As the day dragged by the anticipation ate away at Selma’s stomach. She would have to wait to see how the boys and their families would react to the news. Would seeing their father happy be enough to cause them to let go of their own selfish requests, or was it all for naught?
Once the afternoon approached, Selma had sent her negative thoughts away and was now excited. The hour was nearly upon them, and everything would finally be revealed to Michael’s sons. In just a matter of hours, she would know for sure where she and Mr. Stutzman stood. If only she knew whether to be happy or worried, she might be more prepared for whatever reaction she was about to receive.
About an hour before dinner was set to begin, a gentle knock at the front door caused Selma’s ears to perk up. She leaped from the sofa and headed for the door.
Mr. Stutzman’s broad smile greeted her. “Good evening to you,” he said.
Smiling, Selma nodded. “Good day to you!”
“I haven’t told anyone that you are coming to dinner,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss the back of her hand. “I want us to both see their honest reactions when they first hear the truth from their own father,” he explained.
Chapter 6
And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to
destroy both soul and body in hell.
Matthew 10:28
* * *
Michael had just told Selma that he hadn’t told his boys that she’d be coming to dinner. Selma would have preferred that Michael’s family had been warned of her coming there. While it was a bit scarier knowing that his sons wouldn’t already be expecting some sort of news, Selma wondered whether Mr. Stutzman might be right. Perhaps seeing their reactions for the first time would be a better way to gauge their true feelings on the topic of their father’s new relationship. All Selma wanted was their verbal approval, regardless of how they truly felt deep down. It was most likely normal for the boys to feel a little awkward to see their father with another woman. “I just hope the news goes over well,” she said to Michael.
“As do I,” Mr. Stutzman replied, ushering her out of Moira and Tom’s house.
Selma turned back and shouted, “Goodbye,” in hopes of being heard by Tom and Moira.
When they were in the buggy, Michael yanked at the reins, jolting the buggy into motion. He turned toward her and grinned. “This should be quite a night,” he said in a jovial tone.
Selma didn’t smile when Michael smiled at her; she was far too nervous. Usually, she would laugh at any of his comments and appreciate his humor, but today, her future was on the line. It was almost as if her hopes and dreams dangled in front of her, hanging above a pit of animals. Would they snatch her chance at happiness away from her for their own good, or would they turn away and let her dreams reach reality?
When they arrived at his home, Mr. Stutzman pulled in and parked by the barn. Turning toward her, he smiled and held her hand in his. “I know this might be a bit daunting, but you and I are in this together. I won’t let a wrong word be breathed.”
Selma looked back at him and nodded, her lips creasing into a smile. She could sense the sincerity in his voice as he spoke, but it wasn’t he that she was fearful of. Once she glanced up at the house she realized that inside were all five of his sons, their wives, and their children. If the five boys resented her, would that equal an entire house of people that did as well?
“You mustn’t look so afraid,” Mr. Stutzman insisted. “From the beginning, we don’t have to mention the actual purpose of this dinner. Let’s just enjoy it and I will introduce you as my guest and nothing more until the time is right. Would that make you feel more at ease?” he asked.
“Jah.” Selma was relieved.
“Then let’s do that,” he said climbing down from the buggy and then heading over to help her down.
The pair walked toward the house and glanced at each other smiling. Selma took a deep breath as they climbed the steps of the porch toward the front door. Mr. Stutzman turned the doorknob and pushed his way in, motioning for her to follow.
When Selma walked inside, she immediately heard an eruption of noise coming from a room down the hall. Walking closely behind Mr. Stutzman, they finally came upon the dining room. When she entered before Michael, the room fell silent. Selma could hear the children playing nearby, but every adult in the room looked at her frozen in silence. She saw all the Stutzman boys and their wives.
Selma had met his boys on several occasions, but she knew that their reception of her might now be different when they learned the truth about her relationship with their father. As they continued further into the room, Mr. Stutzman shook hands with his sons as he greeted them, and exchanging hugs with their wives.
