Step Into the Wind

by Bev Prescott

  This was different. Alex’s parents had acted out of hateful, selfish pettiness at the expense of their children. “None of it was your fault.”

  “Really, Zoe? Even the police took me in for questioning. They thought it was suspicious that I didn’t tell anyone about the letter. They thought Jake and I had cooked up some twisted revenge scheme against my parents that had gone wrong. I guess the only thing that saved me was that I had a meltdown of my own afterward. I wasn’t guilty, but crazy. I suppose I can thank my mother for the anxiety and depression genes and her pulling the switch to activate them. I spent the last year of high school in and out of the hospital while doctors tried to cure me of my sadness and fear. Running away to college all the way across the country in California may have kept my anxiety and depression at bay, but it’s always there, lurking in the shadows.”

  Zoe felt she understood why Alex had decided to leave without a good-bye. She needed to escape before her past got the better of her again. “But why did you decide to come back this summer?”

  “I told you, Mother is dying. What I haven’t admitted to anyone until now is that I hoped if I could find the courage to see her one last time, she might apologize.” Alex shook her head. “I despise her so much, yet some days the only thing I think could help me is a hug from her. Just one real hug, and maybe I could finally forgive her and let go of it.”

  “What if she never apologizes?”

  The sun had begun to rise. Its rays mixed with clouds on the horizon. To Zoe, they looked like dark orange-red ribbons painted on the edge of the sky.

  Alex stood and pulled her to her feet. “She won’t. That’s why I’m leaving Maine. If we head back now, I’ll still have time to catch my flight.”

  Zoe placed a hand on either side of Alex’s face. “Please don’t go. Not yet.”

  Alex put her hands on Zoe’s wrists. She smiled sadly. “You remind me of summer.” She leaned in, put her lips briefly on Zoe’s, and pulled her into a tight embrace. “Thank you, for that. And thank you for listening.” She let go and stepped away from her.

  Just like after the dance and in Zoe’s dream, Alex leaned close enough to touch, only to slip from her grasp. That kiss was all she needed to know for sure that she had to do everything in her power not to let Alex go. Alex was in desperate need of help. The people in her life who were supposed to love her had let her go without a fight.

  Well, she had enough fight inside for both of them. That would only go so far, though. Like the eaglet, Alex needed to find a reason to hang on if there was any hope that she’d really live again and be happy someday. Zoe felt she needed to help Alex find that reason, even if it meant following her all the way back to California if she couldn’t convince her to stay in Maine.

  Chapter 21

  A crowd had formed on shore as Alex maneuvered the boat through the still choppy water back toward the camp. She wondered whether the strangeness of the weather was a metaphor for why she never should’ve come home.

  Her heart felt barren in a place so normally lush. She stole a glance at Zoe. Ever since they left the dock on the other side of the lake, Zoe had repeatedly asked her to stay. She was tempted to agree. But if she didn’t leave Glasgow, she would only end up pulling Zoe into the same abyss. Anxiety and depression were already tugging her in over the edge of madness. All she had to do was keep her grip through the rest of the morning, long enough to get away.

  “Please, try to understand why I have to leave,” she said.

  “I do,” Zoe replied. “I just wish you wouldn’t.”

  “Unfortunately, if I don’t leave, the terrible memories will never let go of me.”

  Zoe grabbed the back of Alex’s fleece pullover and scrunched it in her fists. “Maybe it’s not about it letting go of you, but of you letting go of it. If you stay, people who care about you can help.” She looked toward shore. “People like Sally and me. Please, stay and get help.”

  Alex cut the engine as the boat approached the beach. Sally, her father, James, Claire, and Chuck and the other guys stood waiting for them. Staying was an impossible option. Facing down what had happened was too daunting. “I can’t. Besides, it’ll be my fault if I stay and hurt you. I don’t ever want to do that. I won’t taint you with this.” The boat slid to a stop in the sand. She already missed Zoe desperately, but leaving was the only thing to do.

