Plays 5

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by Caryl Churchill


  DRUNK

  Oh.

  LIMP

  Gone.

  SPEEDY

  Dead.

  CIG

  That’s dead, that’s really dead.

  NAILS

  Did you hear that?

  DRUNK

  Dog.

  They all start a chant which goes on for some time, continuing while other things are said.

  ALL

  Zig zig zig, zag zag zag, zig zig zig, zag zag zag…

  DRUNK

  Drink.

  SPEEDY

  (To CIG secretly.) I want you so much

  CIG

  (To SPEEDY secretly.) I said no.

  LIMP

  He’s dead. Oh god.

  SPEEDY

  (To CIG secretly.) You’re sensible, that’s what it is.

  DRUNK

  Go go go.

  The chant dies down, laughter.

  NAILS

  This calls for a drink.

  DRUNK

  Celebrating.

  NAILS

  It could be a peaceful time now.

  CIG

  No, it’s ancient.

  NAILS

  I think people should try to forgive each other.

  SPEEDY

  Is he a big enough man to forgive me?

  LIMP

  (Aside to DRUNK.) Shall we let her out? I’m going to let her out.

  DRUNK

  (Aside to LIMP.) You’re not. We mustn’t. We can’t do that.

  LIMP

  (Aside to DRUNK.) I can.

  NAILS

  (To SPEEDY.) Might as well.

  CIG

  That’s good then. And?

  SPEEDY

  I’m not the type.

  Banging about outside then banging at the front door and ringing of doorbell. The WOMAN WITH A LIMP gets up unnoticed except by the DRUNK WOMAN and exits indoors.

  What’s happening out there?

  The SPEEDY YOUNG MAN produces a gun.

  NAILS

  No. It’s your idea.

  More banging at the door.

  DRUNK

  Oh god.

  The MAN WHO BITES HIS NAILS opens the front door. A MAN WHO IS A WRECK comes in. He is very bedraggled and carries a large strong bin bag full of possessions. The SPEEDY YOUNG MAN puts the gun away.

  CIG

  False alarm. We have a visitor.

  NAILS

  It’s all right. I did tell you.

  WRECK

  (Of himself.) He’d like to see you.

  SPEEDY

  Just don’t get him started.

  CIG

  He’s not staying. Not now.

  WRECK

  Aren’t I? I’ve something to say to you.

  DRUNK

  It’s because he’s suffered isn’t it.

  CIG

  I know he has. He’s a criminal.

  DRUNK

  A bit sorry for him. His grandfather was a missionary.

  WRECK

  Listen. My darling was completely destroyed. It doesn’t take long. A puddle.

  Blood. A handful of mud. There, my dear. She was skinny but she was pretty. Gone.

  CIG

  He always tells that story.

  NAILS

  How long’s he not staying for?

  WRECK

  Did you know my son was killed? I won’t take it. He gave his life bringing the truth. They’ve got graves to go to. You have. And whose fault is it? I’m not saying.

  DRUNK

  Want a drink?

  WRECK

  I can’t stop crying. Oh god. Yes please. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Sending another one off to be killed? If you love me. If you get the chance. With me. Zig zig zig.

  The WOMAN WITH A LIMP comes back.

  LIMP

  (To DRUNK.) Asleep.

  WRECK

  Just a bit overweight. Jellybelly, doubletrouble. Another thing, I’ve been hurt. A lot. Bastards. (Pulling up his shirt.) I got I got… Help me. Like a bite. Pus. With disinfectant. Could make me end up dead.

  DRUNK

  There then.

  CIG

  I don’t need this.

  LIMP

  I could be really happy to be dead. Have some peace. She’ll forget all about me. It’s lovely there. Music day and night. Forever.

  SPEEDY

  I expect to be nothing. I pushed her in and… and someone… I didn’t raise my voice. They want to destroy us, remember that.

  LIMP

  How long’s forever?

  DRUNK

  What?

  WRECK

  I want to see him. Where’s everyone gone? The people I love. Where is he? Go and get him.

  Doorbell. The SPEEDY YOUNG MAN has the gun again. The YOUNG WOMAN WITH A CIGARETTE takes it from him.

  SPEEDY

  Yes. Do it.

  CIG

  I don’t want to do it.

  SPEEDY

  You can.

  CIG

  Yes. Good. I don’t want to. Yes.

  NAILS

  And?

