Heart of the Bear

by T. S. Joyce

“Please stop,” Rae whispered.

  Jesse swallowed a snarl and tore his gaze away from Ethan’s.

  “I don’t want to cause tension. It’s okay if you don’t trust me yet,” she said, swinging her attention to Ethan. “I really do get it. I’ve come in here and shaken everything up, and you need more time to assess if I’m a good fit for your clan or not. I know I would be the only human under you, and that changes the dynamic for your people. I can wait. I care about Jesse. I can be patient and earn your trust.”

  The silence was so thick it pressed an uncomfortable weight across Jesse’s shoulders. He wanted his best friend to accept his mate, but he couldn’t tell what Ethan was thinking as he stared at Rae with burning, silver eyes that reflected like an animal’s in the firelight.

  No one spoke or moved. The night birds in the trees had gone quiet, as if they were affected by the grim change in mood.

  Ethan leaned over to a cooler by his chair, popped the lid, and tossed Rae a beer. “Then stay. Your probation is lifted, and you can leave whenever you want, but I’m inviting you to stay and be a part of my clan. Stay for Jesse.”

  Rae sat up straighter and nodded slowly as moisture rimmed her eyes. Her lip quivered as she looked at the faces of the people Jesse loved the most. The Cress alphas, Dillon, Logan, and their mates. A single tear fell to her cheek as she returned her gaze to Ethan’s. “Okay,” she said thickly.

  Jesse straightened in the chair and gripped her leg. “Okay, what?”

  “Yes,” she said, face crumpling under her emotions as she cupped his cheeks. “I’ll stay for you. I’ll be a part of this clan.”

  Unable to contain himself, Jesse shot up with her in his arms and squeezed her against him. He swayed and buried his face against her shoulder. “Tell me you’re serious.”

  A short laugh escaped her lips, and she sniffled and held onto his neck. “I wouldn’t joke right now. Not about this. My answer is yes.”

  Reese squealed. That’s the only word that could describe the sound that came from her throat. She bounded over to them and threw her arms around both of them, then Samantha joined, then Muriel and Breshia.

  Rae looked from face to beaming face and looked so happy, tears and all.

  No matter what was coming their way, no matter what they had yet to deal with, they were in this together, him and his mate.

  He wasn’t alone anymore, and a weight he hadn’t known he’d been carrying lifted from his shoulders. He wanted to cry with her, to hold her all night and reward her for making him so happy. He wanted to protect her, always, and take care of her until she wanted for nothing.

  He wasn’t going to fail Rae.

  Not now, not ever.

  ****

  Happiness like this should be illegal.

  Rae held onto Jesse’s taut waist for dear life as he sped over another hill. All four wheels of the ATV under them came off the ground. She squeaked as they landed, and Jesse hit the gas again. She couldn’t stop laughing if her life depended on it right now.

  If this was what the Seven Devils clan considered work, then she needed to sign up for some ranger training. Sure, it was serious. They were making certain there weren’t illegal traps set in the woods, and that there were no signs of poachers or hikers who’d lost their way, but getting to each lookout point was a joy ride. Jesse took a thin trail near a cliff and steered the four-wheeler higher up the mountain.

  When they reached a ridge, he slowed, then stopped. Pulling her from the seat, he said, “I want to show you something.”

  Mmm hmm. She was sure he needed to show her his something. He’d shown her that twice already today. But when she opened her mouth to make a joke of it, he spun her shoulders and pressed her back against his chest.

  She gasped at the scenery below them. Piney hills and mountains stretched like ocean waves as far as the eye could see. On the horizon, in a valley at the edge of the range, she could make out the town of Joseph. She’d known Oregon had beautiful country, but she hadn’t known it was like this. This land took her breath away.

  “Joseph looks so small from here,” she whispered, afraid to disturb the serenity of this place.

  “Look.” Jesse pointed to a bare spot in the thick foliage two hills to their right. “That’s your home, Rae. That’s ranger camp.

  Home.

  Warmth settled over her as the word left his lips. It burrowed into her middle until she felt changed from the inside out. She’d been searching for something to fill a void all of her life, and this was it. This was the moment that she would look back on for the rest of her days and know it was profound. That it was the instant she accepted her place here in Hells Canyon with the people she was growing to love. With Jesse.

