All We Have Is Now

by Lisa Schroeder

  “Yes. The US government will be the world’s hero,” April says. “Just the way they like it. They’ll tell us things need to be different. That we have a second chance at life, and we’d better do everything we can not to mess things up this time around.”

  “They’ll expect us to pay the piper, that’s for sure,” Joe says.

  Emerson lets go of Vince’s hand and picks up the small plate with the piece of pie and starts eating. She tells herself to savor every bite, in case it’s the last piece of pie she’ll ever have. But she can’t deny it—where there was certainty before, that this would be her last day, doubt has crept in.

  There are so many questions, but she knows, right now, no one really has any answers. She tells herself to enjoy the pumpkin pie. It’s smooth and creamy, with just the right amount of spices. The whipped cream is rich and sweet.

  It tastes so good. She keeps her mind focused on the delicious dessert. After all, it’s about the only thing that makes any sense right now.

  THERE WERE days and nights

  they didn’t eat anything

  and she thought of a family,

  sitting down for dinner,

  kids being loud and obnoxious,

  Father taking his place

  without so much as a thanks,

  and Mother, sitting down,

  praying it’s good enough,

  hoping they eat it,

  wiping her bangs from her eyes

  and smiling through it all.

  It was time to eat, but

  they had other things

  on their minds, too,

  as they gathered

  after a stressful day

  of meetings, of phone calls,

  of endless emails, and

  of tests and tattling.

  Soon, their stomachs would be

  full and they would turn on

  the television, open the books,

  surf the Internet, and

  eat a cookie or two or five.

  As her stomach growled,

  she wished cookies were provided

  free of charge like water

  from a drinking fountain,

  and she wished people

  appreciated everyone

  and everything

  a little more.

  THE COOKIES are gone. Carl sits at the table on the patio and waits for Rhonda to return. He’s not sure why he didn’t think of it before. Perhaps it was the concussion. He told his wife to check with neighbors, to see if there were any cars not being used or some left behind, gassed up and ready to go. Why shouldn’t they do the same?

  He told Rhonda they should go around the cul-de-sac and see what they could find. She insisted that she go by herself because he shouldn’t exert himself too much yet. He’d argued at first, but eventually, he agreed to stay on the patio and wait for her.

  When the sliding door opens, he turns around, expecting to see Rhonda, but it’s not her.

  “Who are you?” the man asks.

  “I’m Carl,” he says as he stands up and extends a hand. “A friend of Rhonda’s. And you are?”

  The man takes his hand and shakes it, though he seems to do it rather reluctantly. “I’m James, her ex-husband. Frankie and Emerson’s father. So, where is she?”

  “Checking the neighborhood for an available car. We were getting really worried about Frankie and Paige.”

  Just then, Frankie appears, carrying a sleeping Paige in her arms. “Where’s my mom?”

  “I’ll go find her,” James says. “Be right back.”

  “I’m gonna put Paige down,” Frankie says.

  “All right,” Carl says. “Your mom will be so happy to have you home.”

  “It wasn’t my fault we took so long,” Frankie explains. “While we were inside, talking to my dad, someone stole our car. When we walked out, it was just … gone. Dad couldn’t leave right away, because his sister, my aunt Becky, was on her way over to say good-bye with her two kids.”

  “What an ordeal,” Carl says. He waves his hand. “Go ahead and put your sister to bed. I’ll help get your mom up to speed.”

  She turns around and heads back inside, and Carl follows behind her. Frankie walks toward the stairs while Carl makes his way to the front door. Just as he’s about to go outside, the door opens. He steps back so James and Rhonda can come in.

  “They’re home!” Rhonda tells Carl. “Can you believe it? I’m so relieved I could cry.”

  “Yes,” Carl says. “It’s great news. Although your car got stolen. Did he tell you?”

  “Isn’t it crazy?” Rhonda says. “I guess cars with fuel are a hot commodity right now. It’s okay. My babies are home and that’s all that really matters.”

