Haruki (Haruki Arima Book 1)

by Laine Watson

  “Aww…” I melt a little. He’s so cute and innocent. He really wants a family.

  “Yeah, buddy,” Haru says.

  I glance over at him. Haru looks like he’s shocked or something. “I think that would be awesome.” I smile at Max.

  “I also want to ask something else,” Max says.

  “Shoot.” Haru nods.

  “So, if Summer has a baby—”

  “Wait…” I interject.

  “Can we name that baby Max, even if it’s a girl?”

  “One thing at a time buddy, okay?” Haru smirks with his eyes on me.

  “Okay.”

  Thank goodness. That’s not something I want to talk about at all.

  “Anything else?” Haru asks, hiding his reluctance.

  “No, that’s all.” Max grins, showing off his missing tooth.

  “Okay, then. Make sure you put your tooth under your pillow tonight,” Haru says.

  “Well, let’s put in in a storage bag first, okay?” I suggest, rising to my feet. I head to the kitchen to get one from the cupboard. Max follows me in, and we put his tooth in a small snack bag.

  “I’m going to go put it under my pillow,” he says and takes off toward the stairs. He stops abruptly and turns to me. “So you guys are going to pretend to be the Tooth Fairy and Santa, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “So you’re going to get my tooth tonight while I’m sleeping and then put money under my pillow?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Okay, because I don’t want anything from them. And I don’t want some random magical person having my tooth. I’d want you guys to have it. I also don’t want presents from someone I don’t know, I want them from you and Dad, because you know me and love me.”

  I nod. “Agreed.” This kid is the most logical person in the world, I laugh to myself.

  “Thanks. They don’t ever have to come, even if they’re real. You guys can do it, all the time, right?”

  “Yep.” I smile.

  “Awesome!” Max says and darts up the stairs.

  I smile aimlessly as he disappears up them. My eyes glide across the house, stopping on Haru. “That’s a weird smile.”

  “He’s formed his own opinions of things.” I smile.

  Max runs back down the stairs, and slides in front of us.

  “Okay, let’s go out for breakfast.” Haru suggests, “Let’s spend some of that Tooth Fairy money.”

  “Let’s spend it all!” Max enthuses.

  “Wait, we have to put some away. We’re smart businessmen. And we’re going to need it for when we move.”

  “Okay,” Max agrees and runs upstairs.

  Haru and I watch him until he disappears.

  “I can’t believe him. He was serious. Little businessman in the making.”

  “Well, honestly, I wouldn’t expect anything less,” I say.

  “What?”

  “I mean, he is your kid. I don’t know how someone as logical and grounded as you could ever be with someone who is always so up in the air with everything.”

  “I think we complement each other. You literally have everything I don’t—everything I want, everything I need. I guess I have that for you too. Or at least I hope you feel like that.”

  “You mean you have a bunch of money and I’m broke?”

  “Summer, don’t do that. What’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is mine. Whatever you want to do with your life, do it. Make a lot or as little money, go as far or stay as close as you want—whatever. Just do it with us. You can’t turn back now. We’re a family.”

  “Why are you saying it like you think I’m trying to back out?”

  “When you say things like that about money and stuff, I don’t know where your head is. I don’t know if you’re about to freak out on me based on your own insecurities. So yeah, I get a little skeptical.”

  I have to stop saying stuff like that. I gulp. “I’m sorry. My head. My heart. Me. It’s always with you and Max.”

  “Okay.” He sighs, nodding, “Then let’s go celebrate our half-birthdays and our new family.

  “Yeah.” I smile. We stare into each other’s eyes for a moment and then he kisses me.

  “I love you,” he tells me.

  “I love you too.”

  Silence falls over us as we simply gaze into each other.

  Haru’s phone rings, cutting through the silence.

  “This better not be work.” He reaches for his phone and stares at the screen. “That’s weird.”

  “What?”

  “It’s not a therapy day.”

  “Who is it?”