  Even if she couldn’t give him cubs. Even if the only family she was ever going to have was him, that would be okay. Everything was going to be all right. The sadness of the last few years, and all of those awful feelings of failure, lifted from her soul. She could finally breathe again.

  “Jesse?” Ethan said over the radio. His voice sounded grim. “We need you back at camp right away.”

  “Why? What’s happened?”

  “Just…hurry.” Static blasted over the speaker, and Jesse frowned at the walkie-talkie in his hand.

  He helped Rae back onto the ATV and sped down the mountain. This wasn’t the exhilarating ride the trip up here had been. Going back to camp was fueled by curiosity, and perhaps dread, of the unknown. Jesse had gone quiet, and his muscles were so tense, his back felt like a bag of stones against her cheek.

  When they pulled into the clearing of the ranger camp, it seemed every shifter in the Seven Devils clan had gathered. Confused, she smiled at Reese and gave a half-wave.

  Reese looked scared. Or pissed. Or maybe a bit of both as her mate talked low to a woman Rae hadn’t seen before on the edge of the crowd.

  The woman looked furious. Her sandy-blond hair twitched as she made an angry gesture, and said something too low for Rae to make out. When her eyes landed on Rae, such a look of hatred took over her face, Rae shrank behind Jesse’s back.

  “Fuck,” Jesse said. He caste a quick glance at her, then dismounted. “Rae, this isn’t the way I wanted to do this. I wanted to tell you when I took you out tonight, where it would be special and I could explain.”

  “Explain what?”

  A little boy ran from the middle of the crowd and Jesse stooped to catch him. Kneeling in the dirt, he clutched the boy to him like he was a part of himself he’d been missing.

  “Hey, boy,” Jesse said through a faltering smile.

  Feeling like her world was spinning, Rae stood and took a tentative step toward them. “Jesse?”

  His broad shoulders lifted as if to shield himself from the uncertainty in her voice. He pulled the boy in front of him. Solemn green eyes, the shade of Jesse’s, stared back at her as the child clutched his hands in front of him. His hair was the shade of the woman’s who was now approaching. But his eyes…those were Jesse’s.

  A tiny gasp left her lips as realization crashed through her.

  “Rae,” Jesse rumbled low as he watched her. “This is my son, Jonathan. Jonathan, this is Rae.”

  Betrayal stung like the lash of a whip. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Surely, having a child wasn’t worth hiding from someone he’d bonded to. “You let me go on and on about how we would never have a family. You watched me cry over it.” She pitched her voice louder as the first embers of anger singed her insides. “Why, Jesse?”

  He opened his mouth to speak, but the woman answered for him. “Because you don’t belong here, and you can’t be trusted. The clan has decided you are to leave immediately.”

  Rae wanted to snap. She wanted to scream and accuse, but she didn’t understand the dynamic here. Jesse said he’d moved on. He hadn’t, however, told her his ex was a manipulative little demon who could turn the clan against her. Gritting her teeth so hard her face hurt, Rae said, “The clan was fine with me yesterday.” She dragged her
gaze from Jonathan to his fuming mother.

  “Well, I’m home now. I’m Jesse’s mate, and we are making our family work. You aren’t welcome here.”

  “Stop it,” Jesse said so low, Rae could barely hear him. He sat kneeling in the dirt, his long legs folded under him as he held his son’s small hand.

  “Jesse, you promised we’d work this out—”

  “Enough!” he roared in a voice that sounded more animal than man.

  The claw mark on her arm throbbed with remembered pain, and she looked down at Jonathan in horror. He was too close to Jesse, and from the empty look in Jesse’s eyes, his bear was coming.

  “Jonathan, come to me,” she said, holding out her hand slowly, so she wouldn’t make Jesse defensive. “You shouldn’t hear this. Let’s go back in your house until things settle down, hmm?”

  Jonathan took a step toward her.

  “Don’t you dare,” Miranda snarled out. “Get the fuck away from my family.”