  Carl gulps, because obviously, she’s forgotten he still needs a ride. He’s going to have to ask James, and he hates the idea of that when he doesn’t even know him.

  When Frankie returns, she asks her dad, “Did you tell her? What we’re going to do?”

  Rhonda looks back and forth, from one to the other. “What do you mean? Do what?”

  “Frankie asked if I’d take her downtown to look for her sister some more,” James says. “I told her I would.”

  Rhonda turns to Frankie. “Oh no. Honey, I don’t think that’s a good idea. As the time gets closer, I’m afraid things may get crazy. It might be dangerous downtown.”

  Frankie crosses her arms. “Which is exactly why we need to find Emerson. She should be here. With us. Don’t you get it? Don’t you care?”

  “Of course I care. I just think we should give this some thought. I mean, is this really how you want to spend your last few hours?”

  “Mom,” Frankie says. “I can’t believe you are saying this. She’s my sister. There’s nothing more important than finding her. Besides, what else are we going to do? Sit around here and watch some poor guy on the news do a countdown for us? Jesus, this isn’t like New Year’s Eve, you know?”

  Before Rhonda can respond, Carl speaks up. “Maybe we should all go. We can cover more ground that way.”

  Rhonda considers this idea before she looks at her ex-husband and says, “Yes. If you two are insisting on going, I don’t want to stay here.”

  “I’m happy to help you,” Carl says. “Then I wonder if you might be willing to give me a ride home after that? I know it’s asking a lot, but I’ve been trying to get home since yesterday and—”

  “Oh my goodness, Carl, I’m so sorry,” Rhonda says. “Of course you want to get home. I’m afraid I didn’t find any cars available at the neighbors’ houses.”

  Carl tries to hide his disappointment. “That’s all right. I’ll help you and then you can return the favor, how’s that sound? We’ll find her. I have a good feeling.”

  “Is there anything to eat?” Frankie asks. “I’m starving. And if we wake up Paige, she’s going to be, too.”

  Rhonda turns to Carl. “While I get Paige, would you mind rounding up snacks and bottles of water? Apples from the backyard, crackers, whatever else you can find. I think there’s a few granola bars in the cupboard.” She turns back to Frankie. “When we get back, there’s a frozen lasagna I can pop in the oven.”

  “That’s what we’re having for our last meal?” Frankie asks. “Frozen lasagna?”

  Rhonda laughs nervously. “Well, you know me. A cook I am not. Why should that change now?”

  “THAT WAS …” Vince turns on the car as Emerson buckles up.

  “Intense?” Emerson adds. “Strange? Sort of convincing?”

  He looks over at her. “Are you convinced?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know what to think. To believe. All I know is yesterday I wanted pumpkin pie, and today I got pumpkin pie. The rest I’m still trying to process.”

  Vince merges onto the freeway. “I can’t believe they’d do that. Stage a huge disaster like this.”

  “But if they wanted to press the reset button, what an incredible way to do it, right?” Emerson says as she looks ou
t the window. Their car is only one of three she can see all the way up the interstate. It’s weird. Eerie.

  “But like you said,” Vince says, “it’s so extreme.”

  “And also maybe a little brilliant.” Vince looks over at her like she’s crazy. “Think about it. If we’re still alive tonight at midnight, people will be dancing in the streets. They won’t care about anything else except for one thing.”

  “That we’re alive,” Vince says.

  “Exactly.”

  “But will that feeling last? Like, what happens a few months from now, when the economy is worse than ever and people still can’t find work?”

  “We all move to Ireland?” Emerson says in a bad Irish accent.

  Vince nods and tries his best to sound Irish as well. “There are only two kinds of people in the world: the Irish and those who wish they were.”

  Emerson laughs. “You sound like the leprechaun in the Lucky Charms commercial.”

  “Magically delicious,” he sings.

  She leans over and kisses him on the cheek. “You’re so cute.”

  “You only like me for my awesome car.”

