.”
I turned my back to her and the tears slipping from her eyes. Rejecting her was never easy. She reminded me of who I used to be, of my family, of siblings scattered to the winds, of a mother and sister ripped from this world. It was for that reason I loathed the tears dripping from her eyes, but there was no other choice. I could be happy by her side but never satisfied, having known Cassandra.
“With time that can change. Your love for me will grow,” she argued.
She reached for me, so I mounted my saddle, preparing to depart.
“We could have everything if only you let me prove it,” she pleaded.
There were no comforts I could offer to soften the blow of rejection. Without a word, I began to ride from her.
“I held to my promise!” she called in desperation. I turned my horse to face her. Bitter trails of tears stained her cheeks, and she looked to me through a haze of fog from her breath. “I kept watch over her family and made certain they had food during the drought.”
“And I appreciate that. It brought me great comfort knowing,” I told her.
“You will not like what you find,” she warned.
I searched her icy eyes.
“Eric, she has forgotten you. Soon she will marry another.”
My heart seized with anguish in my chest. “How do you know this?”
“You know how. I simply do. She has chosen someone, my dear Eric. She is lost to you.”
Desperation raced through my veins, heating my body. “I cannot allow this to happen,” I growled.
“You must. Give her a chance for happiness, for a future. Your life is threatened each day. You cannot expect her to wait for you. Five years is too long for a girl in her position.”
She was right. I’d known it for some time. Going to Cassandra now… what would that do but bring her pain? Confuse her. Soil her new life plans with regret and doubt. Sadness replaced my lifeblood, depressing my soul to a dark, cold lump of coal.
The warning bell gonged at the gate, and my glance shot to the hills. A rider rode frantically, waving a flag for attention.
“What is it?” Aurora asked, hurrying to my side. My horse shifted away from her, snorting in agitation and tossing its mane anxiously.
My jaw wound tight. “The western front.”
“Again? But you only just returned. The shore was secure. The enemies retreated.”
I slid quickly from my mount, boots striking the frozen, parched earth, knowing my chance to see Cassandra had passed. War called again.
The night passed quickly in a torrent of raised voices, warnings, and plans for attack. I kept to Heodred’s side as usual, his right hand in leading the men back into
battle. King Frestheow, Aurora’s father, decided our fate. We were given our orders. Ruthlessness was key. Death was imminent. Slaughter approved.
Just before dawn’s break, we prepared to leave. Heavy chain mail fell over my shoulders. Heodred and I quickly tightened our battle armor. The others left the hall, and I sheathed my sword on my belt.
“Another ride into the mouth of hell,” Heodred muttered, staring out at the rising dawn outside the window.
“What better place for a reeky lout like you?”
Heodred grinned his wide, warrior’s smile at the good-natured insult. We both looked out at the crystal clear sky. The sun emerged from behind the mountains, and sunlight spilled from the heavens like liquid gold. Warriors were assembling, armor shining aglitter on the hillside.
The door burst open with an echoing clatter. Aurora was frantic as she ran through the entry and flung herself into my arms. Her white dressing gown was rumpled, and her hair wild from a feverish night’s sleep. Perspiration dotted her skin and soaked her hairline.
“Eric! Eric, please! You must not go!” she cried into my armored chest.
“Princess-” I hissed in a sharp warning. What was she doing?
“Eric! You will die if you go. You will die!” she screamed with tears streaming from her eyes.
I grabbed her shoulders and put her at arm’s length. “Aurora, this is my duty,” I argued firmly. “I will not abandon the others.”
“Eric! I have foreseen it!” she screeched without fear of being heard, without worry of her secret’s discovery. She fought against me, struggling to hold me. A cold wave of terror washed over me. “I cannot lose you! Please! I beg you!” she sobbed.
My heart thudded in my chest at her anguished plea, and my grip on her loosened. She clung to me, arms wrapped tight as her tears streamed like a waterfall down my neck.
I looked to Heodred’s stiff expression as he strapped his sword to his belt. His face was stone, unreadable under the revelation of the powers Aurora had been concealing. A secret I had been keeping. He made no move against her or me, but I watched him carefully. Where magic was concerned, friends could become enemies in the blink of an eye. Aurora and I both knew that well.
A horn sang outside. It was time to leave this place and ride to another bloody battle. Fear did not claim me, but acceptance did.
Gently, I set my hand to her hair. “Aurora, I must go. I have no choice,” I spoke softly to her, stroking long, golden hair behind her ear.
“You do,” she said, choking down her bubbling sobs. “Accept my offer and the king will allow you to stay. I can keep you safe!” she pleaded.
I pushed away from her, swallowing hard. “Forgive me. I cannot.”
I strode from the room, and Heodred fell into pace beside me in the dark, torch-lit hall. The light flickered with the surging emotion in the air. Flames tossed wildly. Aurora followed us out, her footsteps heavy with anger.
“You cast yourself into the arms of death for the loss of her!” she screeched, enraged. Her voice echoed eerily off the walls, repeating down the corridor. “Is hell better than a life with me?”
“I have no life without her!” I yelled back, spinning to face her quickly.
Aurora’s wet eyes were cold and narrow. Her reddened nose twitched, and her hands clenched with a frustration that matched my own.
I took a hard step, my boots stamping the floor with a solid clap. “She is my heart and soul. She is all that I have! My reason for living! Without her there is nothing but darkness!”
“What sort of hold does she have on you?” she demanded. Strands of hair stuck to her wet cheeks, framing her wild eyes. “What has she done to you?”
“Love, Aurora. That is all.”
As I turned away, I felt a nudging in my thoughts as Aurora tried to push her way in, to force her will upon me. I cast a violent glare over my shoulder. “Do not do that with me,” I growled at her.
“I’m trying to save you.”
“I am a warrior! I have pledged my life to your father’s will. There is no saving me.”
CHAPTER 29
REWIND AND PRESS PLAY
A ringing sound startled us from the silence that the memory had caused. We hadn’t moved but stayed still in each other’s arms as it settled over us. The truth of why Aurora hated me and blamed me for Eric’s death. It all made sense to me now. She had warned him. She’d found a way to save him, and he cast it away for nothing.
His love for me was his undoing. And it was about to be again if he had his way.
“I believed her,” he said softly with disgust. “All she does is lie, but I believed what she said about you. I let her keep me from going to you. I let her convince me…”
I held my breath. Aurora may have exaggerated, it may have been preemptive… I didn’t know how she knew, but she wasn’t wrong.
“I might have,” I confessed quietly. I’d already told Eric how my first-life father had chosen a husband for me, and how I’d narrowly avoided making a decision on that. The day I discovered that Eric was dying was the same day I’d been told. I’d been so conflicted. If I hadn’t seen Eric, hadn’t heard his dying breaths, if I’d never known of his injuries…
“But you didn’t.”
But I might have, with time, come to that decision. And Aurora’s magic knew it.
I swallowed hard. The truth balled in my chest, and tears sprang from my eyes. I couldn’t repeat it aloud. My inner conflict, the choice my father forced upon me, had caused Eric to throw away his life. Aurora was right. All this time. It was because of me that Eric had died. It was my fault. His love and loss of me drove him to it.
The ringing sound came again, and it took a moment for us to realize that it was coming from Eric’s cell phone. He leaned forward slowly and lifted it from the coffee table.
“It’s Tony,” he said in a hoarse, choked whisper. He thumbed through the menu and read the latest text message he’d received. “He’s back. And so is Amelia.”
TODD:
Mimi’s head lifted from his pillow seconds before Todd heard the apartment door open and close. Tony was back two days early. Dammit.
He stacked a beat-up cardboard box on top of another and folded the flaps until they interlocked, sealing it. The last box he had. He reached for a garbage bag next. He’d need maybe only two, and that would be all. Everything he owned. He whipped the bag around quickly, popping it open full of air. It deflated on his bed as he began to stuff it.
He watched Mimi from the corner of his eye. She stretched on her hind legs, sniffing at the plate of pot cookies on his dresser. “Get outa there, Mimes. It’s not for you.”
She stared at him, then rolled onto her back and snuggled into his blankets, trying to look cute for attention. She did that a lot, and he would usually scoop her up and let her love up on him, but not now. He was busy packing, emptying the drawers he had filled not long ago. He had to get out. He needed to put distance between himself and anything he cared about. He needed to go, now.
Ratty clothes stuffed the bag, and Tony knocked at his door before coming inside. He looked especially squeaky clean to Todd in that moment. Maybe it was the sweater. Maybe it was the goodness that radiated from his pores, or maybe it was the striking difference in comparison to Todd. Tony was a fucking angel, standing in the middle of hell. Did the guy seriously ever do anything bad? In his entire perfect life? Anything at all?
“Hey. What’s going on?” Tony asked gently.
“What’s it look like?” Todd responded, stuffing a pair of jeans into the plastic bag. Mimi hopped into the stacked boxes. They swayed under her weight. He lifted her from them and kept her locked under his arm. He was sick of chasing her off his crap. “I’m moving back in with Josh.”
Tony’s eyes widened. “I thought he didn’t have room for you.”
“He doesn’t. I’ve got the back room.”
“The porch?” Tony exclaimed.
“Call it what you want. Mimi’s yours now,�
� he told him, holding her out. Tony didn’t take her. He was a lot like Sandy in that way, not all that into animals. Todd set her back on the bed instead.
“I don’t understand,” Tony said.
“Yes, you do. I’m sure you’ve talked to Sandy.”
“Eric, actually,” he admitted.
“So, you know.” He grabbed another cookie, taking it down with only three bites. He couldn’t fucking wait until he was out of Tony’s perfect apartment and back to where he could live life his way. Where smoke was allowed and there was no one around that he cared if he bothered. Or gave emphysema to. Or got secondhand high. There was a nasty catch to being so smart and well informed. He felt like a damn recreational, eating these shitty things. Like some hippie spouting off about love and peace, then rolling out of town in an Airstream trailer. That was never him. Not even close.
He shoved the last of his clothes into the bag. He leaned on it, pressing his palms down hard on the stacked clothes. “I almost killed her,” Todd admitted.
With his confession, it felt like a piece of his heart died. It hung from his chest like a heavy gob of molasses. It was an odd feeling that left him woozy. He side-stepped and fell against the dresser, swiping at his eyes, trying to wake himself. He hadn’t been under the influence of such a strange cocktail since around the time of his overdose. Crack in the car, weed in the apartment, and prescription shit for all the time in between. They didn’t mix well, and he could feel his heart racing. Once back with his old crew at Josh’s, things would steady out and he wouldn’t feel so on edge. Back to the crack house. And this time, crack wouldn’t be off limits.
Crack, crack, crack. He’d always liked the name. It made sense, fit well into his life. Crack was broken, just like him. Even the sound of the word rolling through his head made him happy. Excited. But most importantly, relieved. He didn’t have to be strong anymore. He didn’t need to constantly fight his every instinct. A weight lifted off him; he couldn’t wait a second longer. He swung the bag onto the top of his stacked boxes.
Envious Deception Page 30