  Rae’s heart was pounding so hard, her chest hurt with every beat. If she did what this crazy woman said, it would set Jesse off. If the woman continued to approach in that slow, calculating way she was doing, it would set him off, too.

  “Okay, Jonathan, can you go to your Mom?”

  Jesse’s chest was heaving, and he swayed.

  “She’s not my mom,” Jonathan said in a ragged whisper.

  Well, fuck it all then. Rae lurched forward and grabbed Jonathan’s shoulders, then pulled him toward her.

  Jonathan clung to her waist as Jesse stood. Her mate canted his head as he turned his glare on Miranda. “Don’t,” he growled out.

  Miranda screamed, and it turned to a roar as a massive grizzly burst from her tiny body. Jesse backed up until he was standing protectively in front of Rae and Jonathan.

  “Dad!” Jonathan yelled.

  “I won’t let her get to you,” he said, his voice too low to be human.

  The sound of his feral words lifted the hairs on Rae’s arms, but it was the sight of the she-grizzly, standing on her hind legs, bellowing a challenge that had her retreating slowly behind Jesse. His hand rested on her hip as he guided her backward. She couldn’t see his face from here, but his neck had gone as red as his hair, and his shoulders were heaving.

  “I challenge Jesse for second!” Landon shouted out, and Rae looked on in horror as he changed on the edge of the crowd. Landon’s blond-colored grizzly charged straight for them, the ground shaking as his powerful legs propelled him forward.

  Ethan sprinted toward them, eyes empty and silver as an enormous, scarred bear burst from him.

  Jesse hunched into himself, and a towering black bear ripped from his skin, all fur, teeth, and claws. He stood just in time to catch the blond challenger, and just as Miranda bunched her muscles to attack Rae, she spun-lunged for the tree line with Jonathan. She wasn’t nearly fast enough, and could hear the bear’s panting breath right behind her. At the last second, she cried out and fell to her knees, covering Jonathan’s little body with her own. He was just a kid, and everything had gone so wrong.

  A breeze glanced across her neck, urging her to clutch Jonathan even tighter, but when the pain she expected didn’t come, she lifted her fear-filled gaze.

  Jesse was latched onto the challenger’s throat, and Ethan was locked in battle with Miranda.

  Rae.

  Crimson splattered against the grass beside her.

  Rae.

  The rage in Jesse’s eyes was infinite.

  Rae.

  She didn’t understand anything that was happening.

  “Rae!” Reese screamed as she bolted toward her. Her voice finally broke through her shock at the violence before her. “Give me Jonathan! Rae,” Reese cried, skidding on her knees beside her and pulling Jonathan out of Rae’s embrace, “you have to run.”

  When Rae followed Reese’s pointed finger, horror filled her as the Seven Devils clan began to change into their animals.

  “What’s happening?” Rae whimpered.

  “Ethan and Jesse are too worked up. They’re pulling the change from everyone. I’ll protect the cub with my life. I swear it. Rae!” Reese gripped her shoulder so hard it hurt. “Run.”

  Ethan’s fight was getting closer. Miranda was bleeding heavily, but the hatred in her eyes landed on Rae time and time again.

  She jumped up and pumped her legs as hard as she could until she reached the big tent. A bear came around the other side, and she screamed and ran the other way. She tripped right as she reached her car and landed hard in the dirt. Her old Honda groaned as something big hit the other side of it.

  Panicked, Rae crawled forward and yanked the door handle, then poured into the driver’s seat. The keys sat on the dashboard, and she fumbled for the right one. The engine revved as she missed a gear. To try to focus, she bit her bottom lip until she tasted blood. Whatever was happening here, she wasn’t a part of it like she’d thought.

  A sob wrenched from her throat, and tears blurred her eyes as she peeled out onto the dirt road that would lead out of the mountains—the one that would lead out of the home she’d thought she found.

  What good was she here? Jesse would always have to protect her and bleed for her. She couldn’t even defend Jonathan when all she had were blunt nails and dulled teeth against monsters. She was nothing but a weaponless, pathetic human in a clan of bears. Out of her element, she wouldn’t survive here long.

  Looking in the rearview as the battling bears faded and disappeared, her shoulders sagged with the despair that came from leaving this place.

