All We Have Is Now

by Lisa Schroeder

Where are we going? he wants to ask.

  But the words don’t come. Only darkness.

  VINCE AND Emerson walk around the outside of the mansion, looking in the windows, though it’s hard to see much. Every time they come to a door, they try opening it, but the place is locked up tight.

  As they peer into a large picture window, giving them a peek of a room filled with very old-fashioned wingback chairs and a sofa, along with a piano and a harp, Vince says, “Can you imagine living here?”

  “It’s like something out of a movie,” Emerson says. “Like, I’m half expecting Elizabeth Bennet to walk out here any minute, dressed in a lovely white frock with ribbons in her hair, as she waits for Mr. Darcy to come calling on her.”

  “Who?” Vince asks as he moves to another window and puts his hands and face up to it.

  “You’re kidding, right?”

  “No. Never heard of them.”

  “From the book Pride and Prejudice? By Jane Austen? You’ve heard of it, right?”

  “No. Can’t say I have.”

  Emerson is about to tell him she can no longer call him a friend, when someone behind them clears her throat. They both spin around, startled.

  “I love the movie,” the teen girl says. “The one with Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen? It’s my favorite, actually. Both of them are just so, so perfect in it.”

  “Right,” Emerson says. “I agree. I watched it at a friend’s house one time. As soon as it was over, I wanted to watch it again.”

  “I hope I’m not bothering you guys,” the girl says. “I live nearby, and couldn’t sleep. Thought I’d come and see if the house happened to be open. I take it that it’s not?”

  “Unfortunately, no,” Vince says. “And you’re not bothering us at all. I’m Vince, and this is Emerson.”

  “Nice to meet you. I’m Katsumi, but you can call me Kat. So what’s the deal? You couldn’t sleep, either?”

  Emerson waves at Vince. “He brought me here for some sort of surprise. I’m not sure what it is yet. Wait. I bet you’re in on it, aren’t you? I know, you’re the movie director and Keira and Matthew are getting dressed as we speak. There’s going to be a sequel, right? And I get to be in the movie? What do I play? The maid? Cook, maybe?”

  Kat chuckles. “Maid? No way. You get to be the beautiful girl-next-door who’s just moved in. And you have your eye on Mr. Darcy.”

  Emerson’s hand flies to her mouth. “Oh, but I can’t do that to poor Lizzy Bennet. I mean, she’s waited so long to find love. What is she, nineteen? Twenty? The poor thing, she’s practically an old maid, complete with shriveled-up lady parts.”

  “Yikes,” Vince mutters. “Poor Mr. Darcy. Shriveled-up lady parts are no fun, man. No fun at all.”

  “Exactly,” Kat says. “Which is why you must rescue him, Emerson. Save the dear chap, won’t you?”

  “No,” Emerson says, putting her hand on her forehead as if she’s suffering. “I can’t do it. I mustn’t. Please, just let me be a servant and I’ll serve the couple well.”

  Kat pauses, seeming to consider this. “All right. Come along, then. Let me show you to your quarters.”

  Emerson turns and gives Vince an amused look. He shrugs. “Cool. I’m game.”

  Vince flips the flashlight back on as they walk down some stairs and around to the side of the mansion. Kat picks up a large stick, points it, and says, “This way,” and proceeds to lead them to a small building nearby.

  She jiggles the knob, but it’s locked.

  “Oh well,” Vince says. “I guess—”

  But before he can finish his sentence, Kat jabs the stick into the window at the top of the door, shattering the pane of glass into hundreds of pieces that fall to the ground.

  “Can I get a little light over here, please?”

  Vince does as she asks. Kat reaches in carefully, turns the knob, and opens the door. Then she stands back and says, “After you.”

  STRAIGHT AHEAD, there are stairs that lead up to another level. To the right is a small sitting room with an old-fashioned brick fireplace and a few simple chairs. To the left is a small bedroom complete with a bed, covered in a white chenille bedspread. Emerson turns and goes into the sitting room. Vince sets the flashlight on the mantel, lighting up the room surprisingly well.