  “Your mom.”

  My eyes pop open wider. “My mom?”

  Chapter Twenty-Two: Brain Freeze

  A week passes. Though I haven’t studied very much, my finals pass, too. I do just fine on them, despite my lack of studying. Ever since Haru and Max’s half-birthday, Haru has been different. I’ve been staying away from the house and my mother, hoping she doesn’t ask where I am. I don’t feel like telling her I’m staying at Haru’s house and having all kinds of naughty sex with him. Haru and I talk less and less about us, every conversation revolves around Max.

  It’s Saturday morning, and Max is still sleeping. I lie next to Haru and open my eyes, noticing a ponderous look upon his face.

  “Good morning,” I say, rolling over on him.

  “Oh.” He seems startled. “Good morning, princess.” He pulls me up to his face as we kiss.

  “What were you thinking about?”

  Before he answers, he gulps slowly. “Nothing, just moving. We’ve only got about a month and a half, and we still need to go look at a house.”

  I smirk. “We haven’t really talked about it.”

  He sighs. “I’m sorry. I’ve had a lot on my mind.”

  Lately, when I ask what he’s thinking about, he just says something generic. Nothing’s wrong, but he always has a lot on his mind. Maybe he’s stressed out with the move and stuff. Everything’s so new. I don’t want to add stress by prying.

  “Are you going to get a flashy house?” I smile, trying to keep my concern for his mood a secret.

  “Do you think this house is flashy?”

  “Not really. It’s kind of huge though.”

  “Do you not like flashy houses?”

  “I don’t really like flashy ‘anything.’ That reminds me, can you please get rid of the flashy car?”

  “You really don’t like it, do you?”

  “I hate it. I was going to try to come up with an excuse, but no, get rid of it.”

  He chuckles. “Okay.”

  “I hope Mom lets me keep my car. I have enough money to pay my own insurance and stuff.”

  “It’ll be cheaper if you just get on my plan.”

  “Haru—”

  “Hey, I know you want to do things on your own, but don’t be stupid. The best thing you can do is try to save money.”

  I breathe, deeply insulted.

  “Princess, listen to me, we can come to an agreement. This is going to get old. Every time I suggest something, you get a fucking attitude. If you love me, like you say you do, get over yourself and drown those insecurities in doing what you want to do. Acting like a brat every time somebody says something doesn’t make you independent, it makes you childish,” he says with a straight face, eyes peering into mine.

  I lift myself off him and turn to the corner of the bed. That’s true, but he said it … meanly, I think, hugging the pillow. I look back at him, and he has gone back to staring at the ceiling with the ponderous expression on his face. What’s he thinking about? I wonder again. I turn away from him. I feel far away from him. Why’s he being so serious?

  “Okay. How about I take care of the house and mine and Max’s stuff? Whatever money you earn is yours, so you pay for your stuff?”

  I look back at him. “Really?” I smile and sit up. The covers shift, revealing the lavender lace bra I have on.

  “Yeah, if that�
��s what you want.”

  “And I can go to school and work and…”

  “Whatever you want. It’s going to be hard though. It’s not like I’m a millionaire. If I miss one commission, we’re fucking screwed. That car doesn’t pay for itself.”

  “Somehow that makes me feel better.” I laugh. “See, I can help. You probably just spend money, and you don’t even care.”

  “That’s not exactly what happens, but I’m not frugal either. I do like a few toys,” Haru says, sitting.

  “I thought the most important thing was to save.”

  “It is, but I have a retirement and savings. It’s taken right out of my check before I even see it.”

  “Wow … savings, retirement? And I’m over here like, ‘gee it would be really nice if me and Haru could go on a date.’ Maybe you’re right, I am childish.”

  “That’s not what I meant. I’m just a little annoyed with your sporadic, I-want-to-do-it-myself rants.” He sighs. “But we can go on dates. That’s fine. I don’t want to have to argue every time I say something that would be beneficial for us. For example, car insurance is one of those things that you have to have. Why pay more? That’s stupid, princess. The point is to be smart about spending money.” He swallows.