  Miranda was right.

  She didn’t belong here.

  Chapter Ten

  The weeks that followed Rae’s time at Hells Canyon were the worst of her life. She’d gone back to her apartment in Portland, but it hadn’t felt like home anymore. She’d already given her heart to another place nestled in the mountains. With Jesse, she’d discovered parts of herself she hadn’t known existed—pieces of herself she liked—and now they were gone again.

  Hells Canyon had changed her, and now her soul craved more growth. She’d lived in those couple of days up there, but here, in the city, she’d withered to a shell of her former self.

  The job she’d been offered had been given to someone else, and as she searched for a new position, she thought of the rangers and how they loved their work. How they found passion for protecting the land in their territory and the campers who visited their park. She imagined the ATV ride and Jesse’s animated face when he talked about working at the ranger tower. She wanted something that challenged her and made her want to be a better person like that.

  Nights were the worst. When darkness fell, and she was all alone in her bed, she had to fight the urge to go back to him. And then the nightmares would begin, and she’d wake up screaming, and sometimes crying, from dreams she couldn’t ever remember.

  Hells Canyon had been the best thing to ever happen to her, and then it had broken her.

  Jesse hadn’t called, but Reese had. Everyone was all right after the battles, and Jesse was now second to Ethan. She explained how he was a legendary Cress alpha, and that Jesse helping Ethan run the clan was a huge accomplishment. The Seven Devils hadn’t had a black bear as a second in over a hundred years. They’d all been grizzlies. Reese sounded proud, but there were undercurrents of worry, and it was clear she wasn’t telling Rae everything.

  It hurt too badly to talk about the life she could’ve had there, so Rae didn’t ask questions.

  Reese had asked her if she was coming back to Hells Canyon, but how could she ever feel safe there again? The complexities of the Seven Devils clan was too much for an outsider. She’d never be able to tell when Jesse’s people would try to hurt her, or why.

  She was dead if she went back, and she was dead here in the city.

  Rae pulled a hoodie over her ponytail and glimpsed her reflection in the hallway mirror. Pale skin and hollow eyes made her look away quickly. She’d liked the changes the mountains ha
d made in her and wanted to feel that strong and confident again. So today, she was going to go for a long hike on the edge of the city. If she was lucky, her despair would be eased by fresh air, like medicine for her soul.

  She opened the front door and jumped, nearly startled out of her skin. Ethan stood there, hand raised as if he was about to knock.

  “Sorry,” he said in a gruff voice. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  It was just after dawn and still foggy out. Ethan’s messy hair hung across one of his bright eyes, and he stood back and leaned against the railing of her porch.

  Rae cleared her throat in an attempt to gather the wits he’d scared out of her. “What are you doing here?”

  “Reese asked you to come back.”

  “She did, but I don’t feel safe going back there. Surely, you can understand.”

  “Reese asked you, and now I’m asking you. Jesse… He needs you.”

  God, those words battered her heart. No, Ethan had it wrong. She was the one who needed Jesse. She just couldn’t figure out a way to make things right between them.

  She swallowed hard so her voice wouldn’t tremble when she said, “I’m sorry, Ethan. I won’t tell anyone about you or your people.” Her voice hitched. “I love them. I love… I love Jesse. I’d never do anything to hurt your clan, but I’m not a part of them.”

  “That’s bullshit. Yes you are. What Miranda did was unforgiveable. We don’t attack humans. It isn’t the way we do things, and it goes against our instincts to protect. She’s been banished for good. Landon issuing a challenge during such a volatile moment got him punished, too. He was trying to take advantage of Jesse’s distraction with protecting you and Jonathan. He messed up, but he wasn’t after you. He was after a higher rank in the clan.”

  “And what about all the other bears? They changed, and Reese told me to run. I was terrified.”

  “They were confused, and their alpha was going to battle for reasons they didn’t understand. Part of that was my fault. It was Bear’s fault. As alpha, I should’ve had more control not to let my animal’s dominance affect my people like that. I just wanted to protect Jesse and you and Jonathan. He’s my best friend, and if Miranda hurt you or his son, it would break him.”