A Heart This Big

by Cheyenne Blue

  She rummaged in the cupboard, eventually turning up a packet of chocolate biscuits. Once she’d made tea, she returned to the table with the tea and bickies.

  The pad remained stubbornly blank. Even if she did nothing else, she needed some sort of tour for Leigh, a plan of what she could show her. She wrote Banksia Farm—Familiarisation Tour at the top of the pad and underlined it three times.

  Should she start at the house, offer Leigh a cuppa? Nina glanced around the kitchen. Housework was way down the list for her, so the kitchen looked as if a bomb had hit it. Last night’s dishes were in the sink, and there were random groceries on the counter that hadn’t been put away—including two litres of milk that would now be well and truly off. Phoe had walked across the floor in her gumboots and tracked red dirt across the grey tiles. No, maybe the house wasn’t a good idea. Leigh would doubtless have allocated a strict time frame for the visit anyway, and Nina was sure it wouldn’t include tea and bickies.

  She’d start in the barn and let her see the horses, especially Mr Petey. Once Leigh saw what a gentle, mild-mannered pony he was, she would be able to prove he wasn’t dangerous. Then maybe she’d take Leigh around the chicken sheds, the paddock where Billy had fallen, and let her see Sophia the dairy cow and the goats. Once school was finished, there were generally a few of the Barn Kids hanging around. If Leigh wasn’t scared off by then, she could see how much the kids got out of it.

  The ginger kitten had extricated himself from the bag and now pounced on Nina’s bare toes. His little claws were like needles. Nina picked him up and put him on her lap. He turned around three times like a dog, settled down, and started purring.

  Barn, Nina wrote. Meet Mr Petey. Chickens—collect eggs with kids. She dunked a bickie in the tea and ate it while she thought.

  A noise made her look up. Phoebe slouched into the kitchen and headed for the fridge. Her skinny legs stuck out of her cut-off denim shorts like matchsticks. She pulled the fridge open.

  “Dinner won’t be long,” Nina said.

  Phoebe ignored her, took out the block cheese, and cut herself a large slice. She grabbed a slice of bread and doubled it over the cheese. “Don’t need dinner. Got this.”

  “You need to eat more than that.” Nina winced. She sounded like her mother. Or how her mother would have sounded if she’d ever been around to notice what her daughter was eating.

  “Not hungry.”

  The way Phoebe tore into her makeshift sandwich belied her remark, but Nina chose to ignore it. “I’m thinking macaroni cheese. With bacon.”

  Phoebe’s favourite dinner. For a second, interest flashed in her eyes, but then she shrugged. “Still not hungry.”

  “I’m making it for me. There’ll be enough for you too, if you want some.”

  Phoe cut another slice of cheese and turned to go, leaving the cheese on the counter.

  “Stay and talk to me,” Nina said. “I haven’t seen much of you this week.”

  “Not my fault. School. You were gone too.”

  Phoebe seemed to have forgotten how to talk in whole sentences. But at least she was talking.

  “I saw the lawyer again,” Nina said. “She’s coming tomorrow afternoon to see the farm. It’d be nice if you could meet her. So come straight home from school, please.”

  Phoebe stuffed the cheese into her mouth and swallowed fast. “Why’s she coming? You said she wouldn’t help.”

  “She’s considering taking us on.”

  Phoebe stared. “Big of her. Since when do we have to beg people to help?”

  Since we don’t have twenty grand for her fees. “Lawyers can refuse cases. And they don’t work for free, Phoe. You know that. So will you be here?”

  “Got homework. I’ll be here.” She turned and glared. “I’m not poshing up for her, though. Not like you did when you went to see her.”

  Nina bit back her irritation. Maybe she should have kept the lawsuit from Phoebe. Since she’d learnt of it, Phoebe’s normal sunny self had vanished under a shroud of surliness. But Phoe would have found out, or she would have asked why Billy-the-Kid didn’t come around anymore. She couldn’t shield her daughter forever.

  “Play nice with the lawyer when she arrives.”

  “What’s her name?”

  “Ms Willoughby.”