  Kat smiles as she steps into the room. “It’s been a while since I took the official tour, but I think this was where the chauffeur lived. Cute, right?”

  “Very,” Emerson says, eyeing Kat and not the house. She glances at Vince and wonders if he’s thinking the same thing. The girl is adorable, with her perfectly round face and pretty red lips. Of course, she also seems a little bit crazy, breaking the window like that without seeming to give it a second thought.

  “Think you could live here?” Kat asks.

  Vince takes a seat in one of the chairs. “Well, it’s all right, but the place could definitely use some new furniture. And a flat-screen. What do you think, Em?”

  Emerson trails her hand along the mantel. “I like it. In the evening, when my duties are done, I could come here and curl up next to a cozy fire. Read a book or write letters.”

  Vince shakes his head. “What do you mean, write letters? No one writes letters anymore. Come on. Get a flat-screen. I hear they’re pretty cheap at Costco.”

  Kat clicks her tongue. “Clearly, you’re not familiar with the time period. There are no televisions yet. No Costcos to shop at. Instead, there’s a garden, where you grow carrots and snap peas and tomatoes. And, yes, you write letters. Lots of letters, because people love letters more than they love food, I think.”

  “It’s the only way to stay in touch,” Emerson adds.

  “He really needs to read the book,” Kat says as she sits in a chair next to Vince.

  “I know,” Emerson sighs. “We were at the library earlier. If only I’d known.”

  “What were you doing at the library?” Kat asks.

  Emerson crosses her arms, wondering how much she wants to tell this girl who is practically a stranger. “We did a little research. And I found my favorite childhood book.”

  “Which is?” Kat asks.

  Emerson hesitates, but Vince doesn’t seem to notice. “Corduroy. You know, the one about the bear who wanders around in the department store, looking for a button?”

  “Oooh, I love that one,” Kat says. Then she turns to Vince. “So, after that, you came here? Are the two of you trying to visit all of your favorite places or something?” She sits back and sighs, before he’s even had a chance to respond. “How romantic.”

  Emerson feels herself getting a little bit annoyed by Kat and her game of twenty questions. Doesn’t she realize she’s getting personal and maybe they don’t want to get personal?

  Vince stands up. “Actually, we’ve been on a kind of quest.”

  Emerson shakes her head slightly. It’s a knee-jerk reaction; she doesn’t even think about it. Something tells her this girl is not someone they should try to help. But Vince just grins as if to say, It’s fine, don’t worry.

  “A quest?” Kat asks as she jumps to her feet. “Oh, I love the sound of that. What are you searching for?”

  “People we can help,” Vince says. “We’re trying to make as many wishes come true as we can. It beats sitting around doing nothing, waiting for the inevitable, you know?”

  Kat smiles. “Really? Oh my God, that is the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. Does that mean you want to make my wish come true?”

  Vince stuffs his hands in the pockets of his scruffy old jeans. “Yeah. Sure. If we can. Why, is there something you’ve always wanted to do?”

  “Yes,” she says, nodding enthusiastically. Then she looks at Emerson. “But I’m not sure—I mean, you might not like it.”

  Emerson’s stomach feels funny. The way Kat is looking at Emerson, she knows something weird is about to happen.

  “What is it?” Vince asks. “Just tell us.”

  “First, I want to ask you,” Kat says as she
fiddles with a pearl ring she’s wearing. “Are you guys, like, boyfriend and girlfriend?”

  “We’re friends,” Vince says, glancing at Emerson. Does he see something in her eyes? she wonders. Does he notice how uncomfortable this room is right now? “Best friends.”

  Kat instantly relaxes, dropping her arms to her sides as she says, “Oh, good. What a relief. Because, well, I wouldn’t want to cause any problems for you two.”

  Vince looks at Kat curiously. “I’m not following you.”

  Kat laughs nervously. “See, I’ve never been kissed. I know it’s probably hard to believe, that I’m sixteen and never been kissed. Like the title of a bad movie or something. But it’s true. My parents are really strict. Like, you can’t even believe how strict. I never get to go anywhere. Do anything.”