“Vadder!” his oldest, Adam, said, rushing over and slapping his father affectionately on his shoulder. “I’m happy you finally got here finally,” he added. Then, his eyes suddenly focused on Selma. His brows furrowed as he tilted his head. “And you brought Selma with you?”
“Jah,” Mr. Stutzman replied. “She and I have been spending time together and I asked her for dinner so you could all get to know each other better.”
Selma’s gaze flickered downward. Michael had said he wouldn’t let them know that their relationship was heading in a romantic direction. Now Michael’s family would know that she was there because they were growing close.
“Of course,” Adam said. “It’s just that she usually only comes here when Moira and Tom stop by, and I hadn’t seen them yet, so I was caught unaware.”
Since it was the first time Selma had ever shown up at the Stutzman home without Tom or Moira, Adam’s excuse was believable. Still, she felt a strange sensation in her throat every time she caught one of Michael’s sons looking at her.
“Dinner is just about ready to begin,” Miriam called out to everyone.
“Please take your seats and let’s enjoy this feast,” Michael said. He then whispered to Selma, “Come with me and pay them no mind.” Mr. Stutzman grasped her hand and led her to the table. He pulled out one of the chairs for her to sit in, and once she had, he pulled out the one next to hers and sat down. “Look at this food. Doesn’t it look wunderbaar?” he asked.
“It certainly does,” Selma replied brightly, not wanting to alert him to her discomfort.
Everyone said their own silent grace, and then dove into the meal.
As Selma scooped some potatoes onto her plate, she caught a glimpse of Moira’s sister, Miriam. “The food is lovely, Miriam.” Miriam was now seated across the table beside her husband, the oldest Stutzman boy, Adam.
“Denke, Selma. I do like to cook.”
“So, Dat, how has work been?” his youngest son asked.
“It’s been busy. Things here on the farm have been rather good, but a few neighbors and friends have been struggling with their crops. I’ve been helping the Winsteads build a pen for their sheep. I took today off, but we should have it up by the end of the week,” Mr. Stutzman explained.
“That’s great to hear,” Adam chimed in. He glanced over at Miriam and smiled before looking back toward Selma. “Has Selma been helping with that pen?” he asked, nodding toward his father’s guest.
Mr. Stutzman whipped his head toward her and then back to his son. “Excuse me?” he said, seemingly just as caught off guard by the remark as Selma was.
Adam shot back a wry grin and took a bite of the meat that was on his fork. As he chewed it, he chuckled as if he was laughing at a joke that only he could hear. The table had fallen silent, and all eyes were on Adam. “Oh, I was just curious. You said that you’ve been so busy with farmwork and helping the Winsteads, so I figured she might be helping. That would explain why you two have been together so much. Well, if rumors are true,” he quipped, looking at Selma once more.
Selma’s hand immediately fiddled nervously with the strings of her prayer kapp. She leaned into Michael and said, “Maybe I shouldn’t be here.”
; “Nonsense,” he mumbled to her. Then, looking across at his oldest son, he leaned forward and spoke firmly. “Selma is staying in town to assist her friend and your schweschder-in-law, Moira, while Moira’s in her delicate state. You’re all well aware of that,” he added, glancing at each of his children as he said it. “Selma and I are friends and enjoy each other’s company. And if we were to want more …”
“Don’t,” Selma whispered, placing her hand on top of Mr. Stutzman’s hand. “I think we should stop there.”
Michael looked at her and nodded, stopping himself from finishing his sentence. He turned back to his oldest boy and sighed. “Can’t we just enjoy this meal as a familye?”
The oldest son looked down at his plate and groaned. Selma watched Miriam lean over and whisper into Adam’s ear. “Of course, Dat. I’m sorry, it’s been a long day.” Adam turned to Miriam and smiled. Miriam gave a quick smile back and looked down at the plate of food in front of her.
