Starlight Barking

by Dodie Smith

  “She’s been known to have it tied up with a very fancy ribbon,” said Cadpig.

  A powerfully-voiced clock began to chime the hour.

  “That’s Big Ben,” said Pongo. “How close we are to it here.”

  Missis carefully counted the strokes and was glad she only had to go as far as three, a nice, easy number.

  Cadpig barked down to the garden. “Time for the Cabinet Meeting.”

  Members of the Cabinet, who had been chatting to the Dalmatians, came up the steps to the terrace. Patch came back to Cadpig and Lucky and his wife, Gay, followed Babs the Poodle. Missis expected to see Roly Poly come with George, the Foreign Secretary, but there was no sign of either of them. Missis looked around the garden and saw that they were standing by a door in the wall. The door opened (no doubt it had been asked to) and out they both went.

  Missis said to Cadpig, “I fancy the Foreign Secretary will be late.”

  “Well, we can’t wait for him,” said Cadpig, taking her parents back into the Cabinet Room. “Now will every dog take a chair—but not the one with arms. That’s the Prime Minister’s and I shall represent him. Please sit on my right, Father. And Mother shall be on my left.”

  But Missis said she did not want to sit at the table as she didn’t know anything about politics. “When they happen on television I close my eyes and somehow manage to go deaf—unless you’re appearing, Cadpig. Let me sit by the window here.”

  She wanted to watch for Roly Poly. What was he up to? She didn’t agree with Cadpig that he and the Foreign Secretary might be safer together than on their own. Together, they might get into twice as much mischief.

  “Well, sit where you like, Mother dear,” said Cadpig, climbing up into the Prime Minister’s chair. “Now attention, everyone!”

  There was no doubt that Cadpig’s confidence had come back. Missis was glad about this and proud of the impressive way her daughter outlined the situation. But it seemed to Missis that all the dogs already knew what the situation was and wanted to know why it was and what was going to happen next. Of course Cadpig had nothing to say about this and soon she was calling on Pongo to speak. She introduced him as “My famous father.”

  Missis remembered a speech Pongo had made to her on that cold night when he and she were setting out to rescue their puppies. It had helped her and she wished he would say something like it now.

  Really, it was strange the way thoughts were dashing about today! It seemed that Pongo must know what was in her mind.

  “Lady dogs and gentlemen dogs,” he began. “Long ago when my dear wife and I were setting out on a perilous journey, I told her that dogs who are very well treated sometimes lose their liking for adventure and grow old before their time. Now I feel sure that all the dogs at this table are well treated, and though I don’t say any of you are fat, you are quite well covered. But I won’t believe you are stodgy. I think you are all ready for anything. Am I right?”

  All the dogs said “Yes, indeed” or “Hear, hear” and some of them banged the table with their paws.

  Pongo then went on, “The question is, what are we ready for? But if we knew that, wouldn’t the adventure be more ordinary? Isn’t it more exciting not to know what lies ahead? Let us live excitingly from minute to minute and let us count our blessings. Think how much we have learnt since we woke up this morning. We can swoosh, open doors, bark by thought waves. And none of us is hungry, thirsty, too hot or too cold. Perhaps most important of all, we are completely friendly. Close to us here, on Horse Guards’ Parade, there are hundreds—no, thousands—of dogs crowded together. But I have not heard one dog-fight. Have there been any?”

  A vast number of dogs barked “No!” and Missis realized that Pongo was sending his thoughts out far beyond the Cabinet Meeting. Perhaps he was sending them all over England—she thought he must be because, from now on, whenever there were cheers they came to her like a great rushing wind. She could not have said if she was hearing with her ears or with her mind. She just knew the cheers were happening. And she felt prouder and prouder of Pongo. He went on saying encouraging things and telling all dogs how well they were behaving (so clever of him, thought Missis—how pleased she always was when the Dearlys said “Good dog!”)

  Finally he said, “My dear pet, Mr. Dearly, sometimes reads aloud to Mrs. Dearly, and my wife and I sit and listen. I remember once hearing of a famous Prime Minister who lived in this house who was always telling people to ‘Wait and See.’ That is what I say to you, oh dogs of England. Don’t worry about what’s going to happen. Wait and see!”