  Emerson steps forward. “So, are you asking what I think you’re asking?”

  Kat doesn’t look at her. She just keeps her eyes on Vince. “I was hoping that maybe, um, you could make my wish come true? You know … kiss me?”

  EMERSON SCOFFS. “I don’t think—”

  “No, it’s fine,” Vince says, not letting her finish. “If that’s what she really wants.”

  “But you don’t even know her,” Emerson says, trying not to sound too indignant.

  “I don’t think that really matters right now,” he replies.

  “Are you sure?” Kat says. “Because I don’t want, like, a peck on the cheek or something. I want a real one.” She smiles, trying to look sweet. But to Emerson, she looks absolutely evil. “A good one.”

  Emerson can’t believe what she’s hearing. Is this girl for real?

  “Yeah,” Vince says. “Okay. You want to do it in here, or outside, or what?”

  “But what about my surprise?” Emerson says, stepping between them. “You haven’t even showed me what it is yet.”

  Kat shrugs. “You can do that first. I don’t mind.”

  “Actually,” Vince says, “I can’t. Not yet. It’s not quite ready.”

  “Not ready?” Emerson asks. “I don’t get it. Are you baking me a cake in that fancy house or something?”

  Kat pushes into Emerson, leaning toward Vince. “Oh, I bet I know what it is. Your surprise. Is it—”

  Vince reaches up and puts his hand over Kat’s mouth. “No! Don’t say it. I don’t want to ruin it.”

  Kat takes Vince’s hand and pulls it away from her mouth. As she brings it down, she doesn’t let go. “Okay, okay. My lips are sealed. At least until we kiss.” She chuckles. “Because that wouldn’t be very fun.”

  “All right,” Emerson says, stepping back, her hands raised. “You know what? I think I’ll step outside so you guys can do your thing and get it over with. I’m tired of hearing you talk about it.”

  Kat nods as she looks at Vince. “We could maybe, I don’t know, go into the bedroom?”

  “Oh my God,” Emerson says, glaring at Kat. “Are you serious right now?”

  “Yeah,” she replies. “I just think it’d be more comfortable in there. We can sit on the bed and be … close.”

  “Right,” Vince says. Is that eagerness in his voice? Emerson isn’t sure. “Fine with me.”

  Stop it, Emerson tells herself. Stop being ridiculous. He can do whatever he wants. Let him kiss her and get it over with. Then she’ll leave and you’ll get your surprise, and everything will go back to normal.

  Won’t it?

  HE TRIED to kiss her once.

  Emerson surprised Vince

  with a new coat

  she’d found at the skate park.

  Someone had left it behind.

  Probably wore it there,

  then got hot and took it off

  and forgot to grab it

  when he went home.

  It was nice.

  Thick and warm,

  with a hood.

  When she gave it to him,

  he was like a little kid

  getting a Tonka toy on

  Christmas morning.

  It fit like it was

  made for him.

  “Thank you, Em,” he said.

  “It’s perfect.

  I love it.”

  “I’m glad,” she said.

  He looked at her,

  and she just knew.

  She knew what was coming next.

  He got the words out quickly,

  like they might get away from

  him if he didn’t hurry.

  “And I love you.”

  She stared at him.

  Didn’t know what to say.

  What to do.

  But he knew

  what he wanted to do.

  He leaned in

  to kiss her,

  his dark eyes

  begging her to

  let him.

  She put her arms out

  and stopped him.

  “No,” she told him.

  “We can’t.”

  “Yes, we can.”

  She shook her head.

  “But we won’t.”

  And then she turned,

  and walked away.

  It was the first

  and last time

  Vince ever tried

  to kiss her.

  THE CAR stops and the engine is turned off. Carl opens one eye, just barely.

  “We need to get him inside,” a woman’s voice says. “We have to stop the bleeding.”