  “Yep. And all that cash in your wallet we still haven’t managed to spend.” Emerson gasps as her hand flies to her mouth. “Oh no. If it’s all a lie, that guy … what’s his name?”

  “Carl.”

  “Yeah, Carl. If it’s a lie, he died for nothing.”

  “Well, keep in mind, it’s still a big if.”

  “You don’t believe it?”

  “Don’t get me wrong. I want to believe it. Remember, I asked you earlier, what if it’s all a big mistake, didn’t I? But I guess I have a hard time imagining anyone, even the US government, pulling off something as big as this. Come on, think about it. They couldn’t have managed to find all the astronomers, could they? Someone would have come forward and called them on it if it wasn’t true. Don’t you think?”

  Emerson chews on her lip. “Unless the astronomers are scared for some reason.”

  “Okay, so you need to tell me what exit to take.”

  She looks at him. “What? What are you talking about?”

  “To get to your house. What exit? You know the name of it, right?”

  “We’re still going?”

  He reaches his hand over and squeezes her knee. “Yes, we’re still going. We have to assume the worst, I think. Make sure nothing is left undone.”

  She doesn’t say anything.

  “It’s going to be okay, Em. I’ll be right there with you.”

  “I wish I could be as sure as you are, but whatever. We take the Terwilliger exit.”

  “Got it. Thanks.”

  They’re quiet for a few minutes.

  “Vince?”

  “Yeah?”

  “What if it doesn’t happen? Like, what will we do then? Do we go back on the streets?”

  Vince groans. “That thought right there? It makes my stomach hurt.” He turns and looks at her for a second. “We’d have to figure something else out. I don’t want to go back to that. Do you?”

  “Hey, we have a car now,” Emerson says. “We could live right here!”

  “Don’t you think Jackie might want it back?” Vince asks.

  “Maybe not. Let’s pretend she gives it to us. It’s more fun that way.”

  “Okay, so maybe we could sell it,” Vince says. “Take the money and find us a little place to rent. Get some help and study for our GEDs. Because I’m not kidding. I don’t want to go back to that life. If I’ve learned anything these past twenty-four hours, it’s that what we had wasn’t much of a life at all.”

  “We did the best we could,” Emerson says.

  “You’re right. We did. But I feel like now, we can do so much better. Here’s a question for you. If your mom asked you to move back in with her, would you say yes?”

  “She wouldn’t do that.”

  “She might.”

  “Well, I can’t even imagine that happening, so there’s no use talking about it.”

  “Here we go,” he says, pointing to the sign that says TERWILLIGER.

  “Great,” she replies. “Now my stomach hurts.”

  “IT’S NICE,” Vince says when they pull up across the street from her house.

  Emerson studies the old green house with black trim. As she does, she takes a deep breath in an effort to calm herself down as she thinks about seeing the people behind the front door. “Charming. That’s what my mom said when we moved here. After my parents divorced. To me it just seemed old and run-down. You should hear the way the stairs creak. Sneaking out was such a bitch. I had it down to a science, where to walk and which steps to skip.”

  “Where’d you go when you snuck out?”

  “Oh, you know. Parties, mostly.”

  Vince narrows his eyes. “What about dates?”

  “Dates?”

  “Yeah, you know, dinner and a movie, where you make out in the back row for two solid hours.”

  “Oh no. I didn’t really have any dates. Why? Is that what you did when you snuck out?”

  He laughs as he puts his hands to his chest. “Me? No way. I was a good boy.”

  “Right. And cheeseburgers grow on trees.”

  He leans in and kisses her. Holds her face in his hands like he’s holding a delicate Fabergé egg. “None of that really matters now, right?”

  “Right.” She kisses him again. “I just wish …”

  “What?”

  “I wish I could keep you.”

  He stares into her eyes and there is no doubt in her mind he means it when he says, “I wish you would.”

  The whole conversation has a soothing effect on her. Maybe everything will be okay, after all. She tells herself to hold on to that thought.