  This provoked enormous enthusiasm. Missis happened to remember that Mr. Dearly had thought it a very annoying thing to say and many people hadn’t liked it. Well, perhaps much depended on how it was said. Pongo said it magnificently and Missis thought it sounded splendid. Like all the other dogs, near and far, she barked delightedly and thumped her tail.

  Cadpig sprang up in her chair and said, “Dogs everywhere! My father has told us what to do. Wait and See! Wait and See!”

  WAIT AND SEE! WAIT AND SEE! The rushing wind of thought grew louder and louder. Missis began to wonder if it was healthy for thought to be so noisy and she was relieved when Pongo barked, “But let us wait and see quietly,” and the cheering died down.

  This came as a relief to Pongo too. He was thankful that he could now hear himself think. But he was also worried. How obedient the dogs were—and they were obedient to him! What a responsibility! Still, it could hardly be wrong to tell them to wait and see, as there was absolutely nothing else they could do.

  At that moment the glass door to the terrace burst open and in came Roly Poly and George, soaking wet. They shook themselves violently, splashing all the dogs near them. One of these was Babs the Poodle, who protested loudly.

  Cadpig spoke severely to the Boxer. “George, keep still! You should have got your shaking over out of doors. And you’ve missed the Cabinet Meeting. Where have you been?”

  The Boxer said, “I was showing Roly Poly the lake in St. James’s Park and he happened to say he could swim and I said I couldn’t. He said all dogs can if they try and he’d show me how. So he did and now I can swim like anything.”

  “You both ought to be dried,” said Missis. Oh dear, this was a job one needed humans for. Well, rolling on the carpet would help. She soon had George and Roly Poly rolling energetically. They got drier and drier and the carpet got wetter and wetter.

  “That’s no way to behave at a Cabinet Meeting,” said Cadpig. “The Prime Minister never lets anyone roll. George, do get back to your office and see if any news has come in.” She explained to Pongo. “It’s the Foreign Secretary’s job to deal with foreign countries.”

  “Did you get through to America?” Pongo asked.

  “Not yet. But we got through to some dogs in Ireland who had managed to, and there seems no doubt that this mysterious sleeping is world-wide. We’ve talked to lots of European countries. George, do stop rolling.”

  “Right you are, Cadpig,” said the Boxer. “Come on, Roly Poly, old man. We’ll go and have a chat with the Continong.”

  But as George and Roly Poly galumphed to the door it was flung open by a Police Dog.

  “Pongo and Missis!” he said dramatically. “You are urgently needed. A Sheepdog is calling you from the country. He says he has astounding news.”

  6. News from the Country

  “Follow me!” cried Cadpig, dashing out of the room and to the lift, which instantly flung open its doors and took them up so fast that Missis hadn’t time to feel nervous.

  They got out at the top floor and Cadpig led them to a room where the window was wide open. Standing with their feet on the window sill were two Fox Terriers listening intently.

  Cadpig joined them at the window and barked down to the crowd of dogs in Downing Street. “Absolute quiet, please. Important news is coming through.”

  Instantly there was silence.

  One of the Fox Terriers said to Cadpig, “This is a
Very Important Sheepdog, madam. He’s a General.”

  “Tell him Pongo and Missis are here,” said Cadpig.

  The Fox Terriers barked piercingly; then, as before, listened intently. After only a few seconds one of them said, “There he is!”

  Cadpig beckoned Pongo and Missis to the window. They put their paws on the sill and leaned out as far as they could. At once they heard the General’s rumbling bark. They answered him.

  “Pongo and Missis?” said the General. “Yes, I recognize your voices. Amazing, this new invention. I got through to London at once. Well, now, prepare for a shock. The cats are awake.”

  “All cats?” said Pongo. There were millions of cats in England, weren’t there? And many of them unfriendly to dogs. He foresaw clashes.

  “No, no, not all cats. Just Mrs. Willow and your white Persian. They’re both with me. And so is someone else who’s awake. Young Tommy.”

  “Tommy?” gasped Pongo. “Then the emergency’s over. All the humans will be waking.”