  “You don’t have a right to decide for me,” Zoe said as Alex pulled from her grasp.

  The crowd swooped on them. Chuck put out a hand to her. She took it and stepped over the side of the boat. At the same time she let go of his hand, Sally threw her arms around her and said, “Honey, we were so worried.”

  “I’m okay,” Alex answered.

  The eyes in the crowd bored through her. She felt like she was fifteen again. She heard the people in the crowd saying something but couldn’t make out the words. The sense of déjà vu solidified her desire to leave. This would be the only time Zoe would be put through this kind of scene because of her.

  She lowered her eyes and let Sally embrace her until the first waves of despair began to fracture the dam that held back her tears. She could feel them threatening to cascade over the edge of her restraint. Her father’s voice stifled them.

  Daniel grabbed her elbow and spun her around to face him. His expression was an incongruous mix of emotion. “Damn it, Alex. What is your problem? Going off like that in the night without a word. Just like bef—” The last word came out garbled as a sob lodged in his throat. He wrapped his arms around her, trapping her against his chest.

  Something snapped. His arms, his accusation, and his fantasy of concern acted like a wick that drew the many feelings hidden beneath the surface of her heart toward the light of day. She lifted her palms to his chest and pushed out of his embrace as a geyser of emotions spurted out of her.

  “My problem? You want to know my problem?” Her voice grew louder with each answer. “The fact that you have to ask is my problem. You are my problem.” She gestured to the other people on shore. “This fucking homophobic town is my problem. Make up your mind about what it is you want from me. You didn’t seem to care all that much when you threw me out of the house hours ago. What difference does it make now whether I drown in the lake like Jake? Maybe it would finally put you out of your misery.”

  Everyone stood rigid in her wake.

  James had the gall to speak. “Your father was worried about you, and rightly so. We all were.”

  In her mind’s eye, she looked over her shoulder and saw the years of pent-up emotions and memories bearing down on her like a raging torrent. There was no escape. She pointed her finger at James. “People like you killed my brother.” To her surprise, standing her ground and letting the memories and emotions overtake her brought a calm to her words she wouldn’t have predicted.

  She turned to her father. “You didn’t lift a finger to stop the bullying, and now the bully is running the camp. A place Jake and I loved.” She watched as a tear slid down Daniel’s cheek. “Don’t pretend that you care now. It’s too late. You were either impotent to protect us, or you never loved us.” Maybe she wasn’t entirely insane yet. If she’d lost her mind completely, would she feel so much guilt and still be so calm?

  Daniel stood like stone at the accusation, an impervious, rock of a man. His mouth moved slightly, but nothing came out.

  Alex made an effort not to look Zoe in the eyes before she turned to walk away. She couldn’t endure letting her see the vacant shell that remained after the flood of pain had washed out of her and over her father and James. She was lost and could never be found again, not even by Zoe.

  Zoe studied the faces of the people left behind by Alex. Their expressions reminded her of the moments before a violent storm. No one spoke. Each seemed to retreat from the darkness and worry that had settled over them, helpless to do anything other than be still and wait it out. She suspected that in each of their own ways, the people standing on this beach were still living the death of
Jake Marcotte. Their paralysis was the problem. Someone needed to keep Alex from leaving. She was the key to all of them finally moving on.

  Zoe was about to run after her when Sally shot her a look that stopped her in her tracks.

  “Leave her be, honey.” Sally may have only been slightly taller than Zoe, but she towered over everyone present with a sternness that left no doubt as to her authority. “What are you waiting for, Daniel? Go after her this time before she’s gone forever.”

  “What am I supposed to say to her anymore?” Daniel clenched his fists. “She accused me of killing my own son. She refuses to go see her mother before she dies. Alex wrote us all off a long time ago. What do I do with that?”