  “Mom, does it really matter? I mean, we’re all going to—”

  “Yes,” she hisses. “It matters. We’re all he has, and we’re going to do the right thing.” She pauses. “I have to believe, that despite the insanity, there are still some people doing the right thing. And we’re going to be some of those people, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  Carl tries to sit up. Maybe he can get up and walk so they don’t have to drag him inside. But as soon as he tries, he gets dizzy.

  His head falls back against the seat, and his eyes close again.

  EMERSON SITS on one of the benches at the edge of the mansion’s enormous lawn. They overlook the city of Portland, and in daylight, she imagines it is quite the view. Even now, looking down on the city that’s lit up in the darkness, it’s beautiful.

  When she spotted the benches, after walking around for a few minutes, she didn’t think it made sense to actually take a seat. After all, it was supposed to be a simple kiss. A kiss doesn’t take long.

  At least, it shouldn’t take long.

  But then, Vince and Kat didn’t come out. And so Emerson sat down, like she’s there specifically to enjoy the view and sitting on the bench at five o’clock in the morning all by herself is completely and totally normal. Of course, it’s really not normal. And she’s having trouble actually enjoying the view when she can’t stop imagining what might be going on in that teensy-tiny bedroom.

  As time goes on, she realizes her anxiety is turning to anger. This is not right, him leaving her out here, all alone, in the dark, for this long. It’s inconsiderate and rude and just plain wrong. She decides she’s going to let him know that when he finally shows his face again.

  How will he even have the nerve to show his face again? Like she won’t know what he’s been doing? Of course she knows. Will he joke about it? Try to lighten her mood, which has gone from pretty happy to downright miserable since Kat showed up?

  Is he going to want to include Kat in the rest of their day? Their very last day? It’s been the two of them for so long, it feels strange to expand their circle at this point. No, not a circle. A pair. A tight-knit, all-we-need-is-you-and-me pair.

  Just the thought makes Emerson feel slightly queasy. She doesn’t want to follow the two of them around like a lost puppy. No, she’d rather be alone than do that.

  And then, their laughter rings out across the yard. Emerson turns, but it’s dark, and she can’t see them yet.

  “Where is she?” It’s Vince’s voice. “Do you see her?”

  For a moment, Emerson thinks
about trying to hide. It’d serve them right to worry about her, and spend precious time looking for her. But she’s here, in the wide open, and there’s nowhere to hide. Besides, she can’t deny she’s curious about what they’ll say to her. How much they’ll disclose about what happened between them.

  So, she stands up. And they appear from the shadows. “There she is,” Kat says.

  Emerson watches as they walk toward her. They’re not holding hands, but Kat kind of leans into him as she walks, like she wishes they were.

  “Hey,” he says when they reach Emerson. “Sorry. We, uh, got to talking and lost track of time.”

  “Don’t do that,” Emerson says through gritted teeth. “Don’t insult my intelligence, Mr. Say-One-Thing-and-Do-Another.”

  “Wait. Are you, like, mad right now?” Kat asks.

  “Yes,” Vince says, holding Emerson’s gaze. “Yes, she is.”

  Kat holds out her hands as if to say, What’s the big deal? “But why?”

  Vince crosses his arms. “I’d actually like to know the answer to that question, too.”

  “You guys left me out here while you did who-knows-what in that bed that isn’t even yours,” Emerson yells. “I mean, gross! And rude.”

  Vince steps forward, tries to touch her, but she steps back. “Girl, come on. You know it wasn’t like that.”

  “No. I don’t. And I can’t believe you’re standing here, lying about it. Like I’m that stupid.”

  Vince turns to Kat. “I’m sorry, but maybe it’d be better if you went home for a while.”

  Kat looks at him, confused. “But I thought you said we could—”

  Emerson throws her hands in the air. “You know what? No. I don’t want to be alone with you. I just want to be alone, as in by myself. So please, why don’t you two leave and go back to whatever it is that you were doing before guilt crept in and you decided you’d better come and find me? I’m just going to sit here and wait for daylight. I bet the view is amazing.”

  She goes back to the bench and plops down, wrapping her arms tightly around herself.

  “Don’t you want me to show you your surprise?” Vince asks.

  “No.”

  “Emerson—”