  “Ms Willoughby,” Phoebe parroted. “Does Ms Willoughby have a first name?”

  “Leigh.” She caught the sneer on Phoebe’s face. “But you will not call her Leigh, do you hear me?”

  “I call my friends’ mums by their first names.”

  “That’s different. They invited you to. Ms Willoughby is a professional woman and is therefore accorded respect. Got that?”

  Phoebe didn’t answer. She picked up the knife again and cut another chunk of cheese.

  “Phoe? You hear me?” Nina eyed the diminished block of cheese. Phoe normally ate like a horse. If Nina made macaroni cheese for dinner, no doubt Phoe would demolish most of it, even after eating half the block.

  “Yeah. I got that. I’ll be polite.”

  “Thank you. Now, if you’ve left me any cheese, I’m going to make dinner.”

  “I might eat a bit,” Phoebe said in an offhand manner. “Seeing as you’re making it and all.”

  Nina smothered a smile as she went over to the cooker. “No worries. Do you want peas in it too?”

  “Yeah. Thanks. Gonna read in my room.” Phoebe got a glass of water from the tap and slouched out of the room.

  Nina watched her slumped figure depart and bit back the urge to tell her to stand up straight. She could only hope that Phoebe would be more cooperative when Leigh arrived.

  Leigh’s BMW dropped a wheel into a pothole, but the car’s cushioned suspension meant she barely noticed. It felt as if she’d been driving for a long time, although her GPS put the travel time at a little over an hour. Western Sydney was flatter, hotter, and altogether more alien than the Sydney she knew, that of renovated terrace houses, modern apartments, and a coffee shop on every corner. Here were small, suburban houses on pocket-handkerchief blocks. Most looked new, showing how the demand for housing had expanded in recent times, but here and there was an older house, probably a former farmhouse that had once been surrounded by fields but now had a tide of close-packed residences at its door.

  Leigh looked at her watch. School must be finished for the day, going by the number of kids walking home in groups, laden school bags slung over their shoulders. The GPS beeped, telling her to turn left in four hundred metres.

  The car in front slammed on its brakes and dived to the kerb. A child ran across and leapt in the passenger seat, and the car pulled away again right in front of Leigh.

  Her fingers twitched to sound the horn. Consciously, she relaxed her shoulders. It wasn’t that important. If she was a few minutes late, she doubted Nina would notice.

  The GPS directed her through more modern housing developments until she joined a major road. Two strands of barbed wire separated the road from a dusty paddock, where a black-and-white cow grazed alongside a small, brown pony. Leigh slowed as the GPS told her she had arrived at her destination.

  A rather shabby sign proclaimed, Banksia Farm—a taste of rural life for city kids.

  Leigh slowed to ease the BMW off the road and onto a dirt driveway. It forked, and a fingerpost pointed to the right for the farm. Nina had said for Leigh to find her there, so ignoring the left fork that seemed to lead to an old weatherboard house, Leigh went right, past a shed with faded red paint and a sign that said, Farm Shop. The track ended in the farmyard.

  She parked alongside the barn and hesitated. Outside was dusty. A couple of hens pecked around, and somewhere a dog barked.

  She was dressed unsuitably. Of course, she knew a farm was no squeaky-clean office, but she’d expected something a bit more manicured than this. Edged gravel pathways maybe
or smooth green grass, not a dust bowl with some brown strands and straggling weeds. Maybe a tidy stable yard with horses’ heads looking over a neat row of blue doors. Leigh certainly hadn’t expected to be hovering in her car, wondering how long it would take for her four-hundred-dollar shoes to be irrevocably ruined. It was her own fault she hadn’t thought to bring alternate footwear.

  There was a tap on the window, and she glanced across to see Nina. Decision made for her, she opened the door and exited.

  “Hi.” Nina smiled. Her whole face lit up and became alive in a way it hadn’t done in the refined and air-conditioned offices of Petersen & Blake. She wore a singlet with a pair of cut-off denim shorts and gumboots, a seemingly incongruous combination that made perfect sense in the stifling hot and dirty surroundings.