  “You start by telling her that you love her. And for once, listen to what she’s saying. Did you ever stop to think that maybe she keeps you at arm’s length because she’s afraid of being hurt by you again?” Sally gripped his elbow. “You’ve already lost Jake, and your Carolyn doesn’t have much time left for this world. Don’t lose Alex too. Follow her to the ends of the earth if you have to. Whatever you do, keep her from getting on that plane.” Her voice quieted. “Nothing that was ever said or done in the past matters now. Deal with the present, and finally put all that awfulness away. It’s killing your family one day at a time while you let it.”

  “What if I can’t stop her?” He broke down and cried.

  “You don’t have a choice,” Sally answered. “Alex needs a father now, not a broken man trapped in his own heartbreak. Go after your daughter.”

  Without another word, Daniel took off in Alex’s direction. Claire made a move to follow.

  Sally blocked her path. “I know you mean well, but stay out of it. This is between Daniel and Alex, as it should be.”

  Claire nodded and said to Chuck, “Maybe I should help you and the other fellows get the boat back into the boathouse. The water’s too rough to leave it on shore.”

  Chuck motioned to Bob and Martin. “Good idea.”

  Martin remained rooted to the spot. In the time that Zoe had been at the camp, she remembered him only ever saying maybe three words at most. He was a follower who pretty much kept his mouth shut and did what he was told. Not this time. He kicked at the ground and batted a pebble around with the toe of his boot. “You know those two kids were never right after they came up with that garbage about being gay,” he said. “Maybe what happened was God telling them that there’s no Adam and Steve. God created man to be with woman.”

  Zoe jumped when the usually mild-mannered Chuck slammed his fist on a nearby picnic table and glared at Martin. “And I suppose you believe that God created heaven and earth in seven days too. Maybe you should’ve stayed in school and spent more time working on your math, because the math just doesn’t add up. If you think about it, that whole seven days thing doesn’t make sense, what with fossils being found that are millions of years old.” He scowled. “God made those two kids perfect, as sure as He made me and you. You’d better say your prayers tonight and ask forgiveness for being so hateful. Go on home for the day. Bob and I will take care of things here. I don’t want you in my business right now.”

  “Fossils are just a bunch of hogwash,” Martin blurted. “My church says they don’t prove anything except that evolution didn’t happen.”

  “I’m done listening to so-called church men who can’t be trusted to tell me the truth.” Chuck pointed to his own chest. “My heart tells me that what this town did to Alex and her brother was wrong. I love those kids, and I always will. I only want Alex to be happy, just like she was when she was a little girl before hatefulness hiding under the name of God took Jake.”

  James intervened. “Maybe I have some things for Martin to do. The last I recall, I’m the manager here with the only authority to send people home.”

  Chuck smirked. “Authority you haven’t earned. I’ve been working at this camp before you were even a glimmer in your daddy’s eyes. Don’t you ever try to assert authority over me until you gain my respect.”

  “How dare you speak to me like that? Maybe I should fire you.”

  Chuck took a step closer to James. “You and I both know that what Alex said was true. Fire me if you want, but I don’t intend to stay quiet anymore. I’ll never forgive myself for not speaking up for Jake and trying to protect him when I had the chance.” He glanced around at everyone else standing with them. “None of us did. And look what happened. You don’t need to fire me. I’ll quit. I suggest you think long and hard about that, though. You may get away with an awful lot around here where Daniel is concerned. Firing me, or allowing me to quit, won’t be one of them.”

  James put up his hands. “I don’t want you to quit.” His jaw clenched and he seemed to be weighing his words. “For Daniel’s sake, let’s calm down. There’s too much going on here at the camp for anyone to quit.” He turned to Martin. “Take the afternoon off as Chuck suggests.”

  “Are you serious?” Martin asked.

  “Yes,” James answered. “Apologize while you’re at it.” He glared at Chuck. “We have a camp full of kids to run. I can’t let Daniel down. No one is quitting or getting fired.”

  Martin mumbled to Chuck, “I’m sorry I said what I did. I spoke out of line. I’ll leave now. Can I come back in the morning?” he asked James.

  “Of course.”