  DRUNK

  Zig zig zig.

  NAILS

  Come in.

  The MAN WHO BITES HIS NAILS

  starts to open the front door.

  Black.

  End.

  HERE WE GO

  Here We Go was first performed in the Lyttelton auditorium of the National Theatre, London, on 27 November 2015 (previews from 25 November). The cast was as follows:

  Madeline Appiah

  Susan Engel

  Patrick Godfrey

  Hazel Holder

  Joshua James

  Amanda Lawrence

  Stuart McQuarrie

  Eleanor Matsuura

  Alan Williams

  Director

  Dominic Cooke

  Designer

  Vicki Mortimer

  Lighting Designer

  Guy Hoare

  Sound Designer

  Christopher Shutt

  Note

  The number of actors can vary in different productions. Not fewer than three in the first scene and not more than eight – five or six is probably good. Age and gender can also be decided. The character in After can be but needn’t be the man whose funeral it is in the first scene. Same with Getting There, and the carer may or may not be someone we’ve met before.

  1. HERE WE GO

  The speeches at the end of the scene are to be inserted at random during the dialogue. There are ten – use as many as you need for each character to have one.

  The place is a party after a funeral.

  We miss him

  of course

  everyone

  but his closest

  because friendship was

  wider range of acquaintance than anyone I’ve ever

  gift

  closeness

  listened

  and so witty I remember him saying

  listened and understood

  always seemed

  though of course are you any wiser when you’re older I feel sixteen all the time

  all he’d lived through

  the war the war not so many people left who

  and Spain even imagine

  what how old

  no he did

  and he never actually joined the party because of what they did to the anarchists so

  not that he was an anarchist

  unless sexually

  well yes there

  and is the third wife here are they all

  in the red hat

  isn’t that the daughter?

  no the big red

  and is that her partner with the beard?

  all the women seem

  yes they all kiss but I wonder

  except of course

  she’s keeping very quiet

  love of his life

  they say

  though he was an old goat

  of course

  such charm
was the thing

  yes because he didn’t look

  oh when he was young

  none of us can remember

  well I can

  of course

  he was a vision at thirty

  and photos photos have you seen there are some on the table in the

  yes on a horse, about twelve

  but his mind

  yes his mind

  extraordinary mind

  literature of course but also

  literature of France, Spain, Russia, every South American

  physics, he had an extremely scientific

  could have been

  never fully

  an mp in the fifties

  I never knew

  oh yes

  which party

  well obviously

  yes but he was a libertarian

  man of the left

  always fell out

  a bit too much of an individualist some might

  just quarrelsome

  but then he’d make it up with a bunch of flowers

  I always remember a time he

  and did you meet his friend Bill?

  who isn’t here or is he?

  would we recognise?

  heavy drinker

  he put it away himself

  but could always carry

  champagne in hospital

  so wonderful

  never complained

  well he did

  terrible temper

  I never saw

  swore at the nurses

  well I suppose anyone

  yes pain

  pain does change

  horrible to see

  morphine

  can make you feel very happy, when I broke my pelvis

  or sick

  confused

  sounded as if he was demented but of course we knew it was

  though he always did have a temper

  I never saw

  perhaps you didn’t annoy

  only the people who were closest

  no, people he didn’t know, cold-callers

  van drivers

  dogs

  dogs?

  he hated

  never knew that

  cats cats cats

  yes what’s going to happen

  his daughter said she could take the old ginger tom but

  in a flat?

  cats like places of course more than people, they

  your cat?

  stopped being sick everywhere thank god, the vet’s bills

  and how are you keeping now you’re

  yes fantastic

  wonderful job

  New York in the morning so I can’t stay too long I’ve got to

  promotion

  still hoping

  painting

  out of work so long now I

  keeping busy

  your new partner I hear

  getting married

  and you always said

  yes but love when it really

  yes

  you don’t quite expect

  so happy for you

  yes after all those

  and we’re expecting a baby in September but don’t

  so great

  just close friends till

  of course

  another drink

  have to remember I’m driving so

  see all these people

  yes because we hardly ever

  and so many people I’ve never set eyes

  all his different walks of

  who’ve known him for sixty years

  only met him last summer but he

  talking to one of the carers

  closer to him at the end I think than

  well someone who washes

  and wipes

  you do love who you look after and who looks after you like that’s how with babies

  or cats

  all one way with cats

  no stroking them reduces our

  lovely service

  favourite

  but he wasn’t a Christian surely or was it his

  but what do you do?