  Moisture trickled down between Leigh’s breasts in the heat, and she wondered if her deodorant was still working. She glanced at Nina’s bare legs enviously. What wouldn’t she give to shed the tights and jacket.

  “Thank you for coming. I hope you had a pleasant trip out here.” Nina’s words were stilted, as if she had been schooled in polite small talk.

  “Yes, thank you.” Leigh looked around. “So this is where it all happens.”

  “Kind of.” Nina pushed back wisps of hair that had escaped her ponytail. Her fingers left a smear of dirt on her cheek, but she didn’t appear to realise.

  Leigh’s gaze fixed on it. The dark mark, Nina’s golden skin, slightly flushed and damp from the heat of the day. The sudden warmth in the pit of her stomach had nothing to do with the sun. Now that was unexpected.

  Leigh had been staring too long.

  Nina cleared her throat. “Do you want me to show you around, or would you prefer to wander by yourself?”

  Leigh pushed the inappropriate thought from her mind and moved away from the car a pace so the reflected sunlight was less. “Let’s start with the paddock where the accident happened.”

  “Sure.”

  The path was a beaten dirt trail, no neat grey gravel in sight.

  “The yard where you parked is the hub of the farm. The barn here”—Nina indicated it with a wave of her hand—“is where we do a lot of the Barn Kids activities. It’s a safe area for kids to ride a pony for the first time, and it’s where we milk our cow, Sophia.” She skirted a patch of thistle and waited for Leigh to catch up.

  Leigh gestured to her shoes. Already the dark leather was scuffed and covered in a film of dust. “My apologies, I should have brought different footwear.”

  Nina’s lips twitched. “I can lend you a pair of gumboots. Size six if that’s any help.”

  “Thank you, but no.” Leigh straightened and managed a cool smile. The thought of sliding her feet into oversized rubber boots made her wince, and she would no doubt look ridiculous.

  “No worries.” At least Nina had slowed her steps. She paused to open a gate. “This is our riding paddock for more confident children or, as in the case of Billy, a child who is led. It’s also home to Sophia and our goats.”

  The black-and-white cow Leigh had seen earlier raised her head.

  Nina produced an apple in halves. “Sophia loves apples.” She held out one piece to Leigh. “Want to give it to her?”

  The cow broke into a lumbering trot and sped up to them. She appeared overly thin; her hipbones stuck out like coat racks. She came to a halt and looked expectantly between them. Dust from her hooves floated down, turning Leigh’s suit jacket a dingy grey.

  She brushed at it, but more settled.

  Nina still held the apple, and Sophia nudged her hand with whiskery lips. An enormous pink tongue curled the apple into her mouth.

  “Leigh?” Nina prompted.

  Leigh took a step back. “No, thank you. Oh!” Too late, the squishiness under her shoe told her she’d stepped in something bad. Very, very bad if the sudden odour of cow shit was anything to go by. She moved forward again and inspected her shoe. Green-brown manure oozed over the pump and onto the top of her foot. It stank. She stank. She closed her eyes and fought back the snap of anger at her predicament. When she was sure she could speak calmly, she said, “Do you have a rag?”

  “I’m sorry, not with me. Wipe your shoe on that patch of grass. That will get the worst of it off. Wait there. I’ll get you something.” Nina took off at a jog. Even though she was running in gumboots, somehow she made it look graceful.

  Leigh hobbled over to the grass and wiped. Some of the muck came off, but it would take a cloth, a copious amount of water, and a brush to get the rest off. And a shower for her.

  This was going from bad to worse. She felt sticky and dirty, and her armpits were damp. Her shoes were utterly ruined, her suit most likely as well, and her face burnt hot in the blazing sunlight. This whole case was going nowhere. She should get back to her car, and James be damned. He could lean on some other lawyer to take it on pro bono. If she got to her car in the next couple of minutes, she could be on the road back to civilisation before Nina returned. Nina would realise why she’d gone; she couldn’t expect Leigh to represent her after this?

  Sophia still hung around.

  “Shoo.” Leigh waved her hands.

  Sophia gazed at her with her big, dark eyes and didn’t budge.