  “Be here at the usual time,” Chuck said. “And be sure to show up a better man than you were today. If you can’t do that, then at least keep your trap shut about things you don’t understand.”

  “Yes, sir.” Martin headed in the direction of his truck.

  Chuck nodded at Sally. “Please keep me in the loop about Alex. Let me know if there’s anything at all I can do to help.”

  “I will.” Sally said. She pointed a finger at James. “As for you, maybe you should go home with Martin and think about the role you played in all this mess instead of acting like the king around here. Once a bully, always a bully, but guess what? It stops here, right now, with me. Just like Chuck, I’m done with this kind of nonsense in this town too.”

  Zoe hadn’t thought it was possible, but did she see a flicker of shame on James’s face?

  “We were just kids,” James said. “We never meant for things to happen the way they did. Besides, you know that depression runs deep in that family. That’s what took Jake.” He glanced up the hill. “Unlike Alex, some of us stayed here in town to help her parents hold this camp together. There are lots of other places I could go where I’d make a ton more money than I do here. Maybe she ought to finally take some responsibility.”

  A smile spread across Sally’s face. “You know, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all. I could envision you taking leave of this town for good, and Alex coming back to stay. I’d love to see that happen. No one could run this place better than a Marcotte, most especially Alex. She actually cares about the kids and what this camp means to them as opposed to her own ego.”

  “Humph,” James said and grunted. “This place wouldn’t last a year with Alex running it. If you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.” He spun around on his heel and stormed off toward the main building.

  Zoe felt bony fingers close around her forearm just as she was about to add her opinion.

  “Don’t waste your breath. He’s an ass,” Sally said. “You must be hungry.”

  The statement took Zoe by surprise. “I am, but food is the last thing on my mind. We can’t let Alex leave. Someone has to stop her.”

  “I know. And that someone should be her father. I suppose she told you about her brother?”

  “Yes, she did. She’s in trouble. Alex is going to drown herself just like he did if she can’t get free of her sadness. I can’t stand the thought.”

  “You have feelings for her, don’t you?” Sally asked. “I wasn’t born yesterday. Those feelings you have are more than as a friend.”

  “Yes, and I’ll do anything to get her to stay,” Zoe said.

  Sally patted her cheek. “Good
girl. Because when she comes back with her father, she’s going to need all of us.”

  “How can you be so sure she’ll come back?”

  “I saw her hit rock bottom with what she said to him. Underneath all her emotional problems, Alex is a strong woman. She’ll recognize it’s time to stop running and fight to get well. I have every confidence in her. Why don’t you join me for breakfast? You need to eat.” Sally started up the hill.

  Zoe followed. “I’ll pass on breakfast. I’m going after Alex if her father can’t convince her to stay.”

  Sally stopped and regarded her. “All right, then. I’ll count on it. At least grab a bagel or something from the camp kitchen. I don’t want to worry about you too.”

  “If it’s the last thing I do, I’m not going to let Alex get on that plane.” Zoe’s strength grew with the admission of her feelings. “Nothing in my life has ever mattered more.”

  Chapter 22

  The cab driver looked over his shoulder. “Where to?” He winked at Alex and looked like he intended to chat her ear off for the next hour.

  “I’m going to the airport.” Alex wished she could blink her eyes and be back in California now instead of enduring the hordes of people she’d have to wade through all day while traveling to the other side of the country and getting away from the toxic memories of her family. Under her breath, she said to herself, “Just get through the rest of the day before you come apart completely.”

  Her father’s voice cut through the noise raging inside her head. “Alex, wait.” He ran to the taxi and placed his hands on the open window’s frame.

  “I told you, I’m not staying. How else do you want me to say it so you’ll finally hear me?” In the rearview mirror, Alex caught the driver peering at her. “Can we please go?” Daniel reached in and put a hand on her shoulder. The gentleness of his touch reminded her of when she was a little girl and still idolized him. She whispered, “Why can’t you let me go?”