by Laine Watson
***
After my last class, I pick up Max. When he sees me. He runs straight toward me, smiling big.
“Summer!” he says perfectly.
Haru said he was going to be excited to see me—I’m pretty excited too.
“Wow!” I exclaim, as I bend down to hug him. He holds me so tight. “You said my name perfectly.”
“Yeah, isn’t it awesome?” He steps back from me, grinning.
I take his hand and we happily walk to the car.
“It’s way awesome! You’ve been working hard.”
“I have. I’m better than everyone now. I’m smart and I can talk.”
I laugh. “I think it’s awesome you’ve improved so much; maybe you can help someone else who is having trouble like you were.”
“Yeah, since I’m Super Max now,” he says as I open the back door for him.
“Right on, Super Max.”
He hops in the car, buckling his seatbelt.
As I get in the car and prepare to crank up the engine after putting my key in the ignition, I can’t help but think about Max. In the last few months, Max has improved drastically in his speech. His fumbles are hardly noticeable, and they are very scarce.
“So how was school today?” I ask, so proud of him.
“It was awesome. I got finished with my work fast. So, I got to choose a surprise from the treasure box—but I lost it in the gym. It’s okay it was just a yo-yo. I have some at home. I don’t really play with them though. Can we play a game when we get to the house?” he asks.
“Yeah, yeah, of course.”
“Did you go to school today?”
“I did. I didn’t get a yo-yo, and it was boring.”
“If I find mine one day, you can have it.”
“Aw, thanks, Max.” I giggle.
“I know the summer is far away, but I can’t wait! I’m going to make only good grades. Daddy said if I do, I can have whatever I want.”
“Oh, what do you want?”
“I want us to spend the summer together, and maybe he doesn’t have to work so much.”
“I’m sure you guys will spend lots of time together this summer.”
“I mean, you, me and Daddy.”
“Oh … we’ll spend lots of time together this summer, Max,” I say affectionately.
“We can go swimming and to the waterpark. We can go to the carnival. We can do everything, together.”
I want to glance back at him, but I’m driving. I want to hug him. He makes me want to be with Haru even more. I always want them to be in my life.
“That’s a lot of fun stuff. You think we could fit it all in one summer?”
“That’s my wish; that we can all be together in the summer.”
“Yeah, let’s do it.”
I hope we can do all that too.
Chapter Fourteen: Friday Night
When we get to the house, we take our shoes off, and Max runs upstairs while I make dinner.
“Summer…” Max says, still perfectly. “I’m going to take a bath now. Daddy said to take one when I got home from school today. No excuses.”
“Okay, glad you remembered because he didn’t tell me anything about that.”
“Kay, be right back.”
“Well, don’t come right back. Do you need me to run the bath for you?”
He laughs. “Probably.”
I wipe my hands on my apron and head upstairs. I make a nice warm bath for Max, and then return to the kitchen.
At around 5:30 p.m., Max and I sit down to eat.
“I wish Daddy was here. When is he coming home?” Max asks.
“Later, I think. You want to call him?”
“Yeah.”
I put my fork down and wipe my hands on the napkin next to my plate. Picking up my phone, I call Haru.
“Summer, what’s up?” he answers. Without saying anything, I hand the phone to Max.
Max uses the tip of his index finger to tap on the speaker.
“Hi, Daddy.”
“Hey, Buddy. How was school?”
“It was good. I got a yo-yo, but I lost it. If I find it, I’m going to give it to Summer.”
“Oh, I bet she’ll like it.”
“Yeah.”
“Where’s Summer?”
Don’t rat me out.
“She’s right here.”
Too late.
“Hey, Haru.” I sigh.
“Hey. What are you guys up to?” Haru asks.
“We’re eating dinner, Daddy. I already took a bath, like you said. So when you come home, we can all play a game or something.”
“I’m coming home late, Max. We talked about this. I’m going to hang out with some friends. We’ll hang out tomorrow.”
“I can stay up, Daddy. Even if you’re coming home late.”
He’ll never make it.
“Okay if you think you can wait that long.” He pauses. “Did you save me some food?”
“Summer can save you some. She made it. We won’t eat it all up.” Max giggles, chewing dramatically as he spoons some macaroni into his mouth.
“We’ll save you some,” I peep.
“Can we get ice cream tomorrow?” Max asks.
“Yeah, we can do whatever you want.”
“Can Summer come?”
An anxious silence falls over the room.
“Uh, you have to ask Summer what she’s got going on tomorrow.”
“Summer, you want to get ice cream with me and Daddy tomorrow?”
“We’ll see.”
“Awesome! Okay, Daddy, I’ll see you when you get home. We can watch a movie!”
“All right, buddy.”
I don’t know what he’s talking about, we have plans—I guess if Max somehow makes it until Haru comes home, we’ll be doing kid stuff. I pout.
“Bye, I love you, Daddy.”
“Love you, too. Bye Summer.”
“Bye.”
Max hands me the phone and I end the call. We finish eating.
“Summer. Do you think we could play a game now? I forgot when I got home, but it’s not too late. I don’t have to go to sleep early because it’s the weekend. That’s why I can wait for Daddy.”