  “Go away,” Leigh said.

  With a human-sounding sigh, the cow turned and walked back to where there was shade on the other side of the paddock.

  Leigh hobbled back towards her car. But as she did, she saw Nina jogging towards her, a bulky bag in her hand.

  Nina reached her and set the bag down. “Sorry it took me so long. I’ve never been much of a runner.” Her breath exited in sharp wheezes, and she removed an inhaler from her pocket, shook it, and took a puff. “Lean on my shoulder. There’s a bottle of water and a cloth in the bag. Take your shoe off so you can wash your foot better. I also brought the gumboots.”

  It would be churlish to leave now. And she really wanted to remove the shoe. The smell of manure was sickening in the heat. Leigh rested a hand on Nina’s shoulder. It was reassuringly steady, and Leigh slipped out of the shoe. She took the proffered bottle of water, but the pencil skirt of her suit meant she couldn’t bend her foot up to wash it. A grunt of frustration escaped her.

  Nina glanced down. “Here, give me the water. Can you balance one toe on the ground?”

  Leigh did so, and Nina’s shoulder slipped from under her hand. Before she could object, Nina crouched and poured water over Leigh’s foot. She wet and wiped with the cloth until the foot was clean.

  Leigh closed her eyes briefly. Could things really get more awkward? Nina’s demeanour wasn’t that of a servant, her touch on Leigh’s foot impersonal, but the whole episode felt heavy, intimate even. She looked down at Nina’s head, the ponytail flowing out behind the broad-brimmed hat she wore. Nina’s arms were lightly muscled, probably from all the physical work, and her skin was smooth. She remembered the feel of Nina’s shoulder under her hand. Touchable skin. Now where has that thought come from?

  “You probably should take off your tights. They’re ruined anyway.” Nina glanced up and made a moue of sorrow. “I’ll buy you a new pair.”

  “There’s no need. I have others.”

  “Of course.”

  Leigh glanced around. The paddock was open, bordered by a busy road. There was no way in hell she could remove her tights here. “I’ll be fine. If you could pass me those boots.”

  Nina flushed. “Of course.”

  The boots were too big and awkward. Used as she was to high heels, the ridiculousness of her attire made her seethe. If anyone from Petersen & Blake saw her like this, they would never let her live it down. Even Grizz, who could usually be counted on to say and do the right thing, would guffaw and snap pictures on her phone.

  It was as if she had lost her authority with the lack of height. She raised her chin. “Now, can you show
me where the child fell off?”

  Nina led the way across the paddock. It was flat, but the ground was uneven, pockmarked with rabbit holes and tufts of weeds. Nina stopped near a hedge that separated the paddock from the house area. “It was approximately here. Of course, there’s nothing to actually identify it.”

  “And the rabbit hole the pony tripped in?”

  Nina shrugged. “Could be any of them. Rabbits are a curse, but I won’t shoot or poison them. The actual hole could even be gone by now. Caved in.”

  Leigh looked around. The paddock was featureless. She pulled out her phone and snapped a few pictures, including a selection of rabbit holes.

  “Would you like to come and meet the ponies?” Nina asked. “Some of the Barn Kids will probably arrive once school has finished, but in the meantime, I can show you the displays about the program. Phoebe should be home too. Maybe you have questions for her.”

  It was hard walking in the cumbersome boots, and Leigh was conscious that Nina had slowed her pace to accommodate her.

  Nina led the way into the barn.

  It was tidier here than outside, with straw swept into piles and a neat corner with saddles and other horse paraphernalia.

  “We bring animals in so that the kids can learn to handle them. All the kids have to learn farm safety before we let them out onto the farm proper.”

  “Did Billy learn it?”

  “Yes. Absolutely. Billy is very intense. He’s a slow learner, but when he’s got it, it’s embedded in his memory.”

  “Do you have paperwork for that?”

  “Paperwork?”

  “A sheet that the child signs when they’ve completed the farm safety component.”

  “No.” A wrinkle creased Nina’s forehead. “The parents sign a disclaimer when they sign up their kid, but there’s nothing past that.”