  “You’re right. Sometimes I don’t think.”

  “Actually, you think too much, but that’s okay. I know it’s because you and your mom have a weird relationship. I never want to make you feel small or inadequate. You’re my other half; we are one.” He sighs and turns over. “Being in love is weird for me. This is a fucking pain sometimes, but I want it—I want you. So, we should look out for one another and take care of each other. If I’m expecting anything from our relationship, it’d be that, princess. I want to feel safe, too.”

  I can do that. I can love him and accept him for who he is. He’s told me so many times he doesn’t know how to live. I’m supposed to help him live a life with joy and happiness, not contempt and anger.

  “You are safe, Haru. You’re right. I need to make smart decisions. You can help me with that.”

  Haru’s distressed face turns to disbelief.

  “You’ve never opened up to anyone like that, have you?” I pause and wait for his answer.

  He stares at me.

  “I know you haven’t because of the look on your face. It’s the same expression I have when I’m pouring my heart out to you.”

  Haru doesn’t respond.

  “I’m sorry, I probably said too much. Anyway. I do want to go on a date while we’re still here.” I stare at him for a while and wait for his response.

  Finally, he turns and meets my gaze. “I love you so much, Summer.”

  My heart melts.

  “I know you tell me things you’d never tell anyone else, and yeah, it’s hard for me to connect with people. You’re like the only woman I’ve ever felt close to. We can go anywhere you’d like. Do whatever you want for this date.”

  I smile. “Now that I think about it, who’s going to keep Max?” I gasp. “I know! My mom!” I grin big, thinking I have the perfect solution, “We could go while Max is at speech therapy.”

  “Princess,” he says, fizzling out all my excitement with his serious, hesitant tone. “I really don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “What? Why? My mom loves him,” I snap back with a neck roll. “She doesn’t have to know or maybe this will be the perfect time to tell her about us… I don’t know about that.”

  His eyes wander and his face becomes ponderous again, regretful even.

  “I know I haven’t talked to her a lot but—”

  “I have to tell you something, Summer.” Those words spill out of his mouth, as if there is a secret he has been harboring.

  I gulp. “What?”

  “Summer…”

  “What, Haru?!” I ask, getting impatient.

  He closes his eye slowly, painfully.

  I step out of the bed. “What?”

  “Do you remember when I got that call from your mom a week ago?”

  “Yeah,” I say, folding my arms.

  He shakes his head. “The reason you don’t pick up Max anymore…”

  “Is because you got the promotion, right? ”

  “Right,” he admits, though there is more to it as I am starting to believe. “That’s what it was at first, but I don’t know how to say this, Summer…”

  “Just say it, Haru. What the hell?”

  “Your mom kissed me.”

  “What do you mean kissed you?”

  “She said she needed to talk to me. I went there, we talked, and laughed. And she just—kissed me.”

  “Did she say anything about me?” I ask.

  “Sum—”

  “Did she say anything about me?! Did you say anything about me?!”

  “No, Summer.”

  “So, you’re just chatting up with a woman, in close vicinity, alone?”

  “It’s your mom, Summer.”

  “Yeah, well, she already thought you were hot. So, I guess it’s my fault.”

  “It’s not your fault. How could I have known she would do something like that?”

  “Did you tell her about us?”

  “No.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know. I panicked and left. Max hasn’t been to see her.”

  “What?”

  “Not since that happened.”

  “But—”

  “We go to the park. He hasn’t been there all week. He’s not going back; he doesn’t need to. He’s fine. She did what she said she was going to do.”

  “Haru…”

  “Hey, I’ve never had to walk away from someone, okay? I don’t know what to do, and I didn’t know how to tell you.”

  “Walk away from someone?”

  “Yeah. Before Max, if a woman wanted to be with me, and she did something like that, she could.”