  They kiss one more time before he pulls away and says, “You ready?”

  She takes another deep breath. “Not at all. But who cares? We’re here.”

  They get out and Emerson walks slowly toward the front door, trying to peer into the front window as she goes. The curtains are open, but she doesn’t see anyone.

  “I’ll let you do the honors,” Vince says, stepping aside so Emerson can knock. And that’s what she does, before she can think too hard about it and change her mind.

  “My heart is beating so fast right now,” she whispers.

  “I know; I can hear it.”

  She looks at him, shocked. “Can you really?”

  He smiles and shakes his head. She sticks her tongue out at him.

  When no one comes to the door, she knocks again, louder this time. But again, no one answers.

  Vince tries the doorknob. It’s locked. “Well, this sucks.”

  Emerson feels relief mixed with a little disappointment. “What do you want to do now?”

  “Is there anywhere else they might be?”

  “Obviously, they went somewhere, but I’m not sure I’d even know where to look. My mom’s mother is dead and her dad lives in the South. They weren’t very close, so I don’t think they would have gone there. I don’t remember much about Kenny’s family.”

  “Kenny?” Vince asks.

  “My mom’s boyfriend. Or maybe husband by now? Who knows?”

  “Oh, that’s right. Sorry, I forgot his name. What about your dad? I think we should go to his house. It’d be good for you to see him, and maybe he knows where your mom is.”

  “Yeah. Maybe. Or we could wait here. See if she comes back?”

  “Nah, I think we should go. See if we can find your dad.”

  Emerson lets out a sigh as she cuddles up close to him. She kisses his neck. “Maybe we should stop worrying about all of them and go somewhere special. Just the two of us. Maybe watch the sun set?”

  He kisses the top of her head and then runs down the steps, pulling on her arm as he goes. “Hold that thought. We still have a couple more hours of daylight. In the meantime, the search continues. Come on.”

  She stumbles down the front steps. “You are such a pain in th
e ass sometimes.”

  “What happened to, ‘You’re a good man, Charlie Brown’?”

  “I take it back. All the nice things I’ve ever said about you, I take them back.”

  He pulls her to him. “You love me and you know it.”

  She looks in his beautiful brown eyes and feels herself melting. “Fine. You’re right. I do.”

  He gently strokes her hair. “I’m sorry they’re not here, Em.”

  She kisses him. “I know.”

  “But we’re gonna find them,” he says, turning toward the car. “I promise.”

  WHEN THEY find no one home at Emerson’s dad’s house, they take a seat on the porch swing.

  “I love these things,” Vince says. “If I lived here, I don’t think I’d do anything else but just sit here and swing.”

  As they sway back and forth, gently, Emerson sinks down and puts her head on Vince’s shoulder. “You’d get so bored.”

  “Not if I had a nice guitar to play.” He kisses the top of her head. “Or a cute girl to cuddle with.”

  “Hey, you know what?” Emerson sits up straight. “My dad has a guitar. We should see if we can get inside and find it. It’d be like old times. Did you try the doorknob?”

  “Yeah. It’s locked.”

  “Let’s go around back,” Emerson says. “He’s really bad about keeping that door locked.”

  There’s a fence along the backyard, but the gate is open. They make their way to the small patio and the door that leads into the laundry room. When Emerson tries the handle, it turns easily. Before she walks in, she looks at Vince. “If he comes home and finds us in here, I hope he doesn’t get mad.”

  “Just tell him you had to pee really bad.”

  “Right. And I decided to play the guitar to entertain myself while I did my business?”

  “No, we’ll throw it down on the floor and pretend we didn’t have anything to do with it.”

  “That’s some plan, Mr. Goofball.”

  “Takes one to know one.”

  They walk through the laundry room and into the small kitchen, where the faint smell of bacon lingers. She leads him into the dining room and then toward the stairs by the front door. They stop and glance around the family room, which is sparse, with just a sofa, love seat, a television, and the old jukebox in a corner.