Dinner moved along from there without any more talk of how it was odd that Selma was there. When dinner was over, they all left the table and retired to the living room. Selma stayed seated with Michael a while longer. Selma heard two of Michael’s younger boys talking as they walked out of the dining room. Curious as to what they were discussing, she leaned back in her chair and heard, ‘Do you really think they are just friends?’
Selma listened intently to determine if they were speaking about her or not, but then Adam spoke abruptly.
“Dat, I don’t mean to put you or your friend on the spot, but can I ask you something that I’ve been asking myself for days?”
Selma whipped her head back toward the table, and her eyes fell on Adam. He smiled from ear to ear; he sure did look smug right then.
Mr. Stutzman looked at Selma briefly before glancing back at his son. “Go on,” he said.
“Why now?” Adam asked.
“What are you talking about?” Mr. Stutzman brows pinched together deepening the weary lines in his forehead.
“You haven’t brought another woman to dinner since mother’s been gone. Why would you bring one now?”
This is not going well. Selma looked at Mr. Stutzman wondering what he would say. The remaining family members in the room fell silent. Apprehension rose up in Selma as everyone in the entire room shifted their gaze to her.
Mr. Stutzman stuttered, as he struggled with a response. “Listen, you are not,” he paused and took a deep breath. “Nobody is going to embarrass me, or my friend like this. I might not have had another woman to dinner before since your mother died, but that’s because I’ve been too busy being the vadder and grossdaddi that my familye needed.” He cleared his throat deeply, stood up and extended his hand to Selma. “Come, let’s get you home. My son is very sorry for his rudeness tonight, aren’t you?” Michael turned and glared at Adam.
His son gulped, swallowing the lump that had apparently been stuck in his throat. “I’m sorry, Dat. Selma, I didn’t mean to insult you, it’s just that I don’t see why we can’t all talk about this. Everyone is asking themself what’s going on with the pair of you. I was just speaking what everyone was thinking.”
“I expected more of you, Adam,” Mr. Stutzman said. “I raised you better than that, I thought.” Mr. Stutzman ushered Selma out of the room.
Selma wondered if Adam was only trying to have an open conversation about something that would concern all of them. Perhaps he truly didn’t mean to be insulting or rude.
When the front door closed behind them, they stood on the porch overlooking the driveway.
“I’m so sorry about that,” he said. “I figured that they might be a bit bothered or annoyed to see us so happy together, but I never imagined that my eldest son could be so rude.”
She put her hand on his back and patted gently. Selma didn’t know how to comfort him best or what to say, so she offered the best support that she could. “It’ll be okay,” she said.
Mr. Stutzman looked at her and sighed. “Come, let’s get you home.”
They climbed down the steps of the front porch and walked over to his buggy. Selma climbed inside and lounged back in the seat. As she closed her eyes, she thought about dinner and the looks on every face that she’d seen. Most of Michael’s children looked unhappy, but perhaps that was because they had sensed the tension in the room. Would Michael want to continue their relationship? Before the dinner, he had said he wouldn’t care what their reactions were, but what did he think now that he’d heard their reactions? All Selma wanted was to experience happiness, but it was becoming clear that her happiness might very well come at the expense of others.
When Mr. Stutzman had readied the horse, he got into the buggy and whipped the reins. As they drove off toward Moira’s house, Selma looked over at him solemnly. “I know that you won’t be happy to hear this, but I think I know what must be done,” she said.
His eyebrows drooped as his face twisted into a look of confusion. “What do you mean?” he asked.
Selma looked out at the trees as they passed by in a quick blur. She sighed and spoke softly without glancing back at Mr. Stutzman. “I didn’t come all the way here from Coulson County to make everyone upset. I came here to help a good friend of mine, and even she is unhappy with me now. I’m sorry,” she said, looking down at her lap. “But I can’t continue to see you like this. I think it would be in both of our best interests to end this before it’s too late.”
Mr. Stutzman’s jaw fell open as he stared at her in shock. “But … but, don’t you,” he stuttered, trying to formulate a sentence.