  “Wait, so if you weren’t with me, you’d totally sleep with my mom? Gross.”

  He doesn’t answer.

  “That wasn’t a rhetorical question, Haru!”

  He sniffs. “You act like I didn’t already tell you that. I told you who I was. I’d like to say no, but I feel like you’re the one thing keeping me from destroying mine and Max’s life. This is why I stayed away from being intimate with anyone.”

  “Did you think about doing it?”

  “No, of course not. I just didn’t know how to handle it. I’ve been feeling like you and Max would be better off without me.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Because I said to her, ‘If things were different, I’d fuck the shit out of you.’ The words were out before I could think—then I panicked and left. Summer, it’s the truth. I can’t ever take those words back, and if you would’ve heard them from anyone but me, they’d sting even more.”

  What? He said that to my mom? He wants to have sex with my mom?

  Tears roll down my face. “I’m not good enough,” I whisper, feeling almost the same way as I felt back in high school, watching my friend kiss the boy who I thought was my boyfriend. “I’m wrong—stupid, again. I think we have something that we don’t actually have.”

  “What?” Haru asks; I hear the confusion in his voice.

  “You don’t have to be with me. I don’t want you to be with me.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Be with who you want to be with.”

  “I want to be with you.”

  “No. I already did this before. You’re not going to win. Nobody is going to make fun of me. No one’s going to take me away from myself. Not you. Not my mom.”

  “Summer, calm down.” Haru gets out of bed and heads over to me. “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m not a fragile, naïve little girl anymore. There’s no way you’re going to make me look like a fool.”

  “Hey, hey … princess, c’mon. Snap out of it. This isn’t the same thing.”

  As soon as he reaches out his arms and his hands to
touch me, I scream, “DON’T TOUCH ME!”

  “Summer, c’mon. Max is awake.”

  “Leave me alone. I’m leaving!” I pull on a T-shirt.

  Haru whispers, “Max is going to hear. Can I please try to explain?”

  Pitter-pattering feet come down the hall and Haru’s door opens abruptly. Max steps into the room, no doubt noticing my tears.

  “What happened?!” Max shouts. “Dad, you said you weren’t going to make Summer cry anymore! Don’t make Mom cry!”

  “Hey, buddy. So, I was just telling Summer, how much I love her…” Haru says, glancing over at me. “But she doesn’t want to listen. She was thinking about stuff that happened way before you and I came into her life. You know how sometimes when you’re drinking something really cold and you have a ‘brain-freeze,’ you have to stop and let it pass before you can do anything else?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I think Summer sort of has a ‘brain-freeze,’” Haru says, still staring at me with hope in his eyes.

  He’s trying to tell me something. What is he saying? If he wants to be with my mom, then just do it. “I don’t have a ‘brain-freeze’, Max.”

  “You do,” Haru corrects me. “You can’t get passed something I said, and it’s preventing you from hearing everything else I’m saying.”

  “It’s okay, Mom. I get brain freezes sometimes. You just have to close your eyes really tight and wait until the pain goes away.”

  My nostrils flare as I exhale deeply.

  “Max, can you go get ready? We’re going to go do something today.”

  “All of us? The family? Me, you, and Mom?” Max’s hopeful voice and the glimmer in his eyes is there, but they’ve done little to ward off the inadequateness I feel.

  “Yeah, buddy,” Haru confirms, though Max doesn’t believe him.

  “Mom?” a confused Max calls for me, waiting for validation.

  “I can’t,” I admit, heading toward the door while trying to cover my crying eyes.

  Haru reaches for me. “Summer, don’t do this.”

  “Is Summer not going to be with us forever, Daddy?” I can hear the fear in Max’s voice. The fact that he said, “Daddy” lets me know he’s scared. He doesn’t let Haru answer, and he steps in front of me before I can leave the room. His presence is just as strong and confident as his voice. “Summer! You said! You can’t just leave! You’re my mom. All of my mommies leave me. You and my other mommy.”