  “Oh, no, they won’t,” said the General. “All the other humans at the farm are still fast asleep and so are your humans at Hell Hall. I’ve just been up there, and Prince and I did our very best to wake them—actually shook them; well, it was in a good cause. They didn’t stir and neither did the white cat’s husband. She was upset about that until I explained to her.”

  “Please explain to me, too,” said Pongo.

  “It came to me in a flash. Well, actually, it came to Mrs. Willow first but I wasn’t far behind. Do you remember, soon after you settled in Hell Hall, we made Mrs. Willow and the white cat honorary dogs? And Tommy—he and I could still talk each other’s languages then, a kind of Dog-Human—asked if he could be one, too. So he and Mrs. Willow and the white cat are, well, sort of half-dogs.”

  “Let me have a word with the white cat,” said Missis, who was longing for news from Hell Hall.

  “Can’t be done,” said the Sheepdog. “As they’re only half-dogs they can’t do everything we do. They can’t talk by thought waves and they can’t swoosh. But they’re fully awake and I’m thankful to say that they don’t need food or drink. And it’s a great comfort to have them, especially as Tommy’s partly got back his knack of being able to talk to me. And he’s full of bright ideas and so are the cats. And we simply must join you in London.”

  Pongo said “But how—if Tommy and the cats can’t swoosh? The cats might ride on your back but Tommy couldn’t.”

  “We’ve worked out a plan. Tommy will drive the Tractor. He’s never quite driven it but he’s sat with his father and been allowed to put his hand on the steering wheel. And he knows how to turn the engine on. Anyway, we’ve been practising and it seems that if my Jack Russell and I perch near him, with both the cats, and we all think hard about the Tractor moving forward, well, it does.”

  “How fast?” asked Pongo.

  “Very, very slowly. In fact, it would take quite a week to reach London. But Mrs. Willow has worked out a scheme. Wonderful brain she has—for a cat. I won’t give you the details now, as you’ll soon be seeing for yourself. But I’ll tell you, that Tractor’s never moved so fast in its life. We’re starting at once.”

  “Well, good luck to you,” said Pongo, wondering what on earth the tabby cat’s scheme could be. “We’ll be waiting for you in Downing Street.”

  “The white cat insists that we go first to that house where you used to live in Regent’s Park. And she wants you to meet us there.”

  “But why, General?” asked Pongo.

  “Can’t tell you now but the white cat says it’s necessary.”

  Then the Jack Russell Terrier was heard barking shrilly. “We ought to be starting, General. Let’s get some action.”

  “That’ll be enough from you,” said the General ferociously. “But the cheeky pup’s quite right, Pongo. Now you meet us at that house in a couple of hours. Signing off now.”

  The barking stopped. Cadpig, who had heard everything, said, “Well, it’s best to humor the dear old gentleman. And you can take a look at the Zoo as you’ll be so near.”

  “I’d forgotten about the Zoo,” said Pongo. “Is all well there?”

  “It was when I had my last report. All animals asleep except dogs—there are quite a few dogs attached to the Zoo. They’re patrolling regularly. Dear me, I wonder if there are any half-dogs there? Wolves, for instance.”

  “I hope not,” said Missis. She had seen wolves on television and didn’t fancy them.

  Cadpig said, “I suppose it’s just possible that the General will get here in a couple of hours—today, anything’s possible. So you might as well get off to the Zoo now, Father. Need Mother come with you? I have to entertain some provincial ladydogs in the drawing room and I thought she might help me.”

  “The General asked for me,” said Missis, who very much wanted to see their old home. And there was another reason why she wanted to go to Regent’s Park, a worrying reason. She thought she knew why the white cat wished them to meet her there. But she wasn’t going to tell Pongo, not until she had talked to the cat.

  Cadpig said she could manage on her own and perhaps some of her brothers and sisters would like to see the house where they were born. “We’ll go down and collect them. But I’ll keep Patch to help me, if he doesn’t mind.”

  “Patch would rather help you than see any house in the world,” said Pongo.