“I’m so sorry, but your family will never accept me, and I can’t be the reason that you and your boys don’t see eye to eye. I just can’t be that reason.” Selma put her hands to her eyes and cried. She sobbed into her hands as the buggy continued toward her friend’s home.
Chapter 7
Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life:
he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?
John 11:25-26
* * *
As the buggy stopped at Moira and Tom’s farm, Mr. Stutzman looked over at Selma and shook his head. “Hush, don’t cry, Selma. Things will work out for us.”
Selma could tell that he was bothered by what had happened at dinner, but nothing was going to instantly fix all their problems. She felt as though her happiness could only come at the expense of others, and that was something that Selma couldn’t accept.
Michael placed his hand on top of hers and smiled sweetly. “I know that tonight didn’t exactly go as planned, but it only has to be a setback,” he explained. “You don’t have to blame yourself for others being miserable; that’s their choice. This is about you and me.”
Selma sniffed and wiped her eyes. She sighed and slowly met his eyes with her own. “I’m sorry, Michael, but I just can’t talk about this right now. I think I need to be alone for a while.”
Mr. Stutzman looked at her, and the corners of his lips turned downward. His eyes glossed over, as the tears seemed to well up behind them. Selma felt even more horrible than she already did. Not only was she the reason everyone else was upset, but also now she was even hurting the man she cared for most.
“Okay,” he said. “I suppose I’ll hear from you sooner or later,” he added, never looking back up.
He went to get out of the buggy.
“Don’t. I can get down myself, denke.” Selma sighed and climbed down from the buggy. She walked toward the front steps and reached the door. As she reached for the doorknob, she was startled by the sound of Mr. Stutzman’s buggy pulling away from the house. She turned back to look at him and saw nothing but darkness. Selma hung her head, walked into the house and closed the door behind her.
As she headed inside, various sounds pulled her attention toward the kitchen. Peeking in, Selma saw Moira fixing herself some tea and figured she would say hello. “Oh, you’re still
awake?” Selma said, startling her friend.
“Oh!” she shouted, turning around abruptly with a look of shock on her face.
Selma couldn’t help but laugh at Moira’s comical expression; her eyes had enlarged while her eyebrows arched on her forehead, and her bottom jaw fell open.
“I didn’t mean to frighten you,” Selma said.
Moira took several deep breaths and then rolled her eyes, letting a chuckle fall from her lips. “It’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting you home so early,” she said. “How did dinner go?”
Selma noticed that Tom wasn’t around, but she figured he had called it an early night to ready himself for a morning of hard work. She looked up at Moira and sighed. “It wasn’t exactly what I would call a pleasant evening. His boys didn’t take me being there at all well, especially Adam.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing specifically, just a lot of uncomfortable looks and whispers about me. Well, until Adam made a few barbed comments; that’s when things really got out of hand.” Selma walked toward the counter to pour herself some tea. “He asked Mr. Stutzman ‘why now’ out of nowhere. Confused he looked at his son and asked what he meant. The reply was, ‘You have yet to bring any woman to dinner since Mamm’s death. Why did you bring one now?”
Moira took a sip from her cup of tea and then glared at Selma, a look of compassion adding a sense of gentleness to her demeanor all of a sudden. “Well, I would never kick someone while they were down, but did you truly expect anything else? Those boys loved their mudder dearly; they aren’t going to forgive Mr. Stutzman for betraying her.”
Selma sighed and rolled her eyes, making sure to hide the latter gesture from Moira. “But that doesn’t make any sense. How is he betraying anyone?” she asked.
Moira looked over at Selma. Then Moira began pacing around the kitchen as she spoke in a hushed tone. “What neither of you see is the picture from our point of view. Take me for instance; I grew up with Mrs. Stutzman, just one house over. My sisters and I would go over and spend time with her: we did everything, from helping her with the preparation of meals to learning how to sew and knit. She was like a second mother to us, and that’s why I seemed so rude when I first learned of you and Michael’s true intentions.”
Amish Second Loves Page 4