Does he realize we don’t ever make him go to sleep? I giggle to myself. “Maybe.”
Please go to sleep before Haru gets back—that’s a horrible thing to think. He hasn’t even seen his dad all day.
A few more minutes pass.
“You want to play a game now?” Max asks.
“Yeah, we can after we get done cleaning up dinner.” I smile.
Once the kitchen is clean, we play a board game and watch some television. He takes me upstairs to his room and shows me some of his framed artwork. He points to a painting.
“I made this last year,” he says, pointing at a picture of a shelled species. “It’s a snail.”
Yep.
“It was cool because we used glue and paint and shaving cream to make the paint. That’s why it’s kind of like 3-D. The green long part is his body. I tried to make his shell look like one you get at the beach, but we only had yellow, green, and red.” He talks to me about his toys and his favorite superheroes. He shows me his model airplanes, his trains, and collectable cars.
“Sometimes me and Daddy build trains, airplanes, and cars, like this one.” He points to the automobile models.
I smile and nod, listening and taking it all in. Before I know it, it’s eleven.
Haru said he’d come home early—well, I guess he never really said that. I just suggested it.
When I stop thinking to myself, I look up and see Max studying my face.
“Daddy’s not coming home until later, right?” Max asks.
“Honestly, I don’t know when he’s coming home. I thought he’d be here already.”
“It’s okay. I think I’m going to go to sleep, but don’t be scared.”
I giggle. “I won’t.”
We head up to his bedroom.
�
�Can you read me a bedtime story?”
Oh, that’s probably what takes Haru so long coming back downstairs. “Yeah, I can.” I smile.
Max picks a book off his bookshelf and hands it to me.
I start to read.
“No, you have to do the voices like Daddy,” he says.
“Oh, okay. I’m sorry if I’m no good at it.”
My voice changes as I become a dragon and a swordsman. Satisfied with my versions of the characters, Max nestles himself under the covers. Within just a few minutes of reading, Max grabs his masked plush toy, places it beside him, and closes his eyes. His little boy breaths are sweet and quiet. His mouth is slightly open, and he seems to be sleeping soundly.
I sigh as I close the book.
I’m so glad you’re in my life.
Chapter Fifteen: I’m not that Guy
As I sit on the sofa in the living room, my head is full of clusters of jumbled thoughts. The door opens, halting my thoughts. Haru.
His head hangs a little as he slides his shoes off. His suit coat hangs over his forearm, and his shirt sleeves are rolled up to his elbows.
“Hey,” he says.
I gulp. He looks amazing. “Are you super drunk?” I ask.
I purse my lips.
“Not really.”
“You’re late.” I lean back with a pouted bottom lip.
He looks up at me, tossing his hair. “What?”
“Nothing, that was stupid.” I smile, my cheeks warming a bit. I’m acting like we’re in a relationship or something.
“Oh, the movie?” he says, throwing his hair back. “I’m sorry. I kind of lost track of time. That’s what happens when you go out with shit talkers.” He sits beside me on the sofa.
I can’t help but lean in and inhale his aroma. He smells so good. Better than usual, and his eyes sparkle tonight. Why does he look different? Was he with a girl? Is he happy because he was with a girl? That’s so immature, but I don’t care.
“Did you have sex with someone?” I blurt out, no regretful thoughts lingering.
“What? No!” He chuckles. “Why would you ask me that?”
“Because you smell really good, and you seem different.”
“Do you know when the last time I went out was?”
“No.”
“It was before Max started living with me. So yeah, I’m a little happy I got to hang out.”
“Oh, but with guys, right?” That question sounds weird. I thought I could be friends, but I was wrong. I want to touch him so bad—no, I want him to touch me.
“What? Why?”
I gaze at him. My words are coming out only as thoughts. There’s my opening. How do I tell him I have feelings for him? I’ve never done that before. I’ve never even kissed a guy for real before. I don’t know how to get to…
“Why are you asking all these weird questions?” he asks, staring down at me.
Because… Touch me.
I purse my lips and cross my legs at the ankle, staring down at the surface of the coffee table. I glance for a moment at Haru, his mischievous smile tells me he knows something.
“What if I was with someone, would that make you angry?”
I don’t answer him; my cheeks grow warmer by the second. My legs uncross as I squirm, and my body fills with nervousness.
He fiddles with his watch, opening the clasp and removing it from his wrist. “So you’re not going to talk now?” he asks, reaching past me. His face, inches from my chest as he lays his watch down on the coffee table. He turns to look at me, and there’s a caving in my chest.
My eyes veer over to him, admiring his smile, the cut of his jaw, and his hair falling messily on my lap. I snatch my eyes from him, my whole face burning, even my ears. My heart beats inside them and my throat throbs while my body moves in strange ways attempting to contain my desire for him.
As he sits up, his warmth leaves me. I refrain from panting, as my neck tenses and I turn my head away from Haru, staring out the window, feeling every quickened heartbeat through my chest, through my head, through my whole body. It’s painful to want someone so much. He’s right there, yet so far away. Where are the lines, so I can cross them? Are there any lines, and if so, did I create them? I close my eyes, my stomach tensing as if I’m about to puke.