  They went down to the Cabinet Room and Babs the Poodle said she would willingly spare Lucky and his wife; Gay wanted to see her husband’s birthplace. So in the end Pongo and Missis were able to take all their family except Cadpig, Patch and Roly Poly. Cadpig barked to the Foreign Secretary’s office, hoping to reach Roly, but the Police Dog on duty there said the Foreign Secretary had taken him out to see London.

  “They’ll be all right, Mother,” said Cadpig. “George is quite a dog-about-town.”

  Missis was far from sure that made things any safer.

  Police Dogs escorted Pongo and Missis and their family until they were through the worst crowds and could swoosh to the Zoo without difficulty.

  Missis didn’t fancy the Zoo at all, but when she found that all the wild animals were not only asleep but also safely behind bars, she felt less nervous. The dogs attached to the Zoo were most polite and only sorry that Cadpig hadn’t come. A keeper’s dog said, “We were hoping to catch a glimpse of her. It’s such a pity she can’t appear on television as she does when things are normal.”

  Pongo wondered why she couldn’t. Today, when dogs had such extraordinary powers, why couldn’t they make television work? Surely it was just the kind of thing that they could work metaphysically. Indeed television seemed to him quite a bit metaphysical even when things were normal. He must talk to Cadpig about it.

  All the Dalmatians were quite used to seeing wild animals, on television, but to see so many sleeping animals was very strange indeed. Elephants, lions, tigers, giraffes, monkeys, polar bears, seals and many, many others lay there utterly still, except for their gentle breathing. Missis need not have worried about the wolves; they slept as deeply as every other animal. Half-dogs they might be but they were not honorary half-dogs. Perhaps that made all the difference.

  Birds in the aviary slept on their perches. And strangest of all were the sleeping fish in the aquarium. They might have been painted fish in painted water.

  Long before they had seen everything there was to see, Missis said she thought it was time to leave. She could not really enjoy herself because of her secret thoughts. And she wanted to be at the Regent’s Park house when the General and his party arrived, so that no time was wasted before she shared her suspicions with the white cat.

  So they said goodbye to the courteous keeper-dogs, who were getting very busy as many sight-seeing dogs were now coming into the Zoo, through the turnstiles which, today, worked without being pushed. And then Pongo and Missis led their family out and along the Outer Circle.

  They had not gone far when they heard many dogs bar
king, and it was a special kind of barking which they recognized as cheering. What could it mean?

  The cheering was coming from behind them. Pongo thought a halt, so that he could look back, and a moment later he saw the most astonishing sight. Coming across the bridge over the Regent’s Canal, at a tremendous pace, was the Tractor.

  At the wheel sat young Tommy, and near him were the General, the Jack Russell Terrier, the white cat and the tabby cat, Mrs. Willow. All of them were gazing straight ahead and none of them noticed the little group of Dalmatians—who saw, as the Tractor swept past, that it was being pushed by a dozen of the Dalmatians who had been left behind at Hell Hall. They were swooshing and so was the Tractor. Its wheels weren’t touching the ground.

  “It’s become a Hover-tractor,” said Missis. “How very metaphysical.”

  “We must follow it,” said Pongo. “Quick swoosh.”

  They caught up with it just as it stopped in front of the house that had once been the Dearlys’. The Sheepdog, the Jack Russell and the cats got down, but Tommy stayed at the wheel and seemed to be talking to the Tractor.

  “He’s thanking it,” the General told Pongo. “It’s behaved magnificently. You’d think it was human.”

  “You mean canine,” said Pongo. “Well, between you and it you’ve been marvellously quick.”

  “Prince lent me a dozen strong swooshers,” said the General. “And we at the front helped by thinking forward thoughts, which is quite hard work.”

  Tommy now got down from the Tractor. Pongo and Missis greeted him affectionately and tried to understand what he said. Usually they did understand him, just as they understood most humans, but he was now talking half-Dog and half-Human, as he had when he was very young, and they couldn’t get the hang of it.

  “Needs practice,” said the Sheepdog. “I can follow most of it now and he half understands me, which is more than any other human ever did.”

  The Dalmatians who had come with the Tractor had joined the ones who had been born in the Regent’s Park house and Lucky was pointing out the kitchen window. He said, “Shall we go inside, Father? I expect the door will open for us if we ask it to.”