  plenty of people nowadays, pop songs, poems

  yes despite everything he was rather

  I don’t think he cared, he’s not the type who’d plan

  no, plan their own service, oh dear

  must keep an eye on the time

  far to go?

  came on the M23 and the roadworks at junction

  go back through

  long way round

  stay overnight

  long day tomorrow

  I did cry

  no I never actually have at a funeral

  what sort of

  self-pity and anger mainly I’m afraid, so

  but that sort of lofty

  uplifting

  some bits of music

  but not today’s for me

  no but the thought

  yes hard to believe he’s gone even though

  it comes at you suddenly doesn’t it

  like stepping on a rake

  I know after my mother

  well parents of course are a different

  not really

  because then you’re next

  but you think your friend’s still there in a different city and not seeing them is

  yes and then it hits you you’ll never

  and I find I can’t remember voices

  no not for long

  we should all be recorded

  please no, photographs are bad enough

  oh but I love

  let it go and just remember whatever we

  the oddest things

  can see him standing on one leg, I think it was in France were you there

  no I never went to that house just to the one in what was that street?

  very funny

  he was

  he could tell a joke

  yes I can never remember

  One of these is spoken by each of the characters directly to the audience. They should be inserted randomly into the previous dialogue in any order. The number of years later can be adjusted if necessary to make sense for the characters.

  I die the next day. I’m knocked over by a motorbike crossing a road in North London. I think I can get over while the light’s red but I’m looking for cars. I’m dead before the ambulance comes and it comes very quickly.

  I die eleven years later. I have a heart attack swimming in the North Sea in January. I’d done it before all right.

  I die thirty-eight years later of lung cancer. I hadn’t realised before that you have different kinds of cancer depending on where it starts so you can have breast cancer in your brain, and I have lung cancer in my liver. I don’t find the pain relief as helpful as I’d hoped.

  I die five years later stabbed by an intruder. I keep a knife by the bed and when I brandish it he snatches it. He’s shocked by the blood, he’s saying sorry sorry and then I pass out.

  I die twenty-six years later. I slip over on the icy steps going to put out the rubbish and break my hip, and my chest gets worse lying in bed. I have given up smoking but a bit late.

  I die forty years later in my sleep, which is a relief. I was expecting to live to see the baby.

  I die seven years later of a brain tumour. It takes a while for the doctors to pay attention to the headaches but maybe it would have spread anyway.

  I die sixty-two years later. More and more things aren’t working. They put pneumonia on the death certificate.

  I die twenty-three years later after nine years of Alzheimer’s. I don’t know anyone who’s there.

  I die six months later. I hang myself. I should have thought about who’d find me.

  2. AFTER

  One person. Very fast.

  Falling falling down the tunnel down the tunnel a tunnel a light a train a tube train aaah coming to kill me

  but I’m already dead is that right and ah here I am arrived somewhere and he
llo is that grandpa?

  surely not greater light and further shore no

  but is this the pearly gates yes look actual pearls and that’s St Peter beard key

  but I don’t believe anything like

  and it’s gone is anyone there hello

  there must be vast numbers of us that’s a comfort far more than the living

  except of course there used to be fewer living at any one time so maybe the living now equal all the dead could that be but even so there are billions right back to cave and where are they

  oh there they are here we are I’m just a speck of sand in a desert oh

  or what is this are we all standing on the Isle of Wight it’s worse than the tube at rush hour I can’t get my face away from his back I don’t want

  ah that’s better they’ve gone I’m on my own

  I’m on my own

  and what’s happened to me what’s going to happen I always was afraid despite everything there’d be a judgement and I’d be a goat not a sheep thinking of those herds in North Africa where they’re mixed together and it can be hard to tell I understood the metaphor then very good

  and I think they don’t emphasise hell these days but you can’t be sure because there’s nothing kind about the universe just rushing apart

  and even our little place in it we evolved to belong has hurricanes and cancer and is kind for some but often unkind and they have to live with foul water or wake up in dread and what would it be like to have to live your life as someone obsessed with having sex with children or wanting to kill what would you do with that

  and it might not be fair to punish them but it may not be fair because the universe isn’t so who says god is if there is one here somewhere

  and hell used to be mediaeval tortures pincers and fire and we thought god can’t do that because no one would do that

 

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