“Summer, what’s wrong?” I hear Haru’s voice, though my ears are clouded with my heartbeat. I ball my fists up.
Touch me, my one last plea before I give in and let my desires take over.
My thoughts leave me, and my body moves toward him. “Haru?” I fall onto his lap, straddling him.
A smirk comes across his face.
I gaze into his eyes, and without thinking, put my lips on his.
If he doesn’t like it, he’ll stop me.
He deepens the kiss. I pull back from him and look him in his eyes. It takes a moment for me to realize his hands are all over my body. “What?” he says with a coy smile.
“Say something,” I reply anxiously.
“Did you think I was going to stop you?”
“Well, yeah. Or at least say something about it … it’s not like we kiss all the time.”
“Summer, I’m not that guy. Even if I wasn’t into you, I’m a little drunk, and I haven’t had sex in two years. I’m not going to stop you.”
“Wait! You’re into me?” I smile, feeling validated.
“That’s what you heard? You heard nothing else? You don’t feel the massive boner under you, or the fact that I’m kind of wasted and I want to fuck you? You heard none of that?”
“I did. I just don’t care. I only kissed you because I didn’t know how to tell you … I still don’t know how to explain it. I kind of freaked out when I thought you were with a girl, and then I didn’t want you to be with one. I was kind of sad when you didn’t come home early—so was Max. We were both kind of pouty.”
Haru laughs. “I wasn’t with girls. I told you I was with some losers from my job. You remember Hayden?”
I nodded. He’s still friends with his college friends?
“I had to make sure they got home first. They were way drunker than me. I’m not even close to .08.”
“Oh, so you’re late because you were making sure you wouldn’t be drunk driving?”
“Um….”
“Sorry. You don’t have to explain yourself.”
“Clearly I do.”
“Sorry.”
“So, is this your first love confession?”
“Love? I didn’t say anything about that.”
“So, yes it is? Your face is all red.” He smiles. “You kind of suck at it. Here’s how it should go: Summer,” he says, ordering me to gaze up and into his eyes, “I’m so glad you’re here with us. It’s been so long since I’ve connected with anyone. I’ve never connected with someone like you. I can’t believe you kissed me. I hope you’ll keep kissing me. This is how I want you.”
“What?” I say breathily, my body devoid of air and oxygen.
“See, now that was a confession,” he says in a completely different voice.
He didn’t mean it? I—but … oh, screw it! I kiss him again.
This time, it doesn’t stop.
This time, I know his hands are on me, and his lips are pressed against mine. Feeling his hair over my face and on my skin has a completely different effect on me than I had thought it would. It surrounds me, envelops me, holds me. Everything is so warm and touches every part of my body. Suddenly, Haru scoops me up in his arms. I gasp and we stop kissing.
Haru carries me somewhere through the house. My arms wrap around his neck, and I kiss him again. When we reach the room, Haru sits me on his gray bed and undresses in front of me.
I watch him, overtaken by his beauty.
Oh no, he hasn’t had sex in two years. He’s going to kill me. I’ve never even seen … it’s Haru. Is this bad? He hasn’t even asked how Max is. I should say something.
I scoot back on his bed. “Um, Max was really wanting you to co
me home and hang out with us.” My cheeks are hotter than they’ve ever been.
“I’m sure he did. I said I was sorry. Are you still upset with me?” He slides between my legs and lays me down.
“No.” The one word has a nervous undertone.
“You seem super nervous.”
“I’m not!” I say, quickly hiding my shaking hands. Why did I just lie?
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to hurt you, princess.”
Princess? “I know.”
Haru starts to kiss me. He reaches for the remote on the night stand, dimming the lights. He peels my shirt off and smiles as my body is revealed to him. I cover my boobs up with my arms and hands.
“Don’t look at me.” I turn my face away from him in embarrassment.
“Aw.” He laughs sexily, grabbing my hips and pulling me closer to him. “I’ve already seen those. When did you start being so shy?”
“These are new boobs. They’re bigger. You haven’t seen these.”
“And you don’t want me to?” His hands on my body dry my mouth.
Oh, I say as a sensation runs through my body. Nobody has ever touched me like this. I can’t even focus enough to tell him I’m scared.
“Don’t be scared,” he whispers.
He knows. I gulp.
His hands are around my ankles, gently unfolding my legs.
No, he can see too much.
His hands travel up my legs from my ankles.
What is he doing? I’m tingling all over, and he’s just touching my legs.
I close them.
Haru smiles and puts his hand near my flower on my inner thigh, spreading my legs wide—so wide the outsides of my thighs are lying on the bed. I turn my head away from Haru. He travels up my body, kissing my skin. All the parts of his naked body, including his hard erection, are pressed against me. It’s warm, enticing.
“Your penis is on me.” I smile at him, not as nervous as before.
He laughs.
“Oh, no! Did I ruin the mood? I’m sorry,” I apologize.
“No, I really like this. I still want you just as bad as I did when I walked in the house, but I want you to be happy. Like, it’s not just about me. That’s a new one for me.